Quicksilver: equally amazing and dysfunctional

I’ll admit a secret: I rooted for the Avengers during the Marvel event Avengers vs. X-Men.  In the past, my appreciation for the X-Men tends to be far less reliable and deep than my adoration for Captain America and his gang of misfits.  But with this website, I’ve had to read hundreds of issues of series, characters, and teams I never experienced before.  It’s awesome, you should try it.  Through my “research,” I’m now totally on board with America’s favorite mutants.  The depth, complexity, and long-lasting cultural impact of the X-Men and their stories have been sorely missing in my life.  A hole in my heart repaired itself as I delved into the enormous backlog of X-Men adventures.  But enough about me.  Let’s talk about Quicksilver.

Debuting in X-Men #4 back in 1964, written by Stan Lee and drawn by Jack Kirby, Pietro Maximoff (Quicksilver) and his sister Wanda (Scarlet Witch) briefly fought the X-Men as Magneto’s lackies:

Soon after this, they became Avengers.  It took twenty years for the truth to be revealed that they’re actually Magneto’s biological children.  As you can imagine, Magneto’s parenting skills rank slightly lower than complete neglect and slightly higher than bathtub murder.  The master of magnetism spent most of his time being evil and stuff, and thus he totally messed up his kids.  Way worse than Toddlers and Tiaras.

Today, we’re going to start with a scene from House of M #7, written by the amazing team of Brian Michael Bendis and drawn by Olivier Coipel.  While Quicksilver’s basically a rip-off of DC’s Flash, his sister can control and change reality through chaos magic and manipulation.  Like a genie or something, I guess.  In House of M, Scarlet Witch’s powers became overwhelming, forcing the Avengers and gang to decide how to best solve this problem.  Wolverine volunteered stabbing.  To protect herself, Magneto suggested Scarlet Witch create an alternative reality where everyone sings songs on the street and dances to show tunes.  But you know how alternative realities are, and things turned bad.  Oh, and the whole Magneto suggesting thing?  That’s not exactly true either:

To be fair to Magneto, empathy has never been one of his strongest traits.  Luckily, Quicksilver knows a way to save dear Wanda from a Wolverine stabbing.

As the House of M event unraveled into brawling and disorder, the anger directed at Magneto slowly revealed itself as misplaced.  Magneto’s little empire fell apart through Quicksilver’s meddling and lies. While I’m not a parent myself, Quicksilver probably needs a spanking.  A Magneto spanking:

The consequences?  Magneto smushing his son with a giant piece of steel spawned the three most infamous words in recent Marvel history.  You know them:

Because Scarlet Witch can basically reshape reality to her specifications, that whole “No more mutants” phrase took a mutant population of millions and turned it into hundreds.  Jubilee had to become a vampire.  All blame and finger pointing should be directed at Quicksilver.

A year or so later, Quicksilver sits in a local prison, now pretty much mentally unstable.  In the X-Factor: The Quick and the Dead one-shot, written by Peter David and Pablo Raimondi, poor Pietro talks to a half dozen or so hallucinations.  The guy needs serious therapy.  Here’s the one with the imaginary Magneto:

While Quicksilver made some questionable decisions in the past decade or so, the man’s still defined as a superhero — not a villain.  Once he finally grasps the whole mistakes/move on thing, he can get back to his true loves: heroism and his sister (but not in the Ultimate universe way — eww).

That smile shines through, even on his severely battered face.  I totally understand the idea that darker, sadder stories tend to sell more copies than happy, lighthearted stories.  But when as we readers devote years to following the tales of our favorite heroes, we certainly hope they achieve at least some success and joy in their fictional lives.  Hell, Marvel practically sent out a press release when Mark Waid announced he planned to actually let Daredevil win once in a while after the previous hundred and thirty-ish issues of non-stop gloom and doom.

Iron Man would have chartered a jet home for the girl, but let Pietro take baby steps.  Saving lives instead of horrendously ruining them takes practice.  And just to further enforce my point of Quicksilver’s cool(-itude?), enjoy this scene from Thunderbolts #143, written by Jeff Parker and Miguel Sepulveda.

Summary of the events so far: supervillain stole a super spear.

Mr. X, the psychopath with minor telepathy who knows what his opponents will do before they do it, stands moments away from slaughtering the Mighty Avengers and Amadeus Cho, Hercules’ BFF. I mean, until our dear Pietro shows up.  Though Mr. X remains a minor character, his ego and arrogance soar far above his more popular opponents.  That’s what makes this upcoming beating so satisfying.

Delightful, right?  If you want more of the guy, he becomes a teacher in the Avengers Academy series that premieres soon after this issue.  And check out issue #22.  That one’s a Quicksilver/Magneto doozy.

Deadpool, Apocalypse’s hero

You know Apocalypse, right?  One of the biggest X-Men baddies, super crazy powerful, rules a tyrannical hopeless alternative future, shows up to beat down entire groups of X-Men singlehandedly? There’s a kid version of him, and this one’s definitely not as scary.

Long story short: Apocalypse gets cloned as a child with happy memories as a social experiment/guilt trip to see if the supervillain’s fated to be evil and bloodthirsty.  In Uncanny X-Force #32-35, written by Rick Remender and drawn by Phil Noto, with the experiment still in progress, poor Kid Apocalypse gets snatched by Wolverine’s son Daken with a van full of candy and Playstations. It’s time for the more amoral X-Men to get the kid back.  And massacre all the bad guys.  But mainly the first one.

One of the few times to see Deadpool being inspirational, and more importantly, correctly influencing the life of a child.  Also, the white costume’s pretty cool, right?  At this time, Deadpool lost his healing factor, making him doubly brave/stupid.

I’m not going to show you the full fight, as it’s irrelevant to the story and I want you to buy the book, but Deadpool takes on three top-class supervillains by himself.  It’s awesome.

Y’see, this whole ordeal is about the supervillains attempting to make Kid Apocalypse voluntarily wear his original’s armor.  If the clone dons the Apocalypse armor (aptly named), even the preteen can fight on a galactic-ly powerful scale and at the same time almost certainly ensure the young child follows his fated path to super evil.  Tough choice.

Poor Deadpool lies in a bloody mess on the floor until Apocalypse is returned to the room — same as before just with a lot more stab wounds.

Deadpool’s rhetoric ability aside, there was really not much the half-dead mercenary could do to stop this whole mess.  Fate, hormones, anger — all that jazz.  But understand this, at Apocalypse’s lowest emotional point, Deadpool never gave up on him.  For what the counts.

We skip ahead to the epilogue, though go read the book for all the cool Apocalypse action.

Deadpool’s most basic desire to be respected and loved by the Marvel universe remains one of the most common themes in his series.  None of the superheroes really find the guy entertaining.  Plus, he’s too unpredictable, morally bankrupt, unpleasant to look at, etc.  But with Kid Apocalypse?  You just saw a genuine moment — a moment in Deadpool’s life that isn’t insincere, but heartfelt love and respect.  All the man has ever wanted given to him by the most powerful child in the Marvel universe.

Well, that and Deadpool picks out great gifts.

Life questions with Thor

There’s no punching today.  Instead, we’re going to discuss a single inquiry asked of our god of thunder. Enjoy a beautifully done, well-crafted moment, and understand any answers I attempt to give will in no way be properly articulated.  But that shouldn’t stop us from trying.  In the mini-series Thor: Heaven & Earth, wonderfully written by Paul Jenkins and drawn by Pascual Alixe, Thor and gang go on little missions filled with just as much violence as intellectualism.  In issue #3, we’re faced with this heartbreaking situation:

Before you get suspicious, that’s not exactly Thor’s buddy from World War II or whatever conflict he hammered bad guys in the past.  When you’re thousands of years old and live in a magical dimension, it’s easy to teleport down to any big deal from history.  Nope, this old man did the impossible: he stumped a god.

Everything starts after a big brawl in New York.

Thor walks triumphantly back to his flamboyant bridge home.

What a fantastic concept!  Superheroes are from all sorts of insane origins, but we accept that they live in a world very much like ours.  It shouldn’t surprise us that the there’s organized religion or that Christianity still plays a major role in the lives of many New York citizens.  Yet they all just witnessed this very non-Catholic deity smash monsters with a hammer.  How could a priest explain this to his congregation while still holding steadfast in his own religious beliefs?

Look, no one’s claiming Thor’s a genius.  The guy’s gallant, heroic, and chivalrous — but no spelling bee championships will be coming his way.  And thus, his thought process remains honest and simple at its core:

But a shrug and tough-luck pat on the shoulder won’t work.  As this priest lies on his deathbed four years after this initial meeting, Thor can only come to one conclusion.

Sometimes it’s hard for readers to sympathize or relate to Thor.  The guy’s practically invincible and if he does die, he’ll be resurrected almost immediately.  Plus, he has Hulk-level strength without the moral responsibility that makes other characters like Superman so beloved.  So while I can’t possibly explain in the detail or manner I wish, I do believe Thor’s answer explains better than anything else about why this god of thunder truly defines a superhero.

As cliched as it sounds, it’s the flaws that define our heroes, not the triumphs.  In this single moment, Thor has shown his humanity that we may not have seen much of in the past.  The personal struggles are what creates three-dimensional characters we can root for and grow alongside with.  Remember Iron Man’s alcoholism?  Captain America’s man out of time?  Hulk’s lack of control?  When we add Thor’s questions of identity and purpose, he is objectively a better character.

And I do mean objectively.  Plus, he has that cool hammer.

Inner monologues of the X-Men

Who doesn’t love the idea of X-Men?  Society loves underdog stories, especially those involving The Man and discrimination.  Y’know, only with dudes who can chuck fireballs out of their palms. Unfortunately, all that irrational hatred by the townfolk brings up major unresolved issues among our brave heroes.  Bad enough they have to fight Magneto every other month, but the X-Men aren’t even patted on the back when they save our world for the umpteenth time.  I’m not a scientist, but maybe the X-Men have retained readers’ popularity because they all desperately need therapy.  Or fireball hands.  One of the two.

In X-Men: Manifest Destiny #1-5, the main story written by Mike Carey and drawn by Michael Ryan, the mutants had just resettled in San Francisco after a horrible series of tragedies.  You can Wikipedia it for more details.  But while their lives have started anew, their insecurities and trauma haven’t faded in the slightest.  The main story involves the aftermath of Iceman and Mystique’s relationship/battle:

We’re going to skip that story.  Go buy the book.  But at the end of each issue, two short stories present themselves, each focused on a different X-Men.  Today, we’re going to look at “Flaw,” written by Chris Yost and drawn by Paco Diaz, and “Work It Out,” written by James Asmus and drawn by Takeshi Miyazawa.

First up, Emma Frost.

Okay, two things to understand before we proceed.  First, you’re witnessing a vulnerable moment for dear Emma.  Second, that never ever happens.  The woman’s made a career on unwavering ego and insanely powerful psychic abilities.  Starting out as a scantily clad supervillain, she’s earned her place as the scantily clad co-leader of the X-Men.  Trust me, that’s quite a jump.

By the way, Kitty (Katherine) Pryde’s assumed dead after she sacrificed herself by making an Earth-sized bullet intangible.  Long story.  More importantly, Emma’s fears aren’t terribly far off base.  She’s wildly unlikable, intensely arrogant, and has a terrible track record.  Also, Cyclops cheated on Jean Grey with her.  It’s only a matter of time before poor Emma snaps.

Wolverine meets her by the pier to discuss that weirdly awkward moment you just experienced.

I love nothing more that after the Marvel events Schizm and AvX, Wolverine currently stands as the moral center of the X-Men.  Cyclops turned villain.  Emma Frost fights alongside him.  Professor X killed.  Wolverine remains the sole leader attempting to bring the professor’s vision of peace and unity to fruition.  Insane notion.

Anyway, Nightcrawler:

If you aren’t up to date on X-Men history, Nightcrawler’s currently dead.  Killed while protecting Hope, the mutant savior and all that jazz.  This takes place before that.

I love the idea of a superhero struggling to find his place in the superhero world.  The search for identity and purpose always make fantastic, emotional stories.

Hawkeye and Nightcrawler actually have a fair bit in common.  Especially after the next page:

For the Avengers, Hawkeye has certainly questioned his place a time or two.  I mean, he’s a normal guy with good aim fighting alongside geniuses, super soldiers, and actual gods.  How can he possibly contribute on the same level as the Hulk?  Nightcrawler faces the same dilemma.  His role on the team is better filled by another mutant and the X-Men only have so many uses for a world-class cartwheeler.  Comics have always been more than just punching.  Fighting self-doubt and inadequacies take up half the issues of most superheroes, and that’s part of the reason why comics appeal to the demographic that reads them.

One step at a time.  Even for mutants.

Punisher and the Sentry chase

When Norman Osborn replaced Nick Fury as America’s top cop, our beloved superheroes immediately knew steps needed to be taken to remove this supervillain from power.  Some tried speeches and sabotage.  Others tried more conventional methods:

Today, we’re jumping right into the first few pages of Punisher #1, volume 7, written by Rick Remender and drawn by Jerome Opena.  As you’ve probably realized, Norman Osborn won’t get assassinated at the beginning of his reign.  And to be fair, in a superpowered world, the Punisher realizes that every mission he undergoes could backfire in every possible way.  That’s why he’s survived for so long as a normal dude with guns and bullets.  Unfortunately, this backfire has dire consequences.

That’s the Sentry.  Think of him as Marvel’s Superman, just with schizophrenia and none of the respect Superman gets.  He literally has the power of a milli0n suns.  Frank Castle’s screwed.

Seriously, the Sentry might as well be a god.  Let the Punisher fight a tidal wave with just his fists. The Punisher, being the master tactician he is, makes the only possible choice.

If you don’t read many Punisher stories, Castle doesn’t really do much talking.  Noir narrating?  You get that out the wazoo, just not a ton of dialogue.  And he does bring up a good point.  Both superheroes and supervillains love to talk.  Love to argue or reveal.  Love to insult or banter.  Love to lecture or humiliate.  And luckily for the Punisher, that love saved his life — for a few more seconds.

Ow.  We know punches to the face are excruciating, but impalement by loose construction? Someone is going to be peeing blood for next month or so.  Still, you must admire Castle for not breaking his stride after a pipe goes through half his body.

I understand superbeings like Sentry taking their time with goons like the Punisher.  It’s almost cute to see how badly the prey scrambles to escape.  Maybe the Sentry’s just confused that Castle actually thinks he can get away.  Trust me, there’s not a hero alive who doesn’t know what the Sentry is capable of.  Million suns and all that.

Ironically, no one takes more punishment in comics than the Punisher.  I imagine if he takes off his shirt, his whole upper body has just turned into one giant scar.  Time to bust out that trump card before Osborn’s attack dog flays him alive.

You know Castle doesn’t kill innocents.  Sure, he tortures and brutally murders bad guys, but all the lovely law-abiding folks have nothing to fear.  Sort of qualifications for being a superhero.  But if the Punisher knows the Sentry can reach and diffuse the bomb in time?  The game changes.

At the end of the Marvel event Siege, the Sentry finally met his defeat.  Though it did take the entire Marvel roster of superheroes plus a dropped SHIELD Helicarrier.  And the Punisher outran this monster.  Not bad for a Vietnam vet.