Jubilee turns into a vampire, Pt. 1

I mentioned briefly that Jubilee currently prowls around the Marvel universe as a vampire and mother. The latter is a story for another day, but in a fictional universe with mutants and space gods and mole people, why not throw in the classic monsters as well?  Jubilee joins the ranks of vampire-hood (the scary kind) in X-Men #1-6, written by Victor Gischler and drawn by Paco Medina, as well as X-Men #11, written by Gischler and drawn by Al Barrionuevo.

Before we begin, it’s important to know that all that’s about to happen spawned from the Marvel event House of M.  At its conclusion, Scarlet Witch wipes out the genetic mutation of all but 198 mutants (mainly those Professor X protected).  Jubilee unfortunately misses out on the professor’s gift, rendering her among the millions now powerless.  No more fireworks for our dear mall rat.

You see, we expect vampires to remain as old fashioned and Victorian as their myth dictates.  But of course they adjust to new technology and skills.  In today’s modern world, couldn’t something (or someone) be created to mimic the effects of a bite without all that hassle of the romanticization and allure of a neck puncture?  Vampires use Facebook just like the rest of us, or in this case, manufacture biological weapons that accomplish their goals under the guise of a terrorist attack.

No going back now.  Our girl’s on her way to vampire-dom.  Want to talk about vampires in Marvel comics?  I guess if not you could always skip this paragraph.  The mythical creatures first appeared in the Marvel universe in the early ’70s, as Marvel comics’ version of Dracula received his own comic book.  Morbius the Living Vampire technically premiered before him, but Morbius is also technically not a vampire.  The Comics Code Authority finally allowed comic books to return to their horror roots, and they jumped on that with a fury you’d expect from an easy way to make bijillions of dollars.  Thus the series The Tomb of Dracula ran for over seven years and seventy issues.  The superhero Blade premiered in that series as well.  He’s a major character in this arc we’re reading now, but I’m skipping him in favor of Jubilee.  Note: it’s worth buying the book just for Blade’s Hulk Hogan mustache.

So the vampires’ plan?  Hint: it involves delusions of grandeur.

She can officially stamp her vampire card.  Definitely no going back from that.  I’m not happy about the weird pseudo-seduction of the young Jubilee by an ancient creepy vampire (Dracula’s son Xarus), but I guess it wouldn’t be a good vampire story if we weren’t all weirded out.

Up next you’ll witness a beautiful exercise in a slow burn.  Not like an insult, but the overextending of a scene to heighten the effect of the ending.  And of course Xarus is right: the X-Men’ll totally rush to save their precious former X-Men.  No one more than Wolverine, who collects teenage girl protégés faster than matted back hair.

For all of Wolverine’s unpleasantness, his father figure-ness towards the younger X-Men almost compensates for his many, many, many faults.  Sure, he may smell like meat, drinks too much, needs anger management, and murders every other person he talks to — but you see how much he cares about the kids?  He’s tortured, not evil.  Kitty Pryde, Jubilee, Armor, and the rest are objectively better people for knowing him.  Now remember this for our slow burn.

What a jerk.  Can Vampire Jubilee redeem herself?  Maybe, but at least she’ll have her buddy Vampire Wolverine.  Now when he goes to the bar, it’ll bring a whole new meaning when he orders a Bloody Mary.  Right?  Sorry, I promise I won’t do that again.