Jubilee’s baby, Pt. 2Posted: 07/21/2014
Motherhood can begin with a surprise, like rescuing a baby from a terrorist meteor strike in Hungary. Most of the time I assume babies show up mainly from two people who love each other very much in the bedroom, but in the Marvel universe, freak scenarios occur far more often. The X-Men’s resident vampire now has her own kid, officially and eternally hers, and as we pick up exactly where we left off last time — it’s time for a vacation. The infant just become an official member of the X-Men, after all. Superpowers include random vomiting and sleeping 18 hours a day.
Besides Wolverine’s female clone X-23, I bet he has dozens of other identical clones running around so that he can be on every team and in every story and travel to every location in every comic. Oh, and Jubilee doesn’t actually have full leg tattoos, those are just cool leggings. Remember, she’s more fashionable than we are. I imagine most of us dress like a shabbier Wolverine, and that’s just our facial hair.
You ever wonder how the X-Men get so much money? Professor X comes from a loaded family. Emma Frost is practically a billionaire. Angel is a billionaire. The X-Men students run Angel’s company. The school even sits on a living piece of land — nuclear tests made it sentient, duh — named Krakoa that can grow diamonds. So Wolverine and friends bankroll the entire school themselves, which includes replacing the exploded jet and paying for massive property damage every three issues or so.
Jubilee worries she’s too young to have a child? This girl has traveled the cosmos, fought world-destroying entities, saved the universe dozens of times with only a yellow raincoat and hand-blasted Roman candles. After all that, she can handle a baby. More importantly, even if Shogo grows up and kills one or two people, she’ll still have done a better parenting job than Wolverine. That dude’s offspring pop more psychopathy during puberty than zits. Maybe that’s why dear Logan dotes so much on all the young X-Men girls. Nothing pervy, just making up for a century of terrible parenting.
Didn’t know Wolverine knew the real estate market, huh? So before we begin our next section of the story, we should talk briefly about the X-Men crossover event Battle of the Atom. As I explain this, no matter how insane this sounds, it actually turned out to be a wonderful story — lots of cool plot twists. I loved it and highly recommend it. But recently, Beast went back in time to bring the original five X-Men (Cyclops, Jean Grey, Beast, Angel, and Iceman) into the present, hoping they would convince present-day Cyclops not to be such a jerk. Big mistake. So in Battle of the Atom, two groups of future X-Men go back in time to the present to force the original five X-Men to go back to the past. Essentially, you have five groups of X-Men — Cyclops’ group, Wolverine’s group, the original five group, and the two different future X-Men groups — and SHIELD, all with radically different ideas about what to do with these original five. I promise you, it’s a great story, no matter how convoluted it sounds. Anyway, it gives us some important Jubilee/Shogo scenes.
But all that’s not enough for me to warrant showing you scenes from Battle of the Atom. Here’s what is: the future X-Men bring with it not only future Colossus with a Hulk Hogan mustache, but future super vampire Jubilee as well. That and one more surprise.
Aw, how delightful! You get a glimpse into the happy-Shogo-and-Jubilee future! Even with no superpowers, Shogo still gets an Iron Man ripoff armor to go fight bad guys with. As for current developments in the Jubilee and Shogo adventures, I point you to the most recent arc of X-Men. Unfortunately, I can’t post it because it doesn’t actually end for another month in X-Men #17, but I’ll give you a tease from X-Men #13, written by Brian Wood and drawn by Clay Mann.
Go buy the comics, because what kind of monster would you be if you don’t support mutant vampire Asian teenage mothers?