Electro’s Occupy Wall StreetPosted: 12/06/2012
Well, sort of. Electro (real name Max Dillon) has had a bad few months. Originally playing the supervillain game for the cash and respect it relishes its players, both perks seemed to have dried up recently.
The guy’s depressed. Normal sad folks would distract themselves with a movie or something, but not the living thunderbolt. Combine his electrical powers with his immature and insecure personality, and he handles his depression like this:
Bad news. Today we’re going to take a look at Amazing Spider-Man #612-614, written by Mark Waid and Paul Azaceta. Okay, so about Dexter Bennett. A few dozen issues back, J. Jonah Jameson (the esteemed publisher of The Daily Bugle and constant Spider-Man foil) became mayor of New York City. I agree, that’s an awesome idea. Greedy millionaire Dexter Bennett bought the newspaper, changed the name to The DB and turned it into a tabloid. Jameson blew his top, but he’s too busy shooing away homeless people from benches or whatever. I don’t really know what mayors do.
Anyway, realizing Electro’s insane, Spider-Man stops by to clear up the whole mess. Violently.
Despite Electro’s threats of wealthy bloodshed, the people totally take his side. Figure the rich’ll plug their wounds with $100 bill or something. Unfortunately, the fight turns ugly for our hero. The red and blue one.
I’ll let you in on a little secret. Electro’s sick. Sometimes his electricity powers go into overdrive, like we saw during his Spider-Man fight. Other times his surge ends up a little short. No pills he can take for that. The Mad Thinker can cure him, of course, with a one-time payment of a cool million dollars. You know who has a million dollars lying around?
And with that, greedy millionaire Dexter Bennett pays for Electro’s voltage surgery. To be fair, most men would be willing to part with money when threatened in the nude.
Because the comic would be terrible without it, Spider-Man bursts in right as Electro’s getting fixed. Y’know, to kick him and stuff.
I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I really don’t think there’s a superhero out there that takes the severe amount of damage Spider-Man does. Those with healing factors don’t count. Still, the web-slinger fights on, because the alternative is toasty.
Electro 2, Spider-Man 0. A smart supervillain would use this advantage to go into hiding and lay low until something more distracting goes on. Not Dillon. Sadly, even when he crosses a payday off his checklist, he’s still missing that elusive final piece of happiness: respect.
Very bad news. With third-degree burns and electrified organs, Spider-Man has to pull himself together, bandage up all his new holes, and stop this madman from slaughtering an old man. Being a superhero takes a lot of commitment.
I would like to tell you that in this fight, Spider-Man musters up the last of his strength, struggles against overwhelming odds with bravery and willpower, and pounds Electro into man-pudding. But I can’t, because you’re probably sensing a pattern by now. We’re going to skip ahead. You can see Spider-Man get his butt kicked on your own time. Finally, using his brain instead of just punching electricity, Spider-Man has all the power cut to the skyscraper. With no more current to drain, Electro’s running on fumes.
Well, zero power and a quick science experiment Peter Parker whipped up on the way to the fight. Dude must keep a few emergency test tubes in his pockets at all times.
You understand why Spider-Man’s villains hate him so much, right? Besides Spider-Man being a weakness genius, he taunts them mercilessly. Only thing worse than having your life ruined is when the guy who broke your nose make jokes about it. I’m not saying Captain America’s a better opponent, but at least the man has no sense of humor.
Electro’s tantrum also has one final little problem. Skyscrapers tend to need infrastructure intact.
Yes, that’s Mayor Jameson. I kind of cut out his side story. Anyway, pay attention to the next two pages, because you’re about to witness Spider-Man history:
With a final rumbling, the former Daily Bugle building collapses on itself. That same building you’ve seen in all the movies, 50 years of comics, and the proudest accomplishment of Jameson’s life. I can’t express just how much absolute perfection the above page is in showing the sheer horror and disbelief on Jameson’s mind. The day has been saved, all the civilians have been rescued, Electro has been defeated, and the poor newspaper man just saw his entire legacy destroyed in a cloud of dust. No joy here, my friends, only the silent tears of a titan gasping its final breath. Tough break.
More importantly, the most shocking part?
“Who thought it’d be a C-lister like Electro who’d deliver the blow?” The guy may have just experienced his first ever flash of respect from his biggest nemesis. At least that might make his jail sentence go by a little faster.