Electro’s Occupy Wall Street

Well, sort of.  Electro (real name Max Dillon) has had a bad few months.  Originally playing the supervillain game for the cash and respect it relishes its players, both perks seemed to have dried up recently.

The guy’s depressed.  Normal sad folks would distract themselves with a movie or something, but not the living thunderbolt.  Combine his electrical powers with his immature and insecure personality, and he handles his depression like this:

Bad news.  Today we’re going to take a look at Amazing Spider-Man #612-614, written by Mark Waid and Paul Azaceta.  Okay, so about Dexter Bennett.  A few dozen issues back, J. Jonah Jameson (the esteemed publisher of The Daily Bugle and constant Spider-Man foil) became mayor of New York City. I agree, that’s an awesome idea.  Greedy millionaire Dexter Bennett bought the newspaper, changed the name to The DB and turned it into a tabloid.  Jameson blew his top, but he’s too busy shooing away homeless people from benches or whatever.  I don’t really know what mayors do.

Anyway, realizing Electro’s insane, Spider-Man stops by to clear up the whole mess.  Violently.

Despite Electro’s threats of wealthy bloodshed, the people totally take his side.  Figure the rich’ll plug their wounds with $100 bill or something.  Unfortunately, the fight turns ugly for our hero.  The red and blue one.

I’ll let you in on a little secret.  Electro’s sick.  Sometimes his electricity powers go into overdrive, like we saw during his Spider-Man fight.  Other times his surge ends up a little short.  No pills he can take for that.  The Mad Thinker can cure him, of course, with a one-time payment of a cool million dollars. You know who has a million dollars lying around?

And with that, greedy millionaire Dexter Bennett pays for Electro’s voltage surgery.  To be fair, most men would be willing to part with money when threatened in the nude.

Because the comic would be terrible without it, Spider-Man bursts in right as Electro’s getting fixed. Y’know, to kick him and stuff.

I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I really don’t think there’s a superhero out there that takes the severe amount of damage Spider-Man does.  Those with healing factors don’t count.  Still, the web-slinger fights on, because the alternative is toasty.

Electro 2, Spider-Man 0.  A smart supervillain would use this advantage to go into hiding and lay low until something more distracting goes on.  Not Dillon.  Sadly, even when he crosses a payday off his checklist, he’s still missing that elusive final piece of happiness: respect.

Very bad news.  With third-degree burns and electrified organs, Spider-Man has to pull himself together, bandage up all his new holes, and stop this madman from slaughtering an old man.  Being a superhero takes a lot of commitment.

I would like to tell you that in this fight, Spider-Man musters up the last of his strength, struggles against overwhelming odds with bravery and willpower, and pounds Electro into man-pudding.  But I can’t, because you’re probably sensing a pattern by now.  We’re going to skip ahead.  You can see Spider-Man get his butt kicked on your own time.  Finally, using his brain instead of just punching electricity, Spider-Man has all the power cut to the skyscraper.  With no more current to drain, Electro’s running on fumes.

Well, zero power and a quick science experiment Peter Parker whipped up on the way to the fight. Dude must keep a few emergency test tubes in his pockets at all times.

You understand why Spider-Man’s villains hate him so much, right?  Besides Spider-Man being a weakness genius, he taunts them mercilessly.  Only thing worse than having your life ruined is when the guy who broke your nose make jokes about it.  I’m not saying Captain America’s a better opponent, but at least the man has no sense of humor.

Electro’s tantrum also has one final little problem.  Skyscrapers tend to need infrastructure intact.

Yes, that’s Mayor Jameson.  I kind of cut out his side story.  Anyway, pay attention to the next two pages, because you’re about to witness Spider-Man history:

With a final rumbling, the former Daily Bugle building collapses on itself.  That same building you’ve seen in all the movies, 50 years of comics, and the proudest accomplishment of Jameson’s life. I can’t express just how much absolute perfection the above page is in showing the sheer horror and disbelief on Jameson’s mind.  The day has been saved, all the civilians have been rescued, Electro has been defeated, and the poor newspaper man just saw his entire legacy destroyed in a cloud of dust.  No joy here, my friends, only the silent tears of a titan gasping its final breath.  Tough break.

More importantly, the most shocking part?

“Who thought it’d be a C-lister like Electro who’d deliver the blow?”  The guy may have just experienced his first ever flash of respect from his biggest nemesis.  At least that might make his jail sentence go by a little faster.

Wolverine vs. Mystique

Four posts ago, we briefly covered the inside of Wolverine’s twisted/perverted/tragic mind brought on by his soul being sent to Hell.  Well, he escaped, and Wolverine isn’t really a big fan of stuff like massive physical and psychological torture.  Being proactive, how’s he going to assure he won’t be sent back to the eternal flames against his will again?  Did you guess it involves impalement?

Today we cover Wolverine #9, written by Jason Aaron and drawn by Daniel Acuña.  Also, I’m using a huge chunk of the issue.  As my knowledge of copyright laws is about equal to my knowledge of calculus (I think it uses letters?), I hope I don’t get a nasty e-mail in a few months.  Y’see, this issue doesn’t have much dialogue.  Instead, we go on a movie-esque chase through the city as three warriors battle for supremacy in a style extremely well-suited for comic books.  Yes, I’m biased, but even if you don’t understand or particularly like superheroes, I hope you’ll at least recognize comics as both literature and an art form.  With a lot more punching.

So how does Wolverine know Mystique was behind his soul’s misadventure?  His usual methods:

Unfortunately, before Wolverine can enact his revenge, this happens:

Meet Lord Deathstrike.  His sister Lady Deathstrike has been a pain-in-the-butt of Wolverine’s for decades.  I believe she was even in one of the X-Men movies.  While her brother doesn’t have those cool claw nails, he does possess her general disregard for human life, a  passionless demeanor, and a talent for murdering.  The usual supervillain traits.

Certainly Mystique can take more punishment than a normal civilian.  Shifting her organs around or whatever.  But exploding sniper bullets?  That’s going to be harder to shake off.

Now comes the fun part.  I mean, this is a Wolverine story.  Though when an X-Man secretly wants to murder someone who’s wronged him, he’s not allowed to take the jet.  Moral ethics and the high price of jet fuel, I guess.

I admire Wolverine for trying to claw her by sticking his hand out the window.  Poor guy just doesn’t have any projectile superpowers.  Let’s watch as the fight becomes a crazy action movie — this issue is super fun.

I mentioned last time that Mystique gets by on brains more than brawn.  And what’s smarter than a giant machine gun?  As you read more and more about Mystique, you realize that a good chunk of the world — both good and bad guys — would like to see her dead.  To describe her as mischievous might be an understatement.  Sure, supervillains like Dr. Doom ooze far more hatred and bitterness from the vengeful masses and their hired help than little Mystique, but she also doesn’t hide behind an army of Doombots and the complete mastery of both scientific terrors and powerful dark magic.  So she has to use giant machine guns.

The Red Right Hand actually commissioned the whole sending-Wolverine-to-Hell thing.  They’re a group of crazy people that you’ll have to read the next arc on your own to find out about, and the plot twist at the end remains one of the finest I’ve ever read in comics.  Anyway, back to bullets and explosions.

With the well-dressed man out of the way, we can finally get to the confrontation you’ve been waiting patiently.  Spoiler alert: Wolverine’s not exactly known for his eloquence.

And for the first time ever in comics, Mystique has been killed.  Like officially, 100% killed.  Revenge completed.  She actually gets resurrected a few issues later by the evil ninja group The Hand, but you can read that later.  Fourteen issues later, Mystique teams up with Wolverine’s arch-nemesis Sabretooth to enact her revenge.

Oh, and not just on Wolverine.  Don’t forget about our dapper assassin.

Stories for another time.  Now go buy tons of comics.  It’s the holiday season, y’know.

Mystique: how a shapeshifter fights

Before we get into Wolverine’s revenge on Mystique (who sent him to Hell a few articles ago), we should have her take a starring role first.  Mystique collected quite a resume in her time, including membership in the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, being the mother of X-Men Nightcrawler and Rogue, and a confirmed birth date sometime in the 1800s.  Past stories have shown her hanging out with Wolverine in the 1920s, fighting in World War II, and participating in all sorts of historical events far after that.

More importantly, her mutant ability lets her shapeshift into whatever person she wants.  Certainly not as combat effective as say, claws and a healing factor, but it’s important to understand that Mystique may be one of the more formidable opponents in the Marvel universe.

She’s even Ms. Marvel’s arch-nemesis.  Her first appearance was actually in 1978 in Ms. Marvel #16, written by Chris Claremont and drawn by Jim Mooney.  Proof from her premiere arc:

Yup, that’s her real name.  Being named Raven Darkhölme pretty much guarantees a life of crime.

In 2003, Mystique received her own solo series, where she served as a secret agent for Professor X. It’s fantastic and you should check it out.  Anyway, right in Mystique #1-2, written by Brian K. Vaughan and drawn by Jorge Lucas, this happens:

Nasty situation.  Yes, she’s a talented martial artist and hand-to-hand fighter, but that’s practically a requirement to be a superhero or villain nowadays.  Powers don’t cut it in the business anymore — you also have to have decades of punching and kicking experience from the finest fighters before you’re let into the field.  Though all the brawling Mystique’s done isn’t quite enough for her to take down an entire highly armed special forces team.

This is where shapeshifting comes into handy.

Unfortunately, henchmen — both the good and bad guys — tend to be fairly dumb.  Though I guess even Captain America won’t backhand a young child.  Wolverine would.  Anyway, the second rule of shapeshifting combat?  Build confusion.

By the way, how do writers justify her clothing changes?  Turns out Mystique’s always naked. She can shapeshift clothing as a part of her body.  I agree, I don’t know if that’s an attractive quality in a woman either.

Some supervillains don’t have to be smart.  Juggernaut, for instance.  His superpower involves running into dudes at full speed.  But for poor Raven, her survival depends on her brains.  I mean, Ms. Marvel can fly, shoot energy beams, is completely bulletproof, and capable of lifting upwards of 50 to 100 tons.  And she considers Mystique her biggest threat.  Trust me, when Mystique’s strength level is somewhere around a young woman who dabbles in pilates, scaring Ms. Marvel says a lot for Mystique’s intelligence and strategic ability.

Oh, so Mystique’s plan?

Okay, so sometimes she has an off-day.  Still, points for creativity.

Next article, Wolverine gets his vengeance on our lucky lady.  Get ready for blood.

The Captain America assassination & rematch

In Captain America #25, volume 5, written by Ed Brubaker and drawn by Steve Epting, the good captain gets assassinated.  He didn’t get pummeled to death saving a city like Superman.  He didn’t blow everything up to stop an alien invasion like Hawkeye.  He didn’t sacrifice himself to cure a deadly virus like Colossus.  Nope, a sniper takes him out.

This takes place in the immediate aftermath of the Marvel Civil War.  Real fast if you don’t know.  The government passed a law requiring superheroes to unmask and register with the government.  Iron Man agreed and Captain America didn’t, so the two superhero teams fought and Captain America eventually surrendered.  As he was on his way to court for his trial, the sniper hit him.  But who would be brazen enough to pull a stunt like that?

Meet Crossbones:

This panel from Captain America #364, written by Mark Gruenwald and drawn by Kieron Dwyer, isn’t Crossbones’ first appearance, but you get the idea.  He premiered in 1989 as a henchman for Red Skull, Captain America’s Nazi arch-nemesis.  Real name Brock Rumlow, Crossbones spent his youth as New York street thug who entered Taskmaster’s supervillain training school.  He excelled and got recruited by Red Skull.  I guess that’s like the NFL for drafting henchmen.  Proof from a panel twelve issues later:

Despite having zero superpowers except major cajones, Crossbones succeeded far beyond normal expectations of henchmen.  Eventually caught and imprisoned after Captain America’s assassination, he received a chance for redemption by joining the Thunderbolts program.  I’ve covered them before, but think of a superhero team comprised entirely of former supervillains attempting to do good on the government’s payroll.  A mission gone haywire in Thunderbolts #150, written by Jeff Parker and drawn by Kev Walker, and Crossbones attempts to make his escape.

Four years after Captain America’s death and resurrection, the two finally get that rematch we’ve all been waiting for.

Okay, so he has a new superpower.  He can now shoot head lasers.  Happened a few issues earlier. By the way, I really like how the panels are laid out in this issue.  The uneven and frantic placement showcases both the speed and intensity of the fight.  It’s a cool and well-executed idea.  Though speaking of executions, Steve Rogers is trying to avoid his second.  If the same bad guy kills you twice, it starts to get embarrassing.

Witness Captain America’s burn:

Y’see, the problem with being a henchmen is simple: a complete lack of respect from the superhero community.  When Doctor Doom or Magneto start chucking cars, the good guys immediately rush to stop them.  I’m talking alarms blaring and Nick Fury screaming at every SHIELD operative and costumed hero in the city.  Not so much with say, Toad.

Look, Crossbones is absolutely a force to be reckoned with.  He once defeated the entire Young Allies team at once by himself.  But he’s been Red Skull’s sidekick for twenty years and that comes with a not-so-impressive reputation.  I mean, the Vulture’s an elderly man with artificial wings, but at least he’s not taking orders from anybody.  Even supervillains like Elektra cost millions of dollars every time a supervillain requests her services.  That’s entrepreneurship.  Crossbones pours Red Skull’s coffee, picks up his dry cleaning, assassinates his arch-nemesis.  Stuff like that.  So how does Crossbones take Captain America’s insult?  As you expect, not well.

Dude gets labeled irredeemable and stuck in prison to live out his life sentence.  Well, nine issues later he escapes, but that’s another story for another day.  As we wrap up, we go back to a conversation between the two at the beginning of the issue.  Lesson learned today?

Sometimes Captain America’s wrong.

Introduction to Spider-Girl (with Kraven!)

I want to talk about Spider-Girl.  The second one.  The first Spider-Girl, Mayday Parker, was the alternative-world daughter of Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson.  She’s not around anymore.

No, I want to talk about Anya Corazon, a fifteen year-old girl gifted with spider powers by The Spider Society, and by spider powers I mean a creepy blue exoskeleton:

She premiered in Amazing Fantasy #1-6, volume 2, written by Fiona Avery and drawn by Mark Brooks. Using her “armor,” she could lift like three tons and became a little bulletproof.  Nothing terribly special but still useful, until she became Ms. Marvel’s sidekick in her ongoing series and the supervillain Doomsday Man ripped out her exoskeleton.  Now, with a fancy new costume, a change in name (formerly Araña, now Spider-Girl), she continues her quest to fight crime in New York City.  Only problem?  She no longer has any powers.

Marvel gave her a solo series in 2011 called Spider-Girl, written by Paul Tobin and drawn by a bunch of talented artists that was sadly canceled after only eight issues.  It’s too bad, because I really enjoyed it.  From the beginning, Anya struggled with the emotional and irrational decisions that inhabit every young teenage girl.  Like this, for instance:

If you hadn’t yet realized, Spider-Girl, with all the strength of a normal sixteen year-old, just punched a Hulk, who shrugs off getting whacked with buildings.  Terrible strategy.  As the series closed and she regained her lost spider powers (now almost exactly like what Spider-Man possesses), she showed a likability and cunning that I hope writers realize and continue to use.  From stupid jokes:

To total butt-kicking:

I miss this series.  But today, we’re going to focus on Spider-Girl #5.  In the two part article I wrote about the Spider-Man arc Grim Hunt, here and here, the supervillain Kravinoff family kidnapped all the Spider people and killed/tortured/fought them.  Including Anya.  We fast forward a year or so and it’s time for round two.  Well, a mini version anyway.  Ana Kravinoff, Kraven the Hunter’s daughter, has an unfulfilled beef with Spider-Girl.  Time to pay up.

At this point, Spider-Girl still has no powers.  Neither does Ana Kravinoff, to be fair, but she did have that whole trained-to-be-a-killer-since-birth thing that defines so many supervillains.  She’s certainly a better fighter than Spider-Girl.

As with all battles in the urban jungle, the brawl leads them all over the city.  And like the other members of the spider family, Anya realizes she has to use her brain, not her brawn, to win the fight.

I like how her thought bubbles are tweets.  Digital age and all that.  In a city inhabited by a bijillion superheroes, all Spider-Girl has to do is figure out what direction to go and Ana doesn’t stand a chance. Like the Fantastic Four, for instance.

By the way, the “jungle pimp” line deserves far more respect than given.  I’ve never thought about it before, but that’s exactly what he looks like:

Spider-Man has the totally wackiest rogues gallery.  Anyway, if super genius skyscraper defenses don’t work, Spider-Girl will just have to use obstacles the feral supervillain isn’t familiar with, like most of the stuff in a city.

Poor Ana.  The problem with only hunting animals instead of people is that animals are dumb.  Plus, to be a superhero, resourcefulness and ingenuity contain the key elements for surviving more than a few issues.

With the bruised Kravinoff distraction out of the picture, Spider-Girl can now get back to solving the city-wide conspiracy and defeating the shadowy organization that killed her father and is threatening the lives of millions of citizens.  Y’know, the important stuff.