Iron Man roughs up Grey Gargoyle

While we’re on the subject of Iron Man, we should take advantage of the last article and watch him get his butt kicked struggle against insurmountable odds.  Specifically, the Grey Gargoyle magical-hammer-wielding monster.

Know anything about Grey Gargoyle?  You probably shouldn’t.  Whenever Grey Gargoyle touches someone, they turn to stone for an hour.  That’s really it.  The supervillain gets thrown in against any hero who needs a baddie to beat up in between the real plot.  I mean, the dude looks like this:

Well, until the Marvel event Fear Itself, that is.  Seven magical Thor-ish hammers crashed on the planet, turning each of the lucky users into demonic powerful monsters.  Unfortunately, Iron Man doesn’t know this yet.  He’s about to find out in Invincible Iron Man #504-505, written by Matt Fraction and drawn by Salvador Larroca.

Click on the double-spread below for a larger version:

Grey Gargoyle’s cute stone power just became a lot more deadly.  Also, so did Grey Gargoyle.

Okay, so let’s go over the odds of each combatant.  With the possession from the hammer, Grey Gargoyle’s a mindless monster, incapable of anything beyond primal, instinctive actions.  Major weakness there, except for that whole Thor-levels of strength he now wields.  Remember the last time Stark fought Thor?  I do.  Very bad news for Iron Man.

Look, superheroes get knocked around all the time.  No big deal — except for that whole the city’s-turned-to-stone thing.  Because every misstep leads to this:

Round one ends as you expect it.  Gruesomely.

One small benefit of fighting a mindless monster — Grey Gargoyle can’t tell the difference between unconsciousness and death.  Especially when the opponent is wearing armor.

I know that the comic book world has little problems with massacring huge groups of people and cities.  The Ultimate universe will take down entire countries each issue.  But if you realize that every splotch of grey are wrecked Parisians, this is brutality on a horrifically visual level.  Also brutal?  Iron Man deciding it’s a good idea to stand up:

As of now, the second round’s going about as well as the first round.  I’m sure he can pull himself together and pull out a secret weapon or something, right?

Maybe not.  Luckily, at this point, one of the Iron Man clones/villains shows up to shoot missiles.  You can imagine how that goes.  I’m going to skip all that part, but this next picture is super cool:

I want to mention one benefit of Iron Man comics.  He’ll always have huge robots with huge guns blowing stuff up at least once an arc.  That’s what makes Iron Man so awesome.  Then he uses his own robot suit to punch other robot suits.  God, I love it.

Oh, and finally Stark pulls out a big time weapon.  A laser sword, duh.

Always a good idea to slice off half the opponent’s head if things aren’t going your way.  And the winning blow?  Only a matter of time until Iron Man kicks him in his monster face and stands victorious over his defeated foe.  I mean, he would have if this didn’t happen:

Strategic retreat.  Did they tie?  Let’s just think of this as Iron Man’s Vietnam.

With that, the Paris brawl comes to an end.  For the rest of Fear Itself and Iron Man’s major role in the conflict, you have to buy the books yourself.  Spoiler alert: lots of new costumes.

Spider-Man vs. Doctor Octopus rewind, Pt. 3

Sick of the two yet?  Last day of Spider-Man and one more day of Doc Ock, I promise.  For at least a week or two.  Finally we get to witness the supervillain in both his classic outfit and haircut.  I’m excited too.  Let’s delve right into Peter Parker: Spider-Man #39-41, written by Paul Jenkins and drawn by Mark Buckingham.

So the story’s actually about a prosthetic limb conspiracy, which is a super awesome concept. Unfortunately, we’re going to ignore almost all that part.

How the doctor’s fallen from grace.  Fusion, who’s a very minor bad guy, has the mutant power to persuade others to do and think what he wants and manipulate senses.  Also, more complicated stuff, but that’s the gist of it.  Eventually, Spider-Man shows up, because y’know, his name’s in the title of the series.

By the way, “the supervillain who fights like a computer nerd” may simultaneously be both the most hurtful and accurate description of Doctor Octopus I’ve ever read.  Unfortunately for Spider-Man, he didn’t catch on to the whole team-up thing going on and in a fight I’m not showing you, he gets a surprise beating.  See?

Count another case of massive head trauma for Doc Ock.  The proportionate strength of a spider applies to all of Spider-Man’s body parts.  And just so you can appreciate what’s coming up, here’s an example of Fusion’s powers.

Scary stuff, I’m sure.  So this is Fusion’s last appearance in the comic book world.  You’ll understand in a second.  Just understand that Octavius’ flair for the dramatics makes him far more formidable than both you and Fusion think.

Wonderful show by the doctor.  The dude’s the second (or third if you want to argue Venom) most infamous Spider-Man villain for a reason, and Spider-Man has the largest rogue gallery in comics. Well, probably after Batman.  Want to see the aftermath?

Obviously this is a lead up to a climactic battle between the two bitter enemies.  But I would like to showcase one aspect of Peter Parker’s personality that’s rarely praised — his detective skills.  The guy’s not exactly Nick Fury, but let’s give our hero his due.  Or at least his superfriends.

In case you don’t know Murdock, that’s lawyer/vigilante Daredevil.  Giving a good name to gingers everywhere.  Let’s skip to the fight.

If you don’t feel like using a dictionary, vacuous is a synonym for stupid.  I just looked it up.  You’re on your own for Doc Ock’s other SAT words he’s used so far.

You know why Doctor Octopus always loses?  Well, besides being the bad guy?  Ego.

To beat his supervillain, Spider-Man shoots the electricity through his own body to electrocute Octavius.  And because of his enhanced spider-durability, he can take a lot more voltage than the poor doctor.  To be fair, Octavius should have spent more time killing and less time gloating.  Doctor Octopus: the intelligence of a computer nerd, but the combat instincts of one too.

And so Doctor Octopus lives to fight another day.  I don’t think he realizes how lucky he is to be Spider-Man’s enemy.  I’m just saying the Punisher would have watched him become a green and metallic stain on the pavement.  Gleefully.

On Friday, Doc Ock battles Iron Man!  Do you enjoy reading bitterness and resentment?  Oh, I certainly hope so.

Spider-Man vs. Doctor Octopus rewind, Pt. 2

Thrilled for part two?  Look, if this is the man that’s replacing the most popular superhero in the Marvel universe, we should spend a few days on him.  Maybe one more day after this.  Then Doc Ock versus Iron Man.  There’re a lot of options with Otto Octavius.  I mean, he used to be a big deal in comics, and now he gets to be the biggest.  Though to be fair to every other character, writer, and company, I’m really biased.

Today, let’s take a look at Amazing Spider-Man #43-45, volume 2, written by J. Michael Straczynski and drawn by John Romita Jr.  I’m picking up a little ways into the story, but Peter Parker’s marriage to Mary Jane is in trouble (not demonic problems, just normal marital strife) and Octavius has been kidnapped.  See?

I like this Doc Ock look.  He drops the bowl cut and adds in some Mr. Fantastic temple grey-ing to his hair.  Combine that to his fancy sunglasses and that’s the kind of flair we expect from a supervillain in his mid-50s.

So a young entrepreneur stole Octavius’ tech.  As far as copying supervillain powers go, Doctor Octopus is not a bad choice.  First, no weird magic spells or experimental serums to inject.  Plus, giant flailing arms intimidate civilians, they can’t be disabled like laser beams or computer systems, and they can reach the top shelves of cupboards.  Fake Doctor Octopus commits the most basic of supervillain crimes, as expected from a man who can’t think of any original ideas of his own:

Good deal, especially the whole robbing Los Angeles thing.  He’d be whacked with a billy club before he made it a step into the New York City bank vaults.  Only one little problem with robbing a supervillain.

What’s the first thing bad guys do when they escape death traps?  Hint: it starts with an “r” and ends in “evenge.”

Before the fight, here’s an old-timey joke:

Round 1

For the next picture, click on the double-spread page for a bigger version of the fight montage.

I should mention that Spider-Man’s actually in town.  Y’see, to repair his marriage to Mary Jane, Peter decided to fly to LA where she’s currently the lead actress in a big budget superhero movie.  Tough break for the bad guys, because the West Coast Avengers abandoned the city years ago.  I think California as a whole only has like, Moon Knight defending the entire state.

The fake Doc Ock decides to be bolt, which is the only smart decision he’s made the whole arc:

Do you see that?  Doctor Octopus exhibited decency and a sense of value for human life!  Combined with Peter’s forced empathy blast in Amazing Spider-Man #700, maybe there’s hope for a real change once Octavius gets back in his old body a few years from now.  We got to see a real moment of selflessness in the above picture.  Doc Ock can be a good person!

Well, maybe not that good.  When fake Doc Ock mentioned the studio, you know who’s there, right?

Okay, let cover some brief back story.  About 500 issues before this, Aunt May and Doctor Octopus almost get married.  I’m serious — something about Aunt May inheriting an uranium-rich island the evil doctor wants.  So despite how we all know and feel about Doctor Octopus, Aunt May actually holds a soft spot in her heart for the man and vice versa.  Though I would call it more of a knowing glance of compassion than a disgusting-to-imagine full-blown romantic passion.

If you buy the issues we covered today, Spider-Man has a long and well-written escape from the rubble of the collapsed building.  You’d love it.

Round 2

Witness the embarrassing end for the fake Doc Ock:

Beaten by cotton candy or science goo or whatever that is.

At least the danger’s past.  Just not the danger in poor Peter’s heart.  By the way, it’s been confirmed that Doctor Octopus Spider-Man will be dating Mary Jane again.  That’s a step in the right direction, though definitely an icky direction.

Spider-Man vs. Doctor Octopus rewind, Pt. 1

With Doctor Octopus now inhabiting Spider-Man’s body, I thought we should roll back time a bit and check out a few of their previous battles.  Most importantly, I want you to see Doc Ock’s outfits over the next few articles.  That man may change clothes often, but a fashion connoisseur he is not.  Let’s not beat around the bush and jump right into Spectacular Spider-Man #6-10, written by Paul Jenkins and drawn by Humberto Ramos.

As you know, Spider-Man’s one of the few “street” superheroes in New York City.  That means he webs out of his apartment and actually swings around the city once or twice a day to check for crime. I actually never thought about this until now, but besides Spider-Man and Daredevil, the city really doesn’t have much in superhero patrol.  Captain America and the Fantastic Four think too highly of themselves to busy themselves with bank robberies and muggings.  Though to be fair, Spider-Man can’t really take on Galactus anyway.

You like the black trench coat?  Doc Ock’s wearing Matrix cosplay.  Anyway, the evil doctor has a preposition for our hero.

Doctor Octopus can always be counted on for two things: his enormous ego and long, windy speeches.  He’s such a beautifully stereotypical bad guy.  Though this time, Octavius has a plan that’ll force Spider-Man to comply with his demands.  Did you guess it’ll be unnecessarily world-threatening?

Current events!  The best hope for peace in the Middle East depends entirely on Peter Parker unmasking himself in front of the world.  Why?  I don’t know, that’s just what supervillains do.  Doc Ock tries to explain this to his hostage in his normal verbose manner:

I always assumed that the people of New York City knew that Spider-Man was a normal man with a normal face.  God knows they’ve seen enough skin with his ripped up costume after brawls.  Look, if you ever question Octavius’ madness, just remember that Octavius is mad.  The crazy definition.

So Spider-Man has to make a decision.  A complicated decision.  Aunt May sums it up best:

The suspense getting to you?  Don’t you worry, because our dear hero has a plan.  A cunning plan.

This next page isn’t relevant to our story, but it’s super cool.  I really like Ramos’ art.

Anyway, time to shut Doc Ock down.  Oh, did I forget to mention subplots with disgruntled detectives, a New Zealand best friend, and Mossad?  I’ve skipped a lot.

Spider-Man wins.  He always wins (except for y’know, the most recent issue).  All that’s left is a few punches to fell the doctor and everyone goes home fulfilled.

Spider-Man just summarized Doc Ock better than I ever could.  Readers sometimes forget just how much of genius that Octavius possesses.  He’s easily on Tony Stark or Norman Osborn’s level of intelligence.  But like Osborn, instead of curing cancer, he’s content with throwing pumpkin bombs or elaborate plots to destabilize the Middle East if he doesn’t get a spandex mask.  Octavius touched upon it earlier: his obsession with proving others to be inferior has prevented him from embracing his own superiority.  Hopefully Superior Spider-Man will change that — and a lot more punches.

Anyway, the fight goes to the sewers.

You know those 86 counts of massive head trauma Doctor Octopus mentioned in Amazing Spider-Man #600?  There’s one.  Now comes the physical and emotional beatdown by our hero.  That’s what we expect in comics.

Doc Ock deserved it.  And I don’t know where Spider-Man keeps a pen and paper in his suit either.

Electro’s Occupy Wall Street

Well, sort of.  Electro (real name Max Dillon) has had a bad few months.  Originally playing the supervillain game for the cash and respect it relishes its players, both perks seemed to have dried up recently.

The guy’s depressed.  Normal sad folks would distract themselves with a movie or something, but not the living thunderbolt.  Combine his electrical powers with his immature and insecure personality, and he handles his depression like this:

Bad news.  Today we’re going to take a look at Amazing Spider-Man #612-614, written by Mark Waid and Paul Azaceta.  Okay, so about Dexter Bennett.  A few dozen issues back, J. Jonah Jameson (the esteemed publisher of The Daily Bugle and constant Spider-Man foil) became mayor of New York City. I agree, that’s an awesome idea.  Greedy millionaire Dexter Bennett bought the newspaper, changed the name to The DB and turned it into a tabloid.  Jameson blew his top, but he’s too busy shooing away homeless people from benches or whatever.  I don’t really know what mayors do.

Anyway, realizing Electro’s insane, Spider-Man stops by to clear up the whole mess.  Violently.

Despite Electro’s threats of wealthy bloodshed, the people totally take his side.  Figure the rich’ll plug their wounds with $100 bill or something.  Unfortunately, the fight turns ugly for our hero.  The red and blue one.

I’ll let you in on a little secret.  Electro’s sick.  Sometimes his electricity powers go into overdrive, like we saw during his Spider-Man fight.  Other times his surge ends up a little short.  No pills he can take for that.  The Mad Thinker can cure him, of course, with a one-time payment of a cool million dollars. You know who has a million dollars lying around?

And with that, greedy millionaire Dexter Bennett pays for Electro’s voltage surgery.  To be fair, most men would be willing to part with money when threatened in the nude.

Because the comic would be terrible without it, Spider-Man bursts in right as Electro’s getting fixed. Y’know, to kick him and stuff.

I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I really don’t think there’s a superhero out there that takes the severe amount of damage Spider-Man does.  Those with healing factors don’t count.  Still, the web-slinger fights on, because the alternative is toasty.

Electro 2, Spider-Man 0.  A smart supervillain would use this advantage to go into hiding and lay low until something more distracting goes on.  Not Dillon.  Sadly, even when he crosses a payday off his checklist, he’s still missing that elusive final piece of happiness: respect.

Very bad news.  With third-degree burns and electrified organs, Spider-Man has to pull himself together, bandage up all his new holes, and stop this madman from slaughtering an old man.  Being a superhero takes a lot of commitment.

I would like to tell you that in this fight, Spider-Man musters up the last of his strength, struggles against overwhelming odds with bravery and willpower, and pounds Electro into man-pudding.  But I can’t, because you’re probably sensing a pattern by now.  We’re going to skip ahead.  You can see Spider-Man get his butt kicked on your own time.  Finally, using his brain instead of just punching electricity, Spider-Man has all the power cut to the skyscraper.  With no more current to drain, Electro’s running on fumes.

Well, zero power and a quick science experiment Peter Parker whipped up on the way to the fight. Dude must keep a few emergency test tubes in his pockets at all times.

You understand why Spider-Man’s villains hate him so much, right?  Besides Spider-Man being a weakness genius, he taunts them mercilessly.  Only thing worse than having your life ruined is when the guy who broke your nose make jokes about it.  I’m not saying Captain America’s a better opponent, but at least the man has no sense of humor.

Electro’s tantrum also has one final little problem.  Skyscrapers tend to need infrastructure intact.

Yes, that’s Mayor Jameson.  I kind of cut out his side story.  Anyway, pay attention to the next two pages, because you’re about to witness Spider-Man history:

With a final rumbling, the former Daily Bugle building collapses on itself.  That same building you’ve seen in all the movies, 50 years of comics, and the proudest accomplishment of Jameson’s life. I can’t express just how much absolute perfection the above page is in showing the sheer horror and disbelief on Jameson’s mind.  The day has been saved, all the civilians have been rescued, Electro has been defeated, and the poor newspaper man just saw his entire legacy destroyed in a cloud of dust.  No joy here, my friends, only the silent tears of a titan gasping its final breath.  Tough break.

More importantly, the most shocking part?

“Who thought it’d be a C-lister like Electro who’d deliver the blow?”  The guy may have just experienced his first ever flash of respect from his biggest nemesis.  At least that might make his jail sentence go by a little faster.

Wolverine vs. Mystique

Four posts ago, we briefly covered the inside of Wolverine’s twisted/perverted/tragic mind brought on by his soul being sent to Hell.  Well, he escaped, and Wolverine isn’t really a big fan of stuff like massive physical and psychological torture.  Being proactive, how’s he going to assure he won’t be sent back to the eternal flames against his will again?  Did you guess it involves impalement?

Today we cover Wolverine #9, written by Jason Aaron and drawn by Daniel Acuña.  Also, I’m using a huge chunk of the issue.  As my knowledge of copyright laws is about equal to my knowledge of calculus (I think it uses letters?), I hope I don’t get a nasty e-mail in a few months.  Y’see, this issue doesn’t have much dialogue.  Instead, we go on a movie-esque chase through the city as three warriors battle for supremacy in a style extremely well-suited for comic books.  Yes, I’m biased, but even if you don’t understand or particularly like superheroes, I hope you’ll at least recognize comics as both literature and an art form.  With a lot more punching.

So how does Wolverine know Mystique was behind his soul’s misadventure?  His usual methods:

Unfortunately, before Wolverine can enact his revenge, this happens:

Meet Lord Deathstrike.  His sister Lady Deathstrike has been a pain-in-the-butt of Wolverine’s for decades.  I believe she was even in one of the X-Men movies.  While her brother doesn’t have those cool claw nails, he does possess her general disregard for human life, a  passionless demeanor, and a talent for murdering.  The usual supervillain traits.

Certainly Mystique can take more punishment than a normal civilian.  Shifting her organs around or whatever.  But exploding sniper bullets?  That’s going to be harder to shake off.

Now comes the fun part.  I mean, this is a Wolverine story.  Though when an X-Man secretly wants to murder someone who’s wronged him, he’s not allowed to take the jet.  Moral ethics and the high price of jet fuel, I guess.

I admire Wolverine for trying to claw her by sticking his hand out the window.  Poor guy just doesn’t have any projectile superpowers.  Let’s watch as the fight becomes a crazy action movie — this issue is super fun.

I mentioned last time that Mystique gets by on brains more than brawn.  And what’s smarter than a giant machine gun?  As you read more and more about Mystique, you realize that a good chunk of the world — both good and bad guys — would like to see her dead.  To describe her as mischievous might be an understatement.  Sure, supervillains like Dr. Doom ooze far more hatred and bitterness from the vengeful masses and their hired help than little Mystique, but she also doesn’t hide behind an army of Doombots and the complete mastery of both scientific terrors and powerful dark magic.  So she has to use giant machine guns.

The Red Right Hand actually commissioned the whole sending-Wolverine-to-Hell thing.  They’re a group of crazy people that you’ll have to read the next arc on your own to find out about, and the plot twist at the end remains one of the finest I’ve ever read in comics.  Anyway, back to bullets and explosions.

With the well-dressed man out of the way, we can finally get to the confrontation you’ve been waiting patiently.  Spoiler alert: Wolverine’s not exactly known for his eloquence.

And for the first time ever in comics, Mystique has been killed.  Like officially, 100% killed.  Revenge completed.  She actually gets resurrected a few issues later by the evil ninja group The Hand, but you can read that later.  Fourteen issues later, Mystique teams up with Wolverine’s arch-nemesis Sabretooth to enact her revenge.

Oh, and not just on Wolverine.  Don’t forget about our dapper assassin.

Stories for another time.  Now go buy tons of comics.  It’s the holiday season, y’know.

Mystique: how a shapeshifter fights

Before we get into Wolverine’s revenge on Mystique (who sent him to Hell a few articles ago), we should have her take a starring role first.  Mystique collected quite a resume in her time, including membership in the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, being the mother of X-Men Nightcrawler and Rogue, and a confirmed birth date sometime in the 1800s.  Past stories have shown her hanging out with Wolverine in the 1920s, fighting in World War II, and participating in all sorts of historical events far after that.

More importantly, her mutant ability lets her shapeshift into whatever person she wants.  Certainly not as combat effective as say, claws and a healing factor, but it’s important to understand that Mystique may be one of the more formidable opponents in the Marvel universe.

She’s even Ms. Marvel’s arch-nemesis.  Her first appearance was actually in 1978 in Ms. Marvel #16, written by Chris Claremont and drawn by Jim Mooney.  Proof from her premiere arc:

Yup, that’s her real name.  Being named Raven Darkhölme pretty much guarantees a life of crime.

In 2003, Mystique received her own solo series, where she served as a secret agent for Professor X. It’s fantastic and you should check it out.  Anyway, right in Mystique #1-2, written by Brian K. Vaughan and drawn by Jorge Lucas, this happens:

Nasty situation.  Yes, she’s a talented martial artist and hand-to-hand fighter, but that’s practically a requirement to be a superhero or villain nowadays.  Powers don’t cut it in the business anymore — you also have to have decades of punching and kicking experience from the finest fighters before you’re let into the field.  Though all the brawling Mystique’s done isn’t quite enough for her to take down an entire highly armed special forces team.

This is where shapeshifting comes into handy.

Unfortunately, henchmen — both the good and bad guys — tend to be fairly dumb.  Though I guess even Captain America won’t backhand a young child.  Wolverine would.  Anyway, the second rule of shapeshifting combat?  Build confusion.

By the way, how do writers justify her clothing changes?  Turns out Mystique’s always naked. She can shapeshift clothing as a part of her body.  I agree, I don’t know if that’s an attractive quality in a woman either.

Some supervillains don’t have to be smart.  Juggernaut, for instance.  His superpower involves running into dudes at full speed.  But for poor Raven, her survival depends on her brains.  I mean, Ms. Marvel can fly, shoot energy beams, is completely bulletproof, and capable of lifting upwards of 50 to 100 tons.  And she considers Mystique her biggest threat.  Trust me, when Mystique’s strength level is somewhere around a young woman who dabbles in pilates, scaring Ms. Marvel says a lot for Mystique’s intelligence and strategic ability.

Oh, so Mystique’s plan?

Okay, so sometimes she has an off-day.  Still, points for creativity.

Next article, Wolverine gets his vengeance on our lucky lady.  Get ready for blood.

The Captain America assassination & rematch

In Captain America #25, volume 5, written by Ed Brubaker and drawn by Steve Epting, the good captain gets assassinated.  He didn’t get pummeled to death saving a city like Superman.  He didn’t blow everything up to stop an alien invasion like Hawkeye.  He didn’t sacrifice himself to cure a deadly virus like Colossus.  Nope, a sniper takes him out.

This takes place in the immediate aftermath of the Marvel Civil War.  Real fast if you don’t know.  The government passed a law requiring superheroes to unmask and register with the government.  Iron Man agreed and Captain America didn’t, so the two superhero teams fought and Captain America eventually surrendered.  As he was on his way to court for his trial, the sniper hit him.  But who would be brazen enough to pull a stunt like that?

Meet Crossbones:

This panel from Captain America #364, written by Mark Gruenwald and drawn by Kieron Dwyer, isn’t Crossbones’ first appearance, but you get the idea.  He premiered in 1989 as a henchman for Red Skull, Captain America’s Nazi arch-nemesis.  Real name Brock Rumlow, Crossbones spent his youth as New York street thug who entered Taskmaster’s supervillain training school.  He excelled and got recruited by Red Skull.  I guess that’s like the NFL for drafting henchmen.  Proof from a panel twelve issues later:

Despite having zero superpowers except major cajones, Crossbones succeeded far beyond normal expectations of henchmen.  Eventually caught and imprisoned after Captain America’s assassination, he received a chance for redemption by joining the Thunderbolts program.  I’ve covered them before, but think of a superhero team comprised entirely of former supervillains attempting to do good on the government’s payroll.  A mission gone haywire in Thunderbolts #150, written by Jeff Parker and drawn by Kev Walker, and Crossbones attempts to make his escape.

Four years after Captain America’s death and resurrection, the two finally get that rematch we’ve all been waiting for.

Okay, so he has a new superpower.  He can now shoot head lasers.  Happened a few issues earlier. By the way, I really like how the panels are laid out in this issue.  The uneven and frantic placement showcases both the speed and intensity of the fight.  It’s a cool and well-executed idea.  Though speaking of executions, Steve Rogers is trying to avoid his second.  If the same bad guy kills you twice, it starts to get embarrassing.

Witness Captain America’s burn:

Y’see, the problem with being a henchmen is simple: a complete lack of respect from the superhero community.  When Doctor Doom or Magneto start chucking cars, the good guys immediately rush to stop them.  I’m talking alarms blaring and Nick Fury screaming at every SHIELD operative and costumed hero in the city.  Not so much with say, Toad.

Look, Crossbones is absolutely a force to be reckoned with.  He once defeated the entire Young Allies team at once by himself.  But he’s been Red Skull’s sidekick for twenty years and that comes with a not-so-impressive reputation.  I mean, the Vulture’s an elderly man with artificial wings, but at least he’s not taking orders from anybody.  Even supervillains like Elektra cost millions of dollars every time a supervillain requests her services.  That’s entrepreneurship.  Crossbones pours Red Skull’s coffee, picks up his dry cleaning, assassinates his arch-nemesis.  Stuff like that.  So how does Crossbones take Captain America’s insult?  As you expect, not well.

Dude gets labeled irredeemable and stuck in prison to live out his life sentence.  Well, nine issues later he escapes, but that’s another story for another day.  As we wrap up, we go back to a conversation between the two at the beginning of the issue.  Lesson learned today?

Sometimes Captain America’s wrong.