Batman and Silver St. Cloud fall in love

Batman’s had a bunch of girlfriends over the years (some for plot points, others to prove that he likes the lades), but few can match the true love and almost certain soulmate in Bruce Wayne’s chaotic and destructive life: Catwoman.  Only because they’re both emotionally ruined messes who deserve each other to complete that gaping fractured hole where their feelings were once whole.  But Batman’s dated normal girls too, including his delightful romp from the ’70s, Silver St. Cloud.

Today, we’re taking a look at their whirlwind romance using Detective Comics #470-479, written by Steve Englehart and drawn by Marshall Rogers, Terry Austin, & Dick Giordano as well as Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #132-136, written by Archie Goodwin & James Robinson and drawn by Rogers.

Silver St. Cloud is a socialite living in Gotham City.  There, you’re all caught up.

Alfred’s worries are wildly unfounded — this is the third conversation the two have ever had.  But you know how melodrama works — comics are a form of soap opera after all, which brings us to the “moment” Silver St. Cloud is most known for, the first woman to be shown “bedding” the Dark Knight. Except it’s barely implied, much less shown.  I guess you have to read it for cultural significance or whatever?  The moment the world found out Batman does more than jerk off in the Batcave to solved cold cases and supervillain mugshots?

Also, you can read last article for all the St. Cloud suspicions, but I included the picture again where she deduces Batman’s secret identity.

You ready for some awkwardness?  It’s like reading an episode of The Office if the characters punched bad guys for a living.  Look, St. Cloud knows Batman is Bruce Wayne.  Batman knows St. Cloud knows he is Bruce Wayne.  Yet, they act like schoolchildren with crushes because Batman doesn’t have the emotional capability to be things like vulnerable.  Because you know what happened the last time Bruce Wayne was vulnerable?  That’s right.  His parents died.  In summary, Batman has severe PTSD that he should really see a doctor about.

I know Batman may have some weird fetishes, but he just wants her period?  That’s gross, Batman.

And this is what happens when Batman dates a “normal” girl.  A woman who’s emotionally healthy and capable of making the decisions that won’t drive her insane or slowly swallow up her self-esteem until her only purpose is to cry stoic tears in front of the Caped Crusader.  Because comic plots advance frequently on coincidences, St. Cloud witnesses Batman fighting the Joker (who may also be a candidate for Batman’s soulmate).

As you can expect, Batman takes this news badly, including sharing intimate details about his personal life with whatever thugs cross his path that night.  Look, I love Batman, but he solves his problems with violence and that includes emotional problems.  How many times out of anger or frustration has he hit Dick Grayson or Superman or Green Lantern?  And those are people he likes.

Of course he doesn’t quit being Batman.  He needs to be Batman as badly as we need him to be Batman.  With that though, Silver St. Cloud disappears for twenty-two years.  In 2000, she makes her triumphant return in the delightfully awkward way we know and expect from these two:

Because she’s a supporting character in a comic book, there’s a 50% chance of her dying or getting injured.  Last time she escaped unscathed, but she gets her due in these issues.  It’s too bad, really, but Gotham’s crime rate mixed with personally knowing Batman makes the chance of story-progressing bloodshed pretty much certain.

Batman is good at many things.  Throwing sharp stuff.  Kung fu.  Mysteries.  But being a boyfriend? It’s just not in his blood — which nowadays is mostly filled with fear toxin and Joker gas residue. Think of your significant other giving you an ultimatum: you can be with her/him and all the joy that entails, or you can keep your dog.  How many times does that end well for the girlfriend/boyfriend? Silver St. Cloud won’t be with Batman because he’s Batman, but Bruce Wayne has long since become a mask for his “true” identity as the Dark Knight.  We know how this must end, and it hurts every single time.

Our girl returns in Kevin Smith’s Batman: The Widening Gyre back in 2009.  I don’t believe it’s canon and even if it is, it ends on a cliff hanger that hasn’t been resolved.  Anyway, next time we return to Deadshot!