Spider-Man & Black Cat’s web-fling

That’s a dumb joke.  I apologize.  But I’ll never apologize for the crazy amount of Spider-Man articles. I adore him and I’m doing another one tomorrow.

So, if you don’t know about Black Cat (real name Felicia Hardy), she’s the Marvel equivalent of Catwoman.  Not just in name, but also in the dark uniform, the shameless sexuality, and the whole thief thing.  Only instead of hanging out with the quiet, confident, and single Batman, Black Cat swings around with the loud, insecure, and very much in a committed relationship Spider-Man.  Well, until recently, when the demon Mephisto dissolved Spider-Man’s marriage.  Game on.

We’re going to cover a few scenes from Amazing Spider-Man #606-630, written by Joe Kelly, Fred Van Lente, and Zeb Wells and drawn by Mike McKone, JM Ken Niimura, Michael Lark, Joe Quinones, and Chris Bachalo.

Spider-Man, after a truckload of lady problems thrown on him at once, decides to go clear his head:

But when stuff starts mysteriously going wrong, only one person could cause all that:

Besides expert martial arts training and peak physical fitness (that’s a basic requirement for superheroes, or I guess in her case, anti-heroes), the Kingpin gave her these “bad luck” powers.  It’s not like a ray gun you can shoot at opponents, but a sorta aura emanating from her body. Anyone in range has a far higher possibility of awful things happening, like buildings breaking apart or both web shooters jamming.  As you can imagine, she’s a terrible person to team up with.

Being a single man in his 20s, Spider-Man tags along.  Also he’s emotionally damaged and she’s been attracted to him for 40 years of comics.  Though to be fair, I read a comic where Felicia hooked up with Wolverine, and he is almost always referred to as smelling like beer and sausage, so I’m not entirely sure where her standards lie.  Anyway, mission success for the two.

Note the most important part of the above pages: “You dumped me because you didn’t like what was under this mask.”  Black Cat isn’t attracted to Peter Parker, heck, she doesn’t even know his secret identity.  She’s hot for Spider-Man, and that’s a big difference.  Luckily for Spider-Man, currently he doesn’t really care.

Black Cat’s not exactly a healthy relationship.  Keep in mind, Parker’s unemployed, broke and lonely. Plus, his supervillains are constantly showing up and blowing up skyscrapers or eating their own children (not a lie).  While dating Felicia’s definitely way better than say, getting stabbed or electrocuted, she provides about as much emotional support as Doctor Octopus.

Like I said, better than being trampled by Rhino, but also as much caring and love as Rhino.  So when will Spider-Man say enough?  There must be some cute girl that likes him as Peter Parker and genuinely wants to know how Aunt May is doing.  Though, none who wear their cleavage like that. Takes a few dozen issues, but everything comes to a realization when the two sneak into a New York ninja village.  Yeah, the city’s far more multicultural than you thought, huh?

Not yet.  While Black Cat’s not terribly be concerned if Spider-Man flew through two buildings, that’s not the relationship’s back breaker.  Y’see, the two planned to steal a vial of Spider-Man’s blood, which the supervillain Mr. Negative wanted to use to make a weapon.  Big success for Spider-Man and Black Cat.   Except it’s what Felicia does with the blood.

And if her selfishness and apathy for Parker’s feelings ain’t enough, she launches this gem:

So what now?  Any hope for this relationship turning into the mutual beneficial emotional lovefest Spider-Man desperately needs has exploded into tiny shattered bits of his broken heart.  Harry Osborn explains better than I do.

Oh yeah, Carlie Cooper, the nerdy forensic scientist Parker’s been flirting with for a bijillion issues. She must be better for Spider-Man than the sexy brutally unfeeling kitty that Spider-Man’s currently pursuing, right?

Yup, much better.