Batman & Bane: blood brothers

With the Dark Knight Rises coming out today, I’d be a real jerk not to do a Batman/Bane article.  And fortunately, everyone already knows about Batman, plus I’ve already covered Bane’s back story and history in a previous article.  So let’s fast forward to Batman: Gotham Knights #33-36, written by Scott Beatty and drawn by Mike Collins.  Y’see, Bane has been running around trying to destroy all the Lazarus Pits, used by Ra’s al Ghul to keep him immortal.  Oh, let Robin explain:

But I’m getting ahead of myself.  We start a few pages back as Bane makes a surprise visit to Wayne Manor.  Remember, Bane figured out Batman’s secret identity back in his comic premiere.

While Bane ain’t exactly trustworthy, Ra’s al Ghul is a common enemy. Plus, even though Batman spends most of his time breaking criminals’ limbs, he’s a softy at heart.  Also as you can tell from his hundreds of repeated drop offs to Arkham Asylum every year, he’s a huge fan of rehabilitation and second chances.

Luckily for us, Nightwing guesses correctly because his word boxes exactly match the action.

I must not be the only one who thinks bat-jetpacks would have been a way cooler idea than a whirly-bat.  Though to be fair, I don’t have the decades of ninja training and detective skills to make the correct choices regarding infiltration missions.  Either way, this little escapade has nothing to do with the rest of the story except to set up the rest of the magnificent arc.  Y’see, because Batman helped Bane out, Wayne gets a reward.  And it’s a doozy.

Being that Bane was born and raised in prison, he doesn’t have much of a clue to the identity of his father.  Well, turns out he received a lovely little photograph on a cruise (which I’m not showing you) displaying Thomas Wayne’s arm (Bruce’s dad) around Bane’s mother.  Normally, this shouldn’t be cause for concern as the odds for the two super dudes being related are astronomical at best.  But this is the crazy world of fiction, where one man wears a batsuit and the other’s a killer luchador. Trust me, panic should set in.

Until the blood testing comes back, why not the siblings enjoy their new relationship?  After all, they have quite a few years of catching up to do.

Y’see, the real problem with Bane and Batman being related occurs with Thomas Wayne.  As you imagine, if the blood test comes back positive, that meant the Wayne patriarch cheated on his wife Martha and his good character besmirched.  His values and morality instilled in Bruce may very well be the main reason Batman fights crime.  Though as Alfred will explain, he doesn’t believe Thomas’ infidelity for a second:

Don’t worry, I won’t leave you in the dark (knight).  Blood tests don’t take that long.  Probably, I’m not sure.  Either way, while Batman is out on patrol, Bane scurries to find out the results.  His future depends on it.

Now, Wayne’s a major figure in the city.  Playboy philanthropist billionaire and whatnot.  The doctor’s not above selling the results to a third party.  I think that breaks the Hippocratic Oath.  But no matter the results, Bane would like a word with the reporter.  Supervillain style.

Oh, can you guess why Bane’s depressed?  Yup, blood test.

Look, the Bat family hasn’t been terribly supportive of Bane joining their little group.  I’ve skipped a dozen pages of Nightwing, Oracle, Robin, Batgirl, Huntress, etc. screaming and arguing about Bane’s inclusion.  He is a supervillain.  On the plus side, Thomas Wayne’s reputation as a devoted husband remains intact.  Though the same can’t be said for Bane’s heart.

Unfortunately, the big guy doesn’t have time to grieve.  His almost-brother is in trouble.  I’m sorry for neglecting Batman’s side story.  A tattoo artist has been killing dudes by making their tattoos turn real.  Yeah, I’m serious.  His detective work leads him to the killer’s apartment.  We’ll join in halfway through the fight.

So Bane hasn’t really reformed.  Sort of.  Let’s be fair, Bane will never be a good guy.  His awful childhood and warped ideals made sure of that.  But he did save Batman, and that has to count for something, right?  Though any chance of them being friends flew out the window the second the blood test came back negative.

By the way, Bane actually does find his father ten issues later.  Read it yourself, it’s a fun one.  Bane has a lumberjack beard.

And I don’t think this is a sad ending.  Because despite all the almost-tears Bane shed not being the almost-brother of Batman, it opened the character up to a tiny shining sliver of redemption.  Will he accept the challenge?  Kind of, though the status quo always eventually gets restored.  The Riddler became a very successful private eye for a while before going back to crime.  I’m just saying.  As we wrap up this arc, let’s let Alfred have the last word.  After all, he’s the only character whose job includes scrubbing up bat guano.

Poison Ivy’s poisonous orphans

As hard as it is to complain about Batman’s rogue gallery (which may be the finest in comics), most of his baddies don’t have any superpowers.  They’re mobsters, psychopaths, or clowns, but they aren’t running around flying or throwing cars.  Not Poison Ivy.  She has superpowers out the wazoo.

Dr. Pamela Isley began a promising career as a botanist until her crazy professor Dr. Jason Woodrue injected her with experimental plant toxins that made her poisonous to the touch and allowed her to control greenery.  Thus began her criminal career as an eco-terrorist.  And not the sort of terrorist with beards and rocket launchers.  Here’s a quick scene from Gotham City Sirens #26:

Yeah, now that’s a supervillain.  Which makes it even more impressive when Batman takes her down with kicks and batarangs.

Today, we’re going to follow the story that took place in Batman: Gotham Knights #61-65, written by A.J. Lieberman and drawn by AJ Barrionuevo.  Y’see, in order to fully appreciate this article, you have to know a little bit about the major Batman event, No Man’s Land, that took place in 1999 and 2000.

A 7.6 magnitude earthquake hit Gotham, and unfortunately, the city happens to be along a fault line. The damage was so severe that the United States government evacuated and quarantined the city. Anyone who stayed behind would have to live in a crumpled, broken city with no electricity, no water, and no laws.  Also, unable to leave.  Immediately, the supervillians carved up the city among themselves and thus began a year-long turf battle between the remnants of the Gotham City police department, the Arkham Asylum regulars, and the Bat family.  It was an awesome story that took place over 11 different series and 88 total issues.  Read it.

But more importantly, Poison Ivy’s portion of the massive event triggers this story in 2005.

I mentioned that back during No Man’s Land, the supervillains each took portions of the city to claim as their own territory during this literal anarchy.  Not surprisingly, Poison Ivy grabbest the city’s largest park.  A group orphans, their parents killed during the earthquake, sought shelter and safety inside Robinson Park, not knowing Poison Ivy had taken up residence.  Instead of wiping the floor with these kids, she became a sort of replacement mother and protector.  Unfortunately, she’s also a lunatic supervillain, so it was only a matter of time before the inevitable happened:

And our mystery begins.  Who could have driven these kids to suicide?  Luckily Poison Ivy is a doctor, so besides using trees to crush apartment buildings, she can also read medical charts.

Mystery solved.  Cue a bunch of self-loathing

You know what comic books are naturally really good at?  Montages.  The panel format works perfectly.  And while I’ve been skipping large portions of the story, like her confrontation with Batman, Ivy’s meetings with the supervillain Hush, her battle against one of the orphans, and secret lab experiments from some unnamed bad dudes, I wouldn’t dream of letting you miss this: Poison Ivy doing science.

As you can figure out from the green thought boxes, she’s going to use her brainpower to reverse her condition and just go back to being a hot botanist.  Sadly, her science isn’t good enough.  So she goes to someone with the financial backing and smarts to help her.  Enter Bruce Wayne.

And finally her dream becomes a reality:

Now she can love again.  Now she can touch people again.  Her life can begin anew without having to commit crimes or worry about saving the environment from evil lumberjacks.  Fortunately, a situation would never, ever arise that would require her Poison Ivy powers again.  Right?  Please?

Yup, turns out that Poison Ivy wasn’t killing them after all.  I mean, her spores or whatever could have given them some nasty migraines or boils, but her powers had no fault in the suicides.

Looks like she made a mistake.  Will she sacrifice her newly found happiness to save the remaining orphans and avenge those who died?  Not if Batman has anything to do with it.

With Batman’s feelings effectively hurt, she can attempt to reverse the process.  Except for one tiny problem.  Turns out, Bruce Wayne won’t do it, and she has to go the back alley scientists.  In this case, Hush.  And besides his hokey medicine, she still has to deal with the evil organization that turned the kids into biological weapons.  A few pages of struggles:

Problem solved by violence.  Remember that, children.

You see those eyes in that last panel?  No matter what color her skin, no matter what powers she possesses, she’s always going to be a supervillain.  Ain’t no rehabilitation for this woman.  That fact alone makes this story terribly tragic, as she’s permanently tied to her destiny as a criminal and terrorist.  And while she didn’t chose this path originally, society and jerk professors forced her down the only path she’ll ever be able to walk.  Oh, and it gets sadder.

With that, Poison Ivy dies.  A poetic ending for a tale of redemption and revenge.

Well, you see the vines growing over the grave?  While all plants die in Autumn, they always bloom once more in Spring.  Including Poison Ivy – she’s back a few months later.  Because who else’s giant man-eating flowers will terrorize the citizens of Gotham?

Harley Quinn visits the folks

In the past 25 years, you’d be hard-pressed to find a brand new comic book character more popular than Harley Quinn (well, maybe Deadpool).  She first premiered in the Batman: The Animated Series in the 1992 episode “Joker’s Favor,” written by the wonderful Paul Dini.  A year later, she got her initial comic book appearance and she was officially a part of the Batman universe.  A lovely success story for the Joker’s girlfriend.

Real fast: Dr. Harleen Quinzel, a psychiatrist at Arkham Asylum requests to interview the Joker.  She falls in love, becomes his second-in-command, and they share an abusive, roller-coaster relationship. But unlike so many origin stories, hers isn’t tragic, which means she gets to go do cool things such as visit parents and have family dinners.  Like in Gotham City Sirens #7, also written by Paul Dini. She’s his creation, after all.

Oh yeah, her secret identity isn’t exactly hidden.  She’s a recognizable celebrity in Gotham, both in clown makeup and not.  Imagine the stress on her poor parents, knowing her successful doctor daughter now rides around in spandex with a giant hammer and a partner who’s mostly plant.  But everyone changes careers once or twice, right?  So now she’s a supervillain.  It pays far better, has more excitement, and probably saved her life, as the life expectancy for Arkham Asylum employees tends to be on the horrifically low side.

And despite frequent stays in the loony bin, dozens of fistfights lost, and a boyfriend who beats her more than Batman does, at least she’s doing something with her life.  If only the rest of her family had that amount of dedication.

Anger and frustration are a common theme.  Also, did you know Harley Quinn has superpowers? During No Man’s Land, the major Batman event that took place in 1999, she became buddies with Poison Ivy, who gave her a potion.  They’re still totally best friends, and several comics have been devoted solely to their wacky adventures together.

But anyway, the concoction gave her super strength, super agility, and immunity to most poisons, including Joker’s laughing gas.  Truthfully, I can’t really find any definite answers to the extent of her powers, but she isn’t bench pressing minivans or back flipping over buildings.  If I had to guess, she’s probably twice or three times as strong and fast as the Dark Knight.  But he always wins anyway – decades of ninja skills and martial arts training and whatnot.  Plus, she’s kind of a ditz.

And now watch our dear Harley get berated the way only a mother can:

You sensing something deeper going on?  Harley’s mother, the poor soul, has been supporting and providing for a family that has done nothing with their lives (brother, father) or ruined theirs (Harley). How much disappointment can one person take?  But don’t worry, because underneath that lovesick supervillain exterior lies a empathetic, loving daughter.  Somewhere.  Her history hasn’t been a good indicator of that.

And we haven’t met the father yet, have we?  You don’t have to hold your breath on where he is, you can probably figure it out on your own.

See?  Her dad’s a sociopath.  Considering Harley’s upbringing, we should just be shocked she made it all the way to medical school.  The crappy family life usually associates itself with the villain motif. Rarely does a superhero have parents that are jerks.

In summary, Harley’s father is a terrible person.

A very terrible person.

Luckily, she has dear friends back in Gotham.  Like Poison Ivy.  And Catwoman, who is for some reason wearing a bowtie in this issue.  Y’see, while her home visit may not have been enjoyable, you can’t say Harley hates being a supervillain.  If you ignore the whole thing where she hurts innocent people and supports a mad man’s attacks on the city, it should bring a single tear to your eye that Harley has found the American dream: a job she truly loves.

Batgirl goes clubbing

The Batman family’s crowded.  The Dark Knight has fought alongside a half dozen Robins, Batgirls, and other vigilantes like Huntress, Manhunter, and Azrael.  Even Bruce Wayne shared the Batman costume with at least two others.  So Gotham has a few dozen superheroes running around at all times, yet it’s still the most dangerous city in the country.  To be fair, Superman protects Metropolis while moving at the speed of light with the strength to lift the moon, whereas Huntress patrols Gotham with a motorcycle and a crossbow.  Maybe Batman’s hometown needs a few more superheroes than other major DC cities.  Luckily, the need for a gigantic quantity of Bat people gave us Barbara Gordon, the first Batgirl.

Barbara’s the daughter of Commissioner Jim Gordon, the chain-smoking mustachioed policeman that Batman trust over all other civilian.  She first appeared in 1967, with the goal of using her as a tool to attract more female fans.  Over time, Barbara became a technological genius, a high-skilled martial artist, and Dick Grayson’s (the first Robin) main love interest.  But because she’s a Bat, she suffers from the Batcurse – an inability to have a good time.  Fortunately in The Brave and the Bold #33 written by the genius J. Michael Straczynski, superheroes Zatanna and the Wonder Woman have a plan to fix that.

I covered Wonder Woman at the beginning of the week, but I should probably do a brief paragraph on Zatanna in case you don’t know about her.

It’s not easy to fight crime in fishnets and a top hat, but to be fair to her, she makes her living as a stage magician.  Also, she sort of cheats, because she’s an actual magician.  Her superpower lets her cast spells by reciting them backwards.  And because she uses comic book magic, her spells can do whatever she wants to whoever she wants whenever she wants it.  Plus, that’s her actual name, not hiding behind silly secret identities.  Oh, and Zatanna likes dancing.

Now anyone who’s ever taken a business class must be a little suspicious at this point.  Comics are expensive and readers aren’t going to shell down $2.99 to watch their superheroes crunk the night away.  Trust me, storytelling sometimes takes a while to pay off, much like the first eight episodes of every season of Breaking Bad.  Buckle up and just enjoy the ladies’ letting loose for an evening.

No supervillains crashing the party?  No robberies across the street?  No random fires at the club? Nope, simply three crimefighters having a night on the town.  But the article’s about Batgirl.  And before the partying started, this issue began with a nightmare from Zatanna.

Followed by this strange scene with Zatanna and Wonder Woman weeping in each other’s arms.

Let Wonder Woman explain a little better than I can.

It’s common knowledge at this point, so I hope I’m not really spoiling anything, but in the mega-famous 1988 graphic novel The Killing Joke written by Alan Moore, the Joker shoots and paralyzes Barbara, which ultimately changes her character for over 20 years.  And as you’ve figured out from the above panels, Zatanna knows what’s about to happen.  As nicely as I can put it, there’s nothing she can do to stop this and it sucks.  What do you do in this situation?  Well, the best you can.

And with a single panel, Batgirl’s permanently confined to a wheelchair.  Worse yet, the Joker doesn’t even know Barbara is Batgirl, making her just a cog in his cruel scheme against her father.  For the next two decades, Barbara works as Oracle, the information broker and tech support for the Bat family, the Justice League, and even leader of the Birds of Prey, an all-female superhero team. Barbara even got briefly engaged to Grayson.  But the sadness, regret, and frustration never truly faded as the character evolved throughout the 1990s and 2000s.  Which makes this flashback issue wonderfully bittersweet.

When DC rebooted all their comics in September 2011, Barbara’s paralysis mysteriously healed and she regained her title of Batgirl.  Honestly, with the amount of magic, technology, and deus ex machina roaming around the DC universe, she probably could have been cured earlier.  Still, as a reader, I’m absolutely delighted to see her once more kicking bad guys.

Superman and the genre-swapping kryptonite

I’m a big fan of Superman.  He’s an unrelenting force of good.  The protector of the innocent and helpless.  An incorruptible, forever optimistic powerhouse.  That and he’s crazy strong.  Back in the earliest days, he had zero weaknesses.  His stories weren’t about him fighting bad guys as much as saving civilians.  But that get’s boring.  So they introduce tougher villains and kryptonite, pieces of his home planet that for some reason make him super weak.

And truthfully, I live for the moments when the supervillains start to win.  Because when I say Superman’s tough, that’s like saying Batman is doing okay financially.  Superman has the potential for such astronomical levels of strength, such incomprehensible amounts of power, that the very idea he doesn’t just smush every villain immediately into putty is the very definition of a superhero. Superman can be beaten because he holds back.  He has to because of how strong he is.  So, in those occasional moments when Superman lets go, when he’s broken his superhuman calm and loses himself to primal anger, they’re the greatest scenes in comics.

This is the scariest moment any comic book supervillain will ever gaze upon.

But we’re not talking about that today.  We’re aiming for silly.  In the wonderful series Superman/Batman #44 through #49 written by Michael Green, the two heroes realize that the sale and distribution of kryptonite has become frequently more and more deadly for the most powerful superhero on the planet.  So, with the entire Justice League at their disposal, they decide to get rid of all the world’s kryptonite.  Go find every single shard of it lying around and throw it all in the sun.  No more kryptonite and Superman’s only weakness is totally removed.

Writers, unsatisfied with the simple overwhelmingly painful green kyptonite, have created many different colors each with different effects.  Red kryptonite turns him apathetic.  Gold removes Superman’s powers.  Black causes him to go insane.  And then you get silver.

Uh oh, what happened?  Does he now have a tail?  Nope, something worse.  Much worse:

All his friends changed into anime midgets.

The big blue boy scout has become a ten year-old boy.  If nothing is done, this would be pretty awful for the superhero community.  Sure, Green Lantern can totally hold his own, but Superman can juggle moons.  Our story now splits in half.  Superman has math homework and Batman has to find a cure so this doesn’t become permanent:

Batman and the magician Zatanna go adventuring for the antidote while the other members of the Justice League play babysitter.  Still, this entire story arc, every character involved is there to find and dispose of kryptonite on behalf of Superman.  Red Tornado and the Flash have never spent a single night worrying about what kryptonite can do to them.  This is Superman cashing in on every favor and squeezing every ounce of his reputation so he can gather up thousands of tons of his only weakness.

Unfortunately, he’s out of commission.  Don’t worry, Batman’s on the job.

I have no idea what “the laws of physics take liberties” mean.  Do the dinosaurs float?  Has friction disappeared and all the animals slide around like an ice rink?  Poor Batman’s going to find out.  He’s going to battle prehistoric science-defying monsters just so Superman doesn’t get sent to timeout.

But back to the Watch Tower, where the Justice League is keeping Superman out of trouble.

Preteen Superman’s a poor sport.  You figure the space satellite specifically designed for overseeing any problems happening on Earth wouldn’t have a big screen TV and cases of soda.  More importantly, we just learned that Superman is great at video games.  Add that skill next to x-ray vision and ice breath.

While Superman has the capability to relax and enjoy himself, unlike say, Batman, it’s usually just for a few brief comic panels with Lois on the couch before Braniac or Parasite attacks the city.  Yeah, Superman may be crazy right now, but it’s a full day of him doing nothing but being an impulsive brat.  He could certainly use a day like this before the cure is found.  Speaking of which, let’s check back up on Batman:

Great, he’s in a volcano and his shirt’s gone.

Someone’s going to be extra pissy when he finds out the world’s greatest superhero spent this time polishing off the League’s supply of Fritos.  Big surprise, an antidote is found and Superman doesn’t have to attend sixth grade.  He got to completely sweep away his worries for the first time in his life. Fortunately, this mini vacation comes with an introspective monologue.

Y’know why Spider-Man’s mantra, “with great power comes great responsibility” is so successful? Because it’s true, and that idea haunts the actions of every superhero since the dawn of superheroes. A day off is fine, but in doing so, someone innocent will be injured or killed.  Though without a day off, superheroes will eventually ruin their own lives.  All superheroes could recall dozens of examples of their personal lives being upturned and destroyed because of their life’s devotion to fight evil.  Guilt no matter the choice.

But to keep spirits high and celebrate success, a single evening off won’t hurt, especially not for a home cooked meal with the best superhero parents ever.