Wildcat vs. Sportsmaster

That’s the real name of a supervillain — Sportsmaster.  He’s been around since the 40s, and really the only decade he could have possibly been invented during.  Here’s one of his earliest appearances in Green Lantern #28, volume one:

So it’s like if Olympic athletes decided to fight superheroes using only equipment currently in their hotel room.  The Sportsmaster’s ego truly amazes me, especially when he’s talking trash and waving around a tennis racket against Green Lantern, who has a weapon that makes literally anything the user wants with enough force to bring down Superman-level supervillains.

Today, we’re focusing on the second Sportsmaster — oh yes, more than one of these guys have existed.  In JSA Classified #26-27, written by Frank Tieri and drawn by Matt Haley & Gordon Purcell, our featured bad guy Sportsmaster (real name Victor Gover) gets to brawl with Wildcat (real name Ted Grant), who possesses all the superpowers of a 60 year-old boxer.  But first, let Wildcat reminisce:

I’d like to build up this battle as a thrilling back-and-forth as the Justice Society-er Wildcat scraps with the agile hockey stick-wielding Sportsmaster, but even a comic book reader’s suspension of disbelief only goes so far.  Wildcat beats the ever-loving crap out of Gover.

Though Wildcat savagely crushed Sportsmaster’s bones and spirit, he did it out of tough love, y’know? Sometimes, that’s the only way for a fighter to realize the truth, or else they’ll never stop making Rocky movies.  Though this mentioned superhero betting place?  Genius:

While I’m no expert on addicts, I imagine the bad behaviors continually re-surface, especially when scary mob bosses offer Sportsmaster another chance to erase all those outstanding betting debts. And I’m sorry for spoiling everything today.

Remember how Sportsmaster lost horrifically to an elderly man with no superpowers wearing a cat costume?  Now he gets to do the same thing, just against Hourman, Mr. Terrific, Power Girl, Damage, and the Flash.  It must be a helluva trump card held by Joe the Slob, because exploding soccer balls won’t even scratch Power Girl, much less the other four powerhouses.

Ma Hunkel’s an old woman serving as the JSA’s Alfred Pennyworth-figure.  So now the JSA has to either throw the match or lose their dear chef.

There seems to be a trend in supervillains that the fewer powers one has, the more arrogant one acts. I imagine mainly for comedic effect, but when the Flash can circle the entire planet and hit you with a punch hard enough to blast your organs across the continent before you’ve even finished your first egotistical sentence — why all the cockiness?  Trump card aside, Sportsmaster should at least shake hands and thank the JSA for their participation.  Y’know, or else this could happen:

Poor Sportsmaster just realized that superhero problems tend to get solved with violence rather than a discussion or vote.  It’s the default problem solver for those that wear spandex and capes.  One doesn’t spend a decade learning martial arts and crafting their twelve-pack abs to simply chat about their disagreements.

Hopefully this experience has been educational for Sportsmaster.

I admire Wildcat’s brand of tough love.  He takes the Batman method of pounding opponents until they’re human goo, then threatening them to go straight or next time he’ll batarang their spine.  Gover never shows up again, but he does get to be a permanent mark in the win category for Wildcat, sadly living in a world plagued by the ever repeating status quo.

Sportsmaster should fight Superman.

Martian Manhunter vs. Despero, Pt. 2

After his assist from Aquaman last article, Martian Manhunter has to brawl his way to victory by himself today.  The two aliens who both wear clothing that makes any lady superhero costume look Amish, have far more differences than their appearances give off.  Martian Manhunter, the tragic final survivor of his ruined planet, fights valiantly to protect his adopted home from suffering the same fate. Despero, the naked tyrant from the well-populated planet Kalanor, only wishes to seek vengeance on and destroy that pesky Justice League.  Commence the punching.

So why Gypsy, you ask?  She helped take down Despero during his “mad god” phase last article. The mid ’80s to early ’90s were a strange time for comics, where diversity meant loading up on gimmicky characters with slightly racist names.  Though we should still at least half-heartedly applaud the efforts of the publishers.  Diversity before then meant adding a Martian to a team of white dudes. In the fight we’re currently seeing, we finally get some of that good ol’ telepathy clashing.  Psychic fights translate well into comics, where the visuals can highlight the subconscious better than other forms of literature.  Not to unashamedly plug my own stuff, but remember this fight between Professor X and Emma Frost (and Cyclops)?  Brain battles tend to get both weird and emotionally painful.

That kind of attack can even bring Batman to his knees, who like Martian Manhunter, wears his tragic past like a waving flag to remind himself that his quest to prevent innocent deaths’ll never end.  Also, to chuck batarangs at criminals.  But for the sake of argument, let’s compare Martian Manhunter and Despero to the Marvel sorcerers.  Yes, Doctor Strange would totally beat Doctor Doom in a head-to-head magic battle, but even he’s not immune to ambushes and surprise spells.  More importantly, I’ve been reading a lot of Fantastic Four recently.  Our protagonist today can certainly overpower Despero in a telepathic brawl, but not if Despero sucker punches.  Though, round two on the other hand:

And now we jump twenty years into the New 52.  Not much has changed for Despero, as he’s still a nude, angry, mauling psychopath who enjoys gloating as much as crushing pitiful humans.  But Martian Manhunter has definitely changed.  Our Choco-loving friend nowadays scares the bejeebees out of anyone who contacts him.  He works in the shadows.  He wears a collar.  If you say his name three times, he pops out of a mirror.  Think less Casper the Friendly Ghost and more Casper the Violent Ghost Who Can Punch Through Walls.  But first, let’s admire how far artwork has progressed in two decades:

I always thought Despero needed an accessory.  If not underwear, a ring would be a close second. Look, Despero has no idea what he’s dealing with — Martian Manhunter has gone full badass these past few years.

Remember that telepathy fight from the beginning of the article?  Turns out like Superman, who has to hold back his attacks to avoid turning every single bad guy he encounters into a pile of supervillain goo, Martian Manhunter does the same thing with his mind powers.  Despero never stood a chance.

I liked the sentimental Martian Manhunter of the past, but I don’t mind the new frightening Martian Manhunter.  While I’d love to see a rematch sometime soon, I’ll settle for Despero to get some pants. Make it a mini-series.

Martian Manhunter vs. Despero, Pt. 1

When you consider the sheer number of supervillains running around on Earth (Batman and Superman alone have about 230 each if you count the one-timers), it’s only a matter of time before the baddies have to come from space.  Only so many chemical vats drip into prison cells and gives murderers lava arms or whatever.  Despero’s created to be one of those pesky extraterrestrials who invades our planet to mess with the do-gooders.  Specifically Martian Manhunter.  Something about them both being aliens.  Plus, like Martian Manhunter, Despero’s also a scary monstrous being who wears very little clothing:

Over the next two articles, we’re going to see a few of their clashes throughout the 50+ years of combat.  To save time, here are all the articles I’m using in the order I’m using them:

• Justice League of America #38, volume 2, written by James Robinson and drawn by Mark Bagley
• Justice League of America #1, volume 1, written by Gardner Fox and drawn by Mike Sekowsky
• Justice League of America #178, volume 1, written by Gerry Conway and drawn by Dick Dillin & Frank McLaughlin
• Justice League of America #253, volume 1, written by Conway and drawn by Luke McDonnell
• JLA #116-118, written by Geoff Johns & Allan Heinberg and drawn by Chris Batista
• Justice League America #39-40, written by Keith Giffen & J.M. DeMatteis and drawn by Adam Hughes & Jose Marzan Jr.
• Justice League #19-20, written by Geoff Johns and drawn by Ivan Reis, Zadder Cannon, Gene Ha, Andres Guinaldo, & Joe Prado

Despero’s first appearance also marks the first issue of the Justice League series (the team appeared before then in the The Brave and the Bold series).  You’d think the first issue would feature an world-destroying threat that can only be solved by the combined team’s power of friendship, but the stakes remained far lower.  As in Despero played the Flash in action figure chess.

Note one of the very few times Despero’s wearing clothes.  As the years passed, so did his muscle growth and thus he started wearing just a cape.  Not even underwear.  Just a cape.  But we have a few issues before we get to that (unfortunate) reveal — though for all the complaints about women’s costumes being too sexy, how about some male Despero skin for you?  Especially if you like evil red aliens.

Despero, besides possessing super strength on par with Superman (which puts him a few pegs above Martian Manhunter), also gets a genius intellect and a third eye capable of mind control, illusions, telepathy, and all that jazz.  His rivalry with the Martian superhero begins a few issues down the road — I’m jumping around for the sake of storytelling.  Mainly, early Despero really loved playing action figure chess.

Soon their relationship evolves (devolves?) into punching each other into unconsciousness, but nothing like a little sporting game to get revenge.  I understand that our featured supervillain doesn’t exactly make readers grip their chairs in suspense.  DC understood that as well, so in 1986 (in a story that’s very ’80s), Despero gets a power/ego upgrade.  We’re down to half clothing and I’ve included the best part of any supervillain reign of terror — the gloating monologue.

I don’t think it’s an accident that Batman’s in a Jesus pose.  Despero becomes a real threat, and not just because summon he can dragon statues.  To clear up any misgivings though, Despero’s not a god.  Not even close, because he’s eventually taken out by Vibe — the former breakdancer who holds the honor of being the first Justice League member killed in action.  That guy had a soul patch.

But let’s get to the meat of today’s first half.  Back when Zatanna mindwiped all the supervillains, things became hunky-dory until the bad guys all showed up one day with their memories returned and a justifiable chip on their shoulders.  Who could possibly possess the power to reverse the effect of such a powerful magic spell?  Hint: his name is in the title of the article.

There’s the nude Despero we know and love.  More importantly, this’ll firmly establish Despero as a major part of Martian Manhunter’s rogue gallery.  We go back about twenty years on Wednesday (see the middle panel on the bottom row of the first page below for a preview), but I figured we could all enjoy some modern day naked punching before all that.

We know Martian Manhunter doesn’t end this fight with a crushed skull and a giggling Despero.  But with the Justice League busy dealing with other immediate threats and Martian Manhunter unable to contact any of them, who’ll come to his rescue?  Hopefully someone of immense strength.  Someone who inspires fear in the heart of evil.  Someone whose strength is only matched by his immeasurable willpower.  Martian Manhunter needs a hero, gosh darn it.

We joke about Aquaman’s silliness.  You don’t have to convince me otherwise, I already know he’s a badass.  Truthfully, Aquaman can totally be useful, especially in a construction site filled with sharp rods.  Still, Martian Manhunter can’t take on this massive nude threat alone, so time to combine his powers with a tidal wave and a shark-tamer.

Right?  That’s a lot of primary colors battling it out.  Though the two eventually lose the fight, they at least win my heart.  Next time we get a lot more beatdowns and open threats.  Aliens really don’t like each other.

Nightwing vs. Firefly, Pt. 2

As we left off on Monday, Nightwing’s beloved home circus burned to the ground thanks to that jerk Firefly.  Dude’s sort of a mercenary, getting paid to ignite whatever his employer wants.  Still, that doesn’t mean that Firefly doesn’t deserve to be punched into a unconscious heap by our young vigilante.

As we finish our story today, we pick up in the middle of the Batman event War Games.  Once again, the city’s at war and aflame.  Gotham City gets blown up a lot when there’re ten Batman comics to write every month.

Luckily, with ten Batman comics every month that leaves lots of manpower to protect their fair city. All non-powered, but a bunch of them anyway.  As each member of the Bat posse (Batman, Robin, Nightwing, Batgirl, Onyx, Catwoman, Oracle, Orpheus, etc.) receives a section to beat criminals in, Nightwing finds his inhabited by someone who he still bears a serious grudge.

Oh yeah, despite this occurring a good year or two after Nightwing allowed Tarantula to kill Blockbuster, he’s still riddled with guilt, as most superheroes who commit immoral actions tend to be. Except Punisher.  After an evening of gutting and murdering criminals, he soundly goes to sleep counting tiny machine guns jumping over corpses.

We must remember that last time they met, Dick Grayson wore his circus outfit and not that black and blue beauty he currently wears.  So Firefly, while he knows of Nightwing and has been kicked by him plenty of times, doesn’t know he incinerated Nightwing’s home.  Well, that and one more reason to be fearful of the former Robin.  Bad guys are a superstitious and cowardly lot, after all.

Like I said in part one, everything’s way more suspenseful with the background on fire.  Symbolism and all that jazz.  While Nightwing didn’t actually kill Blockbuster, a little Firefly pantswetting should shift momentum to our hero’s side.  More importantly, Nightwing has had fifteen years of training in Batman-style intimidation and fear.  Soon, Firefly’ll soil himself on both ends.

Unfortunately, Nightwing’s plan to punch Firefly until his face turns into something resembling a jello mold takes a sharp turn when Gotham’s finest show up.

The relationship between the Bat posse and the GCPD changes every other year or so depending on who’s in command, the horrible tragedy going on, and how much of a jerk Batman’s currently being. When Spoiler (one of the costumes) accidentally sets off a city-wide gang war destroying much of Gotham and taking scores of lives, the relationship between the superheroes and the police has chilled a tad.  Like cops shooting freely at anyone in a mask chilly.  Luckily, our hero is too fast and skilled to get hurt by measly police bullets.

Okay, so not that fast and skilled.  Unfortunately, Grayson’s costume doesn’t contain the armor his adopted father’s contains.  More difficult to cartwheel into flying headstands when one has to pack several layers of Kevlar.  While our adventure today ends in a cliffhanger (though with Firefly thoroughly punched), it’ll lead up to Friday’s article: an admission of that pesky and total disregard for Batman’s ethics and code that Nightwing passionately broke.

Nightwing vs. Firefly, Pt. 1

It’s difficult to believe Nightwing has achieved his level of popularity.  Not that he hasn’t proved himself as Batman’s partner, Teen Titans leader, etc.  But the dude’s good-looking, cocky, over-emotional, dated every DC superheroine, and doesn’t have any superpowers besides an Olympian-level gymnastics ability.  Most importantly, Nightwing lacks a fatal personality flaw that endears him to readers.  We need that fatal personality flaw — it helps comic book readers relate (who are usually not good-looking, cocky, and able to join Cirque du Soleil).  Yet we adore Nightwing (the first Robin, Dick Grayson), maybe because we grew up with him — or more importantly, we saw him grow up within the comic pages themselves — or maybe it’s just nice to see a member of the Bat posse emerge untraumatized and still able to form long-lasting, meaningful relationships.  Still, while I don’t know why, I do love Nightwing.

Today and Wednesday, we’ll take a look at a few occasions Nightwing and Firefly tangled over a span of six years, leading up to Nightwing’s Blockbuster confession to Batman on Friday.  Please enjoy:
Detective Comics #727, written by Chuck Dixon and drawn by William Rosado
Nightwing #88, written by Devin Grayson and drawn by Shane Davis
Nightwing #98, written by Grayson and drawn by Sean Phillips
Nightwing #99, written by Grayson and drawn by Zach Howard

We’ll start back at the lead in to No Man’s Land, when Firefly makes a horrible mistake.

Meet Firefly (real name Garfield Lynns), a fairly dumb pyromaniac.  He possesses no superpowers and no super genius, just a flying battlesuit that shoots fire.  And now he has no skin. Firefly’s been buzzing around since 1952, when he premiered as a special effects guy.  Eventually, his origin retconned him into the fiery psychopath you just saw here accidentally explode himself.

Lynns didn’t always look like Gollum.  But a toxic waste/flamethrower combo can do wonders for turning the human body into a boiling goo pile.  Nightwing and Robin battle Firefly for a while before the situation gets infinitely worse for dear Firefly.  The best part of having a Firefly fight is the background always gets covered in flames.  It makes the scene far more dramatic.

So now you know where Firefly gets the 90% body burns that’s stated in Batman: Arkham Origins. From his own incompetence.  Luckily, Robin saves his life, because that’s the obligation superheroes have to obey.

Day saved, moving on.  But then we skip ahead a few years, and this is where Firefly burns a searing hole in Nightwing’s heart.  Something that will definitely give him an escrima stick to the face later.  In Grayson’s occasional visit to his hometown (the circus), he gets recruited for nostalgia’s sake.

See our buddy in the corner?  I figure security must be light if a bug-shaped battlesuit can get past the metal detectors or gypsy psychics or whatever the circus uses.  And now everything goes bad. Grayson has horrible luck with life tragedies while on the trapeze.

Also, Irving, he’s a superhero, no matter what tanktop and leggings combo he currently wears. Though we mustn’t forget the difference between Nightwing and his brooding mentor.  While Grayson proves himself faster and more agile than Batman, he’s also less armored, less protected, and with less tricks on the utility belt.  Especially now, because a batarang and grappling hook pouch make quadruple flips difficult to complete.

Our protagonist emerges unharmed.  Physically, anyway.  He breaks down into a heap of tears on the next few pages.  In part two on Wednesday, Nightwing’s vengeance will comes to fruition — he’s going to beat the crap out of Firefly.

Nightwing kills Blockbuster

That’s not entirely accurate — I’m stretching the truth to shamelessly attract more interest.  We’ll be talking about the DC supervillain, as the store Blockbuster got taken down years ago by that superhero Capitalism.  But today’s article deals with the climax of a story building up for just about ninety issues.  Oh, and Blockbuster gets killed.

So back in the mid-1990s, Nightwing (the first Robin, Dick Grayson) decides to set up shop in Gotham City’s neighbor Blüdhaven.  Same crime-ridden city with far less Bat people running around. But like always when a superhero finally becomes content in their life and just in reach of that elusive happiness they so desperately deserve, that inevitably triggers the spiral towards tear-soaked despair. We’ll see parts of that (and a bunch of kicking) in Nightwing #89 and #92-93, written by Devin Grayson and drawn by Patrick Zircher & Manuel Garcia.

Hey, remember when Daredevil’s house blew up back in Frank Miller’s famous run?  That’s a far more common comic book theme than you imagine.

Keep in mind, this deadly blast follows Blockbuster’s previous actions (Barbara Gordon breaking up with Grayson and his circus burning up).  Once you start kicking a superhero when he or she’s down, you can never stop.  That’s when they get up and break your face.  Here’s some more explosion aftermath to further build your hatred of Nightwing’s current arch-nemesis.

You see the dirt and grime smeared on our hero?  I don’t think he bathes once until this arc finishes. Not even a paper towel in the mirror or anything.  The Bat family doesn’t react well to deaths they indirectly cause, but at least we get to see Nightwing defeat one of his most dangerous and powerful foes: the media.

As a solution to the Blockbuster problem must now be found (as mob bosses tend to be vindictive and resilient), Grayson and his crimefighting partner Tarantula brainstorm some ideas.  Philosophical ideas.  Y’see, despite Grayson being more emotional and light-hearted than his mentor, every once in a while Nightwing flashes into a younger, cape-less version of Batman.  The scary, brooding, super-strict-code-of-morality-that’s-inflexible-with-no-exceptions version of Batman.

Of course Nightwing won’t kill, no matter what the title of this article says.  So much as to prevent Tarantula from offing dudes who have killed enough people to fill a basketball stadium.  I’ve thought about this before, and I have a feeling that more readers agree with the Punisher’s methods of superheroes mowing down evil than those who frown on it.  As a society, we’re taught to accept an adaptable code of morality that most superheroes do not.  Mainly because they’re fictional.  And as Blockbuster serves his final dish in this crazy destruction parade, he’s not going to inspire us to think any differently.

Meet Blockbuster — he has a gigantic head, a gorilla heart, and totally no conscience or soul.  If you ever need proof of why superheroes need secret identities, it’s to protect them from stuff like this happening:

Dick Grayson, despite his prodigious agility and combat ability, is a normal guy with no fancy superpowers or magic or laser eyes.  It’d essentially be a U.S. Olympic gymnast attempting to save everyone he has ever come into contact with.  Not really possible or realistic, even for a universe with superpowers, magic, and laser eyes.  That code of ethics that Nightwing so desperately clings to comes into question.

Nightwing doesn’t kill Blockbuster.  But he does something just as egregious.  Despite it being the best possible option.  Despite it ultimately saving hundreds of lives.  Superheroes always win the fight, but never their guilt — though Nightwing’ll sure as hell try.

After this scene, Tarantula rapes Nightwing.  Not a joke.  She takes advantage of him in his traumatic state.  It’s one of the strangest and most frustrating scenes in DC comic history.  I personally hate it and I’m not going to show it to you, but you do deserve to know that it happens.  We’ll cover Nightwing’s reveal to Batman and his emotional healing from his own personal betrayal on Wednesday.  Next time, Grayson battles Firefly!

Joker’s No Man’s Land: Huntress

If you haven’t read the gigantic Batman crossover event No Man’s Land, good luck.  I mean, of course you should read it, but it’s over a hundred issues encompassing like eight different series and the New 52 wiped the event from history anyway.  Still, as I consistently go back and scour the NML issues, I always find new gems to show you.  Like Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #126, Batman #574, and Detective Comics #741, all written by Greg Rucka & Devin Grayson and drawn by Damion Scott & Dale Eaglesham.  For reference, that’s simply part one, two, and three of a single arc.  The ’90s were a weird time for comics.

Anyway, as our year comes to a close and Gotham City (wrecked by a massive earthquake that turned the place into an inhospitable gang-infested post-apocalyptic wasteland) seems to finally reach the bright light of hope and redemption.

The foreshadowing serves for Monday’s article.  Luckily, with the government, Lexcorp, and Wayne Enterprises stepping up the resources and financial aid, Gotham has a chance to return to the bleak, crime-ridden city it used to be.  Really, the same as NML just with electricity and running water.  But as our story ends, one major player never had his chance in the spotlight.

We’ll see part one of his plan today.  Hint: it involves killing lots of cops.

Some background: Gotham police captain Billy Petit used to be a be a loyal and honorable cop.  But traumas change people, man!  He rules/protects a portion of Gotham through tough love, just with that troublesome love part switched out for huge doses of crazy.  Huntress, former schoolteacher and mob daughter Helena Bertinelli, has spent the past year desperately holding sections of the city together. Many times through just sheer willpower.  She became an unofficial Batgirl to scare bad guys when Batman disappeared for a few months.  She clawed and arrow’d most of the Dark Knight’s rogue gallery.  She remains the sole voice of reason in a large area of Gotham wrapped around the finger of insanity.  And finally, the powder keg bursts, leaving poor Huntress to pick up the pieces.  Also, Batman doesn’t like her.

I’m going to skip Petit and gang’s battle against the Joker.  Essentially, Joker has both cops and henchmen dress up in identical Joker costumes, forcing Petit and friends to kill their own men attempting to shoot the real deal.  Finally, Huntress stands alone.  Against a dozen criminals and two supervillains. Did I mention she has no superpowers?

Well it seems I’m mistaken.  She does have one superpower: that icy cold glare.  Seriously, doesn’t Batman’s Bat posse possess the coolest female superheroes?  Huntress, Catwoman, Batgirl (Barbara Gordon, Cassandra Cain, and Stephanie Brown), The Question, Manhunter, etc.  And now watch Huntress fight Joker’s entire army by herself.

Unfortunately, the no superpowers thing comes with a weakness for bullets.  You’re still proud of her, right?  She did pretty well until Joker did the whole gun shooting.

You can figure out what happens next.  Batman, known for his theatrics, swoops in just in time to save the day.  But Joker has just begun to terrorize, and if you remember the finale of NML, it’s going to be crazy heartbreaking.  Also, truckloads of babies.

Green Arrow fights a dragon

Superman would just punch it into space.  City saved, make out with Lois.  But poor Green Arrow, with no superpowers, has to take out the mythical creature the old fashioned way — lots of running and praying.  Today, Connor Hawke, the Buddhist Green Arrow and Oliver Queen’s son, gets to prove his worth in the heart of China against an unstoppable and unbeatable monster in Connor Hawke: Dragon’s Blood #4-5, written by Chuck Dixon and drawn by Derec Donovan.  Though just because Hawke can’t throw the dragon into the sun, how bad can it be?  He’s in the Justice League, for goodness sake.

Well, still super scary then.  The dragon possesses all those normal dragon qualities.  It doesn’t talk like the Hobbit one, but I think Marvel claimed that turf a long time ago.  Marvel dragons can be surprisingly wordy.

Speaking just from an artistic standpoint, this miniseries (which is fantastic and you should read all of it) gets notice for restoring Hawke’s Asian features.  We keep forgetting he’s a quarter African and a quarter Korean to go along with Queen’s lily white genes.  If you noticed in the past story I featured, while Hawke still does lots of cool stuff, he looks just as white as Queen, and that’s not fair to readers who grew up with Hawke as a multiracial role model.  Though full disclosure, I’m quite pale myself so my opinion doesn’t really hold much ground in this matter.

Actually, as I edit this piece, I’m not done with my soapbox.  Look, I don’t talk about myself much (because I don’t wear a cape and punch bad guys), but I’m an inner city school teacher.  And my students love superheroes as all preteens do, but their favorites — Batman, Spider-Man, Thor — are as white as they come.  Kids originally read comic books for the fantasy, the escapism of wearing a costume and capturing criminals.  Why do so many superheroes have teenage sidekicks?  Why did Captain Marvel outsell Superman in the 1950s?  And with kids’ attention today competing with iPads, TV, and pop culture — a large chunk of their morals are developing outside of their parents’ influence. Seeing superheroes who look like them acting for the good of the people, protecting not just their family and friends but complete strangers as well, has a much larger effect than you can imagine. Thank god for Miles Morales.  Thank god for Luke Cage.  Heck, bring on more Vibe.  The girls even enjoy Wonder Woman, who like modern literary protagonists (Katniss Everdeen, Hermione Granger, etc.), will always remain a far superior role model than the current celebrities sticking stuff up their butts and molesting dwarfs.

Oh yeah, and Hawke was battling a dragon.

Did you know rats can do that?  They can also run up walls.  Sleep tight tonight.  Strategically, Hawke retreating from his arena into a position where he won’t get incinerated sounds like a good move — but bringing the fight to the civilians creates far more challenges than just sticking the dragon in the heart with a single holy dragon-killing arrow.

The best part of having ancient evils meet modern technology is seeing a subway car slam into a dragon.  It’s a joy that leaves my adolescent self to crawl out of my agape mouth and cartwheel around my living room.  Ready for the exciting showdown?  With his opening created, Hawke finally gets to show off his dragon-slaying skills.

Okay, that’s bad news.  If you read the legend earlier in the miniseries which I have totally skipped, the dragon’s hide can’t be penetrated.  The old timey archers defeated only after a single scale broke off during a previous sword attack.  Luckily, we once again get the beauty of ancient evils and modern technology combining.  No swords necessary this time.

We forget the importance of a supporting cast.  I know having Robin swing in and kick the bad guy right as he’s about to shoot Batman usually results in less suspense and more deus ex machina, but it also creates more storytelling options than Batman mustering up the final bursts of his strength to overpower the Two Face with a knee in the face for the eighth or ninth time.  Though I would never get sick of seeing that.

The city’s saved.  Once again the people stay safe, along with a heavy dose of overtime for the clean up crew.  Because while Hawke’ll rescue the citizens from certain death, he’s far too busy to pick up a shovel and help dig.  That and one more issue of this miniseries left to go.  On Friday, get ready for a thrilling surprise, because I don’t know what I’m covering yet.

Green Arrow, kung fu master, Pt. 3

You’ve just seen two days of Connor Hawke (using the Green Arrow title after his father exploded) karate chopping Silver Monkey through all sorts of destructive environments.  But no more Silver Monkey.  Now, his fellow apes get given the task of taking down the new Green Arrow.  Over a five issue story, crossed over with the Batman titles, Hawke has to prove his worth against the deadliest assassin of them all.  She’s scary.

In the order the story takes place, we’ll be using the following issues:
Green Arrow #134, written by Chuck Dixon and drawn by Dougie Braithewaite
Detective Comics #723, written by Dixon and drawn by Alex Maleev
Robin #55, written by Dixon and drawn by Will Rosado
Nightwing #23, written by Dixon and drawn by Scott McDaniel
Green Arrow #135, written by Dixon and drawn by Braithewaite

To sum up the consequences of the previous Green Arrow versus Silver Monkey fight:

What’s better than ninjas?  Obviously a deluge of ninjas that floods any city where non-powered superheros, vigilantes, UFC fighters, or kickboxing classes dwell.  Instead of poo, these monkey are going to be flinging death upon anyone who dares venture upon their path.  Also shurikens.  They’ll fling those too.  But among the tribes, one monkey stands out above the rest:

Yes, that’s Hawke’s final opponent of our kung fu adventure.  The mask serves to heighten suspense at her true identity, but you can probably figure out which famous Batman-centered female martial artist supervillain she is.  Also, I put her name in the file for every picture posted so far.  In the matter of fairness, since we just witnessed the Paper Monkey rip apart a whole squadron of ninjas, I feel Green Arrow deserves a similar introduction.  Plus, he’s the guy we’re going to be rooting for.

Our moment has arrived.  Can the DC universe’s greatest kung fu superhero defeat the DC universe’s greatest kung fu supervillain?  How much more can I hype this fight without sounding cliche?  Most importantly, we should be scared for dear Green Arrow.  Very scared.

Lady Shiva!  An unbeatable opponent who even Batman can’t defeat in one-on-one combat.  If you’ve played Arkham Origins, she serves as one of the sidequests — and even that ends in a tie.  She birthed the second Batgirl, trained the third Robin, and constantly antagonizes Nightwing.  For more, you can see Cassandra Cain’s defining moment.

Lady Shiva’s M.O. isn’t complicated.  She hears about a super talented deadly martial artist running around.  She finds this man or woman and then kills them with her superior punching and kicking.  It’s not even a fear of losing her top kung fu spot either — she just enjoys the punching and kicking.  Her only gimmick lies with when she shows up looking for you, you’re totally dead.

Batman and the Batfamily usually defeat (or at least shoo away) Lady Shiva through brainpower, but poor Hawke doesn’t possess Batman and the Batfamily’s brilliance.  He’s going to have to beat her into submission, and she’s especially resistant to beatings (if you haven’t been able to tell from her arrogance).  But Green Arrow did defeat Silver Monkey after a wave of damage, so as we watch the final act of their battle, keep your spirits high.

He loses.  Everyone loses to her.  Turns out when I did some research, Leopard Blow totally exists as a real fighting move.  Whether it can kill someone remains to be seen, though humans tend to be pretty soft and squishy.  Remember how I said Lady Shiva trained Robin back in the day?  And how the Batman family defeats her using their mind and not lethal animal punches?

Robin would have had his butt handed to him, and even Lady Shiva called his bluff.  But despite a humiliating loss by Green Arrow, surviving a fight (much less actually hurting Lady Shiva) remains cause for celebration.  Plus, no one can argue with a smile or two after knocking out several dozen ninjas and the world’s deadliest assassin.  But you know who always seems to rain on parades?

Hawke hasn’t appeared in the New 52 yet, but also with the de-aging of Green Arrow Oliver Queen down to his mid-twenties (I guess?), it’d be odd for the man to have a 20-something year old son.  Oh well.

Enjoy your weekend, you deserve it.