The Amazing Spider-Herc

I love Spider-Man.  I love Hercules.  When I found two issues combining them, I’m totally in.

Genetically altered bed bugs created by the supervillain Jackal and his co-conspirator the Spider Queen gives everyone in New York City Spider-Man powers.  That’s an actual Marvel company event, and it succeeded far beyond what people expected.  Hilarious stories mixed with emotional tales stirred together with an awesome premise created one of the best events in a long time.  Mary Jane Watson received her first prominent role since her marriage dissolved.  Everyone from the Avengers to Shang-Chi to Black Panther to Venom combated spider goons.  Peter Parker and J. Jonah Jameson battled giant bugs side by side.  Spider-Man’s clone Kaine came back to life.  Spider-Girl, Hobgoblin, and the Kingpin, and an entire ninja army allied together for the good of New York.  I’m saying you should read Spider-Island and its crossovers if you haven’t yet.

Also, Spider-Herc, but we’ll get to that.  Today we check out Herc #7-8, written by Greg Pak & Fred Van Lente and drawn by June Brigman, where Herc brawls the X-Men in a Spider-Man costume.  By the way, Pak and Ven Lente deserve every bit of applause for changing Hercules into the powerful lovable oaf is today.  And hopefully today’ll prove that alongside me shameless plugging my some of my other Hercules articles here and here.

So how did he get to this point?

After the whole Chaos War fiasco and Hercules’ death, he returned to life (as all gods do) only without that awesome invulnerability and super strength he possessed as a god.  Now he tends bar in Brooklyn, protects fellow mortals, and seduces the local women.  But y’know, Spider-Island happened.

And his costume?

Now, with the Spider Queen running around, arachnid royalty don’t really do a lot of their own dirty work.  I mean, sure, they’ll transform into a skyscraper-sized super spider intent on destroying the entire city, but that’s more of a back up plan.  Instead, they gather up a bunch of mind controlled champions to go and disrupt stuff for a while.  Like Hercules.  And how do they know he’s the right choice?  Convenience, I guess?  He received his spider powers pretty early.  And the next two pages consist of a long set up to a single panel punchline.  Totally worth it.

With his possession, which I’ll show next, he goes to battle the X-Men who stand very much against the Spider Queen’s plan of conquering and wiping out New York City.

You can buy the book for the entire fight, but it does consist of a moment where Hercules brushes off a fully-powered angry Storm lightning blast.  She wrecks everyone with those, like a trump card that could power small countries for years instead used on the second hairiest superhero in the Marvel universe.  Here’s Hercules impaling the first:

Then this happens:

I forgot to mention that little side effect.  Y’see, besides wild chaos with millions of Spider-Men running around, after a certain point, everyone infected turns into giant spider people under the evil control of the Spider Queen.  The X-Men realize that like most superhero teams, teamwork tends to work best in defeating foes far more powerful and with far more legs.  Just randomly throwing explosive cards and Wolverine tends not to work as well as a combined, planned assault.  I miss Cyclops; he’d have never let Hercules become that spider-centaur thing.

Oh yeah, Hercules has some spider goddess buddies like Arachne.  Normal god Hercules is gross, with his human genitalia and whatnot.  But spider-centaur Hercules?  What spider god could possibly resist that?  Thus Hercules emerges victorious through the only way he knows how: passionate lovemaking, a skill just as finely tuned as his swordplay and alcoholism.

As Spider-Island ends, the citizens and superheroes of New York City awake naked and confused.  A giant spider monster lays dead behind them and shouts ring out about the destruction and frustration spread throughout city.  The naked part too.  But as we end our story today, Hercules once again rises to the top of the warrior pyramid when he slays the most frightening and dangerous of his life-long foes: modesty.  I’m saying everyone’s seen Hercules’ privates.

Peter Parker is Spider-Man

Get ready for a doozy today.  Thirty five images.  Fourteen hundred words.  But it’s cheap form to spit posts twice in a row, and let’s get all our tears out in one go.

A ton of people know who Spider-Man is.  Not like you or me, but other fictional characters in the Marvel universe.  And probably Batman too, if you count the company crossovers.  Look, we take a suspension of disbelief among superhero secret identities.  For instance, Superman’s glasses despite him working for the best investigative journalists in the world.  But when Peter does reveal his face to loved ones, allies, enemies, and occasionally on live TV, the consequences (while cathartic) lead to unexpected results.  Sometimes a stronger bond, a teenage kiss, or a long series of events that leads to Aunt May getting shot, Mephisto broke up Peter and Mary Jane’s marriage, and an incredible humiliation Kingpin has never experienced before in his entire published history.  Today, we’re going to read some of those emotional secret identity reveals.  It’ll be fun.

Remember when he revealed his identity to the world in Civil War #2, written by Mark Millar and Steve McNiven?  Here’s the scene if you haven’t seen it before:

Hard to argue that ended up being a smart decision on Spider-Man’s part.  And unfortunately, it took place during Iron Man’s jerk phase of the mid-2000s.  Supervillains tend to use stuff superheroes care about, like loved ones and friends, to attack their enemy who they can’t win against in a fistfight.  For that obvious reason, Spider-Man’s identity remains a closely guarded secret.  Y’know, until he sits people down and explains that he dodges Goblin Gliders for a living.

After the controversial Spider-Man arc One More Day — where his marriage broke up and Spider-Man’s secret identity went back in the box it sprang from — we once again get to witness Spider-Man exposing himself to colleagues.  I mean, the face only.  Y’see, Doctor Strange put a magical/psychic mindblock on Spider-Man’s identity, essentially hiding anyone from figuring out Spider-Man’s Peter Parker unless Peter personally reveals himself.  Which he does.  A lot.  In Amazing Spider-Man #591, written by Dan Slott and drawn by Barry Kitson, Jesse Delpergang, & Dale Eaglesham, the Fantastic Four re-discover the secret.  After some bickering, of course.

But even when friendship won’t convince Spider-Man to lose the mask, Mr. Fantastic knows to appeal to Spider-Man’s one true weakness: geeky science stuff.  As wonderfully close friends as the Human Torch and Spider-Man are (both banter, went through puberty in spandex, and date supermodels), Peter really has more in common with Mr. Fantastic.

One group of close friends and teammates down, one to go.  Because during New Avengers #51, written by Brian Michael Bendis and drawn by six super talented artists, the group just defeated shape-shifting, superhero-impersonating Skrulls.  And Hawkeye (now Ronin) figures if Spider-Man wants to continue to not pay rent and eat Chinese food in the Avengers Mansion, he should probably pony up that secret identity thing.  That and the whole Skrull stuff.

You recognize that New Avengers roster?  I figure you know most of them, but Mockingbird’s in the blue and white gymnast clothes, Jessica Jones wears the pink t-shirt, and in the corner we have Jessica and Luke Cage’s baby.  She’s not part of the team.  Oh yeah, and Jessica went to high school with Peter.

If you check out Alias #22-23, you can see their high school experience, but Jessica has a filthy mouth and I’d have to edit most of it out.  Though Bendis wrote Alias beautifully.

Now, I know what you’re waiting for.  You want the gooey, emotional stuff.  You want Peter pouring his heart out to Aunt May and Mary Jane, while they cry and cry and talk about their feelings towards Peter’s superhero career.  I’ll get to that, but let’s jump to Carlie Cooper first.  During the past few years, she turned into Peter’s first post-One More Day girlfriend.  Forensic scientist by day, forensic scientist by night, and most importantly, she wanted Peter for more than his well-toned body, careful not to step on the remnants of his fragile and shattered heart — unlike some paramours (thatwitchblackcat).  They were such in love all the up to Spider Island, the Marvel event where everyone in New York City developed Spider-Man’s powers.  Yes, it’s as awesome as you think it is.

Y’see, in Amazing Spider-Man #668, written by Slott and drawn by Humberto Ramos, as the city suddenly broke from the weight of several million Spider-Men running around, Peter Parker rallies the troops as Peter Parker.  Secret identity contained and whatnot.

Unfortunately, that also sort of broke Doctor Strange’s magical/psychic mindwipe spell, allowing people to re-learn Spider-Man’s identity without a dramatic mask pull-off.  Like say, in Amazing Spider-Man #673, written by Slott and drawn by Stefano Caselli, when Peter’s girlfriend just realized their entire relationship was built on lies.

And then Peter Parker died.  Twenty-seven issues later.  I’m not saying Carlie had anything to do with it by breaking up with him, but the world can sometimes be as cold as Doc Ock’s robotic, unfeeling tentacles.

As we get into the most important of Peter’s dear supporting cast, Aunt May seems to be the most heartbreaking.  Sure, she’ll understand, because she’s super awesome and understands the good Spider-Man does versus the constant fear of danger he gets put in dodging blasts of electricity.  But the conversation always hits hard.  In Amazing Spider-Man #37-38, volume two, written by J. Michael Straczynski and drawn by John Romita Jr., Peter and Aunt May have the “talk” after Aunt May walks in on Spider-Man after that crazy brutal Morlun fight.

I should admit that what you’re about to witness has been retconned.  When Spider-Man’s secret identity went back in the bottle, Aunt May forgot as well.  But regardless of the long-lasting impact, it doesn’t lessen the pain.

This conversation takes up the entire issue.  As Peter admits the truth behind him letting Uncle Ben’s eventual murderer go free after the wrestling match and Aunt May counters with a regret of her own, one may realize that life remains infinitely simpler when one doesn’t possess great power or great responsibility.  Still, the issue wraps up and both characters improve because of it.  Probably.

Mary Jane has known Peter’s secret identity since Amazing Spider-Man #257-258 from 1984, where in a wildly dramatic speech reveals she’s known for years.  You can read that yourself, because it’s 1980s soap opera at its finest.

But speaking of fine soap opera, this’d be a terrible article if I didn’t bring up Ultimate Spider-Man, the alternative world fifteen year-old Spider-Man who starred in easily one of the top five best series of the 2000s.  And to return to Aunt May, he has a similar issue-long conversation in Ultimate Spider-Man #111, written by Bendis and drawn by Mark Bagley & Stuart Immonen.

But I bring up the Ultimate universe for Ultimate Spider-Man #13, written by Bendis and drawn by Bagley, where Peter reveals his identity to also fifteen year-old Mary Jane in one of the best issues of the series.  It’s delightful if you’re into teenage romance (I don’t judge), or if you know kids who want more from the superheroes than just punching (crazy kids, most likely).

She doesn’t believe him.  To be fair to Mary Jane, when I was a teenager, if I could get a girl to believe I was fighting crime as New York’s coolest superhero, I would also pour my lying heart out in a second.  But y’know, proof is proof.

And thus, as Peter reveals his biggest intimate secret to his childhood best friend, so does Peter’s most meaningful relationship.  Teenage girls just can’t resist teenage Peter Parker.

While they break up every twenty issues or so (constant danger, jealousy, or watching Spider-Man make out with Kitty Pryde on live TV), I still implore you to read the series if you haven’t.  And read Miles Morales’ Spider-Man too.  You deserve it.

As I end today with a scene from Ultimate Spider-Man #10, written by Bendis and drawn by Bagley, remember the importance of secret identities — yes, sometimes it leads to make out sessions with your high school crush, but sometimes not just people superheroes love and care about get hurt.

Most importantly, my goodness do I love Spider-Man.

Flash Thompson: superhero, Pt. 2

After Flash Thompson lost his legs heroically saving a fellow soldier, it seems as if both his athletic and hero career has ended.  Well, one did at least.  You can probably infer what’s going to happen to Peter Parker’s buddy from the issues used today:

Amazing Spider-Man Extra! #3, written by Marc Guggenheim and drawn by Fabrizio Fiorentino & Patrick Olliffe
Amazing Spider-Man #591, written by Dan Slott and drawn by Kitson & Jesse Delpergang
Amazing Spider-Man #654, written by Slott & Fred Van Lente and drawn by Stefano Caselli
Amazing Spider-Man #654.1, written by Slott and drawn by Humberto Ramos
Venom #1, written by Rick Remender and drawn by Tony Moore
Venom #5, written by Remender and drawn by Moore & Tom Fowler
Venom #30, written by Cullen Bunn and drawn by Thony Silas & Roger Robinson
Venom #31, written by Bunn and drawn by Declan Shalvey

When Flash gets leaves the hospital, we get not only a clear message of Flash’s current contentment, but also proof of the good Spider-Man provides to the moral fiber of the Marvel universe.  Sure, Spider-Man’s strong and fast.  But he’s not that strong and fast.  Can you name a Spider-Man comic that doesn’t end with him standing barely triumphant while beaten, bruised, and wearing a tattered costume?  But the very next issue, he’s back in action.  Spider-Man takes the bullets so the innocents don’t have to (well, bullets and jump kicks, laser beams, electric shocks, pumpkin grenades, etc.).  Flash totally gets it.

And because Flash strove to be number one his entire life — y’know, standard bully jock hiding inferiority complex stuff — he continues to succeed without legs.  That’s what champs do.

Spider-Man’s in an alternate dimension with the Fantastic Four, but that’s a different story.  More importantly, when Norman Osborn’s siege of Asgard failed, that meant good news for the government. Y’see, all those cool weapons and toys Osborn played with now belong to the good ol’ USA. Including one weapon that makes tanks, bazookas, and Goblin Gliders look like Super Soakers.

Venom basically acts as a suit of armor, just with an alien personality that eats superheroes instead of kevlar.  With the proper equipment and a correctly chosen host, it makes any soldier into Captain America with tentacles.  Like Flash Thompson, war hero and president of the Spider-Man fan club.

At first, Venom (now referred to as Agent Venom) serves as a point-and-shoot weapon for the government.  Flash “puts on” Venom, jumps into the battleground, completes target objectives, and Venom goes back in the tank — and his legs with it.  Over time, both Flash and Venom evolve.  But we’re not there yet.  First up, all those cool missions:

Super cool, right?  A super solider doing super soldier stuff.  Flash even earns himself a place on the Secret Avengers roster, which totally qualifies him as a real (secret) Avenger.  But you know how Venom is actually a crazy evil alien monster the government desperately hopes to control?  They certainly do their best.  Sometimes.

Anyway, Flash gets his very own solo series, something Spider-Man supporting characters rarely enjoy.  I mean, Mary Jane will get a one-shot Valentine’s Day issue, but she only rarely transforms into a hulking supervillain who cannibalizes enemy soldiers.  Still, Flash turns out to be a fantastic character for holding his own comic.  He receives an arch-nemesis (Jack O’Lantern — far scarier, deadlier, and more complicated than the name suggests), a love interest (Betty Brant and Valkyrie), and even saves the world from literal Hell on Earth with his new best friends Red Hulk, X-23, and Ghost Rider.  Actually, you should go pick up that little Marvel event, I greatly enjoyed it.  Oh, and Flash’s former alcoholism?  It runs in the family.

Though Flash exhibits the self-loathing present in all superheroes (which even Captain America has moments of), he essentially broke free of government control and serves as an actual patrolling superhero, with Venom just hanging out inside him at all times.  Like a gooey pudding that won’t digest.  Most importantly, he’s also the only superhero in Philadelphia.  For excitement, thrills, and combat, supervillains should totally hang out in New York City.  But if they actually wanted to make money, it’d be smart to move — really any other major city would do.

While Venom ends in two issues with #42, it’s well worth it to pick up the older issues, if just because now you’re guaranteed closure.  Some closure at least.

Flash Thompson: superhero, Pt. 1

The one-time Peter Parker bully turned Spider-Man’s #1 fan turned alcoholic turned war hero turned superhero.  That Flash Thompson.  Remember his first appearance in Amazing Fantasy #15, written by Stan Lee and drawn by Steve Ditko?  Boy, stereotypes did not grow subtle in the 1960s.

But as time went on, Flash Thompson has evolved into one of the most interesting and complex characters in the Marvel universe today.  We’ll take the first half of this journey today in Amazing Spider-Man #108, written by Stan Lee and drawn by John Romita, and Amazing Spider-Man #574, written by Marc Guggenheim and drawn by Barry Kitson

During Eugene “Flash” Thompson’s stint at Empire State University, his number pops up to serve his country in Vietnam.  Due to Marvel’s sliding time scale (and also because Flash isn’t now 60 years old), it’s some unnamed military conflict.  No fighting the good fight alongside the Punisher deep in the jungles of Hanoi.  But he did see some stuff over there, man.

As you can imagine, Flash handles the PTSD badly.  He dives into some serious alcoholism — the same disease that affects his father –although he does become one of Parker’s dear friends as well (watching a village or two explode sort of makes bullying seem petty).  Then the Green Goblin puts him in a coma.  Bad times.  Eventually time heals all wounds, as Flash awakens and trains young minds in the art of dodgeball and stuff as a P.E. coach.  But when war in the Middle East rears its ugly head in the late 2000s, Flash steps up to serve his country.  And thus begins one of the most powerful stories ever told in a Spider-Man comic.

So what happened during Flash’s most recent army gig?  Heroism, that’s what.  The decades of comics have been kind to Flash’s personality.  His fanboy-ism towards Spider-Man becomes genuine respect, so much so that Flash’s entire morality has been shaped around what he’s seen Spider-Man accomplish.  Guggenheim does a great job incorporating Flash’s decisions based around the simple idea of, “What would Spider-Man do?”

And while punching the Rhino or dodging pumpkin grenades certainly makes web-slinging a scary game, nothing compares to that real life stuff.

Everything goes bad.  Everything.  As many SHIELD agents flung across the helicarrier by an angry Hulk can tell you, a rifle and grit alone rarely provide the protection needed that, say, a healing factor or optic blasts do.

Everything gets worse.  Much worse.  Y’know, I remember before the assassination of Captain America during the Iraq war, the left wanted him on street corners protesting this war and the right wanted him in the trenches punching terrorists.  But the more I think about it, a man with a shield and flamboyantly bright costume kind of cheapens the war.  Makes it silly.  And this is not silly, though I so wish it was.

On Friday, we’ll watch as he becomes the man he deserves to be — and I’ll show you slivers of the past five years as he deals with recovery, rekindled relationships, alien symbiotes, and some major daddy issues.  But those’re spoilers, and we’re better than that.

New school: Small town Daredevil

On Monday, you saw a blind and mute Daredevil travel the corrupt streets of the New Jersey Badlands, where police officers abuse their power and shoot those who attempt to right the wrongs. Twenty years later, Daredevil gets possessed by a demon and rules New York City’s Hell Kitchen with a horde of ninjas and a 16th century samurai mansion.  After the debacle, Matt Murdock figures he could use a break to run away or find himself or whatever.  In Daredevil: Reborn #1-4, written by Andy Diggle and drawn by Davide Gianfelice, he finds himself once more in the small town Badlands, infested again with corrupt law enforcement.

Definitely not New Jersey.  You know what happens when strangers show up unannounced in towns rife with terrible secrets.  But remember last time when hoodlums messed with Murdock?  Well, it’s not just his fashion sense that’s changed over the past decades.  He’s also just exorcised a murderous demon from his body.

Now, we can’t call Murdock a wussy.   The beatings serve to punish Daredevil for his actions in New York, and he accepts the physical pain as his redemption.  To go along with his emotional and mental pain.  Though he talks this time, poor Murdock doesn’t kung fu kick anybody across a diner.  Yet.

While corrupt cops have no problem killing strangers, it’s probably better to let this beaten up man go about his way — the dude’s harmless anyway.  Plus he can send a message or cop bullets are expensive or all the shovels need new handles.  I don’t know the reason, but Murdock catches a break.

And now our story diverges from Frank Miller’s version.  Miller wrote a perfect noir masterpiece, a twenty page story that lives up to the literary standards we hold dear in our storytelling.  But Diggle wrote a better superhero story.  We love our superheroes because  despite the always terrible idea to fight the overwhelming forces of evil for that small sliver of justice (compare superhero to supervillain ratio, for instance), our heroes have an uncontrollable urge to interfere in the affairs of bad men and women.  Because gosh darn it, that’s what superheroes do, and though Daredevil did plenty of that in Miller’s critically-acclaimed run, he did no such thing in Daredevil #219.

Also, it may just be reactionary, especially once the cops figure out the Internet:

Don’t you see?  Superheroes meddle too often.  And even Murdock, who tried so valiantly to run away from his violent tendencies, has no choice but to intervene.  Because he’s a superhero.  That’s what they do.

He finds out that the police may not be exactly on his side:

I’m not going cover most of the series.  Like most of issues two and all of three.  And the climax of issue four.  But as the mystery cracks open and spills into Mexican druglords and all that other good stuff, the cops forget Daredevil has many useful ways to learn secret information.  Like in his decades of watching thugs wet themselves when he jumps down from the skyscraper above them.

Most importantly, Daredevil realizes once more the good he can do against the unlimited bad guys pouring out all over the country.  Or at least in New York City.  But before he returns to his life — and a series that doesn’t utterly destroy every aspect of his personal and professional life — Murdock has some sweet street justice to administer.  Everywhere needs a superhero, especially in a town that desperately deserves one.

Old school: Small town Daredevil

Thanks to a recommendation from my friend wwayne (who has a fantastic website if you’re fluent in Italian), I delved into some 1980s Daredevil.  And while the story’s fantastic — which we’ll cover today — what really caught my attention is how similar Daredevil #219, written by Frank Miller & John Buscema and drawn by Gerry Talaoc, is to Daredevil: Reborn #1-4, written by Andy Diggle and drawn by Davide Gianfelice.  Difference being over 20 years between when the issues came out despite the familiar plots, even right down to the name of the area.  I assume Diggle wrote this as tribute to Miller and Buscema’s work, and it’ll be fun to compare the two.  But we’ll cover “new school” Wednesday.

Now, if you do a quick Internet search, Daredevil #219 has been already analyzed and covered by far better writers than me, like The Matt Murdock Chronicles and Niel Jacoby.  But regarding all my other comic blog buddies who have vast talent and passion — and you guys know who you are — I’ve learned that success comes in two ways: either do something that hasn’t been done before or be better than everyone else.  Let me throw my hat in the ring; I’ll throw a few punches.  Especially once I fix all that passive voice.

So Daredevil #219 is not a Daredevil story.  I mean, his name is on the title, but the man never puts on the costume.  Or speaks, for that matter.  Just a man in a fashionable peaked cap and leather jacket on vacation in one of New Jersey’s forgotten towns.  But considering last issue, he probably needs a vacation:

Scooby Doo antics aside, small town corruption remains very real in the Marvel universe.  To be fair, so does big city corruption, but the Avengers don’t park their jet on a helipad in Kansas.  As we jump into the story, Matt Murdock (because Daredevil never shows up) does what normal superheroes do when they enter foreign territory undercover — they go to a local diner.  The Punisher alone has probably spent several waitress’ salaries worth of stale coffee and bad eggs.

Notice the cool noir-style text boxes?  Y’see, the problem with committing crimes among a world inhabited by superheroes with secret identities is that they could be disguised as anything, like say a stranger wearing a fashionable peaked cap and leather jacket.

My favorite line so far: “Then in he came, like he was born with a gun pointing in his face.”  If we ignore Murdock’s blindness, he still jump kicks dudes shooting bazookas and miniguns almost nightly.  Of course a punk with a pistol won’t even register a single bead of sweat.  That and he’s the Man Without Fear.  But mainly the first reason.

You won’t get justice of this plot through my commentary.  I can’t cover all the nuances or properly appreciate the heroes and villains.  Simply put, we have corrupt sheriffs not wanting outsiders messing with their affairs, a plot seen many times throughout our literary culture — this is just a very well-done version of that.  Complete with all sorts of the usual suspects of those scummy stories we love:

So a murder occurred recently, as you’ve noticed.  A good man murdered for trying to correct the broken system.  Murdock isn’t here to solve this problem.  He doesn’t really solve anything.  But we get to witness this small town collapse in on itself through Murdock’s eyes, regardless of his participation in the adventure.  Especially when he meets that ego-bruised punk again.

In that jail cell, we learn the truth behind the foggy door of immorality, which Miller excels at showing us tiny glimpses before ripping it off its hinges.

Good guys have a tough time in Miller’s (and Buscema’s) world.  To save their home from itself, superheroes and other morally upright men and women tend to lose almost everything dear when Miller gets his hand on their lives.  Until Miller grabbed control of the title, Daredevil couldn’t attain the level of success — almost to the verge of cancellation, being seen as just another costumed vigilante not as cool as Spider-Man or the X-Men.  Daredevil retains his A-list Marvel status today because of Miller back in the 1980s, but oh my goodness did Miller wreck Murdock’s life.  In a weird way, Miller saved Daredevil’s life by destroying it.  Sort of.  Oh, and now small town justice falls to the power of small town corruption.

Our final acts ends with a bang.  Because winning in 1980s Daredevil comics classifies as losing less than the other guy.  If not physically than emotionally.

Buy the issue (somewhere) for the full genius and all the fleshed out development I skipped over. Remember this story on Wednesday for a modern day retelling in which Daredevil learned his lesson twenty years before about watching from the sidelines.