Aquaman vs. Black Manta: round two, Pt. 2

Remember when Aquaman’s hand separated from his body?  No, the second time.  We pick up in the first pages of the very next issue.  Look, it’s brutal — a bloody stump can only be good if you’re at the end of Empire Strikes Back.  And luckily, this isn’t a permanent loss as he regains his hand within a few issues (White Lantern magic!) and the DC universe soon reboots to a point where he still has all his limbs.  But for now, Aquaman’s arch-nemesis just scored some major supervillain points.

That’s right!  Aqualad, who dramatically rescued Aquaman gets dramatically rescued by Mera!  To fight an army, one’d need an army, right?  So the queen of Atlantis went around to every corner and crevice of ocean to gather up every single remaining member of the Aqua-powered family.  Which is only Aquagirl.  Those other superheroes you’re reminded of from previous articles, like say the first Aqualad?  Dead.  The original Aquagirl?  Dolphin?  Dead.  Vulko?  Dead.  Lagoon Boy?  Coma.  Only Topo survives, but he’s an octopus.  It’s been a bummer of a decade for Aquaman’s supporting cast.

You can click the picture below for a larger version if you’d prefer.

Aquaman’s a badass.  But more importantly, if you need proof that Mera’s the more powerful of the Atlantean super couple, it’s here in all its oceanic delight.  You remember Captain Planet and how we made fun of the Heart guy because he could only control animals (and his power was called Heart and we were pre-pubescent morons)?  Well, we were right.  Controlling nature tends to be far more useful than controlling the things that live in it.

So I understand your concerns: 1) Aquaman hasn’t done anything cool at all this entire story, and 2) he hasn’t fought Black Manta despite the title of this article.  I can help you with number one and I apologize about number two.  Y’see, DC’s Brightest Day event comes right after Blackest Night — the zombie event when all the dead superheroes became super evil.  Aquaman could summon his fish, but only gross dead fish.  That problem still persists.  As Aquaman saves the day with his awesome Aquaman powers, notice all the zombie fish.  Coming back to life takes some time before all the kinks are worked out, y’know?

Of course they win.  We end today, and just because I haven’t beaten this dead horse enough, there’s one final Aquaman story on Monday.  I present to you this last picture as my State of Aquaman’s Marriage.  Spoiler alert: it’s strong.

Aquaman vs. Black Manta: round two, Pt. 1

This is a safe place, right?  I’m going to be honest: I like Aquaman, but I don’t know why.  The whole ocean angle is cool, but there’s nothing particularly remarkable about the wettest superhero in the DC universe.  Truthfully, I think half my enjoyment of his stories come solely from him stabbing people with a trident.  Is it because his name is Arthur?  But I’m trying, okay?  I want this website to be a place of positivity instead of the flood of anger and rudeness that normally pours out of the comic book community, so I’ll do my best to fall in love with Aquaman.  I won’t friend-zone him, I promise. And today (and Friday) certainly help his case.

Let’s take a look at his second big Aquaman fight from Brightest Day #19-20, written by Geoff Johns & Peter J. Tomasi and drawn by Ivan Reis, Joe Prado, Oclair Albert, & Rob Hunter.  Aqualad has a costume now, an official sidekick offer from Aquaman, and those cool water swords (sort of like sharp Super Soakers).  Plus as you can tell, Aquaman has all the qualities of a great teacher:

This fight begins like all good Aquaman battles — the ocean climbs out of the surf to conquer the surface world.  Only Aquaman can stop this invasion, but — as you’ll protest — he’s from the ocean himself!  That’s right, dear readers, Aquaman fights against the sea itself to save these ungrateful normal land people.  For the hundredth time.  Still, I’d be lying if I didn’t enjoy the spectacle of shark monsters and water soldiers climbing onto a beach — like an evil majestic Normandy.

Notice how the mean lady looks similar to Mera?  Meet Siren, Mera’s younger sister. They both come from the alien ocean world of Xebel, who wants to kill Aquaman for illegal riding whales or something. Look, I don’t do as much research as I should.  What’s important is Aquaman and Aqualad stand alone against an army of bad guys.

Seriously, I think it’s only Superman and Batman (and maybe Flash) who are the only DC superheroes who don’t kill.  Wonder Woman’s slain more dudes than most supervillains, and Green Lantern has space-blasted hordes of aliens in his travels.  Even Aquaman doesn’t really have much of an issue with open threats of murder.

But luckily for our protagonist, Aquaman just came back to life a few months before this.  Everything’s cool again — all his body parts are in the right spot and he’s back in his normal outfit again.  Life’s going to turn around for our sea king just as soon as he takes out Siren and her goons. It’s not as if something horrifically traumatic and disfiguring would happen to him now.  The writers have to wait for low sales before resorting to anything dramatic.  Breathe easy, my friends. Aquaman’s going to be okay.

Oh.

Y’see?  That’s how a supervillain makes an entrance.  For Black Manta to have just the right amount of delusional ego, it must occasionally be peppered with small successes along the way.  Like killing Aquaman’s kid.  Or chopping off Aquaman’s hand.  And just like all perfect attacks, I present to you the perfect one-liner:

Next time: the fate of Aquaman.  Anything can happen now!  The gloves are off (literally)!  I’m excited too!

Aquaman vs. Black Manta

The moments before the DC reboot were certainly bright.  As in they had a series called Brightest Day that brought to life a bunch of dead characters just before the reboot made that unneccesary.  Luckily for everything wet, Aquaman gets to be one of those fortunate few to come back from the dead.  He died a few years before, it’s complicated, and I’m skipping that life (death?) event.  But before he gets to do things like enjoy himself and be happy, he has a few loose ends to tie up.  Like Black Manta in Brightest Day #10-11, written by Geoff Johns & Peter J. Tomasi and drawn by Ivan Reis, Scott Clark, Patrick Gleason, & Joe Prado.

Oh, and apparently, Mera’s first appearance was retconned so that she was actually an assassin who fell in love with her target.  There, you’re all caught up, but it needs to be discussed so Mera can swim away.  How can Aquaman get back his self-esteem with his more powerful wife at his side?

You guys remember the Young Justice cartoon?  I know you’re upset it got cancelled.  But most importantly, the series introduced the new Aqualad (Jackson Hyde or Kaldur’ahm depending on comics or TV).  So to keep comics and TV equal(ly flushed with money), we get this kid formally premiering:

Kind of a spoiler, but I’m going to tell you anyway: Black Manta is Aqualad’s father. Much like other supervillains, he’s an awful father, always trying to kill his offspring and other bad-parent things. Unlike Aquaman, our new teenage superhero has powers more like Mera, which is the whole controlling water as opposed to the creatures that live in it.  And to kill two birds with one stone, Black Manta’s suit gives him the normal super strength, durability, and a delightful horde of weapons to shoot at civilians.  Oh, and a laser face mask.  The basic stuff.

Look, I know Aquaman hasn’t even shown up yet.  You’re looking down the barrel of ten Aqualad pages, and our title protagonist hasn’t shown one gill or fin.  Well, don’t you worry — you know superheroes.  He’s waiting for the most dramatic moment possible to pop up and begin pounding his arch-nemesis.  But does he still stand a chance without his hook hand or cool beard or devil-may-care attitude?

The trident’s a nice touch, though I guess it’s sort of a quin-dent with five prongs.  Please take a moment in the next few pages and admire Black Manta’s incredible boasting.  Aquaman outclasses him in every area of combat (I guess except in laser face masks), and our bad guy still prattles on like he’s not fighting a dude who can shrug off bullets and lift tanks.

Am I the only one who doesn’t see the big deal about Mera’s confession?  Sure, she may have originally planned to kill him, but she also married him a few times, popped out a few of his children, and ruled Atlantis for years with Aquaman at her side.  And let’s be fair — Mera has tried to kill Aquaman many times in their relationship, so who cares about the non-first time she was supposed to?  Is it about keeping secrets?  You know who doesn’t have time for these games anymore?  Damn right, Aquaman.

We’re not done with Brightest Day!  Get ready for beach warfare next time as Aquaman, Mera, Aqualad, and Aquagirl team up to fight other people who have water-themed powers!

Deadshot vs. everyone

Instead my normal lengthy introduction, let’s start with some pages:

That’s right — in the comic book universe, good deeds always end up with a mob of supervillains ganging up on you.  Deadshot learns this the hard way.  So in Deadshot #5, volume two, written by Christos Gage and drawn by Steven Cummings, Deadshot gets to end his miniseries in a bang — and a fight against a dozen superpowered supervillains.  I know you’re not really sure who to cheer for — sure Deadshot’s the protagonist, but it’s not like you’d want the Joker or Lex Luthor or Gorilla Grodd to win if they received their own five issues.  Bad guys can’t win, because then the world would suck. But Deadshot got into this mess by wanting his illegitimate daughter and her former prostitute mother to live in a neighborhood free from crime and violence.  And that’s worth cheering for, right?

We can go back to the fight.  While Deadshot doesn’t have any cool superpowers like the snake lady and dude-with-a-mace-for-a-hand supervillains above, he does have plenty of other useful tools like, say, bullets.  But are his skills alone be enough for him to take out a dozen supervillains in the suicide mission for his future and happiness?  See?  I’m getting better at building tension.

Unfortunately, the status quo must be restored, and that includes Deadshot returning to his life of apathetic crime.  Comic book bad guys can’t get happy endings (well, I guess neither can the good guys).  At least in his battle royale, a horde of embarrassing supervillains get taken off the map.  Green Arrow’ll need to send Deadshot flowers after this, just for saving him a good three or four bank robberies of baddies to clean up later.

Skaboom indeed.  Look, I’m not happy about this either.  We’re suckers for tales of redemption, but artistically, the stories always turn out better when the hero has to tragically give up his dreams for the safety of those he loves.  So in retaliation to me having to wipe away my own tears (and to be fair to me, this was five issues of build up leading to this moment), I’m not going to show you the ending of the miniseries.  I mean, I pretty much gave it away, but I’m denying you the satisfaction of reading it yourself.  You need to buy this book — it’s that good.

Next time, some Aquaman stuff!

Deadshot vs. Green Arrow

Simple premise: let’s take DC’s two best marksman and have them shoot each other.  Boom, easy money.  I love it.  And poor Green Arrow, using a children’s toy reserved for summer camps having to go up against another children’s toy reserved for summer camps (in some of the more southern parts of the country).  We as a society stopped using bows and arrows once we could make buffalo explode with a single click.  Have you heard of bow hunters?  It’s a real sport for people who think hunting deer with rifles is too easy, but it doesn’t compare to my new sport: you hunt deer naked and can only kill them with your bare hands.  Look, it’s late and my sleep medicine just kicked in hard, so let’s do this.

In a miniseries you should absolutely get because it’s amazing, we’re reading parts of Deadshot #1-5, volume two, written by Christos Gage and drawn by Steven Cummings.  If you need a recap of first miniseries, allow Firebug to do it for you:

But y’see, he has an illegitimate child with an escort from way back he didn’t know about until the beginning of this miniseries.  And they live in a really awful part of town.  While Deadshot (real name Floyd Lawton) may not have emotions like love or happiness, like hell is his child going to grow up in a dangerous, crime-ridden neighborhood.  So he cleans it up.  Violently.  Because he’s in Star City and he’s murdering truckloads of gang members, the local city’s superhero is bound to notice sooner or later.

Green Arrow’s at a fairly large disadvantage here.  Bullets tend to be much faster than arrows and Green Arrow isn’t even wearing sleeves.  But you know how the superhero business works — even the non-powered superheroes have talents far beyond what a normal person would ever be capable of. Disagree?  Tell that to Batman’s dozens of martial arts and doctorate degrees.

I’d like to ask a question that seems to be popping up about comics recently: why can’t we just enjoy them?  Reddit links constantly to my Deathstroke fights the entire JLA article, and while I’m eternally grateful for the bump in hits (as those are directly tied to my self-esteem), every comment on their website writes paragraphs calling “bull” on the fight.  My response?  Who cares?  These are fictional characters in colorful clothing with skills and ability dictated entirely by the writer, so can we just bask in a cool fight scene without the unnecessary outrage?  Look, Green Arrow probably can’t dodge a hailstorm of Deadshot’s bullets in real life, but he also wears a mask despite having a full Van Dyke beard.  In summary, I get that Transformers may contain some incredulous moments during their fight scenes, but it doesn’t make me enjoy robots punching other robots any less.

Ironically, Deadshot became the Robin Hood of this neighborhood instead of Green Arrow. Like all great supervillains, Deadshot’s far more complicated than at first glance.  Because while he’s cleaning up the neighborhood entirely for selfish reasons, he’s totally improving the lives of the hundreds that live there.  I mean, it doesn’t make up for the hundreds he’s assassinated, but you get the idea.  Comic book superheroes love those whose moral code involves rehabilitation and second chances, but comic book civilians always tend to favor those who opt for a more permanent solution to evil.  Like murdering gang members.

A feel good ending!  And to make sure that your warm fuzzy feeling bursts into the bloody sadness pile it’ll always end up at when you read comics, let’s continue with another scene from this miniseries on Friday.  It’s really hard to find this book in stores, even online, and I don’t think the creative team would mind.  Also on an unrelated note, the more Green Arrow I read, the more I adore him.

Batman vs. Bane: New 52

Do you enjoy Batman and Bane beating on each other but prefer the newer artistic techniques of modern day comics?  Well, I’m not going to let you wallow in early ’90s self-pity.  Today, we’ll cap off our five weeks of Batman-related articles (or we’ll keep going, I haven’t decided yet) with Batman and Bane’s newest battle in the responsibly titled Forever Evil Aftermath: Batman vs. Bane one-shot, written by Peter J. Tomasi and drawn by Scot Eaton.  As with many things in the New 52, the venom-riddled Bane we know and love is back.  No recovery, no speeches about weakness, etc.  Just Bane’s veins pumped full of that delightful neon drug and a desire to pummel the Dark Knight until he has a permanent bat symbol stained on his fists.

Did you read the DC event Forever Evil?  All the superheroes disappeared, the Crime Syndicate (evil Justice League) took over, and the bad guys briefly won if only by default because of no good guys were around to stop them.  Bane used his time wisely.  He took over Gotham City.

By the way, I love this issue — both speak in such grandiose terms and broad metaphors in between hitting each other with statues and stuff.

I get that the venom makes Bane superpowered, but for all his bravado, even he wouldn’t survive a thirty-ish story fall onto Gotham City pavement.  And he’s a large man — it’d be a lot of mess to clean up.  Sadly, Bane’s Kingpin of Gotham status lasts exactly until Batman shows his face again. Marvel’s Kingpin still traverses New York City with his ninja army and drug mules no matter how many times Spider-Man, Daredevil, or Punisher take him down.  Hell, Daredevil and Punisher left New York months ago — the Kingpin outlasted even the superheroes.  But poor Bane, because Batman’s far scarier than Spider-Man could ever be.

Beautiful movie action hero line by Batman.  Has Bane thought about wearing sleeves or a helmet maybe?  I’m no strategist, but when Batman ambushes him, he’ll almost certainly aim for the parts that aren’t protected by clothes.  Batman certainly adjusted.  As Batman’s costume has slowly evolved into armor over the past decade or so, we accept more readily that the Dark Knight can take a hit and bounce back.  As you read these next pages, could you really see spandex Batman walking away from blows like these?

Obviously Bane has to lose this fight.  It’s part of the downside of being a supervillain.  But if we can give him credit, he took a fall from a skyscraper, four batarangs, innumerable punches and kicks, and a stone child to take him down.  I’m just saying the Riddler would have been out by the first batarang. So while Bane hasn’t shown up in the New 52 since this issue, at least he went out like a man.  A delusional man ranting nonsense and addicted to drugs.  But still.

Batgirl’s daddy issues

Cassandra Cain’s daddy issues.  Because despite whatever problems Barbara Gordon has with her loving cop father or Stephanie Brown has with her minor supervillain father, poor Cassandra received the short end of the family stick.  Her mercenary/assassin father David Cain raised her as a small child without stuff like language, toys, fun, happiness, etc. to essentially make her into a perfect body language-reading weapon.  Perfect assassin upbringing, perfect assassin genes (her mother’s Lady Shiva), perfect plan — except for Batman.  Now, our dear girl can talk, but all those lingering psychological traumas still exist wedged deeply in her psyche.  Until Batgirl #5-6, volume two, written by Adam Beechen and drawn by J. Calafiore.  Time for some daddy problems to be solved. By punching.  Always by punching.

Think of David Cain as a duplicate of Deathstroke without the obsession of battling large groups of teenagers.  Actually, Batgirl (and Ravager) fought Deathstroke a few issues back, but that’s for another time.  Batgirl stopped Cain from killing Oracle, and now she has to take out her father one final time.  Recently, Cain and Deathstroke drugged her and made her kill dudes again, causing a rift in the Batfamily, so Batgirl figures one more death won’t add much to the pile.  Also, Cain deserves it.

I want you to know that while Cain’s about to murder his daughter that he trained/raised since a child, it still hurts him.  Like it would hurt us if we had to shoot children, y’know, assuming we’re all insane evil sociopaths.  The whole arc includes themes about the idea of right versus wrong when it comes to killing.  It’s an idea that pops up in every other Batman issue and also, truthfully, can only exist in the fictional world of comic books.  But one thing we can’t argue: Cain gave Cassandra a terrible childhood.

Turns out old mercenaries can learn new tricks.  As in Batgirl needs to give her father a stark dose of reality (mixed with attacks because of superhero law), and what better environment than on top a lonely rooftop building in the pouring rain?  If only a solo cello player on the rooftop next to them could crescendo his sad song during these next few moments.

Those last three text boxes also made up the last moments of Batman Begins. Let movie Batman do what he wants.  We know comic Batman would have saved Ra’s al Ghul, partially out of his moral code and partially so writers can reuse the supervillain at a later time.  But Cassandra has grown since her first appearance in No Man’s Land roughly ten years before this.  She’s a bonafide superhero with superhero principles and morality.  And yes, Batman’s influence strikes much harder than having henchmen pee themselves when he crashes through a skylight.

Okay, so this last page is heartbreaking.  Bruce Wayne never adopts her.  He dies soon after this, the DC universe reboots, and Cassandra disappears from continuity.  But that’s the way the comic book business goes sometimes.  Go buy this miniseries, you should treat yourself.

Batman vs. Azrael: round two

One more fight!  We jump forth about ten years from our last article, as Azrael’s solo series begins to wrap up.  Luckily, the years haven’t calmed down the hallucinating, post-traumatic suffering, fanatical religious superhero too much.  With everything poor Azrael has worked for spiraling out of control — including his sanity and friendships — only one person can bring Azrael back to the light one final time.  Using his fists.  In Azrael #98-99, written by Denny O’Neil and drawn by Sergio Cariello, Batman misinterprets Azrael’s current situation and reacts poorly and violently, like all good superheroes.  And what did Azrael do to incur Batman’s wrath?

To be fair to Azrael, it was a criminal dressed as Santa Claus, but I have a feeling Batman has been looking for an opportunity to justify his takedown of Azrael for a long time now.  Attacking St. Nick just broke Batman’s back of tolerance, unlike Bane who broke his normal back.

To Alfred’s benefit, I looked up African Rooibos and it’s a real tea.  It contains no caffeine and offers many different health benefits — Alfred’s no liar.  Unfortunately, it doesn’t prevent Azrael from clawing Batman open over an obvious misunderstanding.  But I may be giving too much credit to Azrael — the dude’s struggling.  Like right before Batman shows up: he’s having a sword fight against a ghost:

The spirit of St. Dumas talks to him, commanding him to do all sorts of terrible things or suffer the severe punishments caused by disobeying.  So he swordfights the ghost.  It’s complicated.  And while Batman slapping Azrael around wouldn’t be so bad to snap our protagonist into a dose of sanity, the Dark Knight’s arrival sparks another global superhero problem: Azrael really doesn’t have time for this — and the time it would take to discuss their feelings or even push Batman’s opinion one way or the other would ruin other far more important plans.  Plus, Batman tends to be a bit stubborn, to put it mildly.  Note the similarities in the beginning talk from their initial fight last article.  Oh, and the yellow text boxes are Batman’s narrations.

Yes, Azrael becomes the rare exception to Batman’s vigilante group — our buddy has actual superpowers because of the schizophrenic genetic doohickies the Order of St. Dumas fetuses receive. Comics were weird in the ’90s.  More importantly, this isn’t the whacked-out Azrael wearing the mecha-Batman costume.  I mean, he’s still certifiably crazy, but he won’t be goaded or tricked like last time.  Batman has to win this fight the old fashioned way: batarangs and kung-fu movie poses.  How beautifully cheesy was that double jump kick in the moonlight panel in the picture above?

I am by no means a carpenter, but Google tells me oak’s a tough wood to break, which I assume Batman has punched through cabinets and coffee tables to surprise the bejeebies out of bad guys before, most likely on the other side of the wall right after the henchmen proclaims to his buddy that he thinks they’re finally safe.  If Batman has an actual weakness, his own reliance on using physical strength against stronger, more durable supervillains like Bane, KGBeast, etc. could definitely count up there with his other weaknesses like healthy relationships and smiling.  Let’s learn something valuable today: if you want to battle anybody, it’s always better to battle superheroes.  They’re far kinder in the embarrassing aftermath.

Azrael, finally free of Batman’s influence, has one final issue of his solo series before it ends — so his freedom’s not terribly lengthy.  On Friday, we’ll delve into more Azrael but with something mushier and heartwarming.  And punching, but that’s always implied.

Batman & Azrael: KnightsEnd

Batman’s replacement Azrael eventually goes crazy.  To be fair, Azrael (real name Jean-Paul Valley) was always a bit crazy, but allow him to build a mecha-Batman suit fueled by delusions and hallucinations, and the fall happens far quicker than Bruce Wayne expected.  Remember the DC event One Year Later when Batman, Nightwing, and Robin traveled the world for a year and he left Two-Face in charge of Gotham City?  As brilliant as Wayne is, his decision-making skills occasionally need some adjusting.  In Detective Comics #677, written by Chuck Dixon and drawn by Graham Nolan, as well as Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #63, written by Denny O’Neil and drawn by Barry Kitson, our original Batman attempts to correct his mistake of allowing Azrael to inherit his title.

Azrael’s father religiously brainwashed him in the assassin cult of St. Dumas, so his insanity isn’t really his fault.  Still, a crazy Batman is a bad Batman.

A short list of what Azrael needs to answer for: he let a murderer fall to his death, he let a hostage die, he almost strangled Robin to death, he stopped working with the police, he blocked off Wayne Manor, and other general brutality.  Except that all that has happened lies solely on Wayne’s shoulders — Batman should never have picked him in the first place.  So, in quite possibly one of the calmest Batman moments, he confronts his Gundam successor, talking to Azrael much like one would an unruly preschooler.

Like all good superheroes, words fail as fists must be raised.  And as insane as Azrael acts, no one has more experience dealing with insane people as Batman.  I mean, Arkham Asylum exists solely to house the entirety of his rogues gallery.  Though it should be noted that Batman also solves crazy people problems less with therapy and kind words and more with punches and batarangs.

Batman doesn’t hate Azrael, he just feels bad for him.  Less growling and more pity.  I know discussing “power levels” of fictional characters amounts to arguing about whose imaginary friend is stronger, but Batman holds a firm advantage in speed.  And if Nightwing teaches you anything, speed usually matters more than power.  That and how can the traditional, disciplined Batman possibly lose to the ultimate ’90s version of himself?  Seriously, stop drawing Azrael’s feet and give him a mullet and we’ve just created the perfect ’90s superhero caricature.  He has spikes on his legs.  How can he drive the Batmobile with spikes on his legs?

I like the dual meaning behind Azrael keeping his mask on.  Obviously, he uses it to see in the dark, but it’s a beautiful representation of Azrael’s desperate identity.  When we ask whether Batman needs the existence of Bruce Wayne, here’s the perfect example of the emotional drain-circling that comes from an identity wrapped solely in fighting crime as a giant bat.

Religious symbolism!  I’m saying Batman is DC’s Jesus.  But this Aryan madman’s quest has just begun.  His solo series branching out of this event lasts for a 100 issues.  I’m always a sucker for redemption stories, and Batman lets Jean-Paul Valley find his own peace.  Just far away from Batman.

On that note Batman leaves Gotham City again, letting Dick Grayson take over the Batman for the first time. If you wonder why Wayne chose Azrael instead of Nightwing to fill his costume’s shoes, so is Nightwing.  You can read that awkward conversation in a previous article.  Next time, more Azrael!

Azrael & Bane: Knightfall

With Batman out of action (broken back and whatnot), Bruce Wayne assigned Jean-Paul Valley, the vigilante Azrael, as the new Batman.  It was the only reasonable choice.  Robin’s 5’5″ and in high school.  Nightwing — as Wayne believes — wants to be his own man and not in the shadow of Batman.  Batgirl and Huntress are girls and thus can’t accept that last half of that Batman title.  So it’s all Azrael, the religious crazy person that they doesn’t know that well.  We’ll definitely explore his story in a later article.

Azrael loses his first fight against Bane badly.  Embarrassingly badly and in front of many Gotham citizens.  So for round two, he creates his own Batman suit, that Gundam Batman you’ll see below in Batman #500, written by Doug Moench and drawn by Jim Aparo & Terry Austin.  We’ll finally be able to sleep at night as we find out if the meaner robot Batman can stand up to the might that brought down a tired and sick Bruce Wayne.

Only Bane would enter the battlefield by dangerously jumping through an electrified billboard.  Azrael’s strategy involves stepping into the dark side — the same plan that worked so well for Anakin Skywalker.  If only Azrael can dirty himself down to Bane’s level, then the fight becomes the fair fistfight it needs to be.  Robin doesn’t approve, Bruce Wayne doesn’t approve, Nightwing doesn’t approve, but one can’t argue with three batarangs impaled in Bane’s forearm.

Let’s be fair: Bane’s way physically stronger than Azrael even without the venom.  But Bane also doesn’t have projectiles, claws, armor, or the support of the entire Gotham police department. Look, I’ve played Injustice: Gods Among Us.  Bane’s tough, but I can’t win with him if Batman’s on the other side of screen spamming batarangs.  So ever the master strategist, Bane uses his genius tactical mind to formulate a new plan: run really fast.

Train fight!  As far as battles inside transportation goes, train definitely tops the list.  Notice that both combatants enter the fight the same way: unnecessarily bursting through materials not supposed to be burst through.  If Azrael wants to stoop down to Bane’s level, then he has no choice but for property damage.

I imagine by this point you may be confused as to Bane’s cowardice.  Allow me to attempt to justify Bane’s fear.  Up first, he definitely didn’t plan for Mecha-Batman.  All the new sharp stuff throws wrenches in whatever idea Bane thinks the fight will go.  Also, no more venom.  He even fought super weak Bruce Wayne pumped full of venom, a man who didn’t stand a chance against Bane even if the big guy took a nap halfway through the fight.  And most importantly, the story demands Bane loses. Azrael begins his official reign as Batman as the event Knightquest starts and we can’t have Bane ruling the underworld if that’s to happen.  Plus, it always feels good when supervillains get what’s coming to them.  Like this:

The future of Batman begins here.  Will Azrael fully dump himself permanently in Bane’s cesspool of murder and violence?  No, of course not.  That’s a silly question.  But for a city (and Robin) that just witnessed a wild brutality not representative of the old Dark Knight, they must question his superheroic motivations.  Can the city feel safe with Bionic Batman patrolling its streets?  Most importantly, note Bane’s acknowledgement of this new Caped Crusader.

Next time, Azrael no longer earns the right to the costume!