The adventures of Mandrill

No better way to start off the week than chronicling the appearances of a minor supervillain!

Despite his ape features, Mandrill’s a human mutant with the incredibly creepy superpowers to excrete pheromones that make every woman in the vicinity immediately attracted and enslaved to him. Yup, which means his only weakness is the other half of the population.

Actually, I’m quite proud of myself, because this is easily the largest collection of issues I’ve put together for one article.  To avoid having to name each one I’m going through, here’s what we’ll be looking at select scenes from today (in order):

Shanna the She-Devil #4, written by Carole Seuling & Steve Gerber and drawn by Ross Andru
Daredevil #110-112, volume 1, written by Steve Gerber and drawn by Gene Colan
The Defenders #91, written by Ed Hannigan and drawn by Don Perlin & Pablo Marcos
Avengers West Coast #66, written by Roy and Dan Thomas and drawn by Paul Ryan
Punisher War Journal #15, volume 2, written by Matt Fraction and drawn by Scott Wegener
Thunderbolts Annual #1, written by Kurt Busiek and drawn by Bob McLeod
Spider-Man: Breakout #3, written by Tony Bedard and drawn by Manuel Garcia
New Avengers #61-64, written by Brian Michael Bendis and drawn by Stuart Immonen & Mike McKone
Spider-Man: Web of Romance one-shot, written by Tom Beland and drawn by Cory Walker

Okay, that was exhausting.  Let’s get to the good stuff.  Mandrill first appeared antagonizing Shanna the She-Devil, who’s like a female Tarzan.

Can you guess our recurring theme?  Mandrill, despite his sexy powers, loses badly.  Every time.  In increasingly humiliating ways.  No matter how good looking of an ape you are, pet jaguars and panthers just can’t see that seductive twinkle in your eye.

But when he finally meets Daredevil, we get some insight into his tragic past and evil motivations.

How sad.  Anyway, in really the only major and ambitious threat he’s ever possessed, he tries to take over the White House.  First Mandrill president and all that.  Instead of campaigning like respectable politicians, he does the whole hostile takeover thing.  The Mandrill presidency lasts less than a minute:

Later, in possibly the only real character development the character’s gotten, he totally meets his parents.  Y’know, the ones who abandoned him and left him to fend for himself in the desert.  Spoiler alert: he’s not happy about it.  Oh, but first, how do the baddest of supervillains escape pursuit by angry superheroes?  Giant cave worm?  Nope, that’s Mole Man.

That outfit he now wears?  Hasn’t changed in 20ish years.  And I love it, because the only thing better than a mind-controlling monkey is a flamboyant mind-controlling monkey.

So, how does his mother feel about her son’s achievements?

Well, you see the results of poor parenting?  Half the X-Men are uglier than Mandrill, but because their parents enrolled them in a school instead of throwing them out of a car in the middle of nowhere, they fight bad guys and use their powers to save innocent people.  Mandrill, on the other hand, became a misogynistic, selfish jerk.  Lesson learned.

Over the next few years as we slowly advance into the modern age, Mandrill briefly pops a few times to get his butt kicked, and then disappears again.  Usually in the span of a single page.

Finally getting to the second half of the previous decade, he makes his living as a supervillain henchman.  President Mandrill has certainly fallen from grace.

Though, I’d be a horrible journalist (kinda?) if I didn’t mention his only shining moment of the past decade.  That time he enslaved Spider-Woman to beat up Spider-Man.  Finally doing something useful with those pheromones.  First page has nothing to do with Mandrill, but it made me laugh.  Plus, my love-affair with Spider-Man and all that jazz.

Behold, Mandrill at his most menacing!

Of course she breaks his spell, most likely out of sheer willpower.  My theory, and this is based on zero facts and entirely on conjecture, relies on Spider-Woman’s own pheromones.  Y’see, she also emits sexy smells, but hers are far more subtle, plus she’s not a manipulative creep.  Having experience with her own attraction pheromones raises her resistance to similar stuff a little, so the two spiders can deviously trick the monkey baddie.

Humiliation achieved, theme intact, PTSD acquired.  Poor Mandrill turns into a whiny little ape when his supervillain boss requests they all attack Asgard, where Thor and other dangerous gods live.

Super embarrassing to watch, right?  Luckily, The Hood (the boss dude) gets even whinier like twenty pages later.  Full evil karma circle.  Right now, we can assume Mandrill’s locked up in prison with all the other supervillain henchmen.  Will he show up in future comics?  Absolutely.

But to spend all this time chronicling our new buddy and end the article on that pathetic note?  No way.  How about a conversation with Spider-Man about Mary Jane’s birthday?  We’ll go out with a bang!  Though, still more of a whimper.

The legend of Jack Flag

Captain America has had a bunch of sidekicks, most of them grossly over-patriotic.  And while all the star-spangled costumers have disappeared from the pages of the Marvel universe, one continues to parade his American ideals around to this day.

Not Bucky.  He had a terrible run for a while as a Russian communist spy.  That ruins some of the nationalist pride.  Not Falcon.  He’s more of a partner than a sidekick.  Equal footing and all that.

Because you’ve read the article title, you know I’m talking about Jack Flag, who had a brief run in Captain America #434-443 back in 1995.  I present his first appearance in the comic book world:

He went on to have ten issues of exciting adventures.  Like this:

Jack Flag (real name Jack Harrison) created a citizen’s patrol with his brother in Sandhaven, Arizona. During one of their patrols, his brother was attacked and left paralyzed by the supervillain group the Serpent Society.  Later, while infiltrating the group, the supervillain Mr. Hyde attacked him and doused him accidentally in chemicals, which of course gave him super strength.

After issue #443, he disappeared for twelve years.  No big finale, no explosion to save a bus full of babies.  Nope, one issue he was there, the next issue it had been like he never existed. Until Thunderbolts #110-111, written by Warren Ellis and drawn by Mike Deodato.

Norman Osborn, seeking a chance at public redemption (though let’s be real, not really), has gotten permission from the current director of SHIELD, Tony Stark, to become director of the Thunderbolts. They’re a team of supervillains plucked from prison, who if they go on dangerous government missions for a year or two, will be granted their freedom.  Or not.  But they get something out of it.  Y’see, because the Marvel Civil War had just ended, the main duty of the Thunderbolts were to capture and detain unregistered superheroes.  Y’know, superheroes who kept their identity secret, didn’t work for the government, and went into hiding.  Like Jack Flag, living that normal civilian life with his girlfriend Lucy in Cleveland, Ohio.

But once a superhero, always a superhero.  And the worst part of being a superhero?  Crime always seems to pop up right under their noses.  Stupid moral responsibility and all that.

Unfortunately, with technology what it is, his cover’s blown.  I don’t know how, just believe me.  Also, bad timing, as the Thunderbolts premiering for the first time in public, have to make a name for themselves.  What better choice than a washed up former sidekick?

The best part of showdowns?  Of course, the staring down between the heroes and the villains before the punches start flying.  Ellis and Deodato do it beautifully here.

Okay, need a quick overview of the Thunderbolts?  I’ll go super quick from left to right.  Songbird can fly and create physical soundwaves by screaming.  Moonstone has some magical powers like flight, energy blasts, etc.  Radioactive Man manipulates radiation.  Penance, former superhero Speedball, inflicts pain on himself to shoot powerful explosive blasts.  You know Venom, he’s Spider-Man baddie. Finally, Swordsman, former Nazi noble who can create electricity with his sword.  Oh, and the psychopath Bullseye, but he’s never good press so that have to keep him hidden.

I’m not going to show you the whole fight, though you do deserve some of the highlights.  By the way, odds aren’t good for Jack Flag.  That’s probably why they picked him to subdue for the Thunderbolts’ first public mission.

Pretty good so far, right?  Too bad Penance is way stronger than he is.

So with him properly beaten up, it’s time to flee and live to fight another day.  He may be a sidekick, but he isn’t a dumb sidekick.  Of course, because this series is called Thunderbolts and not Jack Flag, his escape gets hampered.  That jerk Bullseye.

Game over.  Want to see his final moments in the arc?

Luckily for us, Jack Flag returns to comics just under two years later.  Sadly, the Superhuman Registration Act still reigns strong, and our protagonist sits in jail.  Well, the superhuman jail called the Negative Zone.  It’s a separate dimension filled with lots of deadly creatures and conquerors. Thankfully, previously working with Captain America does have its advantages, like leadership skills and the ability to narrate large chunks of a few issues of the Guardians of the Galaxy series.

So where is he now?  Luckily, working with the space superheroes gives him access to special medicine.  Freshly non-paralyzed and unable to return to Earth, he does the only responsible thing a superhero can do.

And he’s been traveling the cosmos for the past two years with the Guardians of the Galaxy.  Oh, I don’t know where he found hair dye in the alien superprison either.  Your guess is as good as mine.

Deadpool joins the X-Men

Simple enough, right?  While Deadpool’s not technically a mutant, he did go through that whole Weapon X program that gave Wolverine that awesome admantium skeleton.  They also tortured Wolverine, erased all his memories, and made him into a mindless killer for decades, but unbreakable bones are kinda cool.

Though in our story for today, which takes place in Deadpool #16-18, written by Daniel Way and drawn by Paco Medina, he takes the direct, in public approach.  It goes as you expect.

But the X-Men are comic’s equivalent for any oppressed minority group in our real world.  And appropriately, Deadpool’s unlikable reputation and desire for reformation aren’t totally lost on the San Francisco-based group.

The lady with cross-boobs lady is right, and the X-Men should hang their head in shame.  Luckily, before the angst and tears can be brought out, a situation develops.  One that’s strangely non-violent. Probably because Deadpool’s not involved yet.  If you think the X-Men are only good at shooting fireballs or blasting eye lasers, you’ve never seen their legal skills.

Now, I didn’t want to show you all of that.  I’ve cut out about two-thirds of this arc, but that little situation sets up a bunch of stuff you’re going to need to know.

Norman Osborn, aka the Green Goblin, currently happens to be the director of HAMMER, the anti-terrorism group that replaced SHIELD.  He reports directly to the president of the United States, and commands tens of thousands of soldiers and superheroes.  Also, he’s an amoral, power-hungry jerk who’s not above manipulating situations to make his enemies look bad.  Like this mutant parent. More importantly, you know the X-Men have already solved the problem with just a few pieces of paperwork.

We should check in with Deadpool.

And our central conflict begins:

Oh, fantastic plot twist!  Deadpool, as a favor to the X-Men, decides to plop a few bullets in Kincaid. Unfortunately, that would only make the situation way worse, and also unfortunately, Deadpool’s too mentally deranged to be convinced otherwise.

Crazy stuff happens, hilarious jokes are made, and assassination attempts are committed.  But I’m already pushing close to 30 images today, so you’ll have to read that part yourself.  We’ll skip ahead an issue or so to Domino (the woman above) and her genius plot to stop Deadpool’s misplaced help.

You might not know this, but back in Deadpool’s Weapon X days, Domino served with him on their assassination squad.  So despite the backstabbing and open hostility, they’re actually sort of friends. When she hears Cyclops and Wolverine scheming behind the scenes, she sets Deadpool free. Mutants might have weird superpowers, but they all still have hearts.

I could skip those few pages you just read and the story would still make sense.  But if I did, you’d have to miss out on the next few images also, which provide an absolutely fantastic display of why Deadpool’s so crazy popular nowadays.  Look, if you ignore his schizophrenia, his emotional and mental instability, and his wildly unpredictable nature, Deadpool remains one of the finest tacticians in the Marvel universe.

I haven’t forgotten about Osborn.  If Deadpool succeeds in assassinating his target, the X-Men look majorly bad.  Like a horribly complete loss of any public support or sympathy.  And Osborn would like that very much.  So much that he’ll secretly kill the guy himself if Deadpool flakes out.

Y’see, Deadpool’s not such a bad guy after all, killing Osborn’s sniper and all!  Story’s over.  Except for that whole loose end, where the X-Men and the world just believed Deadpool shot at the guy. We’re almost done, but I couldn’t leave my dear readers without showing you some of the highlights of the battle you’ve been waiting for all article.

I chose this arc, not just because it’s super funny, but it’s also the closest Deadpool ever really gets to a happy ending.  You’ll see.

Because all Deadpool wants, the entire reason he’s trying to reform in the first place, is to gain the respect and admiration of his peers.  And while he’s not going to be an X-Men, one out of two goals ain’t bad.  Especially the warm, fuzzy goal.