Cool Aquaman moments
Posted: 05/07/2013 Filed under: Characters, DC 5 CommentsAquaman has a fairly wussy reputation. DC knows this. The writers know this. You certainly know this, no matter how small your comic knowledge. Well, the New 52 (the DC reboot about a year and a half ago) decided to do something about it.
Okay, I know that Aquaman has always done super manly stuff in his solo series for the 50ish years he’s been swimming around. It’s not as if he snuggles with dolphins or makes rainbow collages out of starfish — the guy’s a powerful, respected ruler of anything wet and moist. Unfortunately, one picture of Aquaman riding a seahorse and we forget quickly about him trident-stabbing hordes of mermen.
With the reboot, besides characters reminding the reader every other issue that they can’t believe Aquaman (real name Arthur Curry) saved them from certain death, Aquaman struggles with the whole being from two worlds and neither one terribly accepting thing. It’s a classic literary plot, and it still holds up today. But I don’t care about that. Today, we’re just going to take a look at some awesome Aquaman moments from the past year or so. I’m using the following:
Justice League #3-4, written by Geoff Johns and drawn by Jim Lee
Justice League #14-17, written by Johns and drawn by Tony S. Daniel, Ivan Reis, & Paul Pelletier
Aquaman #15-17, written by Johns and drawn by Pelletier
As you’ve realized, Johns remained instrumental in making Aquaman relevant in modern DC comics, but he’s been a genius for years. First up, Aquaman’s premiere moment with the Justice League:
Cool, right? Sexy stubble, giant weapon, and unapologetic confidence. And that doesn’t even include embarrassing Green Lantern:
I didn’t even know sharks came that big. By the way, next time someone gushes about Darkseid, remind him that we have literary proof of his minions being eaten by large fish. But what I really want to talk about is the first Justice League crossover (which is DC’s flagship title). Luckily, it was Aquaman-centric, called appropriately Throne of Atlantis. Arthur’s brother attacks the surface world. He looks neat too, but I’m a sucker for fish-themed armor.
For reference, Aquaman abdicated his throne years ago, giving him the same political pull in Atlantis that say, Batman has. Still, part of Aquaman’s coolness stems from his unabashed commands and orders. Even to family.
A tricky political situation, certainly. Since comics can’t have a group of seven people come together without some internal bashing, Aquaman fights the entire Justice League. Context isn’t as important as pages like this:
I think some readers underestimate Aquaman’s strength. The man can shrug off most bullets, swim crazy fast, and can easily punch as hard as Wonder Woman. Though to be fair, Arthur certainly can’t do stuff like this:
And thus, the war begins.
Now, a lot happens between this page above and the one I’m about to show you. Like two or three full fights worth, but you really just want to see Aquaman battle his brother, right? Readers love the emotional struggle added to the whole physical mess. Especially if the physical mess involves tridents.
Arthur’s next point takes a few reads to understand. At least it did for me.
Beautiful full page punch. Okay, from what I figure Aquaman meant, leaders lead a life of loneliness — whether that be from the heavy burden of constant major decisions or the inability to have others relate to one’s situation. Aquaman figured he’d rather have friends than the oceans. Too bad Orm ruined that. Stupid obligations, right?
Darn tootin’. You promise to make fun of Aquaman a little less now? Like one fewer joke per week? Also, maybe you should read his ongoing series, which features all sorts of aquatic-based adventures and trident attacks. And threatening whalers, because some things never change.
The Iron Man impostor, Pt. 2
Posted: 05/05/2013 Filed under: Fights, Marvel Leave a commentWhen we left off, Tony Stark’s day teetered on catastrophic. A fake Iron Man murdered his ex-girlfriend and board of directors (both equally heartbreaking). Now, the government decides to slaughter all Iron Man — a safety issue, y’know? Today, enjoy the second half of Iron Man #86-89, volume 3, written by Mark Ricketts and drawn by Tony Harris & Scott Kolins, as Stark battles his impostor. Luckily, fake Iron Man blew up his house before the real Iron Man’s facemask could be put on — so the one with the mustache is the one you’ll be rooting for.
Oh, by the way, the fight’s not going well:
Fake Iron Man brings up a good point, and pretty much a major argument covered in the third movie. Bad guys tend to be jerks, and that means they have no problem assassinating loved ones to get back at their assigned hero. When Spider-Man revealed his secret identity, Aunt May got sniped and his marriage dissolved. Daredevil, after his secret identity leaked, had practically his whole life in ruins for a good decade of comics. And now Stark, who’s been about half-and-half with the secret identity stuff, just paid the price with his company, loved ones, and good name.
Supergeniuses make mistakes too (though Stark tends to make more than most), and now this impostor will feel Iron Man’s mechanized retribution.
Well, in a minute. So want the big reveal? Who’s the baddie brazen enough to impersonate our hero? Norman Osborn? Magneto? Dr. Doom?
Okay, so you don’t know who he is. You’re not supposed to. Sure, the past few issues gave clues that I’ve declined to show you, but if it makes you feel better, even Stark’s perplexed about this moron:
Clarence Ward, who only appears in this arc, is supposed to be unknown. Shows how even the little guy can cause horrendous trauma when there are no secrets to protect. Also, if you want to know just how tough Iron Man can be, this next scene should sum it up quite nicely:
Equal powers aside, what gives the advantage to Stark? His support characters for one. That and his Batman-esque ability to plan for every scenario and situation.
Allow Pepper Pots to end this fight before anything regretful happens. Don’t worry, it’ll be dramatic. Plus, Stark makes a delightful metaphor.
Poor Stark realizes the fatal flaw of all supergeniuses — too much time spent on genius, too little time focusing on family and friends. And oh boy, when that lesson’s learned, it’s a doozy. By the way, did you forget about the whole premise with the military?
What you’re about to hear is a grandiose speech about superhero ideals and beliefs. Yes, you’ll be able to point out numerous contradictions (like say, Wolverine), but it still speaks an important message: superheroes are our betters. I mean, the idea that anyone can put on a costume and save the world burns brightly in our optimistic hearts, but let’s be fair — most of us can’t fight crime no matter how much Cheetos dust we wipe off our pants. And not just the decades of martial arts training either. Being a superhero requires a thinking practically unachievable by ordinary men and women, which probably contributes to superheroes being fictional in the first place. Because when Stark walks away from this monster — who murdered the love of his life, his entire company, and shattered what’s left of his reputation — he’ll be back in fighting shape by next issue, and that’s insane.
While the speech is silly, but the message isn’t.
Ward being a pawn, it’s only fair I reveal to you the man pulling his strings, right? See? Everything comes full circle.
Go see Iron Man 3. The Mandarin is portrayed radically different, but the explosions aren’t.
The Iron Man impostor, Pt. 1
Posted: 05/02/2013 Filed under: Characters, Marvel Leave a commentThe third movie comes out today and we should all go see it and love it and go see it again! To blatantly try to increase my view count by cashing in on the movie’s release, I figure we should enjoy an Iron Man adventure today. Instead of a lengthy beginning where I get readers caught up or explain origins, let’s just jump right into it. Like movies start with explosions before getting into exposition.
We delve into Iron Man #86-89, volume 3, written by Mark Ricketts and drawn by Tony Harris & Scott Kolins. We start right after Tony Stark lost his mind and screamed at ambassadors during a United Nations speech. Check out a previous article for that whole debacle.
Meet Rumiko Fujikawa, Stark’s on-and-off love interest for the past eighty issues or so. They’re currently off, but after the public meltdown, Rumiko figures she might be useful in curing the rainbow of Iron Man’s emotional explosions. But first, we cut to Stark Industries headquarters. More problems arise than just stock prices:
Never a good sign when a superhero murders his own employees. At minimum, that’s piles and piles of paperwork to fill out. But let’s be fair — that’s obviously not Stark. With incidents popping up everywhere, Stark’s life goes quickly down the drain. You know that adage of “the bigger they are, the harder they fall?” Well, considering Stark’s billion dollar company, his position as Secretary of Defense, his career as an Avenger, and dozens of personal relationships — the man has quite a fall ahead of him. Everything sort of stems from no secret identity and a multitude of enemies. More on that in part two.
While Stark has the capacity of romance not unlike many small children, all signs point to his genuine love of dear Rumiko. Though they did treat each other terribly, with Stark’s neglect and Rumiko’s infidelity leading the pack of complaints. Maybe that kind of dysfunction’s necessary for their chaotic lives, but the relationship still remained very much real.
Wonderful, right? Despite their major faults, the two of them possess a real chance at happiness in the comic book world, which rarely allows its characters to experience long-lasting joy. So of course, this happens:
With Rumiko’s death, Stark now has to battle his impostor both overcome with grief and in his underwear. It goes as you expect.
Luckily, Stark’s in fantastic shape — at least enough to survive a two story fall. In the current Iron Man series, he just fought in an alien gladiator tournament without any of his armor. He did well, if just because the guy still has over a decade of combat experience and training. No doubt that Stark could hold his own against even seasoned villains without actually being Iron Man, but he’s outclassed when battling himself. Or at least, his technology. Time to even the playing field.
Next time, we’ll have that exciting Iron Man vs. Iron Man fight you’re totally expecting. Plus some cool plot twists and revelations. Here, I’ll throw you one of them right now:
Now go see Iron Man 3, because nothing makes for a better movie than robots and superheroes.
Wildcat vs. Injustice Society
Posted: 04/30/2013 Filed under: DC, Fights 3 CommentsI’ve said over and over again that the best superheroes aren’t the toughest or strongest, but the smartest. And not like Mr. Fantastic smart either — I’m talking the men and women who remain forever outmatched by their foes yet still emerge tactically victorious every time. When we bring up Wildcat, trust me, they guy never holds the advantage.
If you haven’t read my first Wildcat article, the guy’s a non-powered elderly former boxer. Who wears a cat outfit. In JSA #9-10, written by David Goyer & Geoff Johns and drawn by Stephen Sadowski, Wildcat (real name Ted Grant) gets sidelined due to a broken arm sustained in a previous battle. While relaxing in the tub, the Injustice Society picks a genuinely horrendous moment to attack.
Let’s go over the participants for a moment. The Injustice Society consists of:
Johnny Sorrow (teleportation)
Geomancer (earth manipulation)
Tigress (Olympian-caliber fighter)
Blackbriar Thorn (tree wizard)
Killer Wasp (electrical blasts)
Count Vertigo (vomit powers)
Icicle (obvious)
Their opponent?
Wildcat (currently nude)
Can a sixty-ish year-old man with one broken arm take out the entire group in a head on fight? Oh goodness no. Luckily, Grant does get a single advantage — the Injustice Society attacked him at the JSA’s headquarters, where Wildcat knows all the tricks and secrets. Still, this’ll take more than just giant exposed cajones.
With Johnny Sorrow preoccupied, the battle now stands at six to one. Even though Wildcat can’t really count stealth as a strong suit, he does have a wide field of surprises. Like the motorized kind.
Count Vertigo goes down with a wheel in the face. As Wildcat speeds off into the depths of the building, he decides to milk the bike’s usefulness. I mean, you see how much use Ghost Rider gets with his? And Wildcat has the added benefit that unlike Ghost Rider, his skull isn’t on fire. More importantly, a motorcycle license may be the closest thing Grant has to a superpower.
Four left. Wildcat says five, but Johnny Sorrow never actually fights — and we should be glad, because that man’s far more dangerous than I’ve let on. His face kills people upon viewing. Think of an uglier Medusa. Anyway, Icicle’s easily dispatched for being dumb, and we move on to the real troublemakers.
Immortality tends to be a flip of the coin in the DC universe. Half the time, the immortal ends up strapping and handsome, like Black Adam or Vandal Savage. The other half, the immortal has to live his life as a crazy wood monster. Play the odds, y’know?
Nice to know that Blackbriar Thorn keeps his beard in tree form. Unfortunately for him, the problem with having two thousand years of memories is that most of them are filled with thoughts of revenge and not getting caught up on how modern technology works:
Look, I know why you want to read this article: you want the brawls and punches. What Wildcat article would be complete without a few fistfights? Grant’s like Rocky, if Rocky’s best friends had a magic space ring and superspeed. Plus, we’re suckers for old, washed up dudes battling ferocious young fighters.
Honestly, Tigress totally could have taken out Wildcat, except for a common theme among supervillains: most register an IQ slightly above drooling. Y’see, evil doesn’t require a high school diploma.
We see this all the time — the bad guy goaded into a no powers, no machines fight by appealing to ego and narcissism. But pretend to be Killer Wasp for a moment. The “superhero” mocking you happens to be a man three times your age with only one good arm. And he challenged you to a boxing match, which greatly benefits from being not old and having use of all limbs. Plus, you put Killer right in your name.
More importantly, by Killer Wasp accepting this offer, we get to see Wildcat take down his final opponent in the dramatic and heroic manner we as readers deserve.
Darn tootin’, right? We even end on a tried and true literary note — the parents arrive to a destroyed house scenario. And by parents, I mean a gaggle of old men, teenagers, and Hawkgirl.
By the way, no better victory than using pieces of your enemy to pick out food chunks. Finally, Grant can go back to his attempts at seducing Catwoman, who’s younger than his son.
Hawkman loves Hawkgirl
Posted: 04/28/2013 Filed under: DC, Relationships 3 CommentsToday’ll be confusing and messy — you can’t talk about the Hawks without scratching a few heads. Surprisingly, for superheroes who fight shirtless and wield medieval weaponry, the Hawkman/Hawkgirl continuity may very well be the most perplexing in comics. I can’t hope to get into all the details (mainly because I don’t know them), but I will try to explain as well as I can.
Hawkman and Hawkgirl are cursed to find each other, fall in love, and then get murdered or killed. Rinse and repeat every generation via reincarnation or something. Thousands of years of this nonsense. As we reach modern day, Hawkman lies dead. Hawkgirl, now Kendra Saunders, has recently taken over the superhero mantle from her great-aunt. Aliens from Thanagar (the planet where their wings and maces come from) figures now’s as good as time as any to bring back Hawkman.
We’re going to explore select scenes from JSA #22-31, written by David Goyer & Geoff Johns and drawn by Stephen Sadowski, Rags Morales, Michael Bair, & Peter Snejbjerg. It’ll be fun, I promise.
Turns out the resurrection process requires a heaping dose of Hawkgirl. Unfortunately, Hawkman and Hawkgirl remain forever linked, even if the former’s a man she neither knows nor has met.
Okay, ready for confusing back story part two? So remember how she inherited the costume/skills from her great aunt? It’s because Kendra committed suicide and her Aunt Shiera’s soul climbed inside, restoring Kendra to life. And of course, Shiera and Carter had that whole great love thing going on. So while Hawkgirl’s all Kendra, she has that chunk of Shiera floating inside her somewhere.
I agree, shirts get too confining when fighting crime. Giant attachable wings? Not so cumbersome, but a tank top’ll only get in the way of bashing criminals. Anyway, Kendra (who as you can tell is already an emotional mess) takes this news about as well as most shocking proclamations of affection from strangers.
As they have a post-resurrection Thanagarian adventure, the romance only accelerates:
Kendra acts the only appropriate way you can when your great aunt’s former husband speaks like a perverted Romeo. And to be fair to Hawkman, Kendra kinda is Shiera, who’s fated to tragically love him back. Poor Carter hasn’t had to have a woman refute his advances in thousands of years. Luckily, something insane happens.
Now, I can’t make this next part up. I’m giving you zero context, but the only way to defeat the evil bad guy, who’s now a giant rock monster, is through the power of Hawklove. Note: this pick up line rarely works in real life:
Mission complete. You would think that when a single kiss can explode supervillains on sight, Kendra would take Hawkman on his word. But y’know, she only met the man a few days ago. And he wears a bird costume.
When they all get back to Justice Society of America headquarters, the two of them have a moment to decompress. After all, fighting hordes of zombie hawks doesn’t really provide an opportunity to properly discuss the situation.
While, I understand Kendra’s situation, I really have to stress once more that the girl’s an emotional nightmare. I mean, she did only get all that cool Hawkgirl stuff because she attempted to kill herself. So her next decisions may not be good ones, but they at least fit convincingly with her character — a severely damaged character.
No, not this decision. The next one:
Right? Classic soap opera drama! Allow me to introduce Sandy Hawkins (superhero name Sand — who, as you figure, controls sand). He currently leads the JSA, which I guess makes for a lapse of leadership when making out with the girl Hawkman claimed dibs on. The same man known for his short temper and weapon with spikes.
Watch as he gets friendzoned. Too bad his winged buddy saw the whole thing.
We all agree the real victim still lies with Hawkgirl, right? Terrible situation, lose-lose choices, and all in between smacking down bad guys. Regardless, Hawkman’s a far scarier character than his costume lets you believe.
The “talk?” One single page, which sets up the status quo for many, many years. And truthfully, probably the only correct decision Hawkgirl can make in this dilemma.
The actual (and inevitable) romance between Kendra and Carter occurs in the Hawkman series give or take forty five issues in (and a good four years later). It’s worth a read, especially if you enjoy mace-based combat.
Jailbreak: Daredevil
Posted: 04/25/2013 Filed under: Characters, Marvel 2 CommentsIn the 2000s, no one had it rougher in the Marvel universe than Daredevil. His identity was revealed as Matt Murdock, he watched his girlfriend die and another wife divorce, his career ruined, etc. He even got set on fire at one point. Eventually, the poor guy ended up in prison, because that’s the next logical step in misery. Today, as we cover Daredevil #82-87, written by Ed Brubaker and drawn by Michael Lark & Stefano Gaudiano, all the loose ends of Murdock’s life combine in a whirlwind of sad chaos.
We pick up about halfway through the arc, and so far, prison hasn’t been kind to Daredevil. First, his enhanced senses don’t do well in the stinky, noisy cells.
Then, his best friend and law firm partner gets stabbed.
All the crime bosses he put away want to have some words.
Next, his psychopathic arch-nemesis Bullseye arrives.
Plus, he spends almost every day fighting for his life.
And finally, the big man himself shows up.
All the decks are stacked against our hero. You know what would be really nice right now? Someone at Ryker’s Island prison who wouldn’t enjoy watching the superhero have his guts dragged outside his body.
Y’see, I adore superheroes-in-prison stories. The man or woman has to use all his or her resources and skills in an unfriendly environment, a closed environment, and with none of the luxuries battles on the street would provide. Luckily, a few good guys feel right at home in a cesspit of mischief and evil. Like this guy:
As you may have read in a previous article, Daredevil and the Punisher are not friends. Actually, I don’t think the Punisher has friends. But they’re technically on the same side, and Frank Castle gets irked when the bad guys win. Also, he takes glee in Daredevil’s misery.
Of course something’s going down. Riots tend to erupt when Daredevil, Punisher, Kingpin, Bullseye, Hammerhead, Owl, and hundreds of henchmen share the same small box. But as much as Daredevil hates the other five, he likes being alive more — unfortunately, the Kingpin’ll provide the best chance. Also, the big guy has info on Foggy’s attacker.
Let’s not waste time. The riot explodes within pages.
After being stuck in traffic on a bridge, jailhouse cop must seriously have the highest casualty rate in the superhero world. The revolving door for rogue galleries racks up hundreds of guard deaths a year. While the poor hourly employees certainly don’t deserve being disemboweled, what better way to tell readers how evil and dangerous you are than to massacre a horde of normal dudes wielding small firearms?
Murdock still has to deny his Daredevil identity. A blind man jump kicking a prisoner may not be a smart move, but I guess priorities lie in other places. Especially once this happens:
Look, Daredevil’s not above helping the Kingpin of New York escape if it guarantees his own safety as well, but despite his current rage and berserker attitude, Daredevil’s still a good guy. And Kingpin has to realize that good guys have those pesky moral codes that landed Kingpin’s fat butt in jail in the first place. So when Fisk decides to bring his favorite assassin into their new dynamic duo, the plan changes.
Well, only one choice now.
The main issue with abandoning his ride is that Murdock’s blindness kind of prevents him from, say, operating a helicopter.. So, in the obvious move, he stops by his close acquaintance’s cell to tap those ruby slippers back home. And by ruby, I mean the color of blood and not the birthstone.
While Daredevil still has hordes of problems once he escapes, including that whole new fugitive status, at least his enemies will be further away than the next cell over.
I think the Punisher treats jail time as a sort of spa treatment. When all that mobster murdering gets too stressful, nothing helps like a stint in the joint to melt all those troubles away. Though Daredevil and Punisher are still not friends.
Storm vs. everybody
Posted: 04/23/2013 Filed under: Fights, Marvel 10 CommentsI think many comic book readers underestimate Storm. Before really reading X-Men comics, I knew she can wield tornadoes or raise greenhouse gas levels or something, but her true capability was totally lost on me. Well, until I read the miniseries X-Men: Worlds Apart #1-4, written by the genius Christopher Yost and drawn by the equally genius Diogenes Neves.
In the mid-2000s, turns out Storm and Black Panther (the king of the African nation Wakanda) loved each other back in their prepubescent days. And as adults, they get married. Romantic, definitely, but more importantly, Storm (real name Ororo Munroe) now presides over Wakanda as its queen. Predictably, ruling a small country takes up most of her time, straining her duties as an X-Man. The miniseries deals with that problem, but we’re just going to focus on all the fighting. If you want to see Storm destroy everyone, this is the article for you.
Basically, a mutant residing in Wakanda murdered an important shaman. Turns out he got possessed by the psychic mind-controlling supervillain Shadow King, but now Storm has to deal with the troublesome choice of protecting a fellow X-Man against the laws of her kingdom.
Round 1: Storm vs. soldiers
And that’s how a queen speaks. That kind of talk is also why we love Namor so much. Y’see, controlling the weather also includes all those cool little things like oxygen flow or something. I’m not a meteorologist, but I know what happens when her mind-controlled husband joins the fray:
Please click the above picture to see the full, large version. Enjoy your new wallpaper — this is how you do a double spread page. As you can imagine, things get much worse and Storm has to bail with the fugitive Nezhno. Luckily for us, she has pursuers.
Round 2: Storm vs. the Dora Milaje
Remember, to claim the title of superhero, one has to master like a dozen martial arts. Every one of them donning spandex has a black belt in everything, which is probably useful when ninjas and robots attack every other day. Unfortunately, without summoning hail or whatever, the hand-to-hand goes badly.
It’s nice to have friends. Go make some friends for when you get ambushed by a squad of elite bald women. Sadly, round 3 has to be fought solo, but that makes sense in that emotional way — get ready to mop up that solitary cheek running down your cheek.
Round 3: Storm vs. Black Panther
Very bad, trust me. Shadow King currently possesses Black Panther. Now you get to see the kind of husband and wife fights that happen in the Marvel universe.
Still, for as fast and tough as Black Panther is, he simply can’t compete with his wife’s sheer power. She’s like a pretty Thor.
Knowing he’s outmatched, the Shadow King decides to bolt that sinking Wakandan ship to mess up the other half of Storm’s life, the X-Men. Time for Ororo to kick her boss’ butt.
Round 4: Storm vs. Cyclops
First, our heroine gets forced to take out all the other X-Men. Easy enough when crowd control can be conjured with a swipe of the hand:
For whatever reason if you’re still not convinced about Storm’s badassery, this’ll be my final plea. The two X-Men go head-to-head, unleashing their ultimate attacks in the hypothetical arm wrestling of eye lasers and lightning blasts.
I’m not putting words in any writers’ mouths, but I can’t imagine any story where Storm shows up and the bad guys don’t instantly get a downpour in their pants. Now, whenever people complain about the lack of strong female role models in comics, Storm should be the only argument you’ll need.
Wildcat’s getting old
Posted: 04/21/2013 Filed under: Characters, DC 4 CommentsBefore Superman, Batman, and the Justice League arrived in the comic book world, another group of superheroes fought evil in their place. Even though Superman’s 75 years old, in the DC universe, he’s only been fighting bad guys for about fifteen to twenty years (less now that the universe rebooted). It all works that way — Iron Man originally built his first armor after being kidnapped by the Vietnamese, but because of the updated timeline, that’s been changed to Middle Eastern terrorists.
Well, except for a select few superheroes. In the DC universe, they make up the Justice Society of America. We have elderly Green Lantern (Alan Scott, who wears more red than green), elderly Flash (Jay Garrick, with a head full of gray hair), and elderly Wildcat (Ted Grant, who actually got to train teenage Bruce Wayne), among others. When Superman wore his Smallville diapers, the JSA pummeled Nazis, mobsters, and all sorts of evildoers back in the good ol’ days. And unlike the Man of Steel, they didn’t get the luxury of an updated origin. The Flash has grandkids for goodness sake.
Today, I want to focus on Wildcat, who continues to absolutely fascinate me. Back before you and your parents were born, Ted Grant fought to become the best boxer in the world. Then he put on a catsuit and fought supervillains. Imagine Batman with no gadgets, no armor, no money, limited martial arts, and thirty years older. You have Wildcat. It’s like if Manny Pacquiao put on a mascot costume and decided to fight crime alongside Superman. An elderly Manny Pacquiao.
We’re taking a look at JSA Classified #35-37, written by B. Clay Moore and drawn by Ramon Perez. As Wildcat and Green Lantern wrap up a battle, the two senior citizens have a very serious conversation about the future.
Basically, maybe it’s time for Grant to retire. Especially because unlike old Green Lantern and old Flash, Grant doesn’t actually have any superpowers. And thus, Gotham’ll hold the key to whatever future he decides. Still, back in the day, before “real” supervillains like Lex Luthor and Gorilla Grodd, Wildcat stood tall and feared.
Whenever Wildcat reminisces, we get this cool color scheme. Doubted skills aside, Grant should at least check out the whole shady gym stuff. He used to own the place after all.
Nothing special. He even gets into the ring to show those young punks a thing or two. You know how it goes, including this next scene set up:
We’ve seen this a hundred times before. Kids attempt to beat up the old guy after he humiliates them on their turf. Time for lesson two in kicking juvenile butt, just like the old days.
Or not. This brawl gets beautifully interspersed with the same type of fight from back in his prime as a sort of nostalgic comparison.
Ted Grant is Wildcat, a legitimate and proven superhero. And he just got his butt kicked by five civilians. Batman, Robin, Catwoman and the other Gothamites wouldn’t have even broken a sweat. A small group of punks barely classifies as a warm up for Gotham’s finest. The years haven’t been kind to our hero. And speaking of Catwoman:
We’ve all seen Batman Beyond. When you qualify for AARP, it’s time to hang up the batarangs and pick a successor. Stubbornness prevails, unfortunately, and Wildcat figures that whole gym thing should still be investigated. I mean, he did come all this way.
See what’s going on? The gym’s a front for a supervillain training program, where they learn to fight by studying all the moves of those pesky good guys. Plus, cool supersuits. I imagine that’s not something that should be left alone.
I love this moment. Yes, a new group of super criminals running the streets would totally get Batman’s attention and fists in their lawbreaking faces. Eventually. Arkham Asylum springs a leak every other week, the Justice League has to fight space gods like twice a month, and that doesn’t include the tons of monitoring, training, and detective work the Dark Knight has to complete. Sure, Batman’ll break up this gang soon enough, but Wildcat has far more time and far less on his plate.
If there’s any time to prove his worth as a superhero, this is it. Advantage: Wildcat.
A gorgeous realization. Grant’s no dummy — he knows he simply doesn’t have the ability or skills to tackle alien warlords or whatever the big boys fight. But even for a man a good two or three decades past his prime, Wildcat has a use. Let Green Lantern, Flash, and the others battle the world threats, there are plenty of gangsters and criminals hiding in the shadows that need a good beating. A beating Wildcat can happily provide. Superman’ll defeat Braniac and Wildcat’ll knock out some goons robbing a liquor store — both important in different ways.
The best part of being in the JSA? Working with Power Girl, duh. She’s delightful.
Punching with Power Girl, Pt. 2
Posted: 04/18/2013 Filed under: DC, Fights Leave a commentEnd your week with the slugfests your heart desires! On a related note, I bought Injustice: Gods Among Us and it turns out I am atrociously bad at fighting games. Maybe today’ll be good just because after the last two hours of my life, it’ll be nice to see the good guy win once in a while.
To recap Wednesday’s article, go read the Power Girl series that started in 2009 and ended right before the DC reboot. It’s worth every penny and every moment of your time. We’ll check out a some fights from Power Girl #11, written by Justin Gray & Jimmy Palmiotti and drawn by Amanda Conner as well as Power Girl #16-19, written by Judd Winick and drawn by Sami Basri.
To start, I want you to see the Power Girl method of destroying evil robots:
Look, I understand that a lot of the battles I’m showing you start with Power Girl getting her smacked in the head. It’s a common theme.
Unconventional, but you can’t argue with results. To be fair to the robot, even machines can’t survive a direct hit in the lower region when the person attacking has the power to dropkick small moons in half. Luckily, the next fight is far more even. Like perfectly 100% even.
Out of the four fights shown so far, three have started with Power Girl beaten and bloody, which forces Power Girl to ask the question we’ve been wondering the whole time:
Let’s talk about that beautiful boot-in-the-face kick for a second. For new readers, a writer and artist collectively are called a creative team, if just because in comics, the art is just as important as the writing. Yes, the writer describes the panel to the artist, but the artist has to be the one to properly show the intensity of the battle. It’s beautifully done here, and definitely the second most painful-looking face smash after Avengers vs. X-Men #9‘s scene when Colossus punches Spider-Man:
Right? That’s a Phoenix-enhanced super strong literal man of steel destroying Spider-Man’s face, which is protected solely by his nose and a thin layer of spandex. Actually, the whole issue was universally critically acclaimed. For a series about heroes fighting heroes, it was ironically the first time a hero actually acted heroic. Mainly because Spider-Man’s great and awesome and I’m very biased.
Back to our story, Power Girl starts to gain the advantage.
Remember when I said the two fighters evenly match each other in every possible way? We find out the very good reason why:
Power Girl’s fighting herself.
Never fun to fight clones. I know, because I’ve been playing Injustice: Gods Among Us. Whichever character I control, the computer does a spectacularly better job at. But when Power Girl battles her clone, who’s surprisingly even more scantily clad than the original, Power Girl fortunately knows herself better than the test tube creation does. Years of trial and error, I guess.
Once again, the perfect art makes the fight scene so much better. You can read the issue for the rest of the fight, but it’s a lot of what you expect from mad scientists and creepy Power Girl baby factories.
Y’know, I just thought of this, but Power Girl doesn’t really do a lot of dating. I mean, she’s six feet tall, charming, rich, successful, and can juggle large trucks. Are other characters intimidated? Actually, female superheroes seem to date way less than their male counterparts. I’ve covered stories where Ms. Marvel and Spider-Woman complain about not going on dates in months, Power Girl doesn’t get anything even close to a significant other her entire series, and Super Girl dated her horse in the 1960s (which I’ll never let you forget). Do superheroines have to be either super promiscuous or completely chaste? That’s a topic for people way smarter and far braver than I am. I think the X-Men get around though.
Anyway, we go back eight issues to the time Power Girl’s teenage sidekick Terra got her brain swapped with the supervillain and albino gorilla Ultra-Humanite. Long story. Terra has the power to control the elements and earth and stuff.
This is why wizards would be annoying to fight:
The best reason to include this battle remains Power Girl’s crazy dramatic entrance as she rises from her rocky tombstone, angry and vengeful.
Terra simply can’t compete with a Kryptonian, despite all those cool Captain Planet-esque powers. But if supervillains ever need a lesson in why not to piss off a hero with god-like levels of power, this might be a decent example:
Nothing scarier than those red glowing eyes. That’s when you know the Superman family means business. At least scarier than an unconscious teenage girl slumped over a shoulder.
Punching with Power Girl, Pt. 1
Posted: 04/16/2013 Filed under: DC, Fights 3 CommentsYou’ve had a tough week, huh? Know what would make you feel better? Lots of superhero brawling, right? Good, because we’re going the rest of the week with Karen Starr (Power Girl) beating up and getting beat up by a whole bunch of evil dudes.
I’ve covered Power Girl’s history in a previous article, but I would like to reiterate that if you haven’t read the Power Girl series that started in 2009, you’re seriously missing out. Easily one of the best Superman family series in a long, long time.
Besides the common problem of writing stories for the Kryptonians, since they all have a dozen powers and near invulnerability, how does a writer make a literal Supergirl clone interesting and unique? Most writers decided on a bigger chest and that wildly uncomfortable “boob window” you’ll see shortly. But while Superman has that unwavering morality, Supergirl has anger problems, and Superboy wears jeans, the dear Power Girl oozes humor, wit, and self-deprecation. And trust me, it works.
Today, we explore two scenes from Power Girl #14-17, written by Judd Winick and drawn by Sami Basri. No need for context or introduction here: Power Girl’s fighting a giant purple monster.
To make Superman family stories more interesting, most of the supervillains have insane levels of strength and durability. Makes for spectacular property damage and thrilling battles. Plus, I enjoy when hulking beasts swipe at each other.
What makes this battle so great, besides the crashing through buildings part, is Power Girl’s commentary. Think of her as an eloquent football player narrating his own sacks. Power Girl’s getting her butt kicked — we know it and she knows it.
I wish I could say that Power Girl pulls off a brilliant tactical maneuver to overpower her foe and bring peace back to the weary city. Nope, instead, like many things in life, this battle’s about endurance. Her tech guy gives her the following advice:
If only most supervillains could be defeated that easily. As long as she’s still standing as the clock strikes sixty, she emerges victorious. Sounds easily enough — at least easy enough for a double spread montage:
As always, you can click the image for a larger version.
To be fair to you, the reader, I automatically assume you’re a Nobel Prize winning scientist, taking a break from cracking the secrets of the universe to learn more about superheroes who don’t wear pants. A single slugfest can’t possibly be enough for you to fully appreciate and fall in love with dear Power Girl. I understand. Before you put your goggles back on and head off the nuclear testing site, how about some quality Power Girl/Batman time?
I know that sounds like Bruce Wayne, but this issue takes place during the Dick Grayson era. Luckily, the original Robin has had plenty of time practicing the mannerisms and attitude of his mentor, especially the being rude to civilians part.
Remember, the main difference between Bruce and Dick remains that Dick allows himself to be happy sometimes. Also, Power Girl reacts to minions the same way most of us would if we shrugged off 99% of attacks.
Y’see, Power Girl’s far more charming than her other Kryptonian allies. Probably because of that matter-of-fact way she summarizes situations:
Seriously, the fact Superman even has supervillains says more to the insanity of his enemies than to the caliber of their abilities. It’s like fighting a tank with a rock, except the tank can move at lightspeed, fly, and juggle jumbo jets. But if you’re worried about the new Batman, Dick inherited the most important part of the Batman identity: he frightens the crap out of bad guys.
It says a lot when the man in a bat costume instills more fear than the woman behind him with the power to destroy the planet singlehandedly. Friday, we’ll catch a few more fights. You can never have enough superhero punching in your life.
Arousing Grammar 