Sad JLA: Wonder Woman

Merry Christmas!  What better way to enjoy a day of peace, happiness, and a slight buzz than with Wonder Woman’s turn for an emotional breakdown?  Luckily in JLA #105, written by Chuck Austen and drawn by Ron Garney, our Amazonian takes up half the issue with a fight — the way I like my Wonder Woman (awesome).

I wouldn’t worry if you don’t know the baddie she’s tangling with — the supervillain debuted in this issue, never gets a name, and we never hear about her again.  But she can hold her own again Wonder Woman, a superhero who can Jason Bourne any household item into a beatdown-able weapon.

How cool was that?  Her skin can deflect high caliber bullets and explosions much less axes (hence why her costume looks more like an Olympian swimsuit than a costume — or maybe sexism, I have no idea), but Wonder Woman can totally be taken down if hit hard enough.  Remember Superman’s death?  With all his kryptonite and magic weaknesses, he died from being punched too hard.  While Wonder Woman actually possesses no such weaknesses — thus making her far scarier than Superman in terms of combat strategies — she still remains vulnerable to beatings.  More importantly, the fight ends in a very un-Wonder Woman manner:

Unlike her other Justice League buddies, her tears don’t spawn from her failings or traumatic sights. No sadness rays emanate from the unconscious supervillain.  Dirt or glass didn’t get in her eyes.  It’s not allergy season.  But whatever her teary origin, at least Wonder Woman knows she can always rely on the loving support and care of her teammates — who only wish for her happiness and well-being.

Maybe Martian Manhunter is just concerned she’ll bleed all over the furniture.  Look, despite the martian’s revelations last issue, not everyone adjusts as fast as the Man of Steel.  Superman’s better than all of us for a reason.  Remember Superman’s mistake back when he let a new superhero accidentally explode?  Y’see, he feels he has a duty to watch the kid play or whatever while he hides in trees and hovers above him.  It’s supposed to be sweet and not creepy.  Especially because of what happens next.  But before all that, Superman can do more than laser vision baddies or create cyclones — he can heal broken hearts as well.  Also, we knowing that Superman and Wonder Woman are currently dating in the New 52 makes this moment far more sentimental:

I looked it up — “sinced” is an actual word.  Batman gets his turn on Friday, and it’ll be full of brooding.  Plus he makes a child cry.

Sad JLA: Martian Manhunter

Are you getting uncomfortable with all this emotional outpouring going on the past few articles? You’re not alone in JLA #104, written by Chuck Austen and Ron Garney.

I know he mentions that his experiences differ because of his otherworldly alien stuff, but only Flash and Green Lantern are human.  Superman has that whole Kryptonian thing and Wonder Woman birthed from wet clay.  I mean, they’re not green or can shapeshift or wear cool capes with collars, but it’s not fair for Martian Manhunter (real name J’onn J’onzz) to claim that his teammates can’t understand him.  He’s not the only one to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.

Of all the Justice League-ers, I’m the least knowledgeable about Martian Manhunter.  While I should do some extensive research, I only have about ten minutes before the NyQuil forces me to pass out on my keyboard.  I do know this: he’s from Mars and the last survivor of a plague that wiped out every one of his people, including his wife and child.  Also, the dude’s crazy powerful.  He has super strength almost on par with Superman, plus he can shapeshift, fly, phase through solids, turn invisible, super breath and vision, and he’s the most powerful telepath on the planet.  Like a green Professor X. And with him being uneasy talking about feelings, he flees the watchtower for the mundane earth life.

I’m skipping his detective adventures and getting right to that juicy crying stuff.  Y’see, an earthling starts to fancy the stoic John Jones, and his secret gets revealed when he attempts to pull a Batman on some criminals.

Another secret revealed: John Jones is boring.

Of course the universe’s last Martian would be a bit unhinged.  I don’t even think it’s an afraid-to-fall-in-love-again thing.  Or a wishing to feel like the victim mentality.  Here’s my take with zero research to back it up: unlike Superman, who plopped onto earth as a child and therefore raised as a normal-esque boy, Martian Manhunter arrived on this planet full grown in the prime of his life.  If he accepts that he now possesses some glorious earth traits, it’s a cultural slap in the face of his previous life. After all, he’s all that’s left to preserve the Martian culture.  By assimilating, the memory of his wife, child, and people fade with each new girl he kisses or every time he hugs the Flash.

Or maybe he just doesn’t want to think about the tragedies in his own life.  The Justice League believe that, anyway.  Actually, ignore my theory — I’m just leaving it in because I’m proud I can connect thoughts amid my beleaguered cold medicine haze.

Y’know, I’m going to check out some Martian Manhunter stuff.  I’m getting welled up, and not just because of my Sudafed-laced brain.  There must be far more to Martian Manhunter than him phasing through the floor to zap supervillains.  Plus, I’m a big fan of any alien wearing a suit and tie.

On Wednesday, it’s Wonder Woman’s turn and by far our bloodiest issue in this arc yet.

Sad JLA: Green Lantern

Want to see Green Lantern make a mistake before having an emotional breakdown?  Of course.

We’re looking at JLA #103, written by Chuck Austen and drawn by Ron Garney.  This is a good example of the sheer amount of crime in the DC universe.  Two apartment complexes across the street from each other at the same time have simultaneous domestic disturbances to break up.  Poor John Stewart can’t fly/run at the speed of thought like our previous two superheroes, so he has to choose the order of his heroic acts.  Since you have a fair grasp of the theme this week, you already know: he chooses poorly.

To be fair to Stewart, if any of the Justice League can handle death, it’s Green Lantern.  This comic takes place in pre-Geoff Johns era, but Green Lantern comics remain (at least in the second half of the last decade) as the bloodiest, violent, and most deadly series in the DC Universe.  Space is never not at war.  Plus, remember that one time Stewart’s arrogance got a planet blown up and all its people killed?  He hasn’t, that’s for sure.

Sector 2814, the section of the galaxy that Stewart patrols contains far more than just the planet Earth.  You wouldn’t know from the comics, but can you blame the guy?  Dude’s biased towards his own species.  At least he doesn’t do what Sinestro did and have his planet make gold statues of him and force all citizens to grow tiny pencil-thin mustaches.  My Green Lantern knowledge pre-Geoff Johns is a bit fuzzy.  Something about Hal Jordan getting Reed Richards hair and Kyle Rayner crying a lot.

But Green Lantern brings up a good point — his responsibility and the sole reason he wears that ring is to protect every single gosh darn person that walks his planet.  So he pulls a Spider-Man (though many years before Spider-Man makes the same proclamation): nobody dies.  Not from a stabbing, a bank robbery, a fall down the stairs, a broken heart, etc.  Green Lantern’ll create knife-proof armor, punch robbers with giant green fists, make all apartments install slides, passionately make out with the lonely, etc.  It’s impossible, and with Superman being the only character so far who has overcome crippling emotional turmoil, the Man of Steel once again lends his broad shoulders and father-like advice to his buddy and confidant.

In a lesson I’m skipping, Green Lantern learns that maybe some civilian R&R could do him some good.  Because with all the power capable from using that ring, deodorant and a shower isn’t any of them.  Though depending on the writer, I’m sure it could be.

Superman only smells like one thing: America.  And there’s a smell that brings pride swelling in your heart and an unbreakable confidence in your patriotic smile.  Or delusion.  Either way, Martian Manhunter on Monday!  It’ll be sad!

Sad JLA: Flash

We continue our depressing series with the Flash (real name Wally West), who despite being probably the most lighthearted member of the league (assuming Plastic Man isn’t around), takes emotional turmoil like a broken ankle — bunches of tears, whimpers of despair, and a dramatic collapse to his knees.  While superheroes are supposed to be tough and unflappable and all sorts of heroically masculine traits, the importance of a superhero’s traumatic breakdown cannot be overstated.  Especially in DC, where I’ve mentioned before that the big timers tend to lack that essential fatal flaw that makes them relatable (Batman excluded because he’s irreparably emotionally damaged).  To have these moments where superheroes fail so brilliantly (or witness something similar) allows us to like them more — look, I’m aware I can’t kick bad guys into space, but it’d be nice to know that at least my fictional heroes also stub their toe on the coffee table once in a while.  Today let’s enjoy JLA #102, written by Chuck Austen and drawn by Ron Garney.

I’m no physicist, but the Flash has shown more than once to be faster than the speed of light when he attempts it.  I assume that speed would turn that woman into a civilian goo, but the Flash has the potential to be insanely powerful given the right writer.  I sometimes find it odd to believe he even has a rogues gallery considering he can circle the planet in seconds, vibrate through walls/projectiles, and process information quicker than most computers.  I mean, he fights Captain Boomerang every once in a while, who has the superpower to throw deadly boomerangs.  At the man whose top speed breaks the space-time continuum.

Dead children’ll ruin your day.  Our hero possesses a superpower with endless possibilities (for instance, dodging boomerangs), but he can’t travel back in time to save youngsters from smoke inhalation.  Actually, I think he can time travel, though the DC universe did reboot because of the Flash’s time-tampering (literary-wise anyway).

Remember that South Park episode where the kids pretended to be superheroes?  They would stand outside supermarkets and sell baked goods to raise money for all the Cthulhu destruction.  Flash does something similar, though with less cooking — I think he’s probably been around enough enough heat for a few days.  Ever want to see the Flash lecture civilians on proper maintenance of smoke detectors in a canon comic?

Commence the breakdown.  If these next few pages aren’t a boomerang that shatters your soul into hundreds of tiny tear-soaked pieces, you’re wrong.  So wrong.

Y’see, I want to make light of the situation because I imagine we’re a bit uncomfortable right now.  I want to make Captain Boomerang references until my fingers go numb from typing (his real name is Digger, by the way).  But luckily, we’re at part two of this arc, so at least Superman can give him that invulnerable, muscular shoulder to lean on.  The Man of Steel’s become emotionally healthier since a good twenty pages ago.  Off topic, but I really miss Wally West in the New 52.

Green Lantern on Friday.  Spoiler alert: it’ll be heartbreaking.

Sad JLA: Superman

A few days ago, I came across an arc in JLA #101 – 106, written by Chuck Austen and drawn by Ron Garney, that brought forth some really awful days for our heroes.  They fail, they cry, they talk about feelings, etc.  I love it, because not only do we get genuine human moments from these superhumans, but when our protagonists win every single time (as comics demand), a tiny loss or close call can tear out their heart and punch it into bloody heart goo.  So we’re going to see parts of these six issues each profiling a different hero.  Use your mask to mop up the tears and your cape to blow your nose, because these next two weeks’ll be a doozy.

I’ve always been grateful that our most powerful superhero is also our most polite.  Batman would have just thrown knockout gas from his Batmobile window before cartwheeling into the burning building. More importantly, Superman’s plan totally beats out the firefighters: send in the man who’s both super fast and invulnerable.

Surprise, new superhero!  The best part of a fictional universe allows for new characters to be created instantly with zero skepticism required from the readers.  A truck driver gets sneezed on by a radioactive alien?  Now he can shoot lava out of his shoulders!  The local anchorwoman eats a chemically-enhanced meatball at the state fair?  Now she can turn trees into airplanes!  It’s that easy, because the rules tend to be horribly lax in a comic book universe.  And I’m cool with that, but only because I now have the first two members of my new superhero team.

Y’see, even with Superman’s practically infinite combinations of superpowers, he still makes mistakes.  Or judgement errors.  Or rash decisions in a fiery inferno of a former apartment complex. The man may be Kryptonian by blood and ability, but he is, at times, really only human.  He bleeds when he falls down.  He crashes and he breaks down.  Your words in his head, knives in his heart. You build him up and then he falls apart.  Because he’s only human.  Actually, sorry, that’s a Christina Perri song.

Because Superman has the powers of a god, his failings are going to ruin him far worse than anyone else.  Maybe not the people he fails to save, but you know what I mean.  Look, Superman knows how powerful he is.  It’s not a surprise to the Man of Steel that he can circle the earth in seconds while carrying a sack of blue whales and elephants.  His inability to save everyone at all times certainly disappoints all the civilians who trust him to protect them from harm, but he’s not a god — Superman wears his underwear on the outside, for goodness sake.  And that means not being able to save everyone at all times.  Should we be upset as readers?  Hell yes, but I kind of believe we love him more when he fails.  He becomes a little more relatable, y’know?

The scene cuts to the arc’s overlying plot (which I’ve ignored).  On Wednesday, we’ll see the Flash fail.  Then Green Lantern, Martian Manhunter, Wonder Woman, and finally Batman.  Well, sort of Batman.  That man’s a beast.

Nightwing’s Blockbuster confession

It’ll be anti-climatic, but you’ll have a sense of closure that’ll enable you to finally sleep soundly at night once again.  Well mainly me, because I’ve been procrastinating and writing these at midnight. Anyway, as Nightwing’s guilt slowly destroys him, he begins to take bigger risks, jump deeper into danger, and put himself in situations where radiation poisoning’ll boil his insides.  Especially the third one in Nightwing #116-117, written by Devin Grayson and drawn by Wellington Alves, Marcos Marz, & Brad Walker.

In Infinite Crisis #4, Blüdhaven blows up.  That’s the city Nightwing spent 116 issues attempting to protect and reform.

Millions of people and a piece of Nightwing’s heart die in that radioactive blast.  With Nightwing trying to kill-himself-by-danger to ease that guilty conscience, a glowing wasteland of a city seems like the perfect place.  Look, I know I haven’t been as terribly kind to Nightwing these past few weeks.  But I do adore Nightwing.  It’s the idea of one acrobat valiantly struggling to save one city from eating itself alive from crime and corruption.  We know it’s impossible.  Hell, Batman and his entire team of gymnasts in capes can’t possibly rid all evil from Gotham City (though I believe Batman likes it that way).

Still, as Nightwing, with his batons and grappling hook, fights his unending battle against forces always stronger than him, he’s the closest we have to a “normal” guy parading as a superhero. Batman can’t qualify for that role.  People believe the Dark Knight could win against Superman. Comics have been written about his victory (or at least tie).  Superman — the superhero who could split the moon in two with a single karate chop.  The superhero who can circumnavigate the world in the time it takes Batman to throw his first punch.  But Nightwing?  No one thinks he would win.  We all agree Superman would squish the former Robin into a pellet small enough to feed to an actual Robin.  It’s because he’s seen as a normal guy (at least to me), despite that Nightwing has the same skill, talent, speed, training, and intelligence as Batman.  Readers love normals, which is probably one reason Hawkeye is selling so well.  My 1 AM Nightwing theory aside, I don’t think I’m talking entirely out my butt.

But back to Blüdhaven and a few pages I selected.

Delirious hospital bed confession time coming up.  A nuclear blast and building wall combo attack can be more effective than any truth serum.  And Nightwing’s final line before he passes out?  Beautifully written — Nightwing’s gushing about hope, especially his lack thereof that cost Blockbuster his life.

Discussion over.  Batman only deals in tough love.  The Dark Knight’s advice summed up?  I’ll get over your moral failing, but not if you use it as an excuse to drown in self-loathing.  Grow up, learn from the experience, move on, punch bad guys.  Something like that.  So Nightwing takes his advice, as any son would when your father dressed as a giant bat screams in your face.  The first step for recovery? He should start with repairing some mistakes that can be fixed.

They break up next issue, but at least the Boy Wonder takes the first step in becoming the Man Wonder.

Batman loves Gordon

False advertising.  Batman doesn’t love anything but the sound his batarangs make when they connect with a criminal’s skull.  And Alfred.  And the Robins.  Okay, so he probably loves lots of stuff, but his affection for his closest civilian ally constantly teeters that emotional line.  Their friendship and partnership (both words discussed today) can be best summed up with the issue-long conversation in Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #125, written by Greg Rucka and drawn by Rick Burchett.

As No Man’s Land reaches its midway-ish point, Batman finally shows his face once again.  Turns out that when Bruce Wayne spends his time in Washington D.C. desperately lobbying for funds to get his city back from the post-apocalyptic wasteland it currently resembles, his alter ego won’t be patrolling the dimly lit streets of destroyed Gotham City.  And really, as effective as one man can be in containing an entire collapsed city, his symbolism speaks far more volume than his grappling hooks. So when he arrives to apologize to Commissioner Jim Gordon about his absence, the two have an actual conversation.  Like with feelings and stuff.

Okay, not yet.  Neither of the men can really do small talk, but it is refreshing to hear Batman awkwardly discuss gardening.  Most of the time he’s growling about murder victims and police inadequacy.  But with Gordon no longer tolerating this facade, the real drama finally begins:

Gordon’ll make his point clearer in a few pages.  Look, we as readers know Batman has friends. Superman, for one.  But his anti-social personality leaves the Dark Knight a little abrasive with his relationships.  And frankly, Gordon demands more from their friendship than occasionally accepting hand deliveries of gagged and unconscious supervillains.

When Bane broke Wayne’s back a few years back, Wayne let his insane buddy Azrael take the mantle for a while.  He didn’t tell Gordon.  When No Man’s Land was announced, Wayne ran off to gather political pull and money.  He didn’t tell Gordon.  Rinse and repeat the entire run of Batman comics.

The two are stuck with each other, and they know that.  Gordon’ll never leave the Gotham police force (despite temporary setbacks) and Batman’ll never stop fighting Gotham crime (despite temporary setbacks), because comic book status quo demands that the two remain together.  Forever and ever. Gordon understands that, and he figures after 60 years of adventures (10 years of time passed in the DC universe) that he deserves to at least to be treated as an actual friend.  Not an easy task.  I mean, even Robin doesn’t get told what Batman’s up to half the time.  You’re witnessing Batman’s “hey buddy, it looks like you put on a few pounds” conversation but for his personality.  Also, that last panel perfectly sums up decades of built up rage.

You can’t get any more trusting than the secret identity reveal.  Though he did tell Joker his real identity in the New 52 and that turned out horrifically.  Can we at least just be proud of Batman taking a positive step in one of his relationships?  That man has some serious emotional damage.  Instead of spending years in intensive therapy, Batman spent his youth learning how to break ninja arms. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices.

Gordon’s response believably expresses his latent frustration while still maintaining that precious status quo.  Rucka has been a confirmed genius for years now.

Gordon totally knows Bruce Wayne is Batman.  Like Perry White knows Clark Kent is Superman. When our heroes surround themselves with brilliant investigative minds, the truth can’t slink away for long.  But luckily the supporting cast also embraces the wonderful compassion that comes with ignoring that your local billionaire/star reporter also lives in a giant Justice League space station. Loved ones get hurt when secrets spill and all that jazz.  Oh well.

Anyway, friendship repaired!  Next step: saving a depraved and ruined city filled with millions of people from collapsing in on itself in terrifying violence, immorality, and anarchy.

Joker’s No Man’s Land: Gordon

While I normally like to cover stories that may not get the publicity the famous ones do, the famous ones receive that fame for a reason.  Usually because they’re expertly written, wildly exciting, or heartbreakingly sad.  We hit the last category today.  The gigantic Batman event No Man’s Land comes to a close in Detective Comics #741, written by Greg Rucka & Devin Grayson and drawn by Damion Scott & Dale Eaglesham.

Gotham City Police Commissioner Jim Gordon, despite always chain smoking and looking as if he just got off a three-day shift, has had his fair share of paramours.  Not as many as Bruce Wayne, but Gordon also isn’t a gorgeous billionaire who dresses as a giant bat to punch muggers off rooftops. Actually, I didn’t much research Gordon’s love interests.  But the main two (and really the only two necessary to know) will always be his two wives: Barbara Gordon and Sarah Essen Gordon.  In Frank Miller’s Batman: Year One arc, Gordon and Sarah begin an affair.  Even Batman’s red-headed buddy has his morality crushing vices.  Anyway, cut to many years later, with both Gordon and Sarah divorced, they start dating and get married in Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight Annual #2, written by Dennis O’Neil and drawn by Michael Netzer:

It had been a rough night for both of them.  We cut eight years later to the end of No Man’s Land in early 2000.  One final scheme from the Joker.  As usual, it’s twisted and’ll end with readers’ tears soaking the pages of their comics.  Make sure your keyboards are waterproof.

Y’see, the Joker lies.  A lot.  The heroes split up to cover the city — but every baby just turns out to be dolls that explode on contact.  Cue lots of destruction and close calls.  Joker totally hoarded the babies himself.  Unfortunately, when they figure out exactly where he’s hiding, only one person happened to already be on the scene.

Beautiful art showing the horror on Gordon’s face mixed with a nauseating angle.  We forget that as gimmicky and silly Batman’s supervillains can be, they’re also almost all unrepentant and dangerous killers.  Killer Croc eats people, for goodness sake.  And the Joker?  Nothing funny about his body count.  [Ed. Note: Sorry, that type of joke won’t happen again.]

Look, the majority of you have read this before and everyone else can probably guess what’s about to happen.  I’m not great at subtlety.  But I didn’t pick this issue for the upcoming trauma — it’s the reaction from Gordon and Batman that grabbed me.  To see Gordon at his weakest and Batman dropping all facade of scary criminal puncher puts both characters in a human light the DC universe sometimes lacks.  But let’s continue — and this next scene pains me (and I’m sure you) every time I have to reread it.

When Flashpoint occurred a few years ago to reset the DC universe, Gordon’s marriage to Sarah no longer happened.  Any record of her has been erased in the annals of “official” DC history.  I don’t mind, they’re fictional characters after all, but it doesn’t erase the emotional impact of Gordon’s immediate mourning and rage.  Especially the rage.

I’m fascinated by Batman’s declaration — we know he wouldn’t let Gordon kill the Joker.  After all, the commissioner’s partnership with Batman relies on Gordon forever being that one incorruptible cop. We really don’t give Gordon as much credit as a supporting character as we should.  He serves as Batman’s father figure just as much as Alfred does.  We end today with both a bang and a whimper. Wipe those tears away.