The art of war with Elektra

If you ever wonder if superheroes without superpowers can still be called “super,” I assure you they can.  Those without any enhancements (Punisher, Hawkeye, Black Widow, Winter Soldier, etc.) make up for being normal humans with being unstoppable combat machines capable of not just dominating the finest UFC fighter, but all the UFC fighters.  At once.  Realistic?  I don’t care.  If we want to believe a dude with a bow can stand shoulder to shoulder with actual gods and mutants, we understand he makes up for his non-powers in other spectacular ways.  Like not missing a shot in years.  And today in Dark Reign: Elektra #1-2, written by Zeb Wells and drawn by Clay Mann, we see further proof of a “normal” superhero’s capabilities — y’know, as in they’re not normal.

Okay, so right after Secret Invasion — where the shapeshifting Skrull aliens disguised themselves as popular superheroes/supervillains to invade earth secretly — Elektra Natchios gets captured by HAMMER (Norman Osborn’s SHIELD).  After all, her skrull’s death started the whole shebang in the first place.  But this is the real deal now, and it’s safe to say she’s not staying as a guest.

Because Elektra is the world’s greatest assassin, she escapes.  We never had any doubt she would.

Elektra, who remains quite vulnerable to bullets, now has to fight her way past a dozen HAMMER agents.  And she has lingering injuries from her Skrull capture.  Luckily, she does have a knife, a hacking glove, and a few dozen years of ninja training.

You’re about to witness art.  I mean, not just the drawings on the page, but like if the scariest Olympic gymnast spent all her time murdering people instead of on the balance beam.  She may have a few broken limbs, a limp or two, and enough bruises to confuse her for a (sexy) dalmatian, but these goons never stood a chance.  You can click the picture for a bigger version.

I’ve played enough Batman: Arkham games to know the power of fear.  I mean, after I miss my grapple for the third time, accidentally use the batarang instead of the smoke bomb, and finally jump into a vent with only a sliver of health remaining — the enemies’ll eventually get scared and make mistakes again.  Bad analogy, but you get the idea — who needs superspeed when one’s the deadliest woman alive already?

That’s right, they don’t show it, but we assume she caught up to the doomed henchman mid-free fall and used his jet pack to fly away.  Then she spends the rest of the miniseries stabbing people while strangely holding on to her own code of ethics.  When a series stars a supervillain (Elektra) going up against another supervillain (Norman Osborn), we’ll root for the slightly nicer evil-doer.  And that’s Elektra, because you can’t be all that bad if Daredevil will make out with you.

Noh-Varr vs. Young Avengers

If you haven’t read Kieron Gillen’s Young Avengers series, you’re only punishing itself.  That man writes at a level beyond human capability — along with a fantastic taste in music — and artists Jamie McKelvie & Mike Norton create stuff with panels I’ve never seen in a comic before.  But in Young Avengers #1 and #7, a battle gets mentioned I’ve never heard before:

So I decided to search for that fight, half wanting to piece together past events and half wanting to see Noh-Varr wipe the floor with everyone.  Luckily, I found it in Civil War: Young Avengers & Runaways #2-4, written by Zeb Wells and drawn by Stefano Caselli.

If you think the normal Marvel universe can be confusing, wait till you get into the intergalactic stuff. The three big alien empires — Skrull, Shi’ar, and Kree take up most of the comic book ink.  Noh-Varr’s a hybrid Kree/insect.  Seriously, just more with Spider-Man-like enhanced abilities rather than wings and antennas.  Nowadays, he hangs out on Earth to protect it from non-Kree alien forces, but before all that, he got brainwashed:

It’s going to be a bloodbath.  Honestly, I know only slightly more about Marvel alien races than the Runaways, who are Los Angeles-based kids of supervillains who team up to thwart the plans of their parents.  They have superpowers and whatnot as well.

While I’d explain the teams one-by-one, Noh-Varr’s currently fighting like twelve at once and it’s better for you to see it all for yourself as it happens as opposed to a huge paragraph with thirty commas. Just know that Noh-Varr’s stronger, faster, and far more skilled than his teenage opponents.

The Vision, like the X-Man Kitty Pryde, can phase through people/objects and unphase at will, essentially punching right through enemies if vicious and bloodthirsty enough.  Noh-Varr’s so badass that he just breaks off Vision’s arm with the hand still deep inside him.  That’s Wolverine-esque craziness right there.

Y’see, the problem with superspeed lies in the recovery time.  With half the team knocked out or disabled within the first moments of the fight, it’d be nice for the rest of the Young Avengers/Runaways to take a breather, refuel, get a massage before round two begins.  But y’see, that’s the problem with superspeed.

No one’s scarier with a robot hand protruding out of his chest than Noh-Varr.  The good guys (and our antagonist’s a good guy currently with a fuzzy brain), only survive due to our baddie’s recall. Supervillains have way cooler methods of extraction than the heroes.

On a side note, Noh-Varr’s ex-girlfriend list builds steadily every new series.  Women can’t get enough of this Kree/bug hybrid, even with those short shorts he wears.  The guy looks like he wrestles for his local high school.  But as the miniseries comes to a close and our two teams ambush the enemy ship, Noh-Varr gets his round two.  And he’s just as awesome.

People sometimes ask, aren’t superheroes for children?  Jason, with your male pattern baldness and salaried job, aren’t you too old to be reading comic books?  And I say, yes, maybe I am, but I never want to live in a world where I don’t enjoy an alien chucking a dinosaur across a spaceship.  I’m a dreamer.

With that, Noh-Varr lies in defeat, for he still had not removed the android’s body parts from his own body parts.  I imagine it’s a fear thing, like when Wolverine emerges on the page with his face half burned and only his pants still clinging on.

Oh, and read Gillen’s Young Avengers.  Noh-Varr’s a delight.

Hercules, Elektra, and ninjas

The final two issues of the Herc series, #9-10 written by Greg Pak & Fred Van Lente and drawn by David Hahn, contain a delightful arc dealing with mortality, the Kingpin, wizards, and a beheading — I adore it.  But I’d need to give you almost the entirety of both issues to understand all the back story and plot development.  So to make it easier for me (and some encouragement on your part to buy the series), I picked two scenes to delight you with.  Let’s do something fun and light for Friday, plus I don’t think I’d be lying when I claim my love for Marvel’s version of Hercules borders on emotional love. Maybe a little physical.  Okay, a lot physical.

Oh, so recognize this guy?

I’ll give you a hint.  His name starts with “Z” and ends in “eus.”

A perfect introduction to the Greek gods of the Marvel universe.  They’re lecherous, perverted, drunk, and full of all the gossip that turned your middle school mythology lesson into Gossip Girl.  Hercules, currently powerless and only with his magical weapons/crazy physique to protect himself, now has a problem to deal with that can’t be solved by reflecting back goblin grenades.

Father-son bonding time in the superhero world always involves the same concept: crime-fighting.

At this point in time, the Kingpin controls the Hand (the group used whenever writers want to use ninjas).  Y’know Kingpin?  The bald guy in the white suit who has the cajones to lead organized crime in a city patrolled by hundreds of superheroes.  But you know who also isn’t fond of ninjas nunchucking dudes in the face?

The overarching plot involves some magical artifact, but the story gets weird:

Who do you think would win in a fight between our two protagonists today?  Especially now that our former Greek god lost his superpowers.  Hercules has about three thousand years of combat training compared to Elektra’s thirty or so, but she’s way faster than him.  All that body hair slows him down. Well, my friends, I have the answer for you to this question that’s been keeping you up at night and monopolizing every conversation you’ve had for the past few months.  Here’s Hercules vs. Elektra:

Hercules wields some cool weapons.  The Sword of Peleus can cut through anything and the Shield of Perseus can block anything.  Plus, the shield’s eyes turn people to stone — Medusa and whatnot.

Okay, so your question still goes unanswered.  Our Greek god lies in comic limbo since Herc ended, but hopefully he’ll return soon.  Comics need more bearded heroes.

Thor vs. Storm

Hard to pick a side, right?  Thor, the ye ol’ Aryan god with a heart and hammer both equally large, versus Storm, the X-Men powerhouse and leaderwho somehow finds Wolverine attractive.  But luckily for you today, you don’t have to break your heart rooting for one superhero over the other.  Y’see, this fight in Black Panther #25, written by Reginald Hudlin and drawn by Marcus To, takes place during the Marvel event Civil War.  And Thor wasn’t around during it.

With morality pretty much siding with Captain America, our dear Iron Man figures he might as well go full-on mad scientist.  After all, when the story portrays Iron Man as the villain (sort of?), he embraces the opportunity by creating a robot Thor using stolen DNA and Mr. Fantastic’s desperate gamble.  So today, Storm does battle Thor, just not Thor Thor.

We underestimate Storm’s power sometimes.  She doesn’t have the durability of an Asgardian, but no one looks cooler summoning thunderstorms.  Y’know, I don’t know if Storm could win against the real Thor.  Though to be fair, neither could 98% of the Marvel universe — but you know superheroes, part of the contract includes playing really terrible odds.

Apparently, Iron Man and Mr. Fantastic programmed misogyny into the robot as well.  The real Thor’s nothing if not a gentleman.  Chivalry tops the list of Asgardian traits, right after smushing frost giants and maintaining a mead buzz.

I wouldn’t say Invisible Woman (mother of two) used great word choice there, but the idea’s still solid. While Storm could probably win the fight on her own, superheroes tend to be busy and spending hours fighting robots takes a lot of valuable time away that they could spend fighting non-robots.  Plus, teamwork and whatnot.

When creative and interesting plans fall through (precise EMP blast, for instance), brute force always works as a fall back plan.  Robot Thor shows up a few times after this, but nothing wildly significant.

On a similar subject, I wonder if Storm ever fought Electro?