A better America with Uncle Sam
Posted: 05/26/2013 Filed under: DC, Fights 1 CommentSome superheroes keep their symbolism close to the vest. Their beliefs and ideals are tightly wrapped in contradictions and complex motivations. Not so with this guy:
No hidden agendas here, and I have no problem when the agenda includes punching Nazis. Uncle Sam first premiered in National Comics #1, created by Will Eisner in 1940, and you can’t have a more blatant propaganda tool than the friggin’ symbol of the country straddling Axis fighter jets. But this same patriotism also brought on Captain America, who we can all agree is super awesome. More importantly, like Captain America, the superhero Uncle Sam still graces the pages of DC comics to this day. I’m serious. He and his team of Freedom Fighters have fought all sorts of minor supervillains for decades:
Today, we’re taking a look at two brawls involving the striped crusader using Uncle Sam and the Freedom Fighters #4, volume 2, written by Justin Gray & Jimmy Palmiotti and drawn by Renato Arlem as well as Freedom Fighters #2-3, 7-8, written by Justin Gray & Jimmy Palmiotti and drawn by Travis Moore.
If your curiosity gets the better of you, Uncle Sam didn’t receive his powers (super strength, size changing, slight telepathy) from anything gruesome like a radioactive spill or saving orphans from a goo bomb. Nope, Uncle Sam’s literally the tangible form of American spirit:
His usefulness in the DC universe, while relegated to a mini-series side character nowadays, still allows him to interact with DC’s mightiest and most popular. Which means Superman, Batman, and the others all know of Uncle Sam and just don’t talk about him. In Infinite Crisis #1, written by Geoff Johns and drawn by Phil Jimenez, he even had his butt kicked by Black Adam:
Beatings by major supervillains aside, Uncle Sam totally rocks and I’m here to prove it. The symbol of America punches hard, of course. In the first fight, Uncle Sam and his Freedom Fighters battle some mystical scary Native American monsters — and they don’t do so hot.
We’ve read enough comics to know that at the lowest point in our hero’s fight, a burst of adrenaline pours forth. Second wind and moral lecture and whatnot. Clichéd? Definitely, but I never want writers to stop.
A little fire can’t harm the spirit of America. Sure, Uncle Sam’s flesh and bones, but he carries with the hopes and dreams of three hundred million citizens. I mean, he basically just recited the Declaration of Independence. An eagle’s about to perch on his shoulder as fireworks go off in the background.
Or not. Well, symbolism goes both ways I guess. And just because the American dream’s charred to a crispy skeleton, that doesn’t mean all hope fades. After all, we can brush off the failure dirt and try again — just like Uncle Sam’s corpse.
And oh, does he come back. When a patriot’s blood spills in the name of freedom, Uncle Sam will be there to rise again, complete with top hat, star-spangled vest, and candy-striped pants. Four issues later when a supervillain called the Jester seeks to take the place as America’s symbol, he figures killing Uncle Sam’s old team would probably be a good place to start. Bad idea.
Thus begins a simultaneous fistfight and discussion on American ideals. Uncle Sam’s opinion’ll be stronger (though I’m very biased) if just because comic book readers tend to be more optimistic about the future. That probably comes from decades of reading stories where the good guys win every single time.
We all long for the good ol’ days. I get it. Music was so much better back in my day. Kids in my day knew how to behave. We could leave our houses unlocked back when I was a kid. Etc. I totally get it, but that’s also not how time works. You can try to stop the evolution of society, but you might as well stop a flood by holding out your hands. Though music was much better back in my day.
That’s right, Uncle Sam. Hurt him with both actions and words. Physically and emotionally. Plus, I’m not alone when I believe that the symbol of America should have a goatee.
No better way to end this then to have Uncle Sam’s arms around a bosomy woman while standing over the unconscious body of your enemy. That’s the American way.
Superman and the Subjekt 17 problem
Posted: 05/19/2013 Filed under: DC, Fights 3 CommentsWhen you think about Superman’s history, the DC universe should really be thanking Ma and Pa Kent for raising Superman as the moral center of the entire comic book world. The Man of Steel’s generosity, unwavering goodness, and solitary desire to protect and better his world — that all came from values instilled during his youth on the Kent family farm in Smallville, Kansas. Can you imagine if baby Superman’s rocketship landed in a not-so-friendly place? I mean, besides Soviet Russia and Apokolips; those have been done already.
Today, we take a look at an alien who didn’t have that luxury of being raised correctly in Superman #655, 656, 662, and 667, written by Kurt Busiek and drawn by Carlos Pacheo & Jesus Merino. This arc, which spans about eighteen issues, deals with a conundrum far greater and more powerful than I can capably relay through my website. Superman is given a decision — if he fights an upcoming evil, he secures the death of all humanity, but if he refuses to fight then millions will die and the world will be saved. The whole sacrifice one to save many problem that beings of immeasurable power have to deal with sometimes makes for excellent comics. But within those pages lies a side story you should know about.
Meet Doctor Callie Llewellyn, one of Clark Kent’s ex-girlfriends. While Kent may not be charming, he is 6’3″ and built like an NFL linebacker. Unfortunately, so is the monster that bloodied his former flame.
People complain that Superman possesses a bijillion powers. So what? I want my superheroes to be able to hear a woman talking to herself from miles away while he brawls a mega-powerful alien creature. Put the super in superhero, y’know? Take a good look at our opponent today. We don’t need Batman to tell us this baddie hasn’t led a terribly charmed life:
Though for your sake, the back story might be helpful. As you read, does his origin vaguely remind you of anyone else?
Right rocketship, wrong place. The Kents would have raised the little monster right, but labs full of mad scientists tend to make more selfish decisions. While not Subjekt 17’s fault that he turned out the way he did, a tantrum won’t solve this problem.
Unfortunately, the respite won’t last long. Superman contains this tiny character flaw that supervillains exploit — mainly, save the innocents first then return attention to the giant destructive monster. Unfortunately, when Subjekt 17 returns, and oh, does he return, it’s on far more dangerous grounds. Like Metropolis.
Besides the obvious collateral damage factor, Superman isn’t about to pummel the beast in the middle of downtown. Want to know what separates Superman from Batman? Besides Batman not being able to bench press the moon? Besides that Superman’s cousin once dated her horse while Batgirl never so much as flirted with Ace the Bat-Hound? It’s a simple difference: when an angry super strong monster punches Superman through a skyscraper, the Man of Steel still wants to peacefully negotiate. Kent upbringing and whatnot. Batman would probably take a more violent route.
Subjekt 17’s anger at Superman is justified. All the guy’s known is pain and suffering at the hands of humans because of his non-human qualities, and Superman (who’s an alien like Subjekt 17) actually defends these monsters? Well, peaceful negotiation’s out.
At this point, the monster teleports away through magic not his own. Thus begins the main plot I told you about at the beginning. Using this time away from all the bloodshed and frustration could do Subjekt 17 some good. See all the kindness in other people, right?
Okay, maybe empathy isn’t his strong suit. And with his captors dead, Subjekt 17’s guiding light can be found in the unrequited anger at the one man who threw him through the earth’s core. Unable to understand humanity, Subjekt 17’s final fight with Superman (and it is final because he never shows up in comics again) serves only to punish the kindest, most generous superhero in the DC universe. Supervillains are jerks.
How could Superman not be seen as the enemy by Subjekt 17? The wizard Arion plans to let millions die to save billions, and our antagonist very much appreciates the gesture. After all, how could humans not be seen as a scourge on the universe after Subjekt 17’s torture and experimentation for fifty straight years? So now Superman has no choice but to pummel Subjekt 17 (an innocent victim of the people Superman’s trying to protect) to save the world. What choice is there?
This fight serves three purposes. First, it ends the Subjekt 17 side plot. Second, the brawl’s a microcosm of the real choice Superman still has difficulty making. And three, we all want to see Superman punch big ugly monsters.
The man exemplifies the superhero ideal not just because of his ability to solve crimes with laser eyes and freeze breath, but because Superman always has to make those annoying tough choices that never fail to leave him bloody and righteous at the end of the day.
In this ultimate moment, when Superman stands victorious over the brute he just pounded, his thoughts aren’t that of celebration (though from the dark skies and rainstorm, you could tell the mood anyway). Just like he’d act towards a beaten Lex Luthor or a beaten Parasite or a beaten Metallo, our hero acts first and foremost with concern and care. No wonder supervillains hate Superman so much when he won’t as much as spare a second of hatred on their behalf. Plus, that gorgeous head of hair — most of Superman’s rogue gallery lacks such luscious locks.
For the super cool battle with Arion, you have to buy the book. We can only speculate Subjekt 17’s current whereabouts, but I’d like to imagine him hanging out with Killer Croc, Copperhead, and all those other vaguely reptilian baddies. A sewer family’s still a family, y’know.
Moon Knight fights out of his league
Posted: 05/09/2013 Filed under: Fights, Marvel 3 CommentsIf you aren’t a big comic book fan, you’ve probably never heard of Moon Knight. That’s okay. Despite his forty years in comics, Avengers status, and prominent mental illness, Moon Knight simply hasn’t generated the popularity of his other superhero buddies. But he’s worth your time. I promise. Here’s one of his earliest moments from Defenders #47, volume one:
Marc Spector, soldier and master martial artist, stumbled upon the Egyptian moon god Khonshu who then gave him super powers. Though you don’t have to remember all that jazz, because nowadays he’s a non-powered rich guy in a gadget-filled costume. Maybe that’s why he gets unfairly labeled as Marvel’s Batman. For one, Spector’s superhero career isn’t born out of an unquenchable quest of vengeance. Plus, the guy’s a major schizophrenic, making Moon Knight the poster boy for positive (albeit fictitious) role models succeeding despite mental illness. That and he can use it as a weapon, like against the mind-absorbing Rogue in X-Men Legacy #267, written by Christos Gage and drawn by Rafa Sandoval:
Today though, we’re focusing on his solo series that premiered in 2011. Realizing that New York has plenty of superheroes to keep it safe, Moon Knight packs up his stuff and heads to Los Angeles — both to stop the current kingpin terrorizing the city and to use his wealth and influence to break into show business. Two birds with one stone. Unfortunately, the City of Angel’s big baddie happens to be Count Nefaria. Besides wearing an old-timey vampire costume, the count possesses super-everything including flight and laser eyes. Like a gaudy Superman. Count Nefaria actually aligns himself with Thor’s rogue gallery, if that’s any indication of his strength. Let the count sum it up:
Safe to say Moon Knight simply doesn’t have the power to take this guy, but it’s not going to stop him from trying. Let’s take a look at their battles in Moon Knight #7, #9, and #12, written by Brian Michael Bendis and drawn by Alex Maleev.
After forcing Count Nefaria to make a maneuver for a rogue head of Ultron, Moon Knight pulls a Batman-esque trick of unleashing a weakening virus when a fake Ultron head bombs the count. That old trick.
Round one goes to our protagonist. By the way, remember the multiple personalities? Luckily for Spector, his three others happen to be Captain America, Spider-Man, and Wolverine. Not bad at all. Just remember, the hallucinations are all figments of Moon Knight’s imagination:
Wolverine makes a good point. With Count Nefaria humiliated, he’ll strike back at full power hoping to gain back his reputation. Unfortunately, it happens when Moon Knight’s hanging out with his friend/love interest/partner Echo, the only other superhero in LA.
Normal superheroes couldn’t survive this onslaught. But Moon Knight has some backup. Mental backup. At a clear disadvantage, Spector primarily needs some strategic advice first. Cue Captain America.
No escape here. Poor Moon Knight’s a normal guy in a bulky white costume against a man who’s a challenge for the entire Avengers when they fight him all at one. Impossible situations definitely favor personality number two: Spider-Man.
Watch the beauty of the next part. The action’s so well laid out, plus I’m always a big fan of when supervillains get smashed into things.
Surely that would slow down this monster, right? Oh, you naive reader, anything less than catastrophic damage just gets shrugged off. I promise I’m not joking with the article title.
Maybe Wolverine has a good idea. He wins most of the time, I think.
Of course something bad happens, because good stories get worse before they get better.
Poor Echo. Former Avenger, talented warrior, and a prominent deaf superhero — now dead at the hands of Laser Dracula. And it may not look like it from the above picture, but the girl’s very much deceased:
At this point in the fight, Moon Knight predictably escapes. Or collapses in a bloody blind rage. Look, either way, Moon Knight lost badly — the death of his teammate pretty much wraps up the worst battle of his LA crimefighting career. Still, with great power comes great responsibility, and when Count Nefaria pops up later slaughtering a police station, their battle has to come to an end.
As most hand-to-hand fights against beings with god-like powers go, Moon Knight gets his butt kicked.
But like most non-powered superheroes, Moon Knight learns from his mistakes. He has to rely on his brains and not his brawn, after all. And what’s the smartest way to handle one of the most powerful supervillains in the Marvel universe? Call in the team that only fights baddies like him.
Click on the picture for a larger version of the double-spread. Lesson to be learned from Moon Knight’s LA adventure? Make friends. Lots of friends. Iron Man would be a good one to start with.
Unfortunately like many superhero tales, a bittersweet ending’ll be the best we can hope. I’ll accept it — tragedies sell better anyway.
The Iron Man impostor, Pt. 2
Posted: 05/05/2013 Filed under: Fights, Marvel Leave a commentWhen we left off, Tony Stark’s day teetered on catastrophic. A fake Iron Man murdered his ex-girlfriend and board of directors (both equally heartbreaking). Now, the government decides to slaughter all Iron Man — a safety issue, y’know? Today, enjoy the second half of Iron Man #86-89, volume 3, written by Mark Ricketts and drawn by Tony Harris & Scott Kolins, as Stark battles his impostor. Luckily, fake Iron Man blew up his house before the real Iron Man’s facemask could be put on — so the one with the mustache is the one you’ll be rooting for.
Oh, by the way, the fight’s not going well:
Fake Iron Man brings up a good point, and pretty much a major argument covered in the third movie. Bad guys tend to be jerks, and that means they have no problem assassinating loved ones to get back at their assigned hero. When Spider-Man revealed his secret identity, Aunt May got sniped and his marriage dissolved. Daredevil, after his secret identity leaked, had practically his whole life in ruins for a good decade of comics. And now Stark, who’s been about half-and-half with the secret identity stuff, just paid the price with his company, loved ones, and good name.
Supergeniuses make mistakes too (though Stark tends to make more than most), and now this impostor will feel Iron Man’s mechanized retribution.
Well, in a minute. So want the big reveal? Who’s the baddie brazen enough to impersonate our hero? Norman Osborn? Magneto? Dr. Doom?
Okay, so you don’t know who he is. You’re not supposed to. Sure, the past few issues gave clues that I’ve declined to show you, but if it makes you feel better, even Stark’s perplexed about this moron:
Clarence Ward, who only appears in this arc, is supposed to be unknown. Shows how even the little guy can cause horrendous trauma when there are no secrets to protect. Also, if you want to know just how tough Iron Man can be, this next scene should sum it up quite nicely:
Equal powers aside, what gives the advantage to Stark? His support characters for one. That and his Batman-esque ability to plan for every scenario and situation.
Allow Pepper Pots to end this fight before anything regretful happens. Don’t worry, it’ll be dramatic. Plus, Stark makes a delightful metaphor.
Poor Stark realizes the fatal flaw of all supergeniuses — too much time spent on genius, too little time focusing on family and friends. And oh boy, when that lesson’s learned, it’s a doozy. By the way, did you forget about the whole premise with the military?
What you’re about to hear is a grandiose speech about superhero ideals and beliefs. Yes, you’ll be able to point out numerous contradictions (like say, Wolverine), but it still speaks an important message: superheroes are our betters. I mean, the idea that anyone can put on a costume and save the world burns brightly in our optimistic hearts, but let’s be fair — most of us can’t fight crime no matter how much Cheetos dust we wipe off our pants. And not just the decades of martial arts training either. Being a superhero requires a thinking practically unachievable by ordinary men and women, which probably contributes to superheroes being fictional in the first place. Because when Stark walks away from this monster — who murdered the love of his life, his entire company, and shattered what’s left of his reputation — he’ll be back in fighting shape by next issue, and that’s insane.
While the speech is silly, but the message isn’t.
Ward being a pawn, it’s only fair I reveal to you the man pulling his strings, right? See? Everything comes full circle.
Go see Iron Man 3. The Mandarin is portrayed radically different, but the explosions aren’t.
Wildcat vs. Injustice Society
Posted: 04/30/2013 Filed under: DC, Fights 3 CommentsI’ve said over and over again that the best superheroes aren’t the toughest or strongest, but the smartest. And not like Mr. Fantastic smart either — I’m talking the men and women who remain forever outmatched by their foes yet still emerge tactically victorious every time. When we bring up Wildcat, trust me, they guy never holds the advantage.
If you haven’t read my first Wildcat article, the guy’s a non-powered elderly former boxer. Who wears a cat outfit. In JSA #9-10, written by David Goyer & Geoff Johns and drawn by Stephen Sadowski, Wildcat (real name Ted Grant) gets sidelined due to a broken arm sustained in a previous battle. While relaxing in the tub, the Injustice Society picks a genuinely horrendous moment to attack.
Let’s go over the participants for a moment. The Injustice Society consists of:
Johnny Sorrow (teleportation)
Geomancer (earth manipulation)
Tigress (Olympian-caliber fighter)
Blackbriar Thorn (tree wizard)
Killer Wasp (electrical blasts)
Count Vertigo (vomit powers)
Icicle (obvious)
Their opponent?
Wildcat (currently nude)
Can a sixty-ish year-old man with one broken arm take out the entire group in a head on fight? Oh goodness no. Luckily, Grant does get a single advantage — the Injustice Society attacked him at the JSA’s headquarters, where Wildcat knows all the tricks and secrets. Still, this’ll take more than just giant exposed cajones.
With Johnny Sorrow preoccupied, the battle now stands at six to one. Even though Wildcat can’t really count stealth as a strong suit, he does have a wide field of surprises. Like the motorized kind.
Count Vertigo goes down with a wheel in the face. As Wildcat speeds off into the depths of the building, he decides to milk the bike’s usefulness. I mean, you see how much use Ghost Rider gets with his? And Wildcat has the added benefit that unlike Ghost Rider, his skull isn’t on fire. More importantly, a motorcycle license may be the closest thing Grant has to a superpower.
Four left. Wildcat says five, but Johnny Sorrow never actually fights — and we should be glad, because that man’s far more dangerous than I’ve let on. His face kills people upon viewing. Think of an uglier Medusa. Anyway, Icicle’s easily dispatched for being dumb, and we move on to the real troublemakers.
Immortality tends to be a flip of the coin in the DC universe. Half the time, the immortal ends up strapping and handsome, like Black Adam or Vandal Savage. The other half, the immortal has to live his life as a crazy wood monster. Play the odds, y’know?
Nice to know that Blackbriar Thorn keeps his beard in tree form. Unfortunately for him, the problem with having two thousand years of memories is that most of them are filled with thoughts of revenge and not getting caught up on how modern technology works:
Look, I know why you want to read this article: you want the brawls and punches. What Wildcat article would be complete without a few fistfights? Grant’s like Rocky, if Rocky’s best friends had a magic space ring and superspeed. Plus, we’re suckers for old, washed up dudes battling ferocious young fighters.
Honestly, Tigress totally could have taken out Wildcat, except for a common theme among supervillains: most register an IQ slightly above drooling. Y’see, evil doesn’t require a high school diploma.
We see this all the time — the bad guy goaded into a no powers, no machines fight by appealing to ego and narcissism. But pretend to be Killer Wasp for a moment. The “superhero” mocking you happens to be a man three times your age with only one good arm. And he challenged you to a boxing match, which greatly benefits from being not old and having use of all limbs. Plus, you put Killer right in your name.
More importantly, by Killer Wasp accepting this offer, we get to see Wildcat take down his final opponent in the dramatic and heroic manner we as readers deserve.
Darn tootin’, right? We even end on a tried and true literary note — the parents arrive to a destroyed house scenario. And by parents, I mean a gaggle of old men, teenagers, and Hawkgirl.
By the way, no better victory than using pieces of your enemy to pick out food chunks. Finally, Grant can go back to his attempts at seducing Catwoman, who’s younger than his son.
Storm vs. everybody
Posted: 04/23/2013 Filed under: Fights, Marvel 10 CommentsI think many comic book readers underestimate Storm. Before really reading X-Men comics, I knew she can wield tornadoes or raise greenhouse gas levels or something, but her true capability was totally lost on me. Well, until I read the miniseries X-Men: Worlds Apart #1-4, written by the genius Christopher Yost and drawn by the equally genius Diogenes Neves.
In the mid-2000s, turns out Storm and Black Panther (the king of the African nation Wakanda) loved each other back in their prepubescent days. And as adults, they get married. Romantic, definitely, but more importantly, Storm (real name Ororo Munroe) now presides over Wakanda as its queen. Predictably, ruling a small country takes up most of her time, straining her duties as an X-Man. The miniseries deals with that problem, but we’re just going to focus on all the fighting. If you want to see Storm destroy everyone, this is the article for you.
Basically, a mutant residing in Wakanda murdered an important shaman. Turns out he got possessed by the psychic mind-controlling supervillain Shadow King, but now Storm has to deal with the troublesome choice of protecting a fellow X-Man against the laws of her kingdom.
Round 1: Storm vs. soldiers
And that’s how a queen speaks. That kind of talk is also why we love Namor so much. Y’see, controlling the weather also includes all those cool little things like oxygen flow or something. I’m not a meteorologist, but I know what happens when her mind-controlled husband joins the fray:
Please click the above picture to see the full, large version. Enjoy your new wallpaper — this is how you do a double spread page. As you can imagine, things get much worse and Storm has to bail with the fugitive Nezhno. Luckily for us, she has pursuers.
Round 2: Storm vs. the Dora Milaje
Remember, to claim the title of superhero, one has to master like a dozen martial arts. Every one of them donning spandex has a black belt in everything, which is probably useful when ninjas and robots attack every other day. Unfortunately, without summoning hail or whatever, the hand-to-hand goes badly.
It’s nice to have friends. Go make some friends for when you get ambushed by a squad of elite bald women. Sadly, round 3 has to be fought solo, but that makes sense in that emotional way — get ready to mop up that solitary cheek running down your cheek.
Round 3: Storm vs. Black Panther
Very bad, trust me. Shadow King currently possesses Black Panther. Now you get to see the kind of husband and wife fights that happen in the Marvel universe.
Still, for as fast and tough as Black Panther is, he simply can’t compete with his wife’s sheer power. She’s like a pretty Thor.
Knowing he’s outmatched, the Shadow King decides to bolt that sinking Wakandan ship to mess up the other half of Storm’s life, the X-Men. Time for Ororo to kick her boss’ butt.
Round 4: Storm vs. Cyclops
First, our heroine gets forced to take out all the other X-Men. Easy enough when crowd control can be conjured with a swipe of the hand:
For whatever reason if you’re still not convinced about Storm’s badassery, this’ll be my final plea. The two X-Men go head-to-head, unleashing their ultimate attacks in the hypothetical arm wrestling of eye lasers and lightning blasts.
I’m not putting words in any writers’ mouths, but I can’t imagine any story where Storm shows up and the bad guys don’t instantly get a downpour in their pants. Now, whenever people complain about the lack of strong female role models in comics, Storm should be the only argument you’ll need.
Punching with Power Girl, Pt. 2
Posted: 04/18/2013 Filed under: DC, Fights Leave a commentEnd your week with the slugfests your heart desires! On a related note, I bought Injustice: Gods Among Us and it turns out I am atrociously bad at fighting games. Maybe today’ll be good just because after the last two hours of my life, it’ll be nice to see the good guy win once in a while.
To recap Wednesday’s article, go read the Power Girl series that started in 2009 and ended right before the DC reboot. It’s worth every penny and every moment of your time. We’ll check out a some fights from Power Girl #11, written by Justin Gray & Jimmy Palmiotti and drawn by Amanda Conner as well as Power Girl #16-19, written by Judd Winick and drawn by Sami Basri.
To start, I want you to see the Power Girl method of destroying evil robots:
Look, I understand that a lot of the battles I’m showing you start with Power Girl getting her smacked in the head. It’s a common theme.
Unconventional, but you can’t argue with results. To be fair to the robot, even machines can’t survive a direct hit in the lower region when the person attacking has the power to dropkick small moons in half. Luckily, the next fight is far more even. Like perfectly 100% even.
Out of the four fights shown so far, three have started with Power Girl beaten and bloody, which forces Power Girl to ask the question we’ve been wondering the whole time:
Let’s talk about that beautiful boot-in-the-face kick for a second. For new readers, a writer and artist collectively are called a creative team, if just because in comics, the art is just as important as the writing. Yes, the writer describes the panel to the artist, but the artist has to be the one to properly show the intensity of the battle. It’s beautifully done here, and definitely the second most painful-looking face smash after Avengers vs. X-Men #9‘s scene when Colossus punches Spider-Man:
Right? That’s a Phoenix-enhanced super strong literal man of steel destroying Spider-Man’s face, which is protected solely by his nose and a thin layer of spandex. Actually, the whole issue was universally critically acclaimed. For a series about heroes fighting heroes, it was ironically the first time a hero actually acted heroic. Mainly because Spider-Man’s great and awesome and I’m very biased.
Back to our story, Power Girl starts to gain the advantage.
Remember when I said the two fighters evenly match each other in every possible way? We find out the very good reason why:
Power Girl’s fighting herself.
Never fun to fight clones. I know, because I’ve been playing Injustice: Gods Among Us. Whichever character I control, the computer does a spectacularly better job at. But when Power Girl battles her clone, who’s surprisingly even more scantily clad than the original, Power Girl fortunately knows herself better than the test tube creation does. Years of trial and error, I guess.
Once again, the perfect art makes the fight scene so much better. You can read the issue for the rest of the fight, but it’s a lot of what you expect from mad scientists and creepy Power Girl baby factories.
Y’know, I just thought of this, but Power Girl doesn’t really do a lot of dating. I mean, she’s six feet tall, charming, rich, successful, and can juggle large trucks. Are other characters intimidated? Actually, female superheroes seem to date way less than their male counterparts. I’ve covered stories where Ms. Marvel and Spider-Woman complain about not going on dates in months, Power Girl doesn’t get anything even close to a significant other her entire series, and Super Girl dated her horse in the 1960s (which I’ll never let you forget). Do superheroines have to be either super promiscuous or completely chaste? That’s a topic for people way smarter and far braver than I am. I think the X-Men get around though.
Anyway, we go back eight issues to the time Power Girl’s teenage sidekick Terra got her brain swapped with the supervillain and albino gorilla Ultra-Humanite. Long story. Terra has the power to control the elements and earth and stuff.
This is why wizards would be annoying to fight:
The best reason to include this battle remains Power Girl’s crazy dramatic entrance as she rises from her rocky tombstone, angry and vengeful.
Terra simply can’t compete with a Kryptonian, despite all those cool Captain Planet-esque powers. But if supervillains ever need a lesson in why not to piss off a hero with god-like levels of power, this might be a decent example:
Nothing scarier than those red glowing eyes. That’s when you know the Superman family means business. At least scarier than an unconscious teenage girl slumped over a shoulder.
Punching with Power Girl, Pt. 1
Posted: 04/16/2013 Filed under: DC, Fights 3 CommentsYou’ve had a tough week, huh? Know what would make you feel better? Lots of superhero brawling, right? Good, because we’re going the rest of the week with Karen Starr (Power Girl) beating up and getting beat up by a whole bunch of evil dudes.
I’ve covered Power Girl’s history in a previous article, but I would like to reiterate that if you haven’t read the Power Girl series that started in 2009, you’re seriously missing out. Easily one of the best Superman family series in a long, long time.
Besides the common problem of writing stories for the Kryptonians, since they all have a dozen powers and near invulnerability, how does a writer make a literal Supergirl clone interesting and unique? Most writers decided on a bigger chest and that wildly uncomfortable “boob window” you’ll see shortly. But while Superman has that unwavering morality, Supergirl has anger problems, and Superboy wears jeans, the dear Power Girl oozes humor, wit, and self-deprecation. And trust me, it works.
Today, we explore two scenes from Power Girl #14-17, written by Judd Winick and drawn by Sami Basri. No need for context or introduction here: Power Girl’s fighting a giant purple monster.
To make Superman family stories more interesting, most of the supervillains have insane levels of strength and durability. Makes for spectacular property damage and thrilling battles. Plus, I enjoy when hulking beasts swipe at each other.
What makes this battle so great, besides the crashing through buildings part, is Power Girl’s commentary. Think of her as an eloquent football player narrating his own sacks. Power Girl’s getting her butt kicked — we know it and she knows it.
I wish I could say that Power Girl pulls off a brilliant tactical maneuver to overpower her foe and bring peace back to the weary city. Nope, instead, like many things in life, this battle’s about endurance. Her tech guy gives her the following advice:
If only most supervillains could be defeated that easily. As long as she’s still standing as the clock strikes sixty, she emerges victorious. Sounds easily enough — at least easy enough for a double spread montage:
As always, you can click the image for a larger version.
To be fair to you, the reader, I automatically assume you’re a Nobel Prize winning scientist, taking a break from cracking the secrets of the universe to learn more about superheroes who don’t wear pants. A single slugfest can’t possibly be enough for you to fully appreciate and fall in love with dear Power Girl. I understand. Before you put your goggles back on and head off the nuclear testing site, how about some quality Power Girl/Batman time?
I know that sounds like Bruce Wayne, but this issue takes place during the Dick Grayson era. Luckily, the original Robin has had plenty of time practicing the mannerisms and attitude of his mentor, especially the being rude to civilians part.
Remember, the main difference between Bruce and Dick remains that Dick allows himself to be happy sometimes. Also, Power Girl reacts to minions the same way most of us would if we shrugged off 99% of attacks.
Y’see, Power Girl’s far more charming than her other Kryptonian allies. Probably because of that matter-of-fact way she summarizes situations:
Seriously, the fact Superman even has supervillains says more to the insanity of his enemies than to the caliber of their abilities. It’s like fighting a tank with a rock, except the tank can move at lightspeed, fly, and juggle jumbo jets. But if you’re worried about the new Batman, Dick inherited the most important part of the Batman identity: he frightens the crap out of bad guys.
It says a lot when the man in a bat costume instills more fear than the woman behind him with the power to destroy the planet singlehandedly. Friday, we’ll catch a few more fights. You can never have enough superhero punching in your life.
Batgirl takes on Arkham Asylum
Posted: 04/11/2013 Filed under: DC, Fights Leave a commentI guess traversing the halls of Gotham City’s prison for the mentally insane becomes a rite of passage for Bat- and Super-sidekicks. I assume if he or she can defeat a dozen of Gotham’s scariest in confined quarters, then a bank robbery and car chase won’t pose much of a threat.
Starting in 2006, the series Batman Confidential decided to have rotating creative teams that explored Batman’s earliest memories — the ones where Robin didn’t wear pants. In Batman Confidential #20-21, written by Fabian Nicieza and drawn by Kevin Maguire, Batgirl (Barbara Gordon) is still relatively new to the whole crimefighting scene. Unfortunately, a pursuit of the Riddler led her straight into Arkham Asylum.
As you can tell from her costume, she’s had a rough night already. I’m actually picking up at the climax of this arc and unfortunately, this was back in the day when the Bat-family outfits consisted of less bulletproof material and more spandex. Alfred must be a hell of a seamster. Since Riddler’s known for his brains and not brawn, he figures that maybe the other inmates would like to handle the dirty work of beating up a teenage girl.
She brawls with some of the more minor villains, but you can buy the book for that. Let’s start with the first of our heavy hitters:
Blockbuster’s a popular supervillain name in the DC universe. This dude above is the original, with steroids leaving him super strong but super dumb. Let that be a lesson about drugs, kids. His brother actually became the second Blockbuster and served as the main antagonist for the first 90-ish issues of Nightwing’s solo series.
Batgirl has gained unparalleled popularity over the past forty years. Mainly because she’s a strong female role model with a PhD and crazy martial arts, but fans’ interest comes from her intelligence. She’s not as strong as Batman and not as athletic as Robin. So, much like Tim Drake, she has use tactics and strategy to defeat her foes instead of repeatedly bashing their skulls in.
And thank goodness for her intelligence too, because Joker’s next.
If you want a testament to just how much Joker scares people, even fellow supervillains hesitate to set him free. Two Face gets next billing, and you shouldn’t underestimate the man’s skill. When Batman and the Bat-family took that year off to travel or hike or whatever, Two-Face took Batman’s place. And he totally protected the city, even without a cape and batplane. Though, this is before all that.
When readers complain about the relative “normalcy” of Batman’s rogue gallery, as in most don’t have superpowers, those that do rock hard. Like Clayface. That dude’s really hard to take down.
I’ll always have a soft spot for the superpowered Poison Ivy as well, but Batgirl never ends up at the arboretum or test tube — whatever they’re keeping her in. As Batgirl begins to reach the main control room, she has one final challenge ahead of her.
To be fair, Scarecrow has the fighting skills of a college professor. One doesn’t really need to study muay thai when all opponents one faces are frantically trying to claw imaginary bugs off of them. Speaking of academic fighting skills, the Riddler stands just behind the final door, ready to get his well-deserved beating.
Catwoman teases in more ways than one. By the way, the Riddler should always top the list of supervillains you would most want to punch. He breathes in smug and breathes out ego, plus bowler hats should really only be worn by 1920s gangsters and 1950s private detectives.
With the Asylum back under superhero control, Batgirl can swing triumphantly back home for some much needed rest, because the rest of the day will no doubt be spent slaving over a sewing machine:
Robin & Supergirl take on Arkham Asylum
Posted: 04/07/2013 Filed under: DC, Fights 4 CommentsGotham City supervillains have no idea how good they have it. I hate to admit it, but Batman doesn’t really hold a candle to Superman. Sure, you could give Batman a few days to figure out a way to inject nanite kryptonite into the croutons Clark Kent puts in his soup, but intelligence and tactics can’t always beat god-like strength and speed. Today, Batman’s rogue gallery learns the hard way about how lucky they are to have Batman patrol their city instead of the more brightly clad alternative.
In Superman/Batman #62, written by Michael Green & Mike Johnson drawn by Rafael Albuquerque, the two title characters have to go take care of some Justice League nonsense — world-destroying threats in the DC universe seem to occur far more often than in real life. Robin and Supergirl get tasked with keeping Gotham safe for the night.
The difference between Gotham and Metropolis, you ask? This’ll sum it up:
As usual, something goes drastically wrong when the bosses are out of the office.
So the prisoners of Arkham Asylum released themselves and turned it into a sort of bloody haunted house. Commissioner Gordon gets to sits back while two teenagers bring out the supervillains one-by-one.
First up, Joker:
Lately, female superhero costumes get brought up more and more in conversations about comics sexism. And the accusers aren’t totally wrong. Let’s be fair, comics have traditionally been a teenage male fantasy, and Supergirl dressed like a promiscuous high school cheerleader doesn’t help the stereotype. While female superhero costumes should probably cover more than 40% of their bodies, the Superman family doesn’t really need costumes anyway. If they can shrug off asteroid crashes and lava blasts, a costume would only be needed to cover up private parts. Maybe that’s why Superman wears a thin layer of spandex while Batman dons a hundred pounds of kevlar.
Next up, the Arkham tea party:
Tim Drake definitely learned more than martial arts from the Dark Knight.
Normally, fighting Killer Croc and Poison Ivy takes a brilliant combination of strategy and timing. Either one of them could snap a normal man in half. Unless you’re Supergirl. Then plans just seem like a waste of time.
Wimpier villains aside, there’s a good reason Gotham City has to be Batman’s turf instead of Superman’s. Look, the Man of Steel and his superfamily get insanely powerful baddies like Lex Luthor, Braniac, Mongul, etc. They can destroy whole cities, go toe-to-toe with the mightiest superheroes in the DC universe, and ooze evil out of every pore. So what makes Batman’s baddies so exciting? Well, they’re scary. Even with no superpowers. And the last Arkham holdout proves my point beautifully.
Here’s Victor Zsasz:
The Superman family may have super strength, heat rays, freeze breath, and super speed, but just not the stomach for this class of villain.
The day’s saved. Mission complete. Welcome to Gotham, the city that’s a never-ending feeling of trying to hold back tears.
Arousing Grammar 