Famous panels: Wolverine

So to summarize my ongoing series, I came across Comic Book Resource’s list of The 70 Most Iconic Panels in Marvel History about a year ago.  Every few months, I like to pick one of the panels and explain the stories behind it.  Think of it as a comic book version of Behind the Music, just with no music whatsoever.  In honor of Wolverine’s starring role in the new movie opening today, I picked Most Iconic Panel #4 that came from Uncanny X-Men #132, written by Chris Claremont and drawn by John Byrne:

And truthfully, this panel (and the subsequent comic) has been analyzed by many people and websites far smarter and more credible than I am.  But like Wolverine says, it’s my turn.  And also like Wolverine, I’m writing this in a sewer.

The Hellfire Club, a secret organization of billionaires and other high society folks who enjoy pummeling X-Men — as some rich folks enjoy yachting or fine caviar, these socialites instead prefer to wreck superheroes — attacked our heroes and destroyed them.  A bad guy’s credibility depends on an initial success.

So Wolverine had been in the X-Men for about 30 issues at this point.  It hadn’t been a terribly successful run for him, to the point that his destiny lied nearly in cut-from-the-team obscurity.  Until this issue.  He propelled to stardom because of this issue.  The Hellfire Club, a shadowy group with the worst facial hair in comics, just took down the whole X-Men with gloating ease.  Well, one man survived.  One man’s willing to take on the entire bad guy team by himself.

Full disclosure: Wolverine never actually solos the Hellfire Club.  Not even close.  Actually, he gets his butt kicked almost immediately upon reaching them.  But the lead up ranks among one of the great Wolverine moments, just for the sheer pants-wetting honesty he delivers to the poor henchmen who cross his path.  Though he first has to slash some of them up.

Besides his natural musky odor of beer sweat and unwashed back hair, you figure the added sewer drenching would cause the henchmen to gag as soon as they walked in the room, much less allow Wolverine to ambush the squad.  And I know they’re all going to die, but the Hellfire Club’s wealth and status must be the Google of companies to hench for.  They spend all day in air-conditioned mansions eating hor d’oeuvres, listening to Beethoven, and working with bosses who don’t mind doing their own dirty work.  Or growing mutton chops, apparently.

For the last baddie, Wolverine asks him the most important question the dude has ever been asked. Even more important than, “Are you sure this is a good career choice?”

On a related note, Jean Grey premieres as Dark Phoenix in this same arc.  She’s the redhead in the dominatrix outfit on the far left.  Still, only Wolverine would bust into the room wearing henchmen like scarves, giving the X-Men that vital distraction to begin round two.  I love that little man.

You can buy the book for the rest of the story.  It’s worth it.

On Monday, we’ll look into the Kitty Pryde vs. Emma Frost fight from Astonishing X-Men.  Not just because it’s totally great and I can’t stop talking about it, but it’s an arc about the Hellfire Club attacking the X-Men, leaving only a battered Kitty Pryde capable of saving the entire team from certain death.  A familiar plot, right?  Very familiar:

The end of the Hood’s reign

Loki died during the Marvel event Siege.  But he died in that Asgardian god way, as in he came back to life a few issues later.  Unfortunately, Loki’s demise meant the loss of the supervillain Hood’s (real name Parker Robbins) evil magic wizard powers as they were tied to/gifts from the evil magic wizard Loki.  Bad news for the Hood.  Luckily, the Avengers spent most of the battle thumping other supervillains and the Hood manages to escapes with his girlfriend Madame Masque (real name Whitney Frost).

As the end Siege brought forth the beginning of the Heroic Age, it’d be a terrible ending if the former kingpin of New York City flees his crimes to live a happy life in Latveria or Madripoor or other seedy bad guy-friendly places.  So for their final mission as the New Avengers, our protagonists join forces one more time in New Avengers Finale #1, written by Brian Michael Bendis and drawn by Bryan Hitch & Stuart Immonen.  Oh, and while I sort of spoiled it already, I figured I’d leave in the warning — have you read Siege #4 (or looked up what happened on Wikipedia) yet?

Count Nefaria (a name that obligingly forces him to be a supervillain like his peers Mr. Sinister and Doctor Doom) possesses the superpowers capable of solo-ing Thor.  He’s pretty much invulnerable, and since he lives in Los Angeles which only had one superhero at about that time — the insane non-powered Moon Knight — he rules Los Angeles’ crime unhindered.

Yet to save his daughter, he’ll have to go up against the full New Avengers roster: Luke Cage (team leader, unbreakable skin, no longer wears a tiara); Ronin (Hawkeye pretending to be a ninja); Captain America (the metal-arm’d Winter Soldier); Mockingbird (super gymnast); Ms. Marvel (energy blasts, flight, super strength); Spider-Woman (energy blasts, flight, gross pheromone spray); Wolverine (small, hairy, drunk); and Spider-Man (a requirement that he joins every team during the 2000s).

To find the missing Hood, the New Avengers’ll have to do some ol’ fashioned detective work.  Since none of them are Batman, it mainly involves threats of physical harm.

With that, the team heads to Los Angeles — the city of Brotherly Love or whatever it’s called — to punch the Hood and Madame Masque until they cry tears of submission.  John King, the Hood’s cousin and current captured fugitive, brings up a fantastic point in the next scene: why bother?  No seriously, why go to all this trouble?  It won’t even take a full scroll across the TV news crawler announcing the Hood’s imprisonment before another flamboyant supervillain takes command of New York’s underground.  But Luke Cage answers John’s simple “why?” with a simple response: because, gosh darn it.

With Marvel’s sheer amount of mad scientists running around, you figure every person in the Marvel universe would be equipped with a full supply of magic powers to shoot lasers or teleport around, but apparently much like good healthcare, the possibilities only go as far as the cash available:

Note: it’s not sunset.  With the intensity and bravery that only the powerhouses like Magneto and Doctor Doom can match, Count Nefaria fights all the New Avengers.  At once.  By himself.  Wearing a suit and tie.

You can click the above picture for a larger version.  Supervillains must really hate the Avengers.  They show up usually with hordes of government vehicles and toys.  There’s always a ton of them, and that sometimes includes Thor who can mop the floor with Spider-Man’s entire rogue gallery in a single hammer swing. Then there’s all the pre-fight trash talking, mid-fight trash talking, and post-fight rubbing-salt-in-the-wound trash talking.  I mean, at least the Fantastic Four take time off to explore the Microverse or Negative Zone.  The Avengers just hang out specifically waiting to roundhouse kick the next disaster.  Count Nefaria doomed himself the moment his daughter poorly chose her new boyfriend.

Goodnight, sweet count.  May your dreams be filled with not getting clawed open by Wolverine before Ms. Marvel smacks you with the explosive equivalent of a nuclear blast.  As for the Hood, he eventually gains one more shot at supervillain stardom — until he gets hit in the face by a Hulk.  It happens to the best of us.

The end indeed.

Moon Knight’s opening scene

I have a soft spot for Moon Knight, much like the soft spots he leaves battered and bloodied in the criminals he fights.  If you don’t mind me stealing an earlier paragraph for a previous article I wrote, allow me retell his origin:

Marc Spector, soldier and master martial artist, stumbled upon the Egyptian moon god Khonshu who then gave him super powers.  Though you don’t have to remember all that jazz, because nowadays he’s a non-powered rich guy in a gadget-filled costume.  Maybe that’s why he gets unfairly labeled as Marvel’s Batman.  For one, Spector’s superhero career isn’t born out of an unquenchable quest of vengeance.  Plus, the guy’s a major schizophrenic, making Moon Knight the poster boy for positive (albeit fictitious) role models succeeding despite mental illness.

There you go, except we step into the full throes of Dark Reign, where Norman Osborn reigns over the superhero masses with all the crazy manipulation you expect from the equally-Moon-Knight-levels-of-insanity Green Goblin.  But today’s not going to be a character study — though his self-loathing alone could fill a week’s worth of articles — instead, we’re going to focus on the opening scene from Vengeance of the Moon Knight #1, written by Gregg Hurwitz and drawn by Jerome Opeña.  Why? Because it’s awesome.

As we start, Moon Knight had been exiled to Mexico by Osborn after being framed for murder (though he did kinda murder, it’s a tricky subject).  But we know the border towns can’t keep Moon Knight for long, plus a full-body armored costume must be hell in that Mexican sun.  So he returns to New York City, where he can patrol the streets and stop bank robberies.  Criminals never seem to learn that crimes rarely succeed in a city with legitimately hundreds of superheroes flying, swinging, and running around.

Much like Batman, Moon Knight’s personal fortune allows him to purchase a never-ending supply of soaring mechanical eggs that unfold into motorcycles.  Notice the gun?  He got ran out of the city because of his murder tools last time.  Superheroes don’t mind massive life-ruining property damage or permanent crippling injuries, but killing is still unforgivable.  Y’know, because it’s a line that one can’t uncross (but mainly because it takes a few years before that supervillain can come back to life and be used in stories again  — and okay, morality and stuff).

Moon Knight reveals later that his armor’s made of carbonadium — a poor man’s adamantium.  It’ll totally block bullets and explosions and probably a knife or two.  Also, Spector never really dodges attacks — pain equals redemption and whatnot.  I didn’t actually think of this until now, but walking into bullets makes bad guys far more fearful than wild acrobatics.  Daredevil can hop over rocket launchers and do triple axle grinding backflips (probably not a real thing) off flagpoles, but criminals treat him like the lottery — he can’t possibly forward spinning leaping somersault over every bullet; they’re bound to win eventually.  But Moon Knight treats gunshots like they came from Super Soakers and the bad guys wet their pants.

Despite Marline being Moon Knight’s ex-girlfriend, what woman wouldn’t attracted to a caped man riding an overturned van down the road?  Best part of this scene is Moon Knight’s seemingly nonchalant body language, as if sliding around on vehicles is just his preferred mode of travel in New York City. Some people take the subway, Moon Knight surfs on sideways cars.

So have you thought about checking this series out?  How could you not?

Spider-Man vs. Thing

Well, Serpent Thing.  Remember a few years ago during Fear Itself when the Serpent sent those seven evil Thor hammers crashing into Earth and gave seven superheroes/supervillains crazy Thor powers?  Me too.  I loved that event.  Poor Ben Grimm happened across one of those hammers, touched it, and became a bad guy for a few issues.  Plus, the dude — who already is roughly ten times as strong as Spider-Man — now possesses a magic weapon that would crush dear Spidey’s skull into Spidey goo with one well-placed shot.  So, it’s going to be a tough fight today for our protagonist in Fear Itself: Spider-Man #3, written by Chris Yost and drawn by Mike McKone.

With near impossible odds of victory just when we compare Spider-Man’s abilities to Serpent Thing’s alone, there’s one more serious danger added to the mix:

Yes, my friends, he has to stop the unstoppable rock monster inside a hospital.  A very occupied hospital.  I don’t know where Serpent Thing got the toothy worms he wears like slimy suspenders, but I do think it’s a nice contrast to his current magma barbarian outfit.  Sure, on a good day Spider-Man could totally punch through a wall or small truck or whatever’s in his path, but a fistfight can only lead to defeat here, not to mention all those doctors and patients he has to protect as well.  This isn’t Man of Steel, our protagonist has to actually save the innocent people.  Commence round one:

On a list of superheroes Spider-Man couldn’t take in a fight, Thing and Thor are both totally included. Thus when you have the Thing with Thor powers, poor Peter Parker’s best case scenario ends with him roasting like a kebab draped over the Serpent’s hammer.

Y’see, we like to think that our superheroes could defeat any other superhero given the right conditions, weapons, setting, enormous amount of kryptonite, etc., but it’s okay to admit that our favorites may not be all-powerful.  The risk of failure adds to the suspense during the brawl and the joy we’ll feel when our superheroes win.  Plus, if you’ve ever read a Spider-Man comic then you know that he never ends a fight without his costume in tatters and half his face swollen like a volleyball.  Luckily, Spider-Man has friends.

Norah Winters, Spider-Man supporting character and overeager-bordering-on-unlikable reporter, attempts to outrun a rock monster wielding a medieval weapon just to give Spider-Man time to recover (and allow doctors to restart his heart from pages I’m skipping).  Her superpowers include all of those given to a normal 20-something year old woman.  Unfortunately, fiery spirit and unrelenting bravery can’t protect her from becoming Serpent Thing’s shoulder worm food.  Luckily, Norah also has friends.

The more I read, I keep finding pages that reiterate why Spider-Man’s my comic soulmate.  Yes, he’s powerful, but not that powerful.  He’ll fight supervillains way out of his league simply because, gosh darn it, that’s the right thing to do.  And no matter how concussed he gets or how badly his costume tears, he’ll continue to jump kick and shoot webs regardless of the insanity or recklessness of the situation.  Innocents must be protected over personal safety every single time.  Great power, great responsibility, etc.

Thing’s exit ties into another Fear Itself moment going on, but I’ll still count this at least as a draw.

Hey, this is sort of related, but do you remember Avengers vs. X-Men #9?  After weeks and weeks of the two super teams screaming threats, blowing each other up, and destroying large parts of Wakanda, the Avengers were cornered by Phoenix-empowered Colossus and Magik.  Spider-Man, despite once again not standing a chance against either of these normally — much less Phoenix-enhanced — stayed behind alone to fight while the Avengers made their escape.  As Colossus and Magik crushed his brain over and over again, they demanded he stay down.  If he acquiesced to their demands, all the brain punching would stop.  But Spider-Man continued to rise, not just to save his teammates but also because selflessness propels Spider-Man to shine as the center of Marvel’s moral compass.  Blogs declared his stand to be what may have been the first heroic act done by anyone in the entire series.  And of course it was.  God, I love that man.  As much as I’ll miss Doctor Octopus Spider-Man (Superior Spider-Man is by far one of the coolest and most beautifully executed ideas I’ve read in a very long time), I’m glad Peter Parker Spider-Man is back.  Because he’ll punch Serpent Thing until every bone in his body breaks.  Because he’s a superhero.

Captain America vs. Giant Man

After a week of love, romance, and all that other gross mushy stuff, let’s take a week off for punching. We’ll get back to emotions and feelings next week.  Today, we start with Ultimate Captain America battling Ultimate Hank Pym from Ultimates #8-9, volume one, written by Mark Millar and drawn by Bryan Hitch.

Y’see, since Ultimate universe isn’t part of the canon Marvel universe, they have the freedom to do whatever they please with the characters.  Like instead of a mentally ill Hank Pym backhanding his wife Janet Pym once and then spending the next thirty years attempting to redeem himself, Ultimate Hank Pym has a history of abuse and just ended the previous issue by unleashing thousands of hungry ants onto the shrunken Janet Pym.  That tends to be a bit more calculating and vicious, and the good captain would like to have a word.

Please keep in mind this isn’t the normal flag-waving moral paragon back in our canon universe.  Sure, he’s all that here, except for this Steve Rogers coming clean off a 1940s Nazi-shooting, explosive-ridden war zone that he never really recovered from — less superhero, more soldier.  At least his personality anyway: he calls Hank Pym a meatball in two pages.

So when a former Avenger almost kills another Avenger with an army of killer insects, he’ll have to answer to Captain America.  And once again, by answer I mean get punched in the face.

While meatball doesn’t really have much of a crippling derogatory effect, compared to Captain America’s 0% body fat and perfectly sculpted super soldier build, we’re all meatballs by contrast.

Nick Fury’s screaming at the beginning today rings true — there is an alien invasion upcoming and savagely beating a drunk Giant Man will solve nothing but potentially bruising Captain America’s fists. And he needs those for punching.

Keep in mind this was Captain America’s goal the whole time.  He picked up a lift with SHIELD so he could jump kick a naked 60-foot man.  A man who could swat the captain across an entire football field with one well-placed slap.  Though now at least it’s a fair fight.

If you haven’t read the first two volumes of Ultimates, you’re missing out.  Every issue plays out like a movie, and as you just saw, a weaponless Captain America scaled a two-story building to ride Giant Man’s nose into a construction site.  Vibranium shields are for wussies.  Oh, and did you see that Giant Man just chucked a bulldozer at Captain America?

While no problem was solved or lesson was learned, Hank Pym totally deserved it.  Spouse abusers and whatnot.  For more of this delightful Captain America, allow me to self-plug an article I wrote about him here from way back in the early days of the blog.  On Wednesday: Spider-Man!