Wolverine hunts down that jerk Nitro, Pt. 2

In the comic book world, nothing must be scarier than a rampaging Wolverine.  The guy heals in seconds, has unbreakable bones, knows hundreds of ways to disembowel his opponents, and almost certainly smells terrible.  Still, the Marvel universe has a surprisingly nonchalant attitude towards the furry mutant.  Like Namor, the king of the Atlantis and married lady fetishist.  As we pick up in the second half of Wolverine #42-45, written by written by Marc Guggenheim and drawn by Humberto Ramos, we’ll recap where we left off:

I love Namor, but mainly because I have fantastic taste in anti-heroes.  The king of Atlantis reeks of sea water and a vague hint of fish, but he has the strength of the Thing, the self-esteem of Dr. Doom, and can even fly for some reason.  Now he’s going to pound on Wolverine.

A benefit of fighting the Atlantean king is he’s totally willing to banter.  And thank goodness Wolverine found some clothes.  There’s no pride in taking down a naked opponent.  Though remember Namor’s original costume of just a speedo and bracelets?  I’m just saying it’s hard to be taken seriously as royalty when you look like a grumpy European tourist.  While Namor can shrug off the mightiest punches, the same can’t be said for adamantium claws.

As the fight ends, Namor brings up a good point:

I don’t think people know the limitations of Wolverine’s abilities.  He’s really not that strong.  Or fast. Or durable.  Or likable.  Spider-Man, for instance, can lift a good five times what Logan can, and would easily take him down in a one-on-one basketball game — if that’s how you settle superhero disputes, I guess.  But a hundred years of being shot, stabbed, punched, incinerated, etc. have given Wolverine a persistence unmatched by any other Marvel character.  Plus, he’s not that busy right now. Unfortunately, Nitro currently resides in Atlantis, where Wolverine’s swimming skills would be sorely put to the test.

Oh, this arc goes far deeper than a Nitro chase.  You get hidden drug dealers, a corporate scandal, and lots more clawing that we’re not going to get to.  But we’ll cover the Nitro chase at least.  Time to negotiate with the ocean’s most frustrating ruler.

Spoiler alert: that’s not Iron Man.  But it does set up for a charming one-liner.

Round two goes as you think.  Wolverine’s fighting Namor in the king’s natural habitat while Wolverine wields a slow, cumbersome suit of armor.  Luckily, the fight gets interrupted — the Stamford killer causes a ruckus.

Awesome, right?  Spider-Man would have webbed his hand shut or something, but slicing it off sends a much more powerful message.  Like, maybe mass murder isn’t as lucrative a career choice as previously thought.

No, Wolverine’s not maturing.  It’s just that after all the horror that happened the past few days, Wolverine realizes that he doesn’t really have a dog in this fight.  Sure, Nitro has to pay for massacring 600 people and most of the New Warriors, but Namor and gang?  Their vendetta stretches far greater than Wolverine’s ideals.  Plus, and this may be the most important detail — no one tortures like the Atlanteans.  Mephisto himself shudders in the deepest corridors of Atlantean prisons.

The story reaches its halfway point here.  Wolverine hunts down Nitro’s supplier next.  But as we end today, I include one final page, and just so you can never say I didn’t do anything nice for you, here’s Namor in a turtleneck:

Worth it.

Wolverine hunts down that jerk Nitro, Pt. 1

(Ed. Note: This Friday will be my 200th article, and since it’s a bit strange to get sentimental halfway through an article, I figure I could say a few quick words now.  I began this blog one year ago as a persistent way to improve my writing.  Luckily for me, my passions and interests involve fictional men and women putting on brightly colored spandex and pummeling each other.  I can hardly complain.

Though before we begin our article today, and because I’ve never mentioned this before, it takes me about three hours to go from nothing to a completed post (searching my collection, gathering pictures, writing the first draft, heavy editing, etc.).  Doing the math, I’ve spent just about twenty five days worth of time this past year working on my blog.  So many days I just stare at my blank computer screen, furiously searching my memory or pounding down twenty or thirty issues of a series I haven’t read hoping despondently that inspiration strikes.  But I regret nothing — your continued support has made every moment of frustration and desperation worth it.  Thank you to my dear readers, fellow bloggers, adoring commentators, friends and family, and anyone who ever linked to my website.  Here’s to the next 200 articles!  I love you all!)

In the comic book world of morally sound, 6’2″, young, clean cut superheroes, Wolverine’s popularity remains surprisingly unrelenting.  He’s short, hairy, surly, ideologically skewed, and not even American — so why do fans eat up his eight or nine constantly ongoing series?  Maybe we all have a claw fetish, or maybe it’s Wolverine’s constant feud with Cyclops, the sporty captain of the football team dating the head cheerleader wearing super cool sunglasses that nerds aspire to be and simultaneously loathe.  Hopefully we’ll figure out the answer today (and Friday) in Wolverine #42-45, written by Marc Guggenheim and drawn by Humberto Ramos.  Or we won’t, but either way, it’ll be fun.

Like most Wolverine stories, this one begins in a bar.

Smile at the surgeon joke.  It’s morbid, but so is everything else about Wolverine.

Recognize that explosion?  You might — it set off a chain of events that lasted the entire second half of the previous decade.  In Stamford, Connecticut, the New Warriors badly apprehended the supervillain Nitro (who can explode himself due to his genetic mutation).  Six hundred people died, including scores of young children.  The Marvel Civil War event spurned from this, as well as the eventual Dark Reign and Siege events.  While Wolverine can certainly contribute by lifting heavy blocks or slicing up melted apartment buildings or whatever, he has a slightly different idea of how he can help.  Namely, Nitro’s still on the run.

For an organization filled to the brim with disobedient teenagers, none of them hold a candle to the tantrums of their hairiest member.  But diplomacy and bureaucratic interference won’t stop a man who has literally fought in every war since World War I.  If Nitro killed all those people, he needs to pay. Wolverine works very black and white.

First, Wolverine has to find the supervillain.

I’ve stated before how much I love Ramos’ art.  His style’s distinctive and a bit cartoonish, but for characters like Wolverine, exaggerated art works perfectly.  I’m not saying Wolverine’s a caricature or anything, but the whole feral side of his personality lends itself well to Ramos — that wicked smile in the last panel should be all the proof you need.

Nitro versus Wolverine round one.  Well, Nitro versus Wolverine and a squad of SHIELD officers round one.  Claws and grit alone can’t do much against a man who explodes himself for a living.

It goes badly.  Real badly.

A main point of argument revolves around Wolverine’s healing factor, and truthfully, it’s usefulness gets determined by the current writer. Some have had him regenerate from a single cell, while others figure when Wolverine’s just a skeleton then tough luck for poor Logan.  Guggenheim doesn’t have that problem.  And thank goodness, because Nitro needs to be taught a lesson not learned in any classroom.

I totally skipped the context for Wolverine’s one-liner in the second page.  Sorry.  Something important to note: while Wolverine’s body and hair heals nicely, his clothes do not.  Nitro certainly deserves this upcoming beating, but it’s far more impactful when you realize that Wolverine’s stark nude while doing so.  A roundhouse kick hurts far more than physically when Nitro also gets a penetrating look at Wolverine’s little Logans.

I wouldn’t object to the next few issues of the arc just being Wolverine talking trash and ruining Nitro’s life, but good stories provide unforeseen plot twists.  Like this one:

Of all the New Warriors caught in Nitro’s Stamford explosion, only Speedball survived.  So when the superhero Namorita died at Nitro’s hand, he just triggered a backlash far beyond any pain and suffering he could possibly imagine.  Y’know, because Namorita’s related to this man:

Next time, Wolverine vs. Namor vs. Nitro!  What else could you possibly want in an article?

Amadeus Cho’s genius battle

I’ve shouted from the (Olympian) heavens more than once that the Incredible Hercules series remains in my top five favorite comics ever.  The hard-drinking, hard-loving, super strong demi-god Hercules teams up with the teenage super genius Amadeus Cho, going on all the adventures you expect and adore.  And while the series mainly focused on its namesake, writers Greg Pak and Fred Van Lente transformed the sidekick into a character worthy of our love and respect — that and he’s the perfect foil to Hercules’ stumblin’ strong man act.

Today, in Incredible Hercules #133, 135, and 137, written by Pak & Van Lente and drawn by Rodney Buchemi, we’re not even going to touch upon Hercules.  These issues star Amadeus as he explores the mystery behind his parents’ death.  No punches thrown today kids.  Enjoy good ol’ fashioned brain teaser.

Perfect setting, right?  Abandoned desert towns always make for sinister backdrops.

At this point, I should probably explain Amadeus’ back story.  Unlike, say, Tony Stark who we just assume to a be one of the ten smartest people in the world, for Amadeus we have proof.

And how did that explosion miss its intended target?

I’m just saying that if Amadeus were a female, he would have been blown to bits.  Luckily, teenage hormones don’t cease in the comic book world.  Also if you haven’t noticed from his kimchi reference, despite his sidekick status, Amadeus receives critical acclaim for being a positive example of a Korean superhero.  Anyway, the abandoned desert town gets weird.  Fast.  Also, it’s not abandoned.

See the conspiracy?  Geniuses get killed off for being geniuses — I assume some kind of jock master plan.  Fortunately, we get to see Amadeus in action, if you’ve ever wanted to see how the seventh smartest person in the world fights.

I love this concept.  Amadeus’ intelligence ranks so high that he sees the world as math equations, compared to Hercules who almost certainly believes the word “equation” to be a sort of Mediterranean dish.  Though you know who can throw a smart guy for a loop?  A smarter guy, of course.

I’m going to skip a ton.  The entire second issue of the arc revolves around a complicated D&D style game for control of Amadeus’ mind and the superior intellect of Pythagoras.  It rocks and you should devote some time to finding the issue and reading it.  But the final genius-off struggle between the two was what made me excited about this arc.  Let’s get into it, but first, cue character development:

The next three or four pages include Pythagoras’ complicated back story, evil origins, and reasons for blowing up Amadeus’ parents.  You can read that stuff for yourself, but Amadeus only sought out this monster for one reason only: his sister.

Okay, so that search ends up a bust.  Mysteries don’t always conclude with the bad guy’s rubber mask pulled off, though I really wish they all did if just for a booming rubber industry.  To find out who’s the smarter genius, the two have to play the coolest smart person game ever written in comics:

Has math ever been this exciting?  More importantly, how does our hero win this no-win situation?

I think Amadeus knew what Pythagoras would do if Amadeus refused to play, essentially ensuring the man’s death.  Amadeus, a superhero, doesn’t murder (gosh darn it) and he kinda did murder Pythogoras — even if he got sucked into a game without his consent.  Oh well, so’s the tragic life of the hero.  Still, if we count that, Amadeus is still thousands of murders behind Hercules.  Seriously, I can’t figure out if Hercules has more kills or body hair.

Athena, Hercules’ sister, witnesses the whole thing.  Want a final plot twist?

And a new champion he becomes.  No, seriously — Amadeus totally rocks nowadays.  Here’s him a few issues later, in the double spread glory he deserves:

Click for a larger version, if just for the only superhero to fight crime in a designer suit and jacket.

Spider-Man and the never-ending guilt trip

It’s been a while since our last Spider-Man article, and I’m here to fill that void in your heart.  Y’see, if you’ve been following Superior Spider-Man, last issue Peter Parker met his defeat at the hand of guilt revelation.  I know that doesn’t make a lot of sense if you’re not caught up, but as fans cried out (as they do every single time the status quo gets changed), writer Dan Slott made a solid point: Spider-Man simply never forgives himself for any mistake or decision he makes.  Ever.  Rinse and repeat for fifty years.  And to be fair, that level of morality is impossible — we as people make selfish choices all the time, regardless of how small or unimportant.  Unfortunately, Spider-Man goes down a spiral of self-loathing the moment his mind is made up.

Well, get ready for a sadness punch in your tear ducts.  Today in Spectacular Spider-Man #22, written by Paul Jenkins and drawn by Talent Caldwell, Spider-Man receives some permanent emotional damage.  And speaking of emotional damage, let me quickly tell you about Mindworm.  You almost certainly haven’t heard of him.

He first appeared in Amazing Spider-Man #138, written by Gerry Conway and drawn by Ross Andru. Mindworm’s a mutant with the power to influence the emotions of others, even able to project illusions and other vague stuff.  Also, wearing a striped tanktop as your supervillain costume pretty much guarantees insignificance.  Here’s Spider-Man taking him down in their first encounter:

As we fast forward 30ish years of comics, Parker notices a weird section of town where everyone seems influenced by a heavy mood of hostility.  You know where this is going?

The years haven’t been kind to Mindworm.  When we get deeper into the supervillain’s psyche, it’s a blast of mental illness and terrible life choices.  Unlike Moon Knight, Mindworm’s mental illness doesn’t have Wolverine yelling at him, instead just a projected wave of depression.  As Spider-Man recognizes this once proud man, he makes the most valid point against superheroism today:

Let’s be fair.  Captain America inspires and reassures the Marvel universe, but at the end of the day, he does punch his way to victory.  And when the problem doesn’t involve megalomaniacs threatening cities with giant bombs, punching usually solves very little.  What’s Spider-Man to do that won’t turn this issue into an after school special?  Well, lots of guilt for one.

Both Aunt May and Spider-Man make solid arguments.  I mean, Spider-Man is a man with the proportionate strength of a spider, not Zeus.  No matter how fast he swings, he can’t save everyone — and the sooner Parker accepts that, the sooner he can actually find some contentment in his life.  On the other hand, Spider-Man has a duty to help those who can’t help themselves.  When you receive awesome superpowers, you then have to devote your life to protecting those without.  That’s kind of how the deal works.  Unfortunately, things get worse.

Much worse.

Look, I love Spider-Man with all my heart, but he is a man in pajamas webbing around a city that’s 300 square miles.  The fact he could even arrive at the scene of a crime even remotely on time speaks volumes in itself.  Now, stuck in a situation far beyond any punching could solve, all he can do is react accordingly.

I hate to mention this, but Spider-Man loses fights far more than you think.  Sometimes he falls with a roundhouse kick to the face, but other times, the baddie claimed victory before Spider-Man even steps in the ring.  Does Mindworm deserve this ending?  God, no.  Does Spider-Man deserve to have this freak accident on his conscience?  Absolutely not.  But he will, and it breaks our hearts.

You know why Spider-Man remains the most popular Marvel character year after year?  He’s portrayed as a normal guy like us, but truthfully, he’s our better: physically, mentally, and emotionally — a literary role model for us to emulate.  Or maybe it’s the quips.  One of those two reasons.