1980s Cyclops battles, Pt. 2Posted: 06/10/2014 Filed under: Fights, Marvel 5 Comments
We continue our ongoing series where Cyclops has to laser eye blast his fellow X-Men (and a sentinel). Scott Summers, ever the formidable leader, realizes that sometimes being in command means kicking your team members in the face — though that probably is more effective on a superhero team than, say, an accounting office. Still, today in two more battles Cyclops has to face all by his lonesome, he shows once again why he’s the undisputed champion of the greatest genetic mutated team of superheroes in the Marvel universe.
Well, maybe not undisputed. Y’see, in Uncanny X-Men #201, written by Chris Claremont and drawn by Rick Leonardi, Cyclops adjusts to married life outside the X-Men. He achieved the dream — he escaped the superhero life, let those he mentored continue the legacy, and happily married the love of his life. But you know that fine line shatters the second it’s stepped on. Storm wants his title, and Cyclops’ll have to fight to keep it. It’s like the UFC only with illusions, no rules, and far less humping.
Punk Storm aside, Cyclops doesn’t stand much of a chance against Storm. She can summon lightning, fog, blizzards, hurricanes, electromagnetic fields, cosmic storms, hail, and so much more. He’s quick on his feet, but optic blasts can’t take down the Hurricane Katrina of X-Men. I’m serious, he’s tried before — Cyclops forms a rainstorm in his underwear. But here’s the catch today: Storm’s de-powered. No weather control, just face punching. It’ll be embarrassing if the original X-Men loses to Storm’s kung fu — mohawk or not.
Most UFC fighters don’t think about philosophy during their fights. Probably. Look, Cyclops has a lot going on right now, maybe too much to handle leading the team he originated on. Or maybe like any good leader, he’s just multitasking his problems. Optic blast here, marital problems there, Storm laser blasted here, the wife cool with his yellow underwear there. But Storm, not having to worry about angering her significant other, takes the initiative — superheroes are always too kind to blatantly destroy huge sections of buildings to win minor battles.
While I early went on a full paragraph about Cyclops’ leadership skills and deserved command of his team, he “retires” for five years until 1991. He hangs out with the X-Factor team in the mean time, a spin off giving the original five X-Men (Cyclops, Jean Grey, Beast, Iceman, and Angel) a chance to shine one more after getting overshadowed by Wolverine, Nightcrawler, Storm, Kitty Pryde, Colossus, Rogue, etc. But embarrassing lost to Storm or not, Cyclops retains his awesomeness in X-Factor #14, written by Louise Simonson and drawn by Walter Simonson.
You know about the sentinels, right? Mutant-hunting killer robots that zap X-Men into dust, right? Meet Master Mold, the ultimate sentinel. This baby’s a walking talking armory with defense capabilities far beyond those normal boring sentinels. Think of the best Decepticon and the least angsty Gundam mushed together into one giant ass-kicking robot. Cyclops has to solo this thing.
Cyclops’ power gets frequently misunderstood. Think of it as a long-range punch in the face instead of anything melty. Concussive energy instead of heat. But for all the intensity of his laser eyes, he’s going up against an enemy powerful enough shoot off Cyclops’ pants. Thank goodness he wore his uniform underneath.
Cyclops, currently under police investigation and possible arrest for blowing up a house (long story) only increases his eventual bail by elbowing a policeman. I know it’s to save the guy’s life and whatever, but superheroes don’t “chonk” law enforcement — that’s part of the deal of being superhero. Cops’ll occasionally shoot and slander superheroes, but our good guys’ only option is to dodge the bullets and shed those tears underneath the masks. Though to be fair to Cyclops, he does make a fair (though grim and pessimistic) point in the next few panels:
See the lesson here? Save the cops from a deadly giant robot and they’ll forgive your crimes. Education doesn’t end when school does, y’know. On Friday, we venture over to DC for a few weeks. I figure we should try to even the two companies’ coverage a bit.
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80’s punk Storm is the best Storm. I will run over a pack of nuns with a bus full of orphans and drive it straight off a cliff to get Lupita NYong’o to play a young mohawked punk Storm in the next X-Men film.