The love story of Iceman & Mystique, Pt. 1

It’ll be three parts total, but only today will have the romance and passion that comes from a comic book relationship.  Superheroes fall in love so much harder and so much faster than us real-life folks. Maybe the DC and Marvel universes exists entirely inside an Axe Body Spray commercial.  Though definitely try to enjoy today, as the rest of the week consists mostly of disillusion, brokenhearted resentment, and uppercuts.

We’ll see the entire span of the Iceman and Mystique relationship using pieces of X-Men #189-203, written by Mike Carey and drawn by Chris Bachalo & Humberto Ramos.  Before you question Iceman’s judgement (and you will), Mystique currently has full X-Men membership.  Redemption can be romantic.

Definitely a more attractive way to save someone’s life than CPR.  Mystique grew up in the Victorian age, but she can still seduce men a fourth of her age.  Thus the two bond the basic superhero way: combat banter.

The suspense/their growing love includes all sorts of wildly sappy moments.  It’s as if you’re getting slammed over the head with a bat full of basic cable teen dramas.

Crazy dramatization.  I’ve read this page three or four times and I still have no idea what point she’s making — I think she’s trying to justify child abuse.  Either way, after the emotional vulnerability, their relationship can finally proceed to the inevitable climax.  And one more insanely soap operatic monologue.

Do you feel uncomfortable?  Me too.  Oh, and y’know how Mystique uses deception as her go-to strategy?  It also applies to her atonement.

Honestly, I can’t root for the idea of Mystique shoving neural inhibitors up her privates to defeat Iceman a few issues later.  It’s gross and unnerving and says far more about Mystique than any previous villainous plot has.  But just like She-Hulk sleeping with Juggernaut, so too must the wheel of bad superhero hookups never stop spinning.

We end today with the couple’s final scene in the arc a few issues later.  It’s just as emasculating and somewhat touching as you expect it.

Tony Stark should have released a PSA years ago about the dangers of shacking up with supervillains.  Iceman could have been saved this whole ordeal.  On Wednesday, he gets closure.