Iron Man: Orator

Tony Stark’s flamboyant personality makes him the natural spokesman of well, everything.  Sure, Captain America knows how to make the riveting pre-battle speeches, but who speaks for superheroes when they’re at a press conference or plain ol’ meeting?  That’s where Iron Man flies in.

Let’s take a look at three Stark speeches, two from Avengers Disassembled (written by Brian Michael Bendis) and one from World War Hulk (written by Greg Pak).  Get ready for a ton of word bubbles. Oh, and a bunch of spoilers.

Iron Man dissolves the Avengers

So after a whole bunch of awful stuff happening within the span of a few issues (Avengers dying, mansions blowing up, jets crashing, etc.), the Avengers decide to disband.  I’m sad also.

The man has to take care of business first.  But why is he distancing himself from the armor?  That’s the second speech.  Though he should probably just wear a suit in case one of the paparazzi has x-ray vision or whatever.  You never know in a world with superpowers.

I already told you this is the speech that Iron Man dissolves the Avengers, but this is the first time these characters have heard about this.  And not happy either.  You know, the whole continue despite setbacks thing they seem to be fond of.

Y’see, Captain America, the Falcon, Wonder Man, etc., they get their paychecks through the whole Avengers program.  They wake up, beat up some supervillains, go to sleep that night.  Rinse and repeat.  But Stark still runs his company, despite pouring billions into the Avengers.  So all those CEO responsibilities, those thousands of employees, those duties he can’t delegate to Pepper Pots: he has to spend most of his day dealing with that.

You can shed a tear or two.  Though the Avengers come back the next month.  Just a poorer team. Still, this is a bummer.  Want to see a crazy Tony Stark?

Iron Man goes crazy

Did you know Iron Man used to be Secretary of Defense?  Of the United States?  Took a combination of repulsor rays and political savvy to secure that position.  That means he gets to make a big fancy speech in front of the United Nations.  Unfortunately, this is during the Avengers Disassembled arc, so it doesn’t go well.

Yeah, he’s good right?  Sure, he’s wearing bright red and yellow armor, but his gravitas and professionalism certainly make up for it.

Sweating is the universal sign that something bad is about to happen.  I promise you air conditioning is at full blast – important people are sitting there.  Y’see, Iron Man used to be a drunk.  Well, I mean, he’s always going to be an alcoholic, but he no longer drinks.  Which means this next outburst makes absolutely no logical sense.

Probably don’t need to mention he’s no longer Secretary of Defense after this debacle.  The peacekeeping organization doesn’t look too kindly on threatening to blast other delegates.  What causes him to act this way?  I don’t want to spoil anything too much, but reality warping superpowers can do crazy things.  Like getting Stark all pseudo-drunk.

Okay, so Hank Pym (Ant-Man, Giant-Man, Yellow Jacket, etc.) did backhand his wife in a super famous comic from 1981.  And comic book fans have never forgiven the character, no matter how much good he has done since then.  I mean, Pym’s one of the original Avengers – he even joined before Captain America did.  But this one panel still taints Pym 21 years later.  Though it’s kind of funny for Iron Man to bring it up randomly.  Especially since Pym wasn’t getting outta his nose, man.

But all we’ve seen so far has Stark being the bearer of sad news and being a raving lunatic.  What about the heroic, inspiring Iron Man we know and love?

Iron Man fights for humanity

I’ve covered World War Hulk in a previous post.  After Hulk’s army takes out Black Bolt and the moon, he makes a space proclamation: evacuate New York City and hand over the rest of the Illuminati (which includes Iron Man).  Big surprise, the government doesn’t listen.  Especially Stark, who’s the current Director of SHIELD (aka Nick Fury).  Luckily, Iron Man has a bijillion dollars, and he puts together the toughest, strongest, meanest armor he has ever made.  The Hulkbuster.  But not while explaining what’s going on the American people.  And it’s beautiful.

Y’see, this is the man taking responsibility for his actions that caused the current situation.  And not an apology either.  Give him a cigar to smoke on and he’d be the manliest man in the country.

Yay for Iron Man!  Saving the world one punch at a time.  Remember last week when I talked about Iron Man’s battle strategy?  He’s never been the most powerful hero, despite wearing a billion dollar suit.  He has limits that say, Hulk, doesn’t have.  So how does he win most of the time?  Because he’s way smarter than everyone he fights.  Stark’s a tech genius and comic book technology’s only limitation is whatever the writer desires.  Which means Iron Man can do stuff like this:

And that:

Explosions don’t stop the Hulk.  Really, nothing does.  But now that the speech is wrapping up, we get an inside glimpse into Iron Man’s inner thought process.  And it should make you cry, because you’re a person with feelings.

Unfortunately, this is from World War Hulk #1, so Iron Man ain’t coming out on top.  But valiant effort, right?  I’m proud of him too.