Famous panels: Captain America 2

Remember a few years ago when Captain America died?  And by died I mean trapped in time to eventually come back and fire missiles at a giant Red Skull robot?  Well, that’s not the first time he fake died.  And luckily for me, that happens to coincide with #23 on Comic Book Resources’ Top 70 Most Iconic Marvel Panels of All-Time.  Check out the full list here.  With a wildly poetic rallying call at the top of the page and a heroic pose from our hero as he stands on top of a bad guy mountain, how could this not be one of the most iconic panels?

But before all that, he has to fake die.  Y’see, turns out too many villainous people know Captain America’s true identity (spoiler alert: Steve Rogers).  That’s going to inconvenience his social life when terrorists drop out of air ducts every time Rogers walks into a restaurant.  So he decides on a genius plan.  One that’ll emotionally destroy his friends and family in Captain America #111 and #113, written by Stan Lee and drawn by Jim Steranko.

Maybe the first clue of something fishy should have been the superhero jumping into bullets.  Most do-gooders tend to avoid gunfire (except Wolverine).  While congrats to Hydra for killing the hero of World War II, we all know who was the real Captain America.  It’s that warm feeling as we place our hand over our hearts.

Yes, Hydra has a new brilliant scheme which doesn’t involve praying superheroes hop helplessly while they shoot guns.  Unfortunately for Rogers to have that freedom he so desperately seeks, he’ll have to make a complete break.  That means cutting ties with all his costumed buddies, ignoring any details that they may be devastated that their dear friend lost to the world’s most ineffective terrorist organization.

Hydra’s new master plan involves gassing the other superheroes and stuffing them into coffins.  They totally succeed because I imagine it’s difficult to fight bad guys with tears clouding vision.  But someone’ll save the Avengers, right?  How about Bucky?

Not the World War II Bucky.  He’s too busy being a brainwashed assassin for the communists.  No, this is Rick Jones dressed up as Captain America’s former sidekick.  Rick Jones, who you may remember as the boy who recklessly wandered into a gamma radiation test zone that accidentally transformed Bruce Banner into the Hulk.  As probably the luckiest kid in the Marvel universe, Jones traveled the world as the Hulk’s buddy, Captain America’s number two, and Captain Marvel’s partner before turning into a Hulk-like superhero called A-Bomb.  But currently, he has to have his butt saved by all that’s good and wonderful about the US of A — the captain, a motorcycle, and bloodying terrorists.

Thus begins the coolest comic battle of 1969.  I’m just saying this issue is followed by us landing on the moon two months later.  It was a good year to be an American.  I mean, if you ignore Vietnam.

While I admire the grandiose speech Lee wrote, I imagine the Hydra goons thoughts were less of “How do you destroy an ideal — a dream?” and more of “Aaargh, my face!”  But who knows?  Even henchmen can be poetic during moments of trauma.

She doesn’t actually die.  Fake death applies to supervillains as well.  Though as we wrap up our story today and watch as the next phase of Captain America’s life begins, remember that despite all of America’s problems (so, so many problems) — at least our heroes totally rock.  I mean, Captain Britain uses magic.  Wuss.

Famous panels: Captain America

Let’s continue my ongoing series to uncover the stories behind Comic Book Resources’ Top 70 Most Iconic Marvel Panels of All-Time, something which is definitely not a desperate grab for an article when I run out of ideas.  Check out the full list here, but today we’re going to explore #20, which includes one of the most famous Captain America lines of the past decade:

Angry, bleeding, condescending Captain America remains my favorite interpretation of the character. The Ultimate universe’s Captain America absolutely rocks you and everyone you love.  Back in the infant days of my blog, I covered his shrine-worthiness here.  Honestly, Ultimate Captain America is everything I’ve ever wanted in a superhero and we get to see him in all his patriotic, Nazi-bashing glory today in Ultimates #12-13, written by Mark Millar and drawn by Bryan Hitch:

Right?  Most people born in 1920 can’t log onto a computer, much less pilot a top-of-the-line fighter jet.  I mean, if you ignore the fact that he pilots it into tankers full of gas:

Any yoga pose by Captain America must be surrounded by explosions.  The dude on fire screaming? That’s Herr Kleiser, a shapeshifting alien disguised as a Nazi, who started a beef with Captain America during World War II.  Time to settle their hash with two men who would still say things like “started a beef” and “settle their hash.”

As a full disclaimer, I’m an American.  And yes, we’re a proud people.  Maybe too proud.  Pride bordering on delusion.  But no symbol of our country will ever have his butt handed to him by a dirty, evil Nazi.  Even an alien masquerading as one.  Blast “God Bless America” until the walls shake. Wave that flag valiantly over the unkempt lawn.  Choke on hot dogs and apple pies until you’re red, white, and blue in the face.  Not one American — not in comics books, real books, movies, TV shows, poems, laser light shows, whatever — will ever get his brains bashed in by the world’s agreed upon most vile enemy.  I mean, not immediately.  Soon.  We’re the good guys, gosh darn it.

As the situation reaches its hopelessness apex, that’s when the music swells and our hero stands up for truth, justice, and the American way.  The Marvel version of that, anyway.

It feels good no matter which country you’re from, right?  Well, except France probably.  Ultimate Spider-Man took a bullet for this man, and despite it leading to the teenager’s death, there’s no better man to make that sacrifice for.  To lay some of the guilt off the good captain, Spider-Man singlehandedly fighting the Sinister Six on his front porch was the real culprit, though I imagine the gaping bullet wound didn’t help any.  But back to our story, happy ending for Ultimate Captain America.

On Friday, let’s not ruin a good thing — we’ll enjoy another Captain America famous panel story. Because you deserve it.  You always deserve it.

Superhero fistfights 3!

Oh, why not?  I’ll find something epic or romantic or extraordinary for Monday, but today, one more round shouldn’t hurt.  In AvX: Versus #2, written by Kieron Gillen and drawn by Salvador Larroca, we see the X-Men deploy their toughest weapon.  I’m talking Colossus Juggernaut, who’s like normal Juggernaut except encased in metal.  He’s unstoppable:

But can this unbeatable force take on the most lovable of the Avengers?  Can Colossus defeat my personal hero and inspiration to preteens everywhere?  Oh my goodness, yes, Spider-Man doesn’t stand a chance.

Round 1: Colossus vs. Spider-Man

We’ve discussed Spider-Man’s strength level before — he can lift roughly ten tons, which won’t be anywhere near enough to even dent the Russian monster.  Think of Peter Parker as a fly constantly buzzing in Colossus’ ear.  Yes, the fly’s annoying and frustrating, but you really don’t want to squish it if you don’t have to.  Still, persistence only leads to trouble and flies tend to be dumb.  Poor foreshadowing for Spider-Man.

For lack of proper diction, the Avengers took on the hero role in this Marvel event.  The X-Men ended up all villainous or defecting to the “good guys.”  We’re supposed to be cheering for Spider-Man, and because of my unashamed bias, I always cheer for Spider-Man.  But to be honest, this fight’s meaningless in the Marvel universe.  No one gains anything from victory, except maybe a panel a few years down the road where the victor mentions this beatdown during combat banter.

Though both combatants end up in pretty bad shape after this thing wraps up.  Colossus joins X-Force as a fugitive with out of control superpowers and Spider-Man dies an embarrassing death by his arch-nemesis of the 1980s.  Still, for the moment, all’s well.  Sort of.

Ready for the big finale?  Spider-Man does possesses a genius intelligence.  Certainly he can out-strategize the lumbering brute.

A well-earned win for Colossus.  Eventually a few issues later, Spider-Man defeats Colossus and his sister Magik using manipulation, ego, and all those normal debate tricks that work on power-hungry maniacs.  Because even while Spider-Man never ends a fight without his costume in tatters and his body bloodied and broken, he’s always victorious in the only place that matters: my heart.  I regret nothing I’ve said.

Round 2: Toad vs. Jarvis

I have good stuff for Monday!  I love you all.  Do something awesome this weekend!

Superhero fistfights 2!

I love dramatic character development and beautifully executed suspense as much as the next reader, but let’s be fair — if superheroes talked out their problems instead of punching them, we’d be far less inclined to read.  Look, I want Hulk to be happy, but I also want him to rip a moon in half.  Today, you get just the violence — none of that pesky plot nonsense.  We’ll get back to stories that touch our hearts and souls on Wednesday.  In AVX: Versus #4, written and drawn by Kaare Andrews, as well as AVX: Versus #5, written by Jason Aaron and drawn by Tom Raney, let’s not waste any of your precious time.

Same deal as last time.  Avengers fought the X-Men over the Phoenix Force.  Avengers win, X-Men lose, readers buy all the issues.

Round 1: Thor vs. Emma Frost

Thor, the Superman-with-a-hammer, faces Emma Frost wielding that neato Phoenix Force.  Y’see, the benefit of having God powers is that the writer can really make Emma Frost do whatever the writer wants to, because her enhanced powers haven’t been established like Thor’s have.  Plus, her outfit is even more revealing than her normal revealing outfit.  Really, the battle here lies between their egos.

I don’t know what she sees in Thor’s mind — it’s never revealed.  But it has to be dirty.  And while Emma Frost has traversed the minds of perverts the world over, she has never searched one god’s three thousand years of perversion.  Thor drinks heavily.  Either way, the battle starts off strong for our Avenger protagonist.

Emma Frost makes a terrible mistake next.  She attempts to emasculate the most masculine character in the Marvel universe.  I admire her for speaking that way to a man whose values are so old fashioned that he still uses “thee” and “thou,” and more importantly, I gain new respect towards Cyclops, for dating a woman who must verbally and emotionally crush his balls on a weekly basis. Words can hurt far more than hammers sometimes, though Thor responds appropriately:

At this point in a normal fight, Thor raises his barrel of mead in victory.  Good job, buddy.  But remember what I mentioned earlier about Emma Frost’s God powers?  Her only limitations lie in the imagination of the writer, which is horribly bad news for our thunder god.

Whenever Thor lies defeated, it always serves an important story role — mainly to tell the reader and other Avengers that this foe possesses the strength to bench press small skyscrapers.  And now you know that of Phoenix Force Emma Frost.  Girl power and whatnot.

If you love Thor (who still has way prettier hair than Emma Frost), at least take comfort that the Phoenix Force broke up her relationship with Cyclops.  Apparently attacking your significant other and brutally taking her power against her will can cause a rift between lovers.  And speaking of a rift between lovers, commence battle two.

Round 2: Storm vs. Black Panther

If you remember their last fight (which I’ll shamelessly plug), the King of Wakanda got destroyed by his dear wife.  But T’Challa also has that whole genius-level intelligence that graces so many of our superheroes.  Remember, they’re not only better than you physically, but mentally as well.

If you didn’t read Avengers vs. X-Men, Black Panther ended their marriage halfway through the event. I’ll cover it soon.  So, you can imagine that while lightning strikes and right hooks certainly cause pain, that emotional scarring remains fresh and bleeding.  The two can parry jabs and kicks, but they can’t dodge the kung fu chops to their hearts.  Yet justifying their break up could certainly add some delayed armor before the inevitable tearful breakdown/rebound sex with Wolverine.  Storm, not Black Panther.

I know the previous page only happens in fiction.  I’ve seen enough episodes of Cops to know what happens when a (former) husband and wife brawl.  But let us dream, for only in fiction do we have the inevitable poetic feel we so desperately crave and refuse to believe.

We all understand that as fierce and valiant our heroes fight, they’ll never defeat that status quo. Both bounce back from their heartbreak.  Storm becomes headmistress of Wolverine’s X-Men school. Black Panther engages in a bloody and violent war against Atlantis.  And it’s unfortunate, because if they could set aside their differences, there’d be no better power couple in Marvel today than T’Challa and Namor.

Superhero fistfights!

It’s a Friday and we’ve all had a rough week.  Why pretend to beat around the edges of a story just to showcase all the cool fight scenes?  So let’s jump right into the battles with zero context — just good guys kicking good guys in AvX: VS #1, written by Kathryn Immonen and drawn by Stuart Immonen, and AvX: VS #2, written and drawn by Steve McNiven.

The Avengers and X-Men started a war against each other over the Phoenix force.  It happens.  Now the two biggest Marvel teams have reasons to shoot lasers and shout moral rhetoric at each other!

Round 1: Thing vs. Namor

Yes, the Thing can punch equal to the force of a car at 52 miles per hour and take a punch about equal strength, but the poor guy gets the short end of the stick when it comes to Fantastic Four powers.  His looks too, but that’s a different matter.  Fire, force fields, and elasticity create so many more strategies and cool ideas than giant rock punches.  But luckily, Namor doesn’t have powers beyond that either, and with the bad blood between them (Namor’s a jerk), this fight’s a long time coming.

That’s two solid jokes in two pages.  Truthfully, I don’t know if the Thing has the ability to breathe underwater for extended periods of time.  He does it here, but to save any potential arguments — he’s also has the ability to talk yet he lacks lips.  I suspend all disbelief when it comes to Ben Grimm.

Despite Namor flying off relatively unharmed in the background, the Thing coolly trotting out of the ocean gives him my personal victory.  I love Ben holding his own against Namor in water, which would be like fighting Iron Man in a robot factory.  Luckily, our next battlefield serves as home field only for dinosaurs and Kravinoffs.

Round 2: Captain America vs. Gambit

I cut out all the neat moves Gambit makes, but to be fair, I’m wildly biased.  My love for Captain America seeps deep into my own blind patriotism, but honestly, I mainly dislike Gambit wearing a trench coat in a jungle climate.

If I’m not mistaken, and this is done with zero research, I believe Gambit used to be way more powerful.  I’m not saying he’s not now, but we all know a pink explosion won’t take out the symbol of our country (or America, if you’re reading this somewhere else).  Most importantly, one can’t expect to speak French to Captain America and get away unscathed.

Truthfully, I don’t dislike Gambit.  I tried really hard to read his ongoing solo series.  The kind-hearted thief motif is always fun and exciting.  Plus, I’m a huge fan of explosions, no matter the color.  But my goodness, I adore the good captain, and the next few pages only make my heart soar.  You can almost hear the bald eagles heroically squawking above the battlefield:

In the eleven-ish battles that take place over this miniseries and the dozens more in the main series, both teams come out on top about the same.  Though for story purposes, the X-Men take the villain role, eventually leading to poor Cyclops versus everybody.

Let’s do two more on Monday.  No better way to start the week, and maybe I’ll pick some fights where the X-Men win.  Maybe.

Black Panther, Kraven, and rooftops

So Daredevil got possessed by a demon and used a ninja army to mess up Hell’s Kitchen. Remember that?  After the exorcism and Daredevil’s disappearance (though I’ll shamelessly link you to where he went), the New York City borough remained undefended from Russian mobsters, creepy genetic scientists, and all those other unruly immoral types.  Luckily, T’Challa, former king of Wakanda and currently lacking superpowers, figures he could step up to the role.  So Black Panther bought a diner, started wearing glasses (to disguise his thick Wakandan accent, I guess?), and patrolled the streets at night as Black Panther.

But as we know from all superhero stories, when our hero pushes hard enough, the bad guys push back with some extra muscle of their own.  Especially when a young child’s life is at stake, like in Black Panther: The Man Without Fear #518-520, written by David Liss and drawn by Francesco Francavilla & Jefte Palo.

Witness the post-Grim Hunt Kraven.  He famously died in that wildly famous arc “Kraven’s Last Hunt,” but a few years ago, his family resurrected him.  Familial love has never been Kraven’s strong point and he immediately resented them.  Turns out, he liked being dead and since they accidentally used tainted clone blood instead of pure Peter Parker blood in their black magic voodoo, Kraven’s cursed and nothing can kill him.  Immortality and whatnot.

But just because Black Panther can totally die and only has the strength and skill of a master martial artist, a celebrated tactical and scientific genius, and the support of numerous super powerful allies. Plus, a Punisher-sized weapon arsenal.

Unfortunately, and for far more dramatic effect, Kraven starts their battle off with an ambush — enough to put Black Panther at a big disadvantage.  That’s what makes fights thrilling, after all.

Their battle takes place almost entirely through two issues and covers pretty much all of Hell’s Kitchen.  I can’t show you all of it, and I even have to skip some of the cooler scenes, but you’ll get the gist of the neat stuff.

That’s right, if falling through one glass ceiling worked so well, why not do it again?  Kraven can’t be killed by the fall anyway.  Oh, and that wrecking ball he threw a few panels up?  I have no idea where that came from.  I imagine Kraven carries it with him.  You never know when you need an emergency wrecking ball.

Both are expert fighters, even in the urban streets.  But poor Black Panther has to do that whole superhero-ing thing and protect innocents while Kraven sets traps and blows up cars.  A supervillain’s job contains far less requirements and obligations.  Oh, but remember when I mentioned T’Challa’s super powerful allies?  Like this one:

At this time, Black Panther and Storm lived in marital bliss.  Kind of.  They’re no longer married, victims of that dreaded status quo.  Storm has moved on to Wolverine while Black Panther remains dateless, so he’s definitely doing better than she is.  But here, T’Challa scolds his wife for saving his life.  Equal parts honor and nagging, I guess.

I can’t really tell if Black Panther’s being a jerk to his wife or not.  On one hand, Storm is one of the most powerful beings in the Marvel universe and Black Panther totally couldn’t ninja star or billy club out of Kraven’s way.  But he did tell Storm to mind her own business and leave him alone, and that he also probably likes her or whatever.  Still, when you have a trump card (even one you make out with), use it.  Also, Kraven captured the boy the two of them were looking for.

Our big finale!  Y’see, the mad scientist promised Kraven something no one else can offer him: a way to die.  Comic book science’s tricky.  On one hand, it can easily reverse an immortality curse, but Professor X has to remain in a wheelchair for fifty years.  Most importantly, mad scientists get to use comic book science for the really cool stuff, like giant walking piranhas,

By Kraven’s “revere” of animals, he means chase them down with spears and make vests out of their fur.  Though despite all of Kraven’s faults (so many), he is a man of honor.  A man with a code.  One that does not allow him to let sweet innocent giant walking piranhas be imprisoned in secret laboratories.

Did that put you in the mood for romance?

Black Panther and Storm heal their relationship, Kraven sets free the captured animals, and the monkeys get pants!  A happy ending for everyone!