Wildcat vs. Injustice Society

I’ve said over and over again that the best superheroes aren’t the toughest or strongest, but the smartest.  And not like Mr. Fantastic smart either — I’m talking the men and women who remain forever outmatched by their foes yet still emerge tactically victorious every time.  When we bring up Wildcat, trust me, they guy never holds the advantage.

If you haven’t read my first Wildcat article, the guy’s a non-powered elderly former boxer.  Who wears a cat outfit.  In JSA #9-10, written by David Goyer & Geoff Johns and drawn by Stephen Sadowski, Wildcat (real name Ted Grant) gets sidelined due to a broken arm sustained in a previous battle. While relaxing in the tub, the Injustice Society picks a genuinely horrendous moment to attack.

Let’s go over the participants for a moment.  The Injustice Society consists of:
Johnny Sorrow (teleportation)
Geomancer (earth manipulation)
Tigress (Olympian-caliber fighter)
Blackbriar Thorn (tree wizard)
Killer Wasp (electrical blasts)
Count Vertigo (vomit powers)
Icicle (obvious)

Their opponent?

Wildcat (currently nude)

Can a sixty-ish year-old man with one broken arm take out the entire group in a head on fight?  Oh goodness no.  Luckily, Grant does get a single advantage — the Injustice Society attacked him at the JSA’s headquarters, where Wildcat knows all the tricks and secrets.  Still, this’ll take more than just giant exposed cajones.

With Johnny Sorrow preoccupied, the battle now stands at six to one.  Even though Wildcat can’t really count stealth as a strong suit, he does have a wide field of surprises.  Like the motorized kind.

Count Vertigo goes down with a wheel in the face.  As Wildcat speeds off into the depths of the building, he decides to milk the bike’s usefulness.  I mean, you see how much use Ghost Rider gets with his?  And Wildcat has the added benefit that unlike Ghost Rider, his skull isn’t on fire.  More importantly, a motorcycle license may be the closest thing Grant has to a superpower.

Four left.  Wildcat says five, but Johnny Sorrow never actually fights — and we should be glad, because that man’s far more dangerous than I’ve let on.  His face kills people upon viewing.  Think of an uglier Medusa.  Anyway, Icicle’s easily dispatched for being dumb, and we move on to the real troublemakers.

Immortality tends to be a flip of the coin in the DC universe.  Half the time, the immortal ends up strapping and handsome, like Black Adam or Vandal Savage.  The other half, the immortal has to live his life as a crazy wood monster.  Play the odds, y’know?

Nice to know that Blackbriar Thorn keeps his beard in tree form.  Unfortunately for him, the problem with having two thousand years of memories is that most of them are filled with thoughts of revenge and not getting caught up on how modern technology works:

Look, I know why you want to read this article: you want the brawls and punches.  What Wildcat article would be complete without a few fistfights?  Grant’s like Rocky, if Rocky’s best friends had a magic space ring and superspeed.  Plus, we’re suckers for old, washed up dudes battling ferocious young fighters.

Honestly, Tigress totally could have taken out Wildcat, except for a common theme among supervillains: most register an IQ slightly above drooling.  Y’see, evil doesn’t require a high school diploma.

We see this all the time — the bad guy goaded into a no powers, no machines fight by appealing to ego and narcissism.  But pretend to be Killer Wasp for a moment.  The “superhero” mocking you happens to be a man three times your age with only one good arm.  And he challenged you to a boxing match, which greatly benefits from being not old and having use of all limbs.  Plus, you put Killer right in your name.

More importantly, by Killer Wasp accepting this offer, we get to see Wildcat take down his final opponent in the dramatic and heroic manner we as readers deserve.

Darn tootin’, right?  We even end on a tried and true literary note — the parents arrive to a destroyed house scenario.  And by parents, I mean a gaggle of old men, teenagers, and Hawkgirl.

By the way, no better victory than using pieces of your enemy to pick out food chunks.  Finally, Grant can go back to his attempts at seducing Catwoman, who’s younger than his son.

Punching with Power Girl, Pt. 2

End your week with the slugfests your heart desires!  On a related note, I bought Injustice: Gods Among Us and it turns out I am atrociously bad at fighting games.  Maybe today’ll be good just because after the last two hours of my life, it’ll be nice to see the good guy win once in a while.

To recap Wednesday’s article, go read the Power Girl series that started in 2009 and ended right before the DC reboot.  It’s worth every penny and every moment of your time.  We’ll check out a some fights from Power Girl #11, written by Justin Gray & Jimmy Palmiotti and drawn by Amanda Conner as well as Power Girl #16-19, written by Judd Winick and drawn by Sami Basri.

To start, I want you to see the Power Girl method of destroying evil robots:

Look, I understand that a lot of the battles I’m showing you start with Power Girl getting her smacked in the head.  It’s a common theme.

Unconventional, but you can’t argue with results.  To be fair to the robot, even machines can’t survive a direct hit in the lower region when the person attacking has the power to dropkick small moons in half. Luckily, the next fight is far more even.  Like perfectly 100% even.

Out of the four fights shown so far, three have started with Power Girl beaten and bloody, which forces Power Girl to ask the question we’ve been wondering the whole time:

Let’s talk about that beautiful boot-in-the-face kick for a second.  For new readers, a writer and artist collectively are called a creative team, if just because in comics, the art is just as important as the writing.  Yes, the writer describes the panel to the artist, but the artist has to be the one to properly show the intensity of the battle.  It’s beautifully done here, and definitely the second most painful-looking face smash after Avengers vs. X-Men #9‘s scene when Colossus punches Spider-Man:

Right?  That’s a Phoenix-enhanced super strong literal man of steel destroying Spider-Man’s face, which is protected solely by his nose and a thin layer of spandex.  Actually, the whole issue was universally critically acclaimed.  For a series about heroes fighting heroes, it was ironically the first time a hero actually acted heroic.  Mainly because Spider-Man’s great and awesome and I’m very biased.

Back to our story, Power Girl starts to gain the advantage.

Remember when I said the two fighters evenly match each other in every possible way?  We find out the very good reason why:

Power Girl’s fighting herself.

Never fun to fight clones.  I know, because I’ve been playing Injustice: Gods Among Us.  Whichever character I control, the computer does a spectacularly better job at.  But when Power Girl battles her clone, who’s surprisingly even more scantily clad than the original, Power Girl fortunately knows herself better than the test tube creation does.  Years of trial and error, I guess.

Once again, the perfect art makes the fight scene so much better.  You can read the issue for the rest of the fight, but it’s a lot of what you expect from mad scientists and creepy Power Girl baby factories.

Y’know, I just thought of this, but Power Girl doesn’t really do a lot of dating.  I mean, she’s six feet tall, charming, rich, successful, and can juggle large trucks.  Are other characters intimidated? Actually, female superheroes seem to date way less than their male counterparts.  I’ve covered stories where Ms. Marvel and Spider-Woman complain about not going on dates in months, Power Girl doesn’t get anything even close to a significant other her entire series, and Super Girl dated her horse in the 1960s (which I’ll never let you forget).  Do superheroines have to be either super promiscuous or completely chaste?  That’s a topic for people way smarter and far braver than I am.  I think the X-Men get around though.

Anyway, we go back eight issues to the time Power Girl’s teenage sidekick Terra got her brain swapped with the supervillain and albino gorilla Ultra-Humanite.  Long story.  Terra has the power to control the elements and earth and stuff.

This is why wizards would be annoying to fight:

The best reason to include this battle remains Power Girl’s crazy dramatic entrance as she rises from her rocky tombstone, angry and vengeful.

Terra simply can’t compete with a Kryptonian, despite all those cool Captain Planet-esque powers. But if supervillains ever need a lesson in why not to piss off a hero with god-like levels of power, this might be a decent example:

Nothing scarier than those red glowing eyes.  That’s when you know the Superman family means business.  At least scarier than an unconscious teenage girl slumped over a shoulder.

Punching with Power Girl, Pt. 1

You’ve had a tough week, huh?  Know what would make you feel better?  Lots of superhero brawling, right?  Good, because we’re going the rest of the week with Karen Starr (Power Girl) beating up and getting beat up by a whole bunch of evil dudes.

I’ve covered Power Girl’s history in a previous article, but I would like to reiterate that if you haven’t read the Power Girl series that started in 2009, you’re seriously missing out.  Easily one of the best Superman family series in a long, long time.

Besides the common problem of writing stories for the Kryptonians, since they all have a dozen powers and near invulnerability, how does a writer make a literal Supergirl clone interesting and unique?  Most writers decided on a bigger chest and that wildly uncomfortable “boob window” you’ll see shortly.  But while Superman has that unwavering morality, Supergirl has anger problems, and Superboy wears jeans, the dear Power Girl oozes humor, wit, and self-deprecation.  And trust me, it works.

Today, we explore two scenes from Power Girl #14-17, written by Judd Winick and drawn by Sami Basri.  No need for context or introduction here: Power Girl’s fighting a giant purple monster.

To make Superman family stories more interesting, most of the supervillains have insane levels of strength and durability.  Makes for spectacular property damage and thrilling battles.  Plus, I enjoy when hulking beasts swipe at each other.

What makes this battle so great, besides the crashing through buildings part, is Power Girl’s commentary.  Think of her as an eloquent football player narrating his own sacks.  Power Girl’s getting her butt kicked — we know it and she knows it.

I wish I could say that Power Girl pulls off a brilliant tactical maneuver to overpower her foe and bring peace back to the weary city.  Nope, instead, like many things in life, this battle’s about endurance. Her tech guy gives her the following advice:

If only most supervillains could be defeated that easily.  As long as she’s still standing as the clock strikes sixty, she emerges victorious.  Sounds easily enough — at least easy enough for a double spread montage:

As always, you can click the image for a larger version.

To be fair to you, the reader, I automatically assume you’re a Nobel Prize winning scientist, taking a break from cracking the secrets of the universe to learn more about superheroes who don’t wear pants.  A single slugfest can’t possibly be enough for you to fully appreciate and fall in love with dear Power Girl.  I understand.  Before you put your goggles back on and head off the nuclear testing site, how about some quality Power Girl/Batman time?

I know that sounds like Bruce Wayne, but this issue takes place during the Dick Grayson era. Luckily, the original Robin has had plenty of time practicing the mannerisms and attitude of his mentor, especially the being rude to civilians part.

Remember, the main difference between Bruce and Dick remains that Dick allows himself to be happy sometimes.  Also, Power Girl reacts to minions the same way most of us would if we shrugged off 99% of attacks.

Y’see, Power Girl’s far more charming than her other Kryptonian allies.  Probably because of that matter-of-fact way she summarizes situations:

Seriously, the fact Superman even has supervillains says more to the insanity of his enemies than to the caliber of their abilities.  It’s like fighting a tank with a rock, except the tank can move at lightspeed, fly, and juggle jumbo jets.  But if you’re worried about the new Batman, Dick inherited the most important part of the Batman identity: he frightens the crap out of bad guys.

It says a lot when the man in a bat costume instills more fear than the woman behind him with the power to destroy the planet singlehandedly.  Friday, we’ll catch a few more fights.  You can never have enough superhero punching in your life.

Batgirl takes on Arkham Asylum

I guess traversing the halls of Gotham City’s prison for the mentally insane becomes a rite of passage for Bat- and Super-sidekicks.  I assume if he or she can defeat a dozen of Gotham’s scariest in confined quarters, then a bank robbery and car chase won’t pose much of a threat.

Starting in 2006, the series Batman Confidential decided to have rotating creative teams that explored Batman’s earliest memories — the ones where Robin didn’t wear pants.  In Batman Confidential #20-21, written by Fabian Nicieza and drawn by Kevin Maguire, Batgirl (Barbara Gordon) is still relatively new to the whole crimefighting scene.  Unfortunately, a pursuit of the Riddler led her straight into Arkham Asylum.

As you can tell from her costume, she’s had a rough night already.  I’m actually picking up at the climax of this arc and unfortunately, this was back in the day when the Bat-family outfits consisted of less bulletproof material and more spandex.  Alfred must be a hell of a seamster.  Since Riddler’s known for his brains and not brawn, he figures that maybe the other inmates would like to handle the dirty work of beating up a teenage girl.

She brawls with some of the more minor villains, but you can buy the book for that.  Let’s start with the first of our heavy hitters:

Blockbuster’s a popular supervillain name in the DC universe.  This dude above is the original, with steroids leaving him super strong but super dumb.  Let that be a lesson about drugs, kids.  His brother actually became the second Blockbuster and served as the main antagonist for the first 90-ish issues of Nightwing’s solo series.

Batgirl has gained unparalleled popularity over the past forty years.  Mainly because she’s a strong female role model with a PhD and crazy martial arts, but fans’ interest comes from her intelligence. She’s not as strong as Batman and not as athletic as Robin.  So, much like Tim Drake, she has use tactics and strategy to defeat her foes instead of repeatedly bashing their skulls in.

And thank goodness for her intelligence too, because Joker’s next.

If you want a testament to just how much Joker scares people, even fellow supervillains hesitate to set him free.  Two Face gets next billing, and you shouldn’t underestimate the man’s skill.  When Batman and the Bat-family took that year off to travel or hike or whatever, Two-Face took Batman’s place.  And he totally protected the city, even without a cape and batplane.  Though, this is before all that.

When readers complain about the relative “normalcy” of Batman’s rogue gallery, as in most don’t have superpowers, those that do rock hard.  Like Clayface.  That dude’s really hard to take down.

I’ll always have a soft spot for the superpowered Poison Ivy as well, but Batgirl never ends up at the arboretum or test tube — whatever they’re keeping her in.  As Batgirl begins to reach the main control room, she has one final challenge ahead of her.

To be fair, Scarecrow has the fighting skills of a college professor.  One doesn’t really need to study muay thai when all opponents one faces are frantically trying to claw imaginary bugs off of them. Speaking of academic fighting skills, the Riddler stands just behind the final door, ready to get his well-deserved beating.

Catwoman teases in more ways than one.  By the way, the Riddler should always top the list of supervillains you would most want to punch.  He breathes in smug and breathes out ego, plus bowler hats should really only be worn by 1920s gangsters and 1950s private detectives.

With the Asylum back under superhero control, Batgirl can swing triumphantly back home for some much needed rest, because the rest of the day will no doubt be spent slaving over a sewing machine: