Who is the dreaded Carpenter?

Do you know Jenna Duffy, otherwise known as the Carpenter?  You shouldn’t.  She’s only appeared in seven issues, spread out among different Batman series.  When I say she’s a minor character, that’s a tremendous understatement.  Duffy will never appear in any Batman trivia or trading cards.  But she’s a delightful supervillain, and one that’ll enrich  your long, fulfilling life.

Yup, she’s actually a carpenter.  As legitimate as Jesus.  Originally a pickpocket and thief from Keystone City (where the Flash lives), she moved to Gotham in hopes of a better life and a bigger score.  That and her expertise with power tools.  Her first appearance was in Detective Comics #841, where she made this brave stand against the Dark Knight:

Don’t worry, because her reign of terror isn’t over.  In Detective Comics #847 just a mere six issues later, she’s engaged in mortal combat with Robin (Damian Wayne, the pre-pubescent fourth Robin).

So she doesn’t have a promising future like some of the other member of Batman’s rogue gallery.  To be fair, she has to plug her weapons in.  And she attacked a ten year-old with a power drill.  But as you know from comics, explosions occur almost every other month.  Who’s going to fix these hideouts?  Normal contractors might discover the supervillains’ stash of stolen cash or trick guillotines and tattle to Commissioner Gordon.  That’s when you call in the Carpenter.

Children, this is why you should always have some expertise to fall back on if defeating Batman fails. And there’s 70 years of proof that taking out Batman’s a wee bit tough.

In the last issue, the Gotham City Sirens (Catwoman, Poison Ivy, and Harley Quinn) had their house blown up, so while they go after the bad guy, they need to come back to a fresh animal shelter, greenhouse, and Joker shrine.  Plus, supervillainy pays terribly well, so let it be known that despite dressing up like a bad Halloween costume, Catwoman is loaded.

But narrative structure is only successful when obstacles to the path of success arise.  Who do you call when you’re in a pit where the walls are slowly caving in?  Damn right, you call the Carpenter.

Spoiler alert: they win.

As you know, any important character in comic books has their own customized ride.  Don’t fret, because the Carpenter is no exception:

Unfortunately, the Sirens are a trio and not a quadruple or whatever it’s called.  Duffy’s brief appearance has to end eventually.  Is it going to be exciting and emotionally satisfying?  No, but at least you can sleep easy tonight with a fraction of closure.

You must have realized by now that this isn’t really enough to justify an entire article.  After all, you have Sportscenter and Man v. Food episodes to catch up on and your time is too valuable to waste on a background character.  I’m not half-assing, I swear.  In Batman: Streets of Gotham #12 and #13, the Carpenter stars in her very own adventure.  Let’s explore together!

So what has Duffy been up to since fixing up Catwoman’s pad?  I’m glad you asked!

Oh, now she has freckles.  Character development and whatnot.

Anyway, Batman shows up, breaks up the mob party, and as the Carpenter sneaks out the back, she’s given an interesting proposition.  Not that, you pervert.

We’ve all seen Batman stumble onto these crazy hideouts full of surprises, right?  It’s fun to see Batman dodge falling ceiling fans or buzzsaws coming out of walls.  But even in a fictional world, these criminal hideouts take time and skill to build.  You’re about to go behind the scenes. This is DVD extra stuff.

Before that, I know I’ve been calling her a supervillain, but how is she any more dangerous than a normal carpenter?  So far, seems like that’s more of a profession than a name to strike fear in the hearts of do-gooders.  Luckily, the job turns out to be at an old movie theater.  And henchmen are always hanging around abandoned cinemas.

Satisfied?  Yeah, you can get why she’s a very minor character in the DC world.  At least you have a VIP pass to witness the pre-Batman trap setup, right?  Complete with actor commentary.

Now what’s the biggest problem about working for supervillains?  Did you guess the casualty rate of the hired help?  You’re right.  But Duffy ain’t a mob lawyer or terrified accountant.  She’s served under the Mad Hatter.  She carries mini sledgehammers.  The Carpenter is a bona fide supervillain.  And she’s not about to let some wannabe baddie take her out.  No matter how devious the plan:

What do you do when you’ve been paid in advance and want to make it out alive?  Yessir, you alert Batman and stay out of his way.  He’ll maneuver around the deathtraps and clean up all the bad guy trash.  He’s the supernanny of putting supervillains to bed.  By bed I mean knocked unconscious on the warehouse floor.

Sadly, no matter the heads up, Batman is also really mean.

And that’s Dick Grayson as Batman.  Bruce Wayne would have caved her face in.  He’s not a fan of crime.

Are you sad that the Carpenter’s last appearance in comics had her running away like a punk?  Wipe away your tears, because I have one final page.  A page that inspires hope and happiness in the spirit of the readers.  Trust me, the Carpenter has many traits, like hard-working, highly skilled, and surprisingly intuitive, but most importantly, she’s greedy.  And that’s the perfect flaw for a supervillain.

Important Batman hero and villain questions finally answered

If you found yourself with superpowers, would you go and smack around criminals?  Because if so, you are in the extreme minority in the comic world.  For instance, Superman’s Wikipedia page alone contains 230 supervillains.  Batman clocked in at 227, and I didn’t even count normal mobsters. Since there are only so many casinos to rob or cities to bomb, what do all the supervillains do in their downtime?  If you guessed alcoholism, you’re probably right.

Some though, become mercenaries, which led to the wonderful series Secret Six written by Gail Simone.  While the comic was bloody, full of drama, and spectacularly written, I want to look at two specific parts.  Let’s explore together!

What did Batman eat?

One of the Dark Knight’s lesser villains is Catman, real name Thomas Blake.  He’s in no way related to the woman version.  Imagine him like Batman, just with cat stuff.  Yeah, he’s easy to figure out. But can Catman outsmart the world’s greatest detective?

When two major costumes meet, the meeting is usually routine.  It’s always one part witty conversation and one part fight scene.  This way the reader gets to see two characters they like interact and subsequently beat each other up.  While Catman isn’t terribly famous, he is one of the stars of this series, so that counts.  Problem is that Batman’s not funny.  No quips, no banter, no smiles.  Sure, Bruce Wayne will tell a knock knock joke to a bunch of drunk socialites after he’s downed his fifth ginger ale, but the second that mask goes on, he’s fresh out of anecdotes and just refilled his scowls.

Of course they scrap for a little bit, because that’s a requirement in comic books.  I know Batman is some sort of ultimate ninja warrior, but Catman gets a few hits in and Batman gets all pissy.  More importantly, Blake is just hanging around being nosy and keeping Wayne from his real job of fracturing the skulls of pimps and drug dealers.

What’s the Dark Knight supposed to do?  Because Catman answered his questions and Batman is an honorable man, it’s only fair he return the favor.  Make sure you’re sitting down and buckled in, because our mystery is about to be shattered open, exposed for the world to finally gaze upon the answer to the question soaking in our minds: What did Batman eat?

Mission accomplished.  For an added bonus, Catman makes a final point that’s actually quite introspective and something I’ve never really thought about before:

If you think you’re missing out on some missing panels, no, there’s no chance for Catman.  But seriously, Batman’s on patrol for a good eight hour shift.  Longer if he has to break up a gun ring or shut down Mr. Freeze’s ice fortress.  He’s certainly going to get hungry.  Though I don’t know what joints are open at 3 AM, so we all get to enjoy the fantastic image of the Dark Knight sticking a night’s supply of churros and mini pizzas in his utility belt.

Let’s skip ahead 30 or so issues and follow along one of the Secret Six’s day off.

Bane goes on a date.

It’s a good time to talk about Bane, seeing as he’s the new villain in The Dark Knight Rises movie coming out next month.  A relatively new villain, Bane was introduced to the DC universe in 1993. Born in the fictional South American country of Santa Prisca, his father committed a ton of crimes and then fled the country.  Because of how the legal system worked there, Bane had to be sent to prison in his father’s place, regardless that he’s a toddler.  So when you spend every waking moment fighting for your life and reading a library full of books, you become crazy tough and insanely smart.  I mean, it wasn’t like he was going to spend his free time riding tricycles.  And if he did, he’d have to hide a shank under the seat.  A cruel prison doctor made him a test subject for the dangerous drug venom, which made him super strong.

After he escapes prison, he’s looking for a new challenge and settles on Batman.  One thing the movie seems to be getting right and the animated series got wrong is that Bane’s a strategic genius. He easily figures out Batman’s secret identity and instead of jumping him on a rooftop one night, he works for months to set up every possible advantage.  Bane breaks into Arkham Asylum, freeing every supervillain.  Batman’s then forced to spend three months rounding up all the baddies he put away, leaving him injured, sick, and wiped.  So on the night the last villain is returned to the crazy house, Wayne returns to his own mansion.  Except Bane is waiting for him.

What follows is ten pages of Batman getting the crap beat out of him.  You think Batman will muster up the last of his strength and defend himself from this monster of a man.  Nope.  It’s just a major beatdown unlike anything seen in comics to that point.  In the end, Bane picks Batman up and breaks Batman’s back over his knee.  And oh, how victory is sweet.  Later after Wayne heals, he engages Bane on equal terms and wins, but technicalities still count.

Anyway, flash forward to today, Bane, trying to kick his venom habit, has taken time off from mercenary work to enjoy some personal time.

Carnival date!  Sure, growing up in a prison gives you zero social skills and a complete lack of any flirting ability, but he works out and is trying his best to be a decent person.  Why shouldn’t women like him?

You ever hear that carnies aren’t always the most trustworthy of people?  Turns out supervillainy pays quite well.  So to get an added tip, the worker commissions his buddies to help themselves to Bane’s pockets.  Sure, he’s seven feet tall and jacked, but they have a pipe, so it should be okay.

Before the inevitable confrontation, it’s important for the two to bond, right?  Physical feats are nice, but nothing helps get a second date like an emotional connection.  Luckily, Bane is ready.

Now let’s go watch some juggling!  Fortunately, his date doesn’t work with sick farm animals or on hiatus from her job as a high-powered attorney – she can look past his past.  Still, he’s kind of charming.  Sort of.  Except now he’s going to have to deal with the hooligan problem.

Y’know, Bane is a supervillain.  The first to successfully take down Batman.  A physique professional wrestlers wished they had.  Doesn’t give a second thought to a knife through his hand.  Couple that with his tragic upbringing, he’s the ultimate badboy.  All those yahoos accomplished was allowing Bane to skip three dates.

Good for him.  Date finished and all objectives completed.  Obviously, being inquisitive readers, your next question will be: how does Bane make love?  Well, don’t worry your confused little heads, because I’m prepared and ready.

Like a gentleman.

A total gentleman.