Noh-Varr: the Illuminati’s warriorPosted: 02/25/2014
Noh-Varr, beloved sex symbol of the Young Avengers and all around super cool dude, hasn’t always been a superhero. Y’see, he’s an alien Kree soldier destined to conquer the planet for the Kree Empire’s new capital. By himself. Unfortunately, one alien/insect hybrid against the entire pantheon of superheroes didn’t work out spectacularly well for him. As in, he lost.
While prison gave him lots of time to stew about his current predicament — his own conquering impotence — Earth’s premier secret society of borderline-sociopathic superheroes, the Illuminati, decided to use this weapon in another way. And despite all their manipulating, backstabbing, lying, and downright despicable actions they accomplished during their tenure, this ranks as one of the best decisions they ever made. Witness it for itself in New Avengers: Illuminati #4, written by Brian Michael Bendis & Brian Reed and drawn by Jim Cheung. Then we’ll finish with four pages from Secret Invasion #6-7, written by Bendis and drawn by Leinil Francis Yu.
Professor X, despite being the kindly Martin Luther King Jr. of mutantkind, has a history of subtly changing the minds of those he wants to join his side. Or to forget important information. Or if he accidentally projects a dirty thought. Look, Charles Xavier’s morality lies on the side of heroism with a fair amount of “ends justify the means” sprinkled in. But at least the good professor justifies his Noh-Varr inaction:
Remember Iron Man’s alcoholism days? Odds are that he’s already worn a dress and called himself Sally. And despite all the moral grey lines, the superheroes decide on the most reasonable course of progression as they just go about their normal problem-solving method: beating the crap out of whoever they disagree with. At least Namor’s unashamed. And naked. Always naked.
Each Illuminati member gets a turn to make their case. You saw how awesome Noh-Varr is last article — the Illuminati really doesn’t want him ripping Captain America into fun-size pieces.
Instead of a simple mind warp of, “Hey, isn’t Earth swell?” the Illuminati’ll have to convince him the ol’ fashioned way: logic. It’s a moral step in the right direction for the sketchiest group of superheroes of the past decade. Next, Mr. Fantastic gets his turn. Y’know, after a few more Namor punches.
Mr. Fantastic, the least romantic man on the planet — whether that be politics or ladies — brings up a good point. Sure, Noh-Varr could spend the rest of his days kicking and screaming his way to whatever victory he hopes he’ll achieve, or he could do something actual useful, beneficial, and not a complete waste of his time. Because we know he sure as hell can’t beat Earth’s entire roster of superheroes. We have all the best ones on this planet.
And he does. And he finds Captain Marvel. And he becomes the hero we darn tootin’ know he should be. When the Skrulls, sworn enemy of the superior intellect Kree, invades Earth with their fancy shapeshifting powers, Noh-Varr figures the Illuminati have a good point. He could either stay rotting in prison or kick the butt of those green monsters currently ravishing his current planet. Also, Captain Marvel has a secret:
Yup, Captain Marvel fought his own people as a secret Skrull. His bravery won’t be forgotten, but we all know it’s time for a real Kree to continue his struggle. And parade around shirtless for most of the Young Avengers series.
Welcome the new Noh-Varr: Earth’s newest defender.