A non-love story with Namor and Sue

No beating around the bush here: Namor, the shirtless king of Atlantis, has a major crush on Sue Richards, the Invisible Woman and mother of two.  I’ve actually covered it briefly in my previous Fantastic Four article.  Oh, we’re definitely going to see lots of panels of Namor shameless hitting on the Invisible Woman.  And it’s delightful.  But before that, it’s important to cover a little bit of history. Because regardless of the X-Men or whatever team the Atlantean king’s currently a part of, he’s forever linked to the Fantastic Four.

Y’see, Namor’s success in today’s comic market sparked in Fantastic Four #4, written by Stan Lee and drawn by Jack Kirby.  The Sub-Mariner had fallen off the radar after the 1940s.  Luckily, in 1961, the Human Torch stumbles upon a certain familiar hobo.

Unfortunately, Namor finds out that during his years as an amnesiac bum, his home in the ocean hasn’t been treated very kindly by mankind.  So he tries to kill everyone.  Oops.  Luckily, the Fantastic Four are there to stop him.  Kind of.

And that my friends, is my gift to you: the very first ever meeting between the two.  To put this in perspective, Dr. Doom, the clear arch-nemesis of the Fantastic Four, makes his debut in the next issue.  This comic gem is pre-Doom.

Let’s skip ahead 40 years.  In the current series, Sue has two wonderful kids (one genius and one reality-altering mutant) and her marriage to Reed Richards still holds tight.  The team has their own building, is super rich, and has gained both the respect of the Marvel universe and a massive rogue gallery.  But Namor’s pining for dear Sue hasn’t sunk (sorry) in the least.  We’re going to start with Fantastic Four #6, volume 3, written by Chris Claremont and drawn by Salvador Larocca.

She loves the water.  Reminds her of the ocean.  Though, wouldn’t be a bad idea to return to shore since a certain Atlantean is perving at the bottom of the pool.

After the initial bad first impression, Namor and the Fantastic Four have a sort of weird friendship going on.  And while Namor still isn’t too fond of humanity, he’s not summoning sea monsters to destroy the cities.  Now, Sue rejects his advances.  Every time.  But why does she put up with it for as long as she does? My theory: her husband, the smartest man in the world, is never not busy and almost always emotionally unavailable.  She uses Namor for positive attention.  Don’t feel bad for the king of Atlantis.  He doesn’t really care.

Rejection number one of hundreds.  Though why Sue Richards?  Certainly a man of his status and abs could have practically any woman he so desires.  And he does.  Frequently.  But Namor can only truly respect and love his equals.  Part of having an unwieldy ego.  As proven in Fantastic Four #587, written by Jonathan Hickman and drawn by Steve Epting, that despite the soccer mom persona, the Invisible Woman absolutely stands as his equal.  Oh, and somewhere a few issues back, she became a sea queen.  It happens.

Embarrassed in front of mutant-Triceratops and aqua-Voldemort?  Namor’s not going to stand for that. No matter their past, she better get ready for the beating of her lifetime.

Or not.  The flirting will continue.  She is, after all, magnificent.

Look, Mr. Fantastic’s reputation as a husband isn’t exactly stellar.  Yes, the two love each other deeply and always will – they’re definitely superhero soulmates.  And truthfully, he does the best he can.  Probably.  But keep in mind, Sue ain’t a science genius.  She has very little knowledge or interest in the wacky devices her husband invents.  So he has to take time from exploring microuniverses and making teleporting motorcycles to spend quality time with the missus.  And because he’s a dude, in the secretive company of his friends, he’ll let off some steam and complain. After all, the most influential men in the Marvel universe whining about their significant others takes up the first third of New Avengers: Illuminati #4, written by Brian Michael Bendis and Brian Reed and drawn by Jim Cheung.  Peer pressure and whatnot.

Get ready, because sometimes words can hurt far more than repulsor rays.

It’s not drawn, but I promise if we zoomed in on Reed’s face, you’d see a single rubbery tear run down his face.

Everything I’ve shown you today leads into the Fantastic Four: 1234 miniseries, written by Grant Morrison and drawn by Jae Lee.  This story isn’t canon, which means it never actually took place in the “real” Marvel universe.  And you’ll understand why in a few pictures.  Dr. Doom decides to take out the Fantastic Four by targeting them individually.  He finds their biggest weakness and exploits it. Guess what Sue’s is?  Here’s a hint: his costume consists entirely of a speedo.

Though first, Sue and Alicia Masters (Thing’s girlfriend) have some lovely little girl talk.

Now I’m not a girl, and I don’t really know how girl talk works, but I imagine it’s just as poetic and full of metaphors as the above.  Luckily, all this Namor talks comes in handy, because guess who knocks on the front door?

Yes, that’s usually the greeting when a friend stops by.

Unfortunately for him and thank goodness for her, she receives an emergency alert from her brother needing help underground.  Namor tags along, helping the Invisible Woman and disobeying his promise and support to Dr. Doom.  The Atlantean king takes out the mole people and refuses to succumb to his primal dirty urges.  And as Sue thanks the Sub-Mariner, witness the sweetest and most mind-boggling scene in the entire mini-series.

That’s why it’s not canon.  They don’t even hide it.  She smooches sea royalty in front of the Human Torch and the Thing.  And no one mentions this again.  Reed and Sue have a strong marriage. Hopefully.

And on a final note, despite the long history and emotional connection between Namor and Sue, it’s just his nature to pursue unavailable, self-assured women.  He can’t help himself.

Cyclops, Emma Frost’s boyfriend, isn’t even three feet away and he attempts to seduce her. Seriously, it must be comic book magic because I’ll never figure out how his swimsuit could ever possibly hold the size of his balls.