Batman vs. Punisher
Posted: 01/23/2015 Filed under: DC, Fights, Marvel 4 CommentsFinally, right? You know you’ve been clamoring for it – Batman does many things, but fighting non-powered dudes who shoot guns isn’t one he does often. By that I mean every ten pages as opposed to the entire issue cover to cover. But this team up carries a far different weight than the last article, due to the whole Batman and Punisher disagreeing violently over their very moral cores. So when they have their inevitable fight, it’s for real. No genital measuring contest here. Except in Batman/Punisher: Lake of Fire, written by Dennis O’Neil and drawn by Barry Kitson & James Pascoe, you might notice something different about this Batman. Hint: this comic came out in 1994.
That’s right, my friends. It’s Mecha-Batman. The lunatic Azrael still reigns over Gotham City as their forced caped crusader since Bruce Wayne’s back remains still broken by Bane. Azrael’s cult brainwashing and inferior complex to the real deal drives him further into those insanity depths he jumped in long ago. But since I introduced Azrael, I’ll give you Punisher’s intro as well. Spoiler alert: religion doesn’t come up as often with him.
I know that going into “stats” or superpowers is a useless discussion. The writers determine many of the imaginary limitations for the imaginary characters, but it won’t stop me from attempting it – it’s very late, and I have space to fill. Azrael’s suit makes him stronger, tougher, and faster than Punisher. But Punisher, usually armed with only silly weapons like guns and bullets, takes on Marvel supervillains frequently enough for that to negate all of Azrael’s benefits. Plus, the Punisher fights dirty. Don’t go expecting a long drawn out ordeal – it’s a six page fight – but I hope it’s bloody enough to satisfy your superhero bloodlust.
Punisher isn’t cheating. He thinks he is, but he’s not. If Mecha-Batman can use super strength and giant claws to fight a man clad in just spandex, it’s not against the rules if the Punisher pulls out a pistol. Actually, the fight should have probably started this way. And also, since when is the Punisher against cheating? The only reason the team up had to include Punisher’s baddie Jigsaw is because Jigsaw is the only bad guy Punisher has. He has a rogue gallery of one. His oppenets tend not to last more than single issue when Punisher’s modus operandi is to murder them. Almost always by cheating.
Good news. There’s a second team up, and Punisher fights the correct Dark Knight next time. We’ll read it next time to finish up our crossover articles, as it’s hard to find enthusiasm for all those Silver Surfer team ups.
Arousing Grammar 
too bad it wasn’t Bruce Wayne batman vs the Punisher because then we could try to figure out which of the two smells worse….the guy who shat himself while going through venom withdrawals or the guy who walks around covered in brains and gore and never bathes.
[…] Grammar Batman vs. Punisher Part 1 & Part […]
I think Frank probably smells fine most of the time. Military regimen and hygiene would see to that. However, once he gets “on a mission” you are probably right, the obsession he stinks of is not the kind marketed by semi nude super models 🙂 Even seeing him run across town in full combat gear and covered in wounds and weapons like in the movie Punisher:War Zone, the guy has to smell like a gym bag stored in a storm drain. I don’t remember seeing a washer/dryer combo in his safe house. Lol
As for Batman, all I can say is thank Heaven for Alfred Pennyworth, constantly laundering costumes and following Bruce around the cave with a bottle of Febreeze. I wonder: is butler or manservant the right term for Alfred? Or is he more of a nanny? And how do you wash a sixty pound suit of carbon fiber armour with various computer attachments and intergrated weapons systems? I bet he just hangs them on the wall and goes at them with a pressure washer, Lysol, and more Febreeze. The criminals of Gotham fear the scent of clean laundry, as it heralds the coming of the Dark Kinght.
As for Az-Bats, he just saves his change and runs himself through a car wash now and then, getting a hot wax once a week.
Jean Paul is actually more powerful than the Bruce Wayne physically , but the mental instability hampers his skill.
In all honesty we know Bruce Wayne can drop Frank in a H2H fight, but give Frank a skrull sniper rifle and prep ? Dead Bats!! Batman is full of PIS! He fights super humans then he next issue , gets tagged by muscle bound normal humans???NONE of Batman’s villains actually try to KILL him- they are more intent on homicidal destruction of Gotham or filling their pockets with crime loot. Batman simply catches them after a chase and physical beating, the re incarcerates them in Blackgate prison or Arkham asylum
Another problem with Batman? He’s a sadist- he’d rather BEAT and intimidate his rogues than actually stop them.
People claim Batman pulls all this tech to stop his villains but the reality is Batman likes to go “hands on” far more than he should- he’s good with his mythic 127 known forms of martial arts mastery but against superhumans( Superman and Wonder Woman)and ” enhanced humans?”( Capt. America and Deathstroke)- batman is getting beat!
His insane “prep time?” batman doesn’t have it all the time- only after he’s experienced a fight with an opponent does batman use “prep”
Frank Castle almost always uses prep and surveillance- it’s why he’s successful against superhuman, enhanced and street level threats.
While Frank probably couldn’t stop the insanely overpowered super humans in DC ( yes DC super heroes are ridiculously overpowered! Now even wonder woman can fly and move small planets!) Castle would kill all of Batmans’ rogues…..and yes- he COULD take out Batman….