Amadeus and Delphyne’s love story, Pt. 3

Hercules died.  At least for the short time that this article takes place.  In an awkward tip of the hat to Delphyne’s intuitions/grudges, Athena betrays Hercules by having him get caught in a god-destroying explosion.  She totally feels bad about it, but that doesn’t stop her from doing it.  To somewhat justify her actions, Athena’s only allowed one “champion” at a time, and in order for Amadeus Cho to have risen to that honor, Hercules had to go.  Like the mob, it was strictly business.  Luckily, with Amadeus wielding Hercules’ adamantine mace, Bruce Banner’s Bannertech shields, and his own genius mind and sharp fashion sense, the new Prince of Power puts up a fairly solid fight.  But first, a reunion.

After Hercules perished, Amadeus now devotes all his time to locating and retrieving his dear departed friend. Gods can totally die in the Marvel universe — ask any Asgardian.  Fortunately, Amadeus discovers a way to access omniscience (y’know, the ability to know everything about everything).  But when the supervillain Vali Halfling steals all the ingredients, Amadeus and Thor team up to find and presumably hit Vali with blunt weapons.

But our focus’ll be turned away from these two for a while.  While our article today will totally end in a full confession of passion and delight for our two lovers, the climb will be slow and bloody.  Before the inevitable make out session, Delphyne has some goals of her own to accomplish first.  Like getting out of the awful Olympus Group prison that Athena put her in.

Though Amadeus has that crazy high intelligence that lets him know exactly how maneuver his body to avoid attacks or know exactly wear to smack his mace to subdue opponents far stronger than he is, Delphyne possesses no superpowers.  I guess poisonous snakes for hair counts as something, but an escape from a prison full of gods will take every bit of her skill, bullets, and gloating — of which she possesses multitudes of all three.  My goodness is this next scene amazingly awesome:

We always forget the fringe benefits of being a cursed reptile.  How can Amadeus not fall in love with this woman?

I know Amadeus stated to Delphyne’s face last article that he doesn’t date those who murder.  And he probably didn’t enjoy the whole her-trying-light-him-on-fire thing.  But one never forgets their first love, right?  Besides, Amadeus currently is a full-fledged superhero, and he needs a woman who can protect herself.  Poor Spider-Man keeps pushing ladies away by making them unwilling targets in his supervillains’ eyes.  But Delphyne?  That girl only gets turned on by gunfire and bloodstains.

Curious as to what Amadeus is up to?  Battling Thor, it turns out (for the second time).

I understand that some fans may be upset by Thor being taken down in a single strike.  Let me defend Amadeus.  First, Thor got hit with his own wildly powerful lightning blast.  Second, Amadeus totally sucker punched Thor.  Third, it’s a comic book and fictional characters will occasionally have varying degrees of vulnerability due to story-related matters.  And fourth, it’s important that Amadeus battles Vali solo, because of the cross-symbolism between Amadeus and Delphyne.  It’ll make sense in a second.

The next few pages allow comic books to truly shine as a literally medium.  As Amadeus fights his opponent, Delphyne fights Atlanta at the exact same time on the exact same page.  It’s a small beneficial joy of comics and it works wonderfully — after all, what better way to prove the two are worthy of each other’s affections?

Is this the ending you hoped for?  What other literary medium would have the former Amazonian queen/gorgon snake lady kissing the Korean teenager Prince of Power super genius?  And right after she shot a magic arrow at a traitorous Asgardian god mere moments away from accessing the omniscience of infinite multiverse knowledge?  This isn’t exactly The Notebook.

A happy ending!  Next week: more fights.  I promise the only kissing’ll involve a superhero’s fist smooching a supervillain’s face.

Amadeus and Delphyne’s love story, Pt. 2

We pick up soon after we left off.  Amadeus Cho, teenage genius and Hercules sidekick, had just been refused by Delphyne Gorgon, the new queen of the Amazons.  Mainly because any romance between the two is legally forced to end in Amadeus’ slaughter.  The Amazons don’t play around when it comes to love.  At least no more than once.  Yet with Hercules wrapped up in an Olympian feud (followed closely by Amadeus and Hercules’ half-sister/goddess Athena), our two protagonists are sure to meet up again.  Like when Hercules has to battle Hera’s evil Olympus Group.

But what’s the fun in two gods and a child versus four gods and a snake girl?  To amp up both the excitement and colors used on the page, the battle gets crashed by Norman Osborn’s Dark Avengers. I know romance doesn’t flourish in a massive warehouse superpowered free-for-all, but maybe some questions could be answered.  Like surely Delphyne could look past murdering Amadeus if they ever became a couple, right?  Unfortunately, a bigger issue keeps the star-crossed lovers apart: pesky vengeance.

I blame Poseidon more than Medusa.  He knows Athena can’t punish her uncle, forcing her to unfairly take out her anger on the girl instead.  More importantly, what is Poseidon doing hanging around Athena’s temple?  Sure he could find a tipsy mermaid or attractive manatee to seduce instead of a poor priestess who decided to devote her life to (petty) Athena.  Despite Amadeus’ unwavering affections towards our gorgon, I imagine Delphyne must still be angry that Athena took away most of her nose.  And probably the hair made of snakes.

Unfortunately, any convincing by the seventh smartest person in the world has to be delayed when Bullseye-as-evil-Hawkeye interrupts:

What a fantastic final line by Delphyne.  It’s disgusting, arrogant, and makes me like her way more than previous pages.  The arc ends with their possible relationship in limbo, and I imagine you figure their next encounter would involve a beach or restaurant or something where feelings could be discussed.  But Hercules is a fighter.  Delphyne is a fighter.  Amadeus could probably fight.  So we begin eight issues later with another battle.  This time, at least, Hercules gathered up all the (real) Avengers ahead of time.  The Olympus Group is much more beatable when you have Wolverine willing to foolishly claw gods.

I should have probably explained this earlier, but Athena’s quite important to dear Amadeus. While Hercules is his best friend, Athena’s his mentor — she’s the goddess of wisdom after all.  And despite Athena’s vague speeches, incoherent actions, and suspicious motivations, she still protects and guides young Amadeus.  And Hercules.  But mainly Amadeus.

Unfortunately, Delphyne didn’t come into this battle empty-handed.  She has some tricks up her fishnet sleeves (and a disregard that Amadeus won’t date murderers).

The holes are for the snakes.  They would get fidgety when smashed under a helmet.  And sadly for poor Athena, the realm of the Olympians means lots of crazy magic.  Magic that would totally defeat an unsuspecting god by a woman still horrifically angry at being turned into a walking reptile.

With vengeance fulfilled, the flames of love and passion can finally ignite between Amadeus and Delphyne.

Never mind, wrong flames.

I include the next scene for it’s beautiful simplicity.  For two people of absolute opposites, Hercules and Amadeus work so perfectly together.  Their friendship brings tears to the eyes of all other superhero friendships.  I can’t think of further proof than this:

Delphyne makes her move.  It’s confusing and I’m going to give my theory afterward.

Maybe Delphyne genuinely realized that murdering Athena went against her whole Amazonian ideals, but I like to think the real reason is far more wonderful than that: she can’t deny her all-consuming and soul-erupting love for young genius Amadeus Cho.  Every thought.  Every emotion.  Every desire screams into her mind to protect her soul mate, regardless of personal cost to herself or unsuccessful revenge.  She just can’t resist the burning sensation of her heart as she meets the eyes of the brilliant teenager.  Star-crossed?  Not anymore.  Not when Delphyne has the power/pistol to save her man from naked gold statues.  Or maybe it’s the Amazonian ideals thing.  Definitely one of those two reasons.

Unfortunately, Greek gods tend to hold grudges.

I guess pulling someone up from a cliff doesn’t mean much if you pushed them off in the first place. On Friday, our story ends with surprisingly even more combat than today.  Love blooms on the battlefield, y’know.  But now instead of Amazonian rituals holding them back, it’ll be omniscience, sorcery, and Thor.  Especially Thor.

Amadeus and Delphyne’s love story, Pt. 1

In our continuing series (and by that I mean the second one), we’ll once again explore two supporting characters’ romantic adventures.  And I love these two.  Amadeus Cho, the seventh smartest person on the planet and the sixteen year-old sidekick of Hercules, will fall madly in love with Delphyne Gorgon, a green-skinned Amazonian warrior with snakes for hair.  You can feel the passion between the two just with my words alone.  But if you’re not convinced, here’s excerpts from Incredible Hercules #121-128 and #138-141, written by Greg Pak & Fred Van Lente and drawn by Clayton Henry, Salva Espin, Rodney Buchemi, Takeshi Miyazawa, & Dietrich Smith; as well as Heroic Age: Prince of Power #1-4, written by Pak & Van Lente and drawn by Reilly Brown, Zach Howard, & Adam Archer.

Much like Bill and Kelda, our two lovers are recent creations, featuring Amadeus’ first appearance in 2006 compared to Delphyne’s in 2008 which you’re going to witness today.  Some backstory from a few years back: Amadeus led a group of Hulk supporters through the streets of New York City (including Hercules) during the Marvel event World War Hulk, and once Hulk’s defeated — he was the (sorta) bad guy after all — the Incredible Hulk series changed to Incredible Hercules as the starring god and Amadeus travel the country.  And you have to absolutely read it.  Every single issue.  Every single word and picture.  I cannot stress enough how absolutely wonderful the Incredible Hercules run is, so much so that the series alone propelled Hercules to my top three Marvel superheroes (after Spider-Man and Daredevil).  Sadly, Hercules isn’t the focus of this week, but please catch up with some of my previous articles if you’d like.

We begin with the capture of Amadeus Cho.  I’m skipping the whole kidnapping event.  Y’see, the princess of the Amazonians desires Amadeus for procreation, because I guess Korean teenagers are her fetish or something.  The princess’ second-in-command Delphyne Gorgon shows him around his new love nest.  Also, and much more importantly, she needs to enlighten our protagonist about this upcoming Amazonian ritual.

Just a typical high school love story.  Another boy gets captured against his will to be the love slave of a bossy warrior princess only to be fatally murdered the second he hits his refractory period. Haven’t we seen this so many times before?

So we don’t have to be a genius to realize that Princess Artume is totally using Amadeus to solve some complex puzzle and has absolutely zero intention of sleeping with him.  The maiming part’s probably still on though.  But even for the seventh smartest person in the world, a sixteen year-old presented with that sort of prize will overlook some obvious logical clues.  Sadly, I don’t think he’s into the sort of foreplay she enjoys:

And with Artume’s betrayal sets into motion another traitor emerges — and the focus of this article.

First, Hercules totally still lives.  Second, I know that’s a wildly fast courtship, but when you have a young imprisoned genius together with a violent snake woman, how could sparks not fly?  Look, if your disbelief can’t be suspended, please understand that Delphyne’s a fictional gorgon monster wearing a kilt and fishnets.  That should be your main concern.  But story-wise, you know when henchmen hook up with the supervillain’s future paramour/murder victim?

I cut out the waving scene, but we all know that the motivations of supervillains rarely require any real motivations.  Oh, before we continue, have you been wondering what’s up with Hercules?  I mean, with Amadeus in jail, he’s left to battle the Amazonian forces solo (well, and Namor’s cousin Namora).  Let’s check in for a moment:

Atlas used the Washington Monument like a baseball bat to smack Hercules across the National Mall.  Have you read Incredible Hercules yet?  You’re missing out if you haven’t.  Anyway, back to our main story.

What soon follows is an issue-long fake alternative reality as Artume rules as president, Amadeus as her second-in-command, and a failed relationship between the genius and gorgon.  You can buy the book for all that, but as we flash back to actual reality, it does end like this:

Luckily for Amadeus, this is only the first part of our story, though that doesn’t make heartbreak any easier.  Even in the Marvel universe, one’s first crush takes a while to overcome — especially when she’s the Amazonian queen who’ll now disembowel Amadeus if they ever share the throes of passion.

On Wednesday, their reunion!

The complete story of Bill and Kelda, Pt. 4

The end of our tale has arrived.  It’s been full of passion, heartbreak, and lightning bolts.  We pick up immediately where we left off as Kelda, in an attempt at redemption or to lessen her guilt or simply out of moral integrity, visits Bill’s parents to tell them about their son’s death.  Of course they’re upset, but not as much as a squad of Norman Osborn’s trigger-happy soldiers lying in wait on the front lawn. Because while Bill’s family forgives Kelda, inspires her to move on, and patches up her gaping emotional wound, it’s Kelda herself who has to take that baby step forward to being happy once more. Though impaling bad guys with ice spears must be at least a little therapeutic.

She arrives at Asgard in the aftermath of Siege, the event that turned Asgard into a pile of magical rubble.  Oh, and how do you feel about thrilling plot twists?

Bill died a hero’s death, even killing one of the grosser-looking Asgardian traitors as Bill breathed his final breaths.  And in the Norse mythology which Thor’s Asgard is based on, soldiers who die valiantly in battle spend eternity in Vahalla — where they war in the morning and dine in the evening.  Repeat forever.  It’s Viking Heaven.  And damn right does Bill deserve a place in these halls.

Now, our protagonists live in a world of magic and aliens and miracles — if there is any universe where Kelda can find a way to reunite with her soulmate, it’s Marvel’s.  But despite her ability to summon tornadoes with the flick of the wrist, her necromancy isn’t at the same skill level.  Or probably allowed. And as you know, when all avenues have been explored and favors called in, those desperate enough often turn to more unethical methods.  Like Kelda lighting child Loki on fire.

Yes, that’s definitely not the Kelda we remember.  But standing next to Kelda, the chief witch or shaman queen or druid boss or whatever she’s called has offered our hero a deal: if Kelda’ll help her with one tiny harmless spell, she’ll bring Bill back to life.  Y’see, Thor died during the Marvel event Fear Itself.  Taking advantage of this opportunity, the evil magician lady used Kelda to summon forth Tartarus, a dude who took Thor’s place in the mind of all of those who knew him.  Except child Loki.

Look, I understand that for all the good Kelda represents, it’s odd to see her as an villain’s accomplice. Though the sheer number of superheroes have done some vicious things for their loftier goals is staggering.  Seriously, the Avengers and X-Men alone have been to Hell dozens of times just to pull one of their buddies free.  If they can make deals and punch demons, why can’t Kelda dabble in the dark arts for her true love?  We all know that Bill’s worth it.

Poor Kelda’s too obsessed to notice the wizard lady’s lying.  That’s the problem with working for supervillains — they so rarely keep their promises.  Plus, as most supervillains partnerships end, we can only look forward to blood and tragedy.  Our goddess has done so much and sacrificed even more for a mere chance of a reunion, but we as readers know the only way this can play out — and it’s so frustrating to watch.

I wish I had better news, but even goddesses can’t survive their faces getting ripped open.  It’s a wildly (and maybe unnecessarily) violent death for Kelda, but we must remember that she died pursuing truth.  And justice if she hadn’t gotten knifed.  Tricked or not, Kelda died fearlessly facing down vile and horrific opponents, and well, there’s a funny thing about a death like that.

While big-time superheroes can never sail off into the sunset to their expected bliss (it’d hurt profits), minor characters don’t have those same shackles.  Our two lovers are free to experience an ending that they deserve.  That we deserve.  So as our love story concludes today, I have never been more excited to announce that we finish the only way I would ever accept — brilliantly, romantically, and eternally happy.

See you on Monday!  I hope you have the best weekend!

The complete story of Bill and Kelda, Pt. 3

We don’t need a lengthy introduction, right?  Bill died at the hand of Asgardian traitors and Kelda’s out for revenge on those that killed him.  Like Loki and Doctor Doom.  But y’see, while Loki’s the god of trickery and mischief, the evil doctor doesn’t bother with smokescreens and wild goose chases.  You want him?  He’s in that giant castle with his likeness plastered on it.  Go get him.

Kelda is no pushover.  She has all that Asgardian super strength and durability as well as that whole summoning lightning and ice from the heavens thing.  But let’s be fair: Doctor Doom’s normal battles are when he fights the entire Fantastic Four at once.  To be the arch-nemesis of an entire team of superheroes takes some tremendous skill.

Doom’s not exactly a shoulder to cry on.  Remember that one story where he sacrificed his childhood lover just for a fraction more of magical power?  Dude isn’t terribly sentimental, but this conversation does bring up an interesting point — Doctor Doom knew who Bill was.  Someone told the ruler of Latveria and quite possibly the Marvel universe’s busiest supervillain about a sword-wielding human in a backwards baseball cap running around the Latverian forest.  In a way, to have a baddie of Doom’s fame speak of Bill brings about a weird sort of honor in itself.

But honestly?  Blast the crap out of Doctor Doom — that’s not the eulogy Bill deserves.

See the gorgeous symbolism?  A Doombot rips her beating heart out, just like Bill’s death did emotionally.  Oh, and if you’re unsure, Asgardians totally need their hearts to live.  Look, despite her being ambushed/sudden organ removal, we knew that Kelda could never take down Doctor Doom. The man has complete mastery of both technology and magic, hundreds of robots who can do the same thing, and his monologues only occur after he’s disabled his opponent.  Also, did you know Doctor Doom doesn’t wear pants?  I never thought about that until right now.

Luckily, Kelda’s death wouldn’t serve the purpose Doctor Doom hopes it would.  He’d much prefer to use her to mock and belittle Thor and friends instead of simply stuffing her body in a demon dimensional portal or something and forgetting about her.

So you know who doesn’t take teasing very well?  A superhero who has absolutely zero fear of anything Doctor Doom could ever do or say?  Someone who’s major decision process hinges on how tough it’d be to clean blood off his hammer?

Kelda survives.  Loki saves her life actually.  He mainly does it to further his evil plot which I’m not going to cover, but she does survive because of Loki’s interference.  Though what kind of life could she enjoy now?  She has lived for thousands of years and will live for thousands more, yet that brave bumpkin from Oklahoma brought forth a passion and devotion inside her that she may have never felt previously (y’know, because it would take that level of commitment to attempt a zapping of Marvel universe’s most powerful supervillain).

Recall the first part of our story: Bill essentially abandoned his friends and family to pursue a new life with Kelda in Latverian Asgard.  Which means no one back in Broxton, Oklahoma knows about his death.  Because Asgardians don’t have an official means of alerting loved ones of a death in battle — they light the corpse on fire in a boat — our mourning goddess has to fulfill the responsibility herself. Now’s a good time to get your tissues ready.

There’s no worse conversation when two parties disagree despite only the truth spoken from both. But unfortunately, Kelda falls victim to one of the many unspoken superheroes laws — anything done that’s honest and kindhearted will be interrupted by combat.  Every time.  Every situation.

Norman Osborn, complete with his evil Avengers and the full force of the American government, launches an attack on Asgard at this exact moment.  And I don’t care what anyone says, I adored Siege.  But as we reminisce on how compassionate and loving Bill was — the same reasons Kelda fell in love with him (much like how the horizon loves the sunrise) — those admirable traits of his were totally inherited.  The Cobbs won’t let anyone be gunned down on their front lawn, even the woman indirectly responsible for their son’s death.

Her strength and will has finally settled on the correct direction.  We wrap up today with not a complete redemption from Kelda, but definitely the glimmer of one. Tomorrow our tale ends and you can finally rest easy as the final fates of Bill and Kelda engulf your sweet dreams of hope and romance. Because trust me — even after four days, three thousand words, and seventy eight images — our finale’ll be worth every single moment.