Green Arrow, Riddler, and demons, Pt. 3

Everything leads up to this!  If the stakes don’t reach catastrophic, you’re not reading a superhero story.  And Green Arrow, our promiscuous Robin Hood with gorgeous facial hair and latent anger issues, is all that stands in the way from a demonic takeover of Star City.  Well, Green Arrow and a few of his buddies.

Like Gotham City, Green Arrow’s hometown also has its fair share of mobsters and crooked cops. Luckily, they also don’t want these demons slicing them in half every time they jimmy a car door.  So with the cop/mafia army gathered and led by the town’s lovable vigilante, the pieces are set for a final confrontation with the law-abiding hellspawns.  First on the to-do list: weapons.

Step two: training.  But I’m going to skip all that.  Still, with time being the essence and Oliver Queen and son being the only skilled archers in the group, wouldn’t an extra hand be a nice boost?  Like say, the HIV-positive teenager living in Queen’s house who has spent her every waking hour smashing bullseyes?

That’s right.  While Batman makes his Robins play detective games to prove their worth, Green Arrow prefers to beats the crap out of his sidekicks.  No one sucker punches that well-groomed face.

Right now, Green Arrow doesn’t have a sidekick.  His first Speedy, Roy Harper, went the Jason Todd route — guns, name changes (Red Arrow, Arsenal), and other basic anti-hero characteristics.  We sometimes forget that Connor Hawke still retains his Green Arrow title from before his father came back to life, making him Queen’s equal, not sidekick.

In one of the coolest moments of this arc, the Green Arrows welcome one more into their ranks.  Meet Mia Dearden: high school senior, former prostitute, brand new Speedy.  Just in time for the final battle as Star City fights the demons for the fate of their beloved town.

Y’see, demon hordes can be easily distracted.  Especially when a thousand mafiosos and policemen whack them with baseball bats.  Remember when Batman conversed with Jason Blood last article? Cut off the head and the serpent stops squirming.

You know that when you summon forces of hell that sometimes those wishes can backfire?  Before we reach our story’s climax, understand that blood drips freely from Green Arrow’s hand.  He has killed before.  I mean not anymore, but the Green Arrows do tend to have a baptism by blood when it comes to their little superhero club.  Before Green Arrow’s forced to impale the sad magician, we should hear his depressing reasons. Queen’s a better person now, I promise.

Thus, we sit between a rock and a hard place.  No wonder superheroes are psychological wrecks.

Meet Mia Dearden: high school senior, former prostitute, brand new Speedy, murderer.  She ends up okay, including a fancy Teen Titans membership, a badass superhero costume, and the unrelenting trust of her wonderful mentor.  Though since the New 52 reboot, she hangs in limbo with Wally West and Stephanie Brown.

On Wednesday, Connor fights a dragon!  I’m milking this Green Arrow thing forever.

Green Arrow, Riddler, and demons, Pt. 2

To quickly transition between whimsy pranks to city-destroying demons pretty much describes how comics operate.  The superhero stakes rise exponentially every five pages or so.  And we shouldn’t be surprised or upset — our hero Green Arrow saves the world through archery and doesn’t own clothes with sleeves.  As we get to the second act of our story today (and there’ll be a third act on Monday as I figure you guys have more stuff to do today than skim through thirty plus images), Star City must rely on one man to save them from the law-abiding killing machines.

You break the law, you get machete’d.  Steal some food?  Machete’d.  Punch a child?  Machete’d.  Think of punching a child?  Not machete’d — they aren’t psychic.  I know you get concerned during events like these.  Where’s all of Green Arrow’s friends?  Aren’t they flying their invisible planes to the city where a giant blue bubble just popped up?

See?  They tried.  Suspend your disbelief once again.  Unfortunately, without all those cool fighter jets and bazookas that normally incinerate demons, Star City citizens’ll have to rely on the medieval way of exorcisms.

The Arrow Balloon truly sends a terrifying message to would-be evildoers.  I know the Arrow Car isn’t working under demon martial law, and I agree that the Arrow Balloon remains far more effective against the flightless demons than the Arrow Hang Glider or something.  But this may be the first time that superheroes have ever arrow barraged a squadron of hell monsters from their personal hot air balloon.  Considering how many times the SHIELD billion dollar helicarrier explodes, it may save tons of money to invest in some balloons of their own.

Now, to figure out who summoned these demons, they only have one lead.  An unfortunate one.  But to see how truly similar Green Arrow and Batman are, the Riddler interrogation should tell you everything you need.

See?  That’s how Batman would react too.  Superheroes really hate games.

I love this, not just because Green Arrow’s wittier than Batman — his snark borders on a petty vindictive type of wit.  But I think that’s why he wears his goofy costume — it’s a psychological underestimation?  I mean, Queen wears the same hat as Peter Pan.  And Riddler totally deserves a few of his bones moved around.  He should know how superheroes act when innocent lives are helplessly lost.  Good guys make poor losers.

Y’see, when some multimillionaires have their family murdered, they go train with ninjas for a decade before coming back and grappling around the city as a bat.  Others call forth ancient rituals to summon hordes of monsters to kill anyone who tries to shoplift Doritos.  Different strokes for different folks.  At least now that the two Green Arrows know who’s behind this whole fiasco, it’s a simple matter to arrive at the man’s mansion and take out the conduit.  Piece of cake.

War on Monday as the Star City army battles the demon force!  Spoiler alert: a lot of machete’ing.

Green Arrow, Riddler, and demons, Pt. 1

I like when supervillains branch out.  After all, most superheroes have a good ten to fifteen main villains and then a hundred others one-shot baddies that have shown up at some point or other.  So maybe Batman’s too busy to give you that attention you so desire — after all, you’re competing against Killer Croc eating sewer orphans, Two Face holding the mayor hostage, and the Joker commandeering a blimp full of zoo animals.  All at the same time.  But Green Arrow?  He’ll play these games — Star City has far less crime than Gotham’s never-ending explosion/murder-fest.  The sacred test of wits against another Justice League member that culminates in a vast superior emotional need fulfilled and satisfied.  Or someone pays you a crapload of money.  Either way works.

In Green Arrow #34-39, written by Judd Winick and drawn by Phil Hester, our protagonist battles one of Batman’s Arkham lineup as well as an army of fiery demons (but more on that later).

I agree with Connor Hawke.  The Riddler doesn’t really possess any threat towards our Green Arrow duo, but his presence could get civilians hurt and valuable stuff stolen.  Plus, you have to solve all those riddles.  Oliver Queen’s not exactly the world’s greatest detective.  Or detective for that matter.

All in good fun.  No one gets hurt and we have one extremely rich fig farmer.  But everything leads up to something far more sinister.  I mean, eventually — it takes a while.  Still, with the Riddler strapping balloons to elephants, Green Arrow figures a call to Riddler’s superhero owner wouldn’t hurt.  And you know those people who obviously respect but totally hate each other?

You figure the non-powered superheroes would get along better.  Queen’s combative by nature, sure, but shouldn’t these two bond at least over their mutual fear of firearms and grappling hook malfunctions?  Superman, Wonder Woman, Martian Manhunter, Captain Marvel and the others who possess crazy powers have a wonderful time hanging out with each other — especially the first two. Oh, to be young, in love, and with the ability to move skyscrapers by hand.

Riddler’s plan?

Y’see?  He distracts law enforcement while his employers and goons steal important artifacts. Demonic artifacts.  But his final plan must attract the full attention of the police.  Not a single eye can turn away from the most important mission yet.  What’s the best way to accomplish that? Hopefully something supervillain-y.  A city covered in plums wouldn’t have the pizzazz required of a man who’s buddies with the Joker.

Yup, that’s the twisted supervillain we know and love.  High stakes, crazy enough to detonate it, and desperate to leave a lasting legacy.  A boxing glove arrow in the face won’t solve this problem.

Oh yeah, remember the goal of a major distraction.  This is why.  Pagan rituals to summon forth ancient evils tend to bring attention.  Definitely at least a boxing glove arrow in the face.

Green Arrow isn’t Batman.  Yes, Batman would totally batarang Riddler’s hand, but it would just horribly scar, not pierce straight through.  Riddler keeps forgetting that the sillier the superhero costume, the more violent the superhero compensates.  Luckily, the Batman bad guy fiesta has come to an end.  What’s next for our hero and his son?

I agree with Hawke.  I’m scared too, but we must remember that Green Arrow shouldn’t be brushed aside.  Queen has shown tremendous capability to persevere under the most stressful of situations and danger.  He doesn’t buckle under pressure, he always bursts victoriously through evil, and he has the complete concentration and emotional control to handle a trapped, demon-infested city.

Find out Friday if he spends the next three issues writing tear-drenched poetry to Black Canary.

The death of Green Arrow

While going through all the Connor Hawke kung fu stories last week, I mentioned several times that poor Oliver Queen — which Hawke had inherited the Green Arrow title from — sadly exploded a few months/years beforehand.  But why not just show it to you?

Back in the mid-1990s, after Superman rose from the dead as our lord and savior — now sporting a delightful mullet — it became game on.  The rules shattered and anyone who died no longer had to do that whole stay dead thing that plagues so many of us today.  And despite a good six years before Queen reclaimed his old job from his son, his demise remains just as dramatic as any superhero’s should be.  Today, let’s enjoy Green Arrow #99-101, written by Chuck Dixon and drawn by Jim Aparo & Rodolfo Damaggio.

Our story begins innocently enough.  Green Arrow goes undercover to take out an eco-terrorist group. Seducing the attractive boss just happens to be a perk of having a mustache/goatee combo.

To save myself four or five pages, her evil plan works like this (once she stops making out with Queen): the Russians developed a bomb that releases a bacteria that feeds entirely on plastic. Doesn’t sound so dangerous until the woman (called Hyrax) explains that basically any building containing plaster, etc. also contains tons of plastic.  One detonation of this bomb and an entire city collapses on itself, killing millions.  Which city you ask?

His girlfriend, who’s certifiably crazy, loads up the bomb along with a few required henchmen.  But Green Arrow slowly realizes that maybe she’s not marriage material.  Definitely not a long term thing.

Part of what makes Queen so important in the DC universe lies in his anti-authority, far leftist views on practically everything.  He gets to be the character to defy Batman, fight corporate America, and shoot arrows at anyone trying to bring down the little guy.  Eco-terrorism doesn’t seem too far away from his personality if you get rid of the whole terrorism part.  He even has “green” in his name. Though because he ends up exploded at the end of this issue, everything goes bad.  Super bad.

This device activates as follows: two people stick their hands in, and upon release the bomb explodes. I have read this scene nine or ten times.  I have searched the previous issues for clues.  I have asked my friends for an explanation.  I have googled this issue looking for answers.  But for the life of me, I can’t figure out why Green Arrow shoves his hand in the detonator.  He knows it’s what Hyrax wants — she screams it over the gunfire.  Yet he announces his victory upon doing exactly what she says. Someone please explain to me his actions.  Am I missing something important?  Does he accidentally set his arm inside the machine in his moment of victory (after being shot)?

Oh, and now that Green Arrow totally screwed himself, our lord and savior can finally arrive.

Superman, take the wheel.

We know Superman isn’t the genius his buddy Batman demonstrates everytime Riddler breaks out of Arkham.  While Superman possesses the power to twirl planets on his finger like a basketball, he holds a surprisingly average intelligence.  Luckily, his vast experience still allows him to show off his problem-solving skills — like figuring out how to simultaneously save Metropolis and Queen.  Also, did you know Superman’s fluent in Russian?

I understand what Queen does next.  I really do.  For a man with no superpowers like Green Arrow, the loss of his arm would bring about only pity and angst as he sits on the Justice League sidelines. Though to be fair, Aquaman gets his hand chopped off every four or five issues and he receives cool replacements.  Remember that hook hand?  The hand made out of magic water?  Regardless of possible alternatives — like Superman using his heat vision to cauterize Green Arrow’s bleeding wound — it makes no difference why something happens or doesn’t.  If we accept without a second thought that an alien can shoot lasers out of his eyes, we must also accept the choices Green Arrow makes.  That’s the deal we sign when we agree to read superhero comics.

I’m sad too.  The rest of the issue gets filled with eulogies and the embracing of Connor Hawke as the replacement Green Arrow.  Still, it wouldn’t hurt to know that your fellow superheroes share the pain you’re currently experiencing.

Basically, he was sort of a great person and sort of not, but he died a hero.  And if you need closure, there’s no greater door closing than the acknowledgement from the batcomputer.  Batman mourns in his own technological way.

More Green Arrow stuff on Wednesday and Friday.  I’m slowly falling in love with him.

Hal Jordan, the ring-less Green Lantern

Bruce Wayne out of the Batman suit is a world class martial artist, brilliant tactical mind, and intellectual genius.  Really, the only difference between Wayne and Batman is that Batman makes criminals wet their shorts when he lands from a twelve story skyscraper and punches them in the throat.  But Jordan without his ring becomes simply an above average brawler. Sure, he still has no fear and all that, but a bomber jacket isn’t a weapon that can create anything in the world.  And today, he learns that lesson the hard way in Green Lantern #14-17, written by Geoff Johns and drawn by Ivan Reis.

Let’s start with a story.  A story coated in a very heavy green pen:

Jordan’s refusal to wear his ring while flying has been brought up before in pretty much every Green Lantern origin story from every medium.  Something about the ring being a safety net when he’d rather have that danger.  The same attitude that attracted the ring to him in the first place also definitely hinders his own superheroism.  He should know that something near him will bound to be blown up every other issue or so.  I’m just saying Wayne would have hidden a lock pick in his cheek and he’d have sewn a blowtorch into his own ribs just in case he gets himself into this exact situation.

Bad guys always underestimate superheroes, even superheroes currently powerless and in chains and who they have no idea is actually a superhero.  Jordan can’t fight like Wonder Woman, but he has spent the past decade or two pummeling aliens far bigger, stronger, and meaner than any Chechnyan terrorist organization.  Ring or not, he’s still Green Lantern, gosh darn it.

To be fair to Jordan, wearing the ring would have been like Clark Kent always sporting the cape.  It’s pretty much a dead giveaway.  I guess gloves at all time?  Fighter pilots could pull off that fashion faux pas.  Anyway, as grudges never die and smiles during tragic nostalgia typically mean either a hidden secret or the Joker, Jordan gets sent on a rescue mission.

I said Jordan, but I meant Green Lantern.  Remember the first few pages of torture and helpless struggle?  If only he’d brought the ring, right?

Ever wonder why Superman doesn’t spend a lot of time intervening in third world countries that desperately need his help?  Besides Luthor launching robots on Metropolis twice a week? International politics, man.  Superman, being an American citizen, has to walk a tricky line to avoid creating international conflicts.  Like say, if Green Lantern burst into Chechnya without authorization and blew up a few bases.  The Russian government may not look too fondly on the American superhero.  Not fondly at all.

Could it get worse?  Oh my goodness, yes.

Unfortunately for you, Green Lantern vs. the Global Guardians vs. the Justice League deters from the focus of my article today.  Buy the book — the battles make it worth your time.  But as I skip ahead a few issues, we learn that rescuing damsels in distress using the universe’s most powerful weapon tends to be far more effective than fists and a pistol.

While this actually marks the half way point of the arc, the midpoint still creates a warm inner feeling.

Even though the actual ending’s beautiful and bittersweet, for now (and literally the next panel is an explosion) the vengeful heart can finally rest — I guess until you turn the page.

Green Arrow & Batman pal around, Pt. 2

When we left off, our two heroes (the ones in the title of the article) faced down each other’s supervillain.  Green Arrow gets to break a bow over Red Hood while Batman deals with the rocky, toasty Brick.

I admire Red Hood, because fighting in a leather jacket really lessens maneuverability.  Though despite it looking super cool, he’s also about to brawl with a man who doesn’t wear sleeves, so the fashion victory lays at his feet from the start.  I’m not going to show you the entire fight, but enough so you get an idea.  Batman and Green Arrow are Justice League members after all.

Danny Brickwell, currently known as the Star City kingpin Brick, has metahuman superpowers that give him some level of invulnerability and super strength.  While not trained by Batman/League of Assassins like the verbose Red Hood, Brick still enters the battlefield as a formidabble opponent. Even against the Dark Knight, who would like to cross beat-up-guy-with-dreadlocks off his bucket list.

We’re missing somebody.  Remember Speedy, the young teenage female sidekick?  While she would have loved to help smother Red Hood with her mentor, something else grabbed her attention — that annoying superhero obligation that always pops up in worst case scenarios.

Unfortunately for dear Mia, it gets even worse.

Red Hood possesses some major personality flaws.  Like pettiness.  So despite coming here to further solidify his drug empire, a secondary goal popped up.  One that’ll serve mainly to infuriate the old-timers and rattle the youngsters, because nothing makes Jason Todd happier than the indignation of the Justice League.  Oh, and now Batman and Green Arrow revert back to their normal status quo:

The two argue in warehouses, alleyways, rooftops, etc. — really anywhere stained with henchmen blood.  Sidekicks, I believe created for child reader fantasies and to give superheroes someone to talk to, undergoes a never-ending debate of boredom, frustration, and all sorts of awful emotions.  Batman has ten year-olds wearing brightly colored tights uppercutting adults.  It took the Dark Knight fifty years just to give Robin pants.  And Green Arrow?  Besides letting his sidekick actually call himself Speedy, his buddy had the lucky honor of being chosen to participate in DC’s anti-drug campaign a few decades ago.  We move on.  Also, Green Arrow and Batman can totally inflict non-physical wounds as well.

As for Speedy?  Red Hood just wants to chat.  Unfortunately for supervillains, chatting has to be activity that takes place inbetween trying to murder each other.

If you haven’t read Mia Dearden’s Wikipedia page or aren’t caught up on Green Arrow comics, Red Hood’s reveals her biggest, darkest secret.  I mean, it’s been told like a half dozen times before this, but now you can be in this obscure trivia club as well.

Writer and director Kevin Smith introduced Mia about seventy issues beforehand.  Winick, who eventually took over the series, figured that if Mia spent her teenage years as a drug-addled prostitute, well, that may come with some consequences.  As comics fans, we’re more accepting of Martians and Amazons than those with STDs.  And Martians are green and stuff.  So bring on the HIV-positive characters, I’m 100% serious — nothing speeds along diversity like flooding the market.  How about Aquaman?  What about a miniseries involving a rough night with a sketchy mermaid?

To be fair to Batman and Green Arrow, I believe the pulling kids off the street stuff plays more into giving down-on-their-luck kids a chance to become something wonderful and great instead of another bad guys they’ll have knee in the face one day.  But Red Hood’s also a bit unstable, like justifying his evil actions as a means to an end instead of a several year adventure to make Bruce Wayne cry.

The issue ends fairly anti-climatically, but that’s just one more way for Red Hood to anger his former mentor — taking away that wonderful feeling of closure.

Good stuff planned for Monday!  Do something great this weekend!

Green Arrow & Batman pal around, Pt. 1

And by pal around I mean grimace and yell at each other.  Green Arrow has a reputation for being snarky and difficult to work with, and Batman puts his desire for politeness right next to his desire to make out with Commissioner Gordon.  We can agree that they’re probably friends, and their lack of superpowers certainly bonds them in some way.  But I have a feeling that Batman would just prefer if everyone around him shuts up, making noise only to quietly golf clap every time a batarang pierces a henchman’s head.

Today, our adventure in Green Arrow’s hometown Star City takes place in Green Arrow #69-72, written by Judd Winick and drawn by Scott McDaniel.  One of Batman’s baddies touched down in the area, and our Dark Knight arrives to collect the missing piece of his rogues gallery.  That and to give away crazy amounts of money.

Recognize that handsome mayor?  The one in the blond goatee?  Mayor Oliver Queen, who secretly patrols the city in a bright green Robin Hood outfit at night as Green Arrow, also serves as the city’s highest political force.  Though he does wear a small mask, so no one can tell his secret identity while he leaps rooftops and smacks dudes with boxing glove arrows.

My DC history pales in comparison to my Marvel knowledge.  I’m sort of ashamed, and that also means I don’t actually know what Batman did to save Green Arrow’s fair city.  Though if someone mentions Batman rescuing millions of people from a massive danger, I’m cool with that.  No proof or further details necessary — no need for suspension of disbelief here.

Unfortunately, the real reason for Batman’s arrival has to do with his one of his trickiest and meanest supervillains — one that holds grudges from the moment Superboy Prime punched so hard that he shattered reality and a young boy awoke in his coffin.

You probably already know Red Hood’s real name Jason Todd, the second Robin and current supervillain — though in the New 52, he’s evolved more into an anti-hero like a sort of lovable Punisher. Judd Winick, who writes this story, also wrote the arc Under the Hood, which brought Todd back from the dead in the first place.  If anyone has an accurate description of how the revived evil Todd should act and talk, it’s Winick.  Story-wise, Red Hood teams up with local crime boss Brick.

Not to be left out, Green Arrow has his own sidekick as well.  Mia Dearden, going by the superhero name Speedy — a name I believe came about as the original Speedy claimed he shot his bow faster than his boss and certainly not as the least threatening superhero name in comics — lives up to the normal sidekick origin story requirements.  She’s seventeen, orphaned, use to live on the streets, possesses a natural aptitude for roundhouse kicking crime, etc.  Meet Speedy:

She’s made a joke so chilly that you could feel your own body temperature drop as you read it.  Most importantly, she committed the most egregious of superhero mistakes — she made herself a fool in front of Batman.  I imagine when the Dark Knight pops up to aid your crime watch, the thought is less “thank god” and more “dammit, now I have to be perfect.”  Batman judges.  Batman never makes errors.  Batman only glares and criticizes.  Why do you think every Robin that pops out of his teenage kung fu immersion camp comes out as a total badass?  No choice when their mentor is the epitome of human capability.  Physically and mentally.  And he expects everyone who would wears that red and green underwear beside him to be the exact same way, no matter how recently Robin hit puberty.

Superheroes tend to make fairly terrible parents.  Late night work schedule, mandatory emotional problems, constant explosions every time they walk outside, etc.  And while Batman certainly tries his best despite his faults, he didn’t do a fantastic job with Jason Todd.  I mean, Green Arrow isn’t exactly great either, but at least he doesn’t have to pretend to know what affection feels like.

Anyway, the three of them round up information the usual way — gossip spreads when Batman villains step onto streets outside Gotham.  And by gossip, I’m talking about pee from the shorts of any local thugs who spot them.

It sucks to fight an enemy trained by Batman.  It totally sucks.

The battle finally begins.  Lots of fighting and philosophy on Friday!  I’m just as excited as you are!